


Glimpses of Geckos

by the_stargazing_dreamer



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff, Halloween, Honeymoon, Some angst, multiple one shots, some drama, timeline jumps around
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-28 13:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 114,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8447113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_stargazing_dreamer/pseuds/the_stargazing_dreamer
Summary: Series of multiple one-shots in and around my Sleepless Nights series. Tags will update as I go along.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what it is about the Geckos but they are making it easy to keep my muse at work. I had so many ideas for plots and decided to bundle them all and follow my Sleepless Nights set up. If you have any requests, I would be more than happy to take a shot at it. All the one-shots are related as they are in the same verse but may not necessarily be in chronological order. As always, I only own my original characters.  
> ****  
> In this chapter Seth, Kate, and Richie (reluctantly) agree to participate in a group costume for Lina's Halloween party.

"Are you done yet?"

"I'm not coming out!"

Kate sighs heavily and taps her foot into the carpet as Seth whines on the other side of the bathroom door.

"Seth, we are going to be late." she shifts Ben to her other hip and bangs on the door. "It can't be that bad."

"Oh, it is. Just go without me."

"No! Daddy, I can't be Tinkerbell with no Peter Pan!" Lina suddenly exclaims, arriving just in time to hear his request. There is a long pause, then the door opens partially. Seth pokes his head awkwardly around the door, trying desperately to hide the rest of himself behind the chestnut wood. Kate rolls her eyes at his antics as Ben coos around the fingers in his mouth and squeals with delight at Seth's appearance. "Daddy, come on! I told everyone that you were going to be Peter! You promised!"

The five year old is already dressed in her costume and is scowling at him from underneath her blonde pixie wig.

"I know I did but plans change."

"What happened to 'stick to the plan Stan?'" she shoots back, hands on her hips in her sassiest Tinkerbell stance. Kate laughs out loud as Seth groans.

"I don't think it fits."

"We won't know until you show us." Kate comments.

"Could you not indulge her any more than you already have?"

"Stop being a baby. I already have two. Everyone is dressing up. You won't look ridiculous. Remember what this is for." she tips her head pointedly towards their daughter. He inhales a deep breath, then slowly lets the door fall open.

"Don't laugh." he warns. For her part, she truly does try but a short giggle manages to still break through.

"Mama, don't laugh!" Lina scolds her sharply and Kate nods, pressing her lips together tightly. "I think you look great Daddy."

"Thanks Lina." her praise does nothing to sooth him.

"You are uh," Kate pauses, trying to choose her words wisely. She supposes it is partially her fault. After all, she was the one who bought the costume. He looks absolutely miserable as he stands in the bright green shirt and pants ensemble. "Um, didn't the package say that was a medium - large?"

"Did it? Couldn't tell."

"You are definitely the uh," she smirks as her eyes rake over his body. He's got three days worth of beard grown on his face, his tattoo is poking over the collar and under where the sleeve ends near his elbow, the shirt is tight fitting and forms to his muscles, and the pants ... she quirks an eyebrow and he covers his crotch with his hands, cheeks flaming red. "Well you are certainly the uh, most rugged, muscled, well uh - well endowed Peter I've ever seen. You couldn't shave? He's supposed to be a boy, you know. You look like - "

"Like a grown ass man in tights."

"Sure, that's one way to phrase it."

"Let's go. I don't want all the good candy to be taken." Lina says, skipping from the room.

"Try to have a good time." Kate pleads. Seth shakes his head as he takes Ben, who is dressed as Hook's sidekick, complete with white hair and a red beanie. The tot flashes a gummy smile, and pats Seth's face gently.

"Why couldn't I be a pirate?"

"You're her partner in crime. Pirates don't work with Tink."

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't so good at this dad thing."

"I like it. It's hot." she winks over her shoulder. "Like Peter Pan just broke out of Neverland State Penitentiary."

When they get downstairs, Richie is having the time of his life in his Captain Hook costume.

"Smee!" he reaches for Ben, who laughs as he gets tossed in the air.

"Richard, you look ridiculous." Seth says, even though his brother has put together a damn good costume, elaborate even, right down to the curly wig, mustache, and embroidered jacket.

"Says the Jolly Green Giant."

"Who came up with this?"

"I did. I picked everyone's costume." Lina says. "Everyone said yes, remember?"

"Yes we do." Kate replies, ramming her elbow into her husband.

"Easy for you to say. You're wearing a dress with decent coverage." Seth mutters.

"Not my fault Wendy wears a nightgown."

"Don't forget your hat." Richie adds, slapping something onto the top of Seth's head. He catches sight of the mirror in the hallway and, upon seeing his reflection, gives up on life entirely.

"I guess it can't get much worse than this."

It can, and it does, at least in his eyes. They spend most of the afternoon trick-or-treating in the neighborhood by Lina's school before attending the Halloween party there. Despite all the compliments they had received, he knows that he is being mocked behind his back. The old Seth Gecko would have had his knuckles embedded in the closest person's face. The new Seth Gecko - well, he cracks his knuckles at the thought - he still will but he has better control over his actions. He hopes - no, he knows he does because one toe over the line means Kate would murder him with a smile in front of all these fake, cheerful, white collar people who always looked at him like something one of their designer dogs dragged in to their lavish homes.

He stands by the refreshments table, eyeing his choices morosely - juice boxes and water - and reminds himself to bring a flask to the next school function.

"Seth? Wow, great costume."

He groans inwardly at the mocking voice and turns to face the man speaking. He has despised David Whitmore since first laying eyes on him at kindergarten orientation last month. He cracks his knuckles again as he forces a smile onto his face.

"David, wow you look ... like the real thing." he replies, eyeing the intricate Dracula costume. "Better watch out - someone might try putting a stake in you."

They share an overly exaggerated laugh as Seth tells himself repeatedly, _can't punch him. Can't kill him_. After all, his record had mysteriously been wiped clean following the defeat of Amaru. It would be a shame to have to tarnish it again.

"Well, we have a winning streak to keep up. Four years in a row - ever since Jason was in kindergarten."

"You don't say."

"Yep. We've taken home that giant chocolate bar plenty of times. Those tickets to Six Flags aren't too bad either."

"Oh Mr. Whitmore!" one of the teachers squeal in delight and Seth uses the opportunity to duck away. Kate and Richie are standing near the end of the gym, watching as Lina dances with a friend and Ben wobbles nearby.

"This is the most stupid shit I've ever dealt with." he growls, yanking the damn feathered hat off his head.

"Who was Count Dracula?" Richie asks.

"That's David. He's Seth's nemesis." Kate replies, drawing a snort out of her brother-in-law.

"He's not my nemesis!"

"Do you guys have PTA bake offs or something?"

"I am ten times the man that little prick is alright? He's one of those fake ass yuppies who try to pretend like they're perfect. He's probably a psycho at home and his family hates him."

"Sounds like someone I know." Richie smirks, sharing an amused look with Kate.

"Everyone loves David. He's like Mr. Mom and as I've told Seth before, they have two older kids so they have been in the school that much longer than we have. He's had more time to make an impression."

"I've made an impression. Rebecca loves me."

"Who's Rebecca?"

"The secretary in the main office." Kate supplies with a roll of her eyes. "She's the one in the Maid Marian costume who has been eyeing him all night."

"Kate, if you didn't want women looking at me, you shouldn't have bought pants that cling to my dick."

"Shh! There are kids around!"

"My point is that this has been an awful experience and I am not giving Brad Pitt another chance to gloat. So let's get out of here."

"I thought you were having fun." Lina says sadly from behind them. He turns and sees her staring up at him with watery green eyes. She doesn't give him a chance to make up an excuse before she runs away.

"Good job." Richie slaps Seth on the back, earning a glare from his brother before he takes off after his daughter. As they leave, Kate kneels down to pick Ben up and looks at the thoughtful expression on Richie's face. "I have an idea."

"Hi," Seth finds Lina sitting next to a scarecrow near the stage, arms folded around her drawn up knees. "Munchkin, I'm sorry, okay?"

"No you're not. You're lying."

"I'm not." he sits next to her and bumps their shoulders. "I just - I don't like when people make fun of me."

"Who made fun of you?"

"Doesn't matter. The point is, you had a really great idea and I was just ... throwing a temper tantrum because I was embarrassed. Do you like my costume?"

"I wouldn't have picked it out if I didn't." she shoots him an exasperated look and he chuckles, nodding.

"I guess that makes sense. You won't make fun of me will you?"

"Nope."

"Well, if you promise not to and you really like it, then I like it and won't care what anyone thinks."

"Pinky promise?" she sticks her pinky out at him and he nods, wrapping his own around it.

"Pinky promise." he replies as the music changes to The Monster Mash. "You want to dance?"

She nods eagerly, her grin spreading from ear to ear.

"Alright come on," he starts to stand when the music suddenly cuts out.

"Everyone, remain calm. This party is now under the direction of Captain James Hook!" Richie lets out a malicious laugh from where he now stands on stage, microphone in hand. "Mr. Smee, keep an eye on our prisoner."

Seth stares at his brother, dumfounded, as Kate sits at his feet with Ben in her lap. There are a few chuckles in the crowd as they stop and watch.

"What's Uncle Richie doing?"

"I have no idea."

"You won't get away with this!" Kate says as Richie scoffs.

"Who will stop me?"

"Peter Pan!"

"That's you!" Lina shoves Seth towards the stairs. "You gotta rescue Mama and save the day!"

He stumbles up the steps and freezes, realizing how many people are watching them.

"What are you doing?" he hisses, quietly enough so no one hears.

"Remember when we were kids and you spent all that time making that stupid homemade Ninja Turtles costume and you lost the contest anyway? You lost to me right?"

"Richie,"

"Is that why you're sulking? Bad memories?" he lifts the microphone and booms, "Fight me!"

That's how they wind up sparring back and forth across the stage, plastic and wooden swords smacking and clashing against each other. The crowd oohs and ahhs at their antics, seemingly enjoying the unexpected performance.

"Dude!" Richie finally puts an end to it when he lands on his back, Seth's foot on his chest, and his wooden sword pointed dangerously close to his heart.

"Not that sharp." he retorts but allows his brother to get up. The crowd is silent, then someone slowly begins to clap. After a brief moment, the rest follow, and the school's principal scurries onto the stage.

"That was impressive!" Mr. Reyes hollers, clapping both men on the back. "All my years hosting this party and no one has ever done a skit! Bravo! I think we have our winners!"

The look of displeasure on David's face almost beats out the pure happiness on Lina's - almost.

* * *

"So, I'm pretty sure Lina is in a sugar coma. We're going to need to hide that Hershey bar." Seth glances into the hall before he shuts his bedroom door. When he turns to face Kate, he freezes, eyes locked on her. She smiles from where she sits on their bed in a black, lacy get up that probably came from Victoria's Secret.

"I thought Christmas wasn't for another two months."

"I figured I punished you enough tonight. I was going to surprise you for your birthday but what the hell. Money well spent."

"Money well wasted. That looks like I could tear it in half."

"Try not to. I kind of like it. But if it happens, I did use a coupon so I won't be completely devastated."

He shrugs as he walks to their bed and climbs on top of the mattress. He sinks onto her with a grin as they kiss and her arms wind around his shoulders.

"You can take this off now."

"Green's not exactly my color. But it was worth it. Did you see Whitmore's face?"

"David really gets under your skin, huh?"

"I don't like fake people. Or people who fawn over them. I like to knock them down a peg or two."

"Will it make you feel better to know that the moms were running a side contest in the kitchen and you were leagues ahead of all the other dads in terms of hotness?"

"I was?" he pulls back with a gleeful expression.

"I think it was the pants. The sword fighting probably helped. Maybe the tattoo."

"I'm a DILF- is that the word?"

She giggles against his neck and nods.

"Yeah, babe, I guess they would call you that."

"You're a MILF."

"Did they say that about me?"

"No they were too scared to. But they were thinking it. I could tell."

"You think so? Did you not see some of the other moms?"

"There were other moms there?"

"Smooth, Gecko. Real smooth."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Seth get an unexpected surprise.

"I think you are being just a bit ridiculous. It is almost 10 o'clock at night."

"I don't care."

"All I did was mention it. So we could discuss."

"I don't discuss hypotheticals. If I'm going to have a heart attack, I'd like there to be a confirmed reason for it."

"I would appreciate it if you didn't have a heart attack no matter what the outcome is."

The look Kate receives in response makes her roll her eyes. They walk into Walmart hand in hand - well not quite. Seth is nearly dragging her past the registers towards the toiletries and healthcare aisles.

"Next time, don't ask what's wrong!"

"You could have lied! Or found out by yourself!"

"Would that have changed your reaction?"

"Probably not."

"Glad to hear it."

He hesitates at the shortness in her tone and glances sideways out of his eye. She looks pissed, though she’s trying to hide it. More than that, she looks upset and that sticks a proverbial knife in his chest.

"This seems counterproductive." he comments, trying to lighten the moment, as they walk past shelves of condoms to reach the pregnancy tests.

"Probably put them there as a warning so you don't have to use these. Or those," she points further down the aisle where the baby supplies are and he seems to freeze on the spot. "Come on, let's go."

She starts to reach for the first test she sees and he throws an arm out in front of her, stopping her progress.

"Seth, it's not rocket science."

"Then why are there so many? Why do they have different prices?"

"Probably, like most things in life, you get what you pay for."

"Jesus, don't get that one then." he rips it out of her hand and throws it back on the shelf. An old woman is standing at the end of the aisle, a disapproving look on her face. He's about to ask her what her problem is when he realizes how this looks.

Kate has her hair pulled into a ponytail, no makeup on, and is dressed in a sweatshirt he didn't know he owned and a pair of yoga pants. She looks like a teenager.

_She is a teenager,_ he reminds himself. Almost out of the age group at nineteen and definitely legal but she was still a teenager. She is a stark contrast to his jeans and jacket, scruff, and greying hair that seems more grey than usual. He forgets he hasn't even hit thirty yet and he feels like he has lived four lifetimes over.

"How about this one?" her quiet voice grabs his attention and he makes a face, putting the test back.

"No. Get the expensive one. We don't need any false positives or negatives or inconclusives."

"I don't think that's a word."

"You know what I mean." he hands her the box, then after a moment, grabs several more.

"Should I grab a basket?" she asks dryly. "Would you like to buy stock in EPT?"

"We should be thorough."

"Why? One positive won't be enough for you?" there's a challenge in her voice and he feels his spine stiffen. It's not like he didn't deserve it. He hadn't exactly been kind since he heard her utter those words. _I think I'm pregnant._

"Are we going to do this here?"

"I don't know. Are we?"

The woman is still watching them and he runs a hand through his hair as she sighs, juggling the boxes.

"Are you sure?"

"No. That's the point of these." she waves one of the boxes in his face, like he's stupid.

"I mean, you said there have been - ever since - it - you, your - things haven't been normal." he stumbles over his words and she raises an eyebrow at him. "Do you think maybe you're just -maybe it's nothing and you're just screwed up."

"Screwed up?" the other eyebrow goes up and her stance shifts.

"You know, like it's not working right. Or it's fucked up." he sees the way her eyes narrow at him. "I don't mean that _you_ are. I mean your ... cycle, period, whatever you want to call it. Okay, I'm going to shut up."

"Thank you. I need some other things. I'll meet you at the register."

When they meet up, she contemplates throwing her items at him.

"Are you kidding me?"

"What?"

"I think it's a little late for the condoms and way early for the diapers. That's not even the right size."

"Trust me, it fits. I've bought this brand before."

"Not the condoms!" she tosses the tests, her ice cream, and the toothpaste onto the conveyer belt. "Those diapers are for toddlers. Can I take the test first before we start buying things we may not need?"

He drops the diapers into a wire crate of balls and joins her in the checkout line.

"I was trying to be helpful."

"You're an idiot."

The woman ringing up their purchases is not as old as the bat in the aisle but he sees the way she looks at them. So does Kate, who is in no mood for anyone's bullshit.

"Is there a problem?" she asks shortly, manners of a preacher's daughter long gone.

"No miss, there isn't."

"I didn't think so."

The woman makes a face and Seth sees Kate's mouth start to open again. He quickly thrusts a hundred dollar bill at the cashier, grabs the two bags, and drags his girlfriend away.

"Unbelievable." she mutters as he pulls her towards the bathrooms. "Seth! I'm not taking a pregnancy test in a Walmart bathroom!"

"Yes you are." he glances around before opening the door to the companion restroom and leading her inside.

"This is ridiculous."

"I can't get back in that car not knowing."

"I don't even have to pee."

He pulls out the bottle of Coke he had bought for himself and extends it to her. She rolls her eyes, but twists the cap off, and begins to drink, making sure to glare at him the entire time.

"Someone is going to need this bathroom."

"They can use the other one."

"Can we please just go home?"

"After you piss."

"This is so stupid."

"Hey, you wanted to get me involved."

"I _wanted_ to get you involved? You were already involved! What was it you said to me approximately seven weeks ago? _Oh shit, Kate, we are out of condoms. But don't worry, I'll pull out real quic_ k."

"That's not quite how I remember it. You're leaving out the middle part princess, you know the part where you begged me to keep going and screw the condom because I just felt so damn good."

"Still your sperm!" she rips the test out of the bag and tears the box open. "Turn around."

"It's nothing I haven't seen."

"Turn around! What do you think, I'm going to swap out my urine for someone else's? This isn't a drug test."

He rolls his eyes but turns anyway. He doesn't face her again until he hears the toilet flush. She washes her hands and they both eye the white stick with anxiety.

"How long?"

"Three minutes."

It turns out to be the longest three minutes of his life. He leans against the sink as she stands against the door and watches her. He feels like a complete dick when he sees how scared she looks. They both have that quality - when they are upset or scared, they deflect with biting sarcasm. He should know better.

Her phone buzzes as the timer goes off and her eyes flick to him. He doesn't look at the test until she is at his side and she inhales a sharp gasp and he feels his stomach drop.

Two very bright, very pink, very noticeable and unavoidable lines stare back at them.

"Well, fuck."

* * *

They spend the next two weeks sidestepping each other and not quite talking. If Richie notices, he doesn't say anything - at least not to Kate. Seth is away from home a lot, doing God knows what, and she pushes aside the thought of him getting plastered at a strip club to avoid his responsibilities. It may not be that extreme but he's not where she needs him to be. Not that she has been very welcoming either.

She thought she was okay with this. She psyched herself up before taking the test, telling herself she could do anything that life threw at her, and then those two little lines turned her world upside down. It was easier to think you could be a mom when it was a hypothetical fetus inside you. But she needs to be okay - she _has_ to be okay with this because at the end of the day, there is a baby there that needs her and she would be damned if she screwed this up. If its father managed to get his head out of his ass, well that would be fine too.

She is almost finished packing her bag when she hears the door open. Seth stops immediately, eyeing the scene with a nervous eye.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go stay with Freddie and Maggie."

"Why?"

"It isn't like you've been very welcoming around here."

"Kate,"

"I don't want to hear it." she holds up a hand to stop him and looks tired. "I get it. I'm not expecting anything from you. I thought - with everything - well, anyway, I guess I should have known. I'm sorry to have thrown a wrench in your plan."

"A wre- what the fuck are you talking about?"

"This isn't want you had planned out."

"A lot of this isn't what I planned out." he mutters under his breath. "Let me drive you over there."

"I already requested an Uber."

"You aren't getting in a fucking Uber. You want to get dragged off to God knows where by some psycho?"

"It's a business Seth."

"You think culebras haven't taken advantage of it? Please, just, if this is... if you want this to end... let me do this last thing for you."

She stares at him, contemplating, then gives a short nod. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. They don't speak again until they are on the road and she realizes he is not heading for the Gonzalez home. In fact, he is heading away from the city.

"I don't particularly want to get dragged off to God knows where by some psycho." she comments. The corner of his mouth twitches but he manages to hold off his smirk.

"I just have to make a pit stop."

"Pretty far out of the way for a pit stop. Are you going to kill me and leave my body in the middle of nowhere?"

"No."

"You sure? Because I've seen those Lifetime movies. You know, where the guy gets the girl pregnant and can't deal with the consequences."

"Do you think I'd ever lay a finger on you?"

"No."

"Then shut up."

He drives another fifteen minutes or so before he turns off the county road and onto what looks like a driveway. Probably more of an access road, she presumes, judging by the length of it. He drives up to a rather large house, parks in front of the porch, and motions for her to get out.

She stares at him through the windshield as he walks around the front of the car. He opens the door for her but she still doesn't climb out.

"Come on. Five minutes, then I'll take you to Ranger Rick."

She sighs but steps out of the car. The house is a little run down, definitely needs some TLC, but it is nice. It was painted white with light green shutters from what she could see in the dim porch light.

"What are we doing?" she crosses her arms as they stand on the porch. Seth makes no attempt to knock and she notices there are no other cars around. He stands in front of her, suddenly speechless, and she raises an eyebrow. "What's your problem?"

"You were right."

"About what?"

"This wasn't in my plan. Hell, I didn't have a fucking plan. My plan was to rob as many banks as possible and die on a beach. Then you walked in."

"Technically, you were already in my motel room."

"What I'm trying to say is that you changed me. You make me want to be a better man."

"You're quoting Jack Nicholson?"

"I like that movie. I love you. I love you so much that I don't know what the fuck to do about it sometimes and I know I'm a dick. I know I haven't made things easy and I piss you off and you can leave if you want. I wouldn't blame you. But just know, when I thought I lost you, I was ... I was drowning. I couldn't - it physically hurt to function. So,"

She reels back as he gets down on one knee and pulls a black box out of his pocket.

"Seth," she suddenly feels breathless, all her anger melting away as she stares at him with wide, panicked eyes.

"Kate, I don't want to lose you. I want to be with you. Do everything with you. Kids, a dog, the big house, whatever comes our way. I'm sorry that it took me this long to realize it but I promise you, it's part of my new plan and I will spend every day proving that to you. That's me and you, wherever, whatever. Alright? So please, take pity on my shitty soul and marry me?"

"Seth," his name comes out in one, ugly sob as tears start pouring out of her eyes.

"Tell me those are happy, yes I will spend the rest of my life with you tears." he looks nervous as she presses a hand against her mouth. "Kate, you're scaring me. Or is this hormones?"

"You stupid jerk!" she launches herself at him, knocking him off balance and they fall backwards onto the porch in a tangle of limbs. Her hands are on his face as she kisses him repeatedly, mumbling yes between each kiss.

"That's a yes?"

"Yes."

She swears his face lights up as he sits them up, so she is on his lap, and he flips the top up on the box. She bites her lip at the sight of the ring nestled inside - a simple princess cut diamond in a white gold band.

"Did you steal it?"

"No," he laughs as he plucks it out of the box and takes her left hand in his. He slides it into place on her finger, then kisses her knuckles. "I spent three days at the jeweler's with an obnoxious guy named Fernando who was quite exasperated with me by the end."

"You picked it out yourself? It took you three days?

"Yes. I wanted it to be perfect for you since I was hoping you'd keep it."

A fresh wave of tears form and she leans forward, burying her face in his chest.

"Is this okay?

She nods.

"Does this mean you aren't going to live with Gonzalez?"

She pushes his shoulder as he kisses the top of her head. After a moment, she lifts her head and gives him a watery smile.

"I thought you wanted out."

"Never. I'm sorry if I seemed ... I have no idea what I'm doing but I talked to Richie and Gonzalez and ... this is what I want Kate. I swear it is, even if it's something I never imagined doing. You and me and Seth Jr."

"We are not naming the baby Seth Jr."

"I think we should at least consider it."

"It's been considered. The answer is no."

"We got time."

"Where are we? Whose place is this?" she asks quietly, though she thinks she already knows the answer.

"Ours. If you want it. I kind of already paid for it so it's ours even if you don't want it."

"Is this what you've been doing all week?"

He nods and she buries her face in her hands, cursing her overactive hormones.

"You don't like it. I'm sorry. I know it's drastic but I don't want to raise a kid in the back of a truck stop and I know you wanted a house and I saw this and it has plenty of room and I-"

The rest of his words are muffled when her lips crash back onto his.

"You really mean it?" she whispers and he nods, running his hands over her back.

"Every bit of it."

"And you're sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything." it's a little dramatic and not something he would normally say but the stare he is giving her shows his emotions and she knows he means it.

"I'm an awful person."

"What? No."

"You've been putting all this together for two weeks and I never - this was the last thing that would have crossed my mind. I shouldn't be so ... judgmental towards you."

"It's okay. I was being a major prick the first few days. I'm sorry. I truly am. I don't - I just don't want to disappoint you. Sometimes I think you'd be better off somewhere else but I'm too selfish to let you go. So I need to be - and be able to give you - everything you need. You deserve so much and I-" he falls silent as she places her fingers over his mouth. He kisses the tips gently as she smiles.

"You don't disappoint me. This is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me."

"If you don't like it, we can flip it and find something else."

"It's perfect."

"You haven't even seen it."

"So give me the grand tour."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's empty."

"I'll use my imagination."

"A lot of rooms. May take some time to thoroughly examine and christen each one."

"Good thing we have all the time in the world then." she smiles and stands, tugging him to his feet.

"You want the honors?" he digs a key out of his pocket and holds it out to her. She nods with a giant grin, takes the key, and turns to unlock the door. She takes two steps inside when he pulls her back. He sweeps her off her feet, lifting her easily in his arms bridal style.

"Seth!" she shrieks with laughter and tips her head back against his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"I'm supposed to carry you over the threshold."

"That's after you get married."

"Close enough. We are already out of order anyway."

She laughs again and pulls his head down to kiss him. He stops in the middle of the foyer, acquiescing her request. Their playful exchange quickly becomes heated as their kisses slow and grow more sensual.

"It's completely empty? Not even a chair?" she mumbles, eyes glimmering with desire. He catches her drift and shakes his head no.

"There's some nice countertops in the kitchen though. Granite I think."

"Show me."

"As you wish."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seth runs into an familiar face.

“Seth?”

He looks up as he hears his name and freezes as his eyes lock on Vanessa. She is smiling at him like he’s the grand prize in some damn contest. For a moment, he contemplates darting into the nearest aisle but that’s ridiculous because he’s not a chicken and even if he was, she’s already seen him.

She is seated inside the Starbucks at the table nearest the railing. A bright red cup is placed on the table in front of her, nearly matching the nails she is tapping idly on the wooden top.

“You want to come up and join me?”

“I don’t think that’s a great idea.”

“I don’t bite. Promise.”

He glances around Barnes and Noble but the store is practically empty for the early afternoon. He inhales a sigh and slowly steps into the cafe.

“It’s been a long time.” she says. “You can sit.”

“Can’t really stay. Have places to go.”

“What are you doing in a store like this? I don’t remember you being a big reader.” she eyes the books in his hand and he moves them behind his back. “Big fan of Peppa Pig?”

“What are you doing here? I would’ve thought that you’d - ” he cuts off with a shrug.

“I’m out on good behavior. I’m a whole new woman. Apparently, I paid my debt to society. I impressed the wardens.”

“Congratulations. What are you up to now?”

“Casing the joint.”

“Not _entirely_ a new woman.”

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” her eyes wander down his body. “Real hard.”

“This is a low point for you. A bookstore? Really?”

“It’s not about the money. It’s personal. Night manager fucked me over.”

“Well, that sounds like it will go over real well for you.”

"Come on, you know me. I can keep it professional." she shrugs, then adds, "Just a little different motivation and he should have known better."

"Poor guy."

"His loss. Maybe it can be your gain." she licks her lip, smirking.

"Been there, done that."

"Never stopped you before."

As if she summoned them, he hears tiny footsteps running towards him and Lina's little voice sounding too loud in the quiet store.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" she stumbles up the steps, nearly falling but doesn't hesitate in running the rest of the way to him. His eyes don't leave Vanessa as Lina slams into the back of his legs. Her face morphs into something resembling shock.

"Hi there." he turns slightly and scoops his daughter up to sit on his hip. He sees Kate standing a few feet away, eyes flicking back and forth. Her face is unreadable as she walks up to stand next to him. His heart is pounding with fear. He has no idea what is going to happen. This is uncharted territory. What kind of poor bastard had to face his wife and ex-wife at the same time?

"Hi, I'm Kate- Seth's wife." she says softly, extending her hand across the table. Vanessa simply stares at it, then looks at her, mouth forming an o. He tilts his head down to look at Kate, squinting slightly in suspicion. She looks as innocent and angelic as ever but he knows better.

"This is Vanessa." he supplies when no one else speaks.

"Oh." Kate drops her hand and scrubs her palms against her jeans. "It's nice to meet you. I've... heard a lot about you."

"Hi." Lina smiles shyly as she burrows her head against Seth's shoulder. Vanessa's eyes wander over the family, then settle on Kate and Seth knows she's making comparisons. Hell, he's doing it himself.

He has always known Kate was different from any other woman he had ever been with, most of all Vanessa but having them side by side was almost comical. They were polar opposites.

Vanessa is in her tight, black top with her cleavage practically pouring out, and her dark hair pulled in a mound of curls over one shoulder. He knows she dyes it, even at her insistence that she does not, _thank you very much_. Dark, dramatic makeup is caked on her face and he wonders if she had always been this fake. He can't see her legs under the table but he's sure whatever she's got on is tight, skin baring, and topped off with spiky heels.

Kate, on the other hand, is in jeans, flats, and an oversized yellow cardigan over a white tank top. Perfect for chasing a three year old through the mall. Her hair is pulled into a ponytail and if she has any makeup on, which he doesn't think she does but she surprises him sometimes, it's probably some eyeliner.

"You're joking." Vanessa finally says, making him groan but his wife seems unfazed.

"No." the dainty, little smile is still on her lips as she gives a small shake of her head. Kate is doing her own once-over but hers goes more than skin deep. She turns sideway, looks up at Seth, and puts her hand on his shoulder, the left one so that her wedding ring sparkles brightly in the overhead lighting. "Why don't you give me Lina and you come out when you're ready?"

"No, I stay with Daddy." Lina protests, her hands tightening around the back of his neck.

"Daddy is talking to his friend. Come here, munchkin." Kate pries her away and settles the toddler in her arms.

"Be careful." he warns, eyeing her with concern but she rolls her eyes at him.

"How many times are we going to have this discussion? I'm fine."

"She's too heavy for you."

"This thing? She weighs less than a sack of potatoes." she tickles Lina under the chin, drawing out a reluctant giggle despite the pout on her face. She leans up and kisses his cheek as he holds out the books to their daughter.

"They for me?"

"Yup. So go find somewhere to sit with Mama." he leans down and whispers a promise of a brownie in her ear if she can behave herself long enough.

"I think so." she smiles.

"I think so too." he bumps his nose into hers as he plants a kiss on her cheek. He watches as they walk away, disappearing into the children's section. Vanessa clears her throat loudly, forcing his attention back to her.

"What the fuck is going on? This is a fucking joke - it's gotta be."

"Vanessa,"

"No. _No_. I spent _years_ doing everything for you. _I_ was your partner. _I_ was your wife. You remember what you told me? You weren't cut out for that life. You didn't want to be someone's husband. Look at you now. Strutting around with Homemaker Barbie? What the fuck was it?"

"Don't try and play the indignant act, like I wronged you or something. We were no good together. We were toxic."

"It must've not been all bad since you kept coming back to fuck me long after the papers were signed."

"We were practically kids."

"She's a kid! How old is she?"

"That's - "

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-three."

"Wow. And the brat, she's what - three, four? The last time I saw you, you remember the job I helped set up that you're probably living cushy off of now? Four, five years ago? You don't waste any time."

"It was closer to six."

"I don't give a fuck! I can't believe you. So what was it? I wasn't Susie Homemaker enough for you? Or was I too much for you and you couldn't mold me into what you wanted?"

"Be quiet."

"I will be as damn loud as I want. I was the best goddamn thing that you ever had. Suddenly, you're staking out high schools and preying on teenagers?"

"That's not what fucking happened." he wonders if she was always this crazy and irrational, then remembers their volatile fights, where he still wouldn't put a hand on her even as he got a few black eyes, a stab wound, and multiple broken windows on multiple cars.

"You're a bastard." she stands up angrily, shoving the chair back. She grabs her jacket and her bag and storms towards him. "You're a goddamn, fucking liar too. You think she understands you? Does she even know what you've done?"

"Yes."

"Well good for you." she jabs a finger into chest. "I hope you know what the fuck you are doing because that,"

She points in the direction Kate went, "is never going to work out. Not with your lifestyle."

"Things change."

"No. I know you - better than anyone. I'll see you around."

"Don't count on it."

Her eyes flash angrily and she walks away, not looking back at him once. He waits until she is a safe distance away before going to rejoin his family. When he finds them, Kate is sitting on a small chair, laughing as Lina puts on a puppet show with the available toys.

"Hey," he sits in the other chair, which is not at all made for adults, and meets her humorous gaze.

"How'd it go?"

"You're trouble."

"I learned from the best."

"Mama, you're not watching!" Lina's head pokes up over the makeshift stage and she smiles when she sees Seth. "Hi Daddy, you wanna watch too?"

"Of course I do." he nods as she disappears from sight and Tigger and Mickey Mouse take her place.

"I think after the baby is born, we are going to need to take a trip to Disney."

"I think that sounds like a horrible idea."

"I think we'll talk about it." she smiles, to which he sighs and shakes his head. "So,"

"I don't want a lecture from you too."

"I'm not going to give you a lecture. Why would I?"

"Because you found me in Starbucks with my ex-wife."

"So scandalous." she reaches over and takes his hand, curling their fingers together. "I trust you."

"You weren't jealous?"

"Why would I? I'm the one who has you now, right? I know that there were women before me. Women who did not resemble me or were similar to me. At first, that used to make me insecure. I didn't think I was good enough but I quickly realized that there are other things that were more important. How we're connected. How we understand each other. What we would do for each other. She didn't have that." she turns on the seat so they are closer and strokes her free hand over his jaw. "I know she was jealous and a little incredulous."

"A lot incredulous. I think she never expected me to - there were points that, even after we were finished, I would go to her. She still had this... power over me. Years could go by and we'd run into each other and I'd fall into that rut with her. Richie would argue, she would bitch, but I-"

"You wanted the fun part, not the rest of it. You loved her."

"I don't think so. I lusted for her. We had no business being married. But we did have this ... connection, for lack of a better word. It was fucked up. If you and I weren't together, if I saw her, I'd probably act like I did then. I - now, knowing what I know and what we have, I wish I didn't waste ..."

"Don't say that. What happened with her was another step that brought us together. All these moments and decisions made us who we are. We can't keep going back and playing what ifs. We are living right now. That's us. You and me and Lina."

"And Seth Jr."

"No."

"I'm gonna push it until I get one."

"Never gonna happen. Can't jinx a poor kid like that." they share a smile and she sees his eyes train over her shoulder. "She's watching us, isn't she?"

"Yeah."

"Good." she leans forward and kisses him. Kisses him like they should be in the privacy of their bedroom and not a kid's area of a bookstore. It is slow and hot and her tongue is tracing his mouth as he opens to her. She takes control and he kind of likes this display of dominance.

"Jesus Christ Katie."

"Hey, I'm not jealous but I have a right to stake my claim. Warning sign to all the other ones that you are mine and off the market."

"She could fuck you up. She's crazy."

"I'll take my chances."

"You're pregnant."

"Still would fight her. And I'd win. Hello, Queen of Hell?"

* * *

 

She sees her later in the bathroom by the food court. She is washing her hands when she sees her come into view in the mirror.

"Can I help you?"

"I hope you know, you've ruined him."

"I think he's better in some ways. Don't worry, I didn't give him a complete lobotomy." she dries her hands off and faces Vanessa with the same polite smile from before. "He's still a bastard."

"You think this is funny?"

"I think you like being in control and a part of you always thought he'd come back to you. Let's be honest, you haven't thought of him in years but seeing him now and seeing him actually happy and content, that pisses you off."

"He is never going to stay with someone like you. Some girl scout goody two shoes."

"Why do you think that? Because I don't dress like a slut? You don't know a damn thing about me or what I've been through. What _we've_ been through. You, on the other hand, are an open book."

Kate leaves the bathroom and Vanessa follows but stops when she sees she has already stepped into Seth's waiting embrace.

"I hope you find something that makes you happy." Kate says. "And brings you peace. I'll pray for you."

Seth chokes on the soda he is sipping and turns away coughing. Kate smiles as Vanessa gapes at her. She waves, then takes Lina in one hand, Seth in the other and walks away. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A honeymoon?"
> 
> "Yeah, they usually follow a wedding."
> 
> He ducks the sock that flies by his head. She is standing by the couch folding laundry but stops to contemplate his question.

It is Freddie who slips him the manila envelope a month after he and Kate elope.

"Heard you might need these." he comments as Seth opens the flap and shakes the contents out. Two passports fall onto the counter. He eyes them with surprise and curiosity, then opens the closest one. Kate smiles up at him and he scans the information.

_Surname- Gecko. Given name- Katherine. Nationality - United States of America. Date of Birth- January 2, 1997. Place of birth - Texas, USA. Date of issue- November 1, 2016._

_Surname- Gecko. Given name- Seth. Nationality - United States of America. Date of Birth- November 15, 1986. Place of birth - Kansas, USA. Date of issue- November 1, 2016._

"These are legit."

"Mhmm."

"Legal and valid?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, hell, Ranger, look at you being kind."

"Don't get too excited. It was Ximena's idea. She said you deserved it after all they put you through. You know they cleared your record? Venganza has friends in high places. It's like you never existed."

"You alright with that?"

"I think we're long past that point Gecko. Enjoy your honeymoon."

* * *

"A honeymoon?"

"Yeah, they usually follow a wedding."

He ducks the sock that flies by his head. She is standing by the couch folding laundry but stops to contemplate his question.

"Where?"

"Wherever you want baby."

"I've never been out of Texas - minus Mexico of course."

"Let's not go to Mexico."

"We don't even have passports."

He pulls them out of his pocket and holds them up between two fingers. She looks at him suspiciously and drops his boxers onto the couch. She walks over to the recliner he is sitting in and opens both passports.

"Katherine Gecko."

"I like the sound of that."

"Me too." she smiles and leans down to kiss him. He pulls on her hand, leading her to sit with him. She has just settled on his lap when Richie walks by towards the kitchen and tells them to get a room.

"You know what I'll look forward to the most?"

"Me?"

"Being alone with you and doing whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want."

"Yeah, that'll be nice." she chuckles against his mouth, then grabs the iPad off the coffee table. She sits between his legs, back to his chest so they are both able to see the screen. "Suggestions?"

"Some place with a strict ban on clothing." he mumbles, sliding her hair over one shoulder and lowers his mouth to the side of her neck. "Some place warm. A beach."

"France? Italy?"

"An island?"

"Are we going to agree on anything?" she turns her head and gives him a raised eyebrow. He knows she isn't serious though based on the grin forming.

"Do we ever?"

They share a smile as he dips his head forward to kiss her.

"I don't care where we go. Maybe we can do a world tour. Not like we can't afford it." he mutters as she leans her head back against his shoulder. "Go around Europe or something."

"I like that idea. When?"

"Probably sooner than later." he runs his hand over her stomach as a reminder.

"Good point." she hands him the iPad and stands up. "Pick the first city. First reservation and flight you can get out of here. I'll pick the last city. We'll figure out the rest as we go."

* * *

He refuses to tell her what he chose. She pesters him the whole week but he won't give in, even as Richie drives them to the airport the following Friday night.

"You told me to pick." he argues.

"Pick not surprise!"

"When are you coming home?" Richie interjects. He is thoroughly done with both of them. A week or two reprieve from them is just what he needs... and Kisa needs... and Scott can fucking find somewhere else to live for the time being.

"We don't know."

"What?" he nearly hits the car in front of him as he stops in the departures lane outside of American Airlines, per his brother's direction. Seth rolls his eyes and gets out of the car, then opens the back door for Kate. Richie sits in shock briefly, then climbs out to help with their bags. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I bought a one way ticket."

"We will be back before I need to stop flying." Kate reassures. She goes to grab her bag but Seth reaches it first and wraps his hand around the strap.

"That's - five months."

"Really four. They say no flying after 36 weeks."

Richie is staring at Seth's back as he loads the bags onto a trolley. There is a look in his eyes and Kate feels her insides twist. He glances at her, then quietly grabs for the next bag. Seth grabs it from his hand, then slams the trunk door down.

"Ready?" he looks at his wife expectantly and she glances at the other Gecko before nodding. "Great, let's get rambling then. Richard, thank you for the ride."

He hugs his brother briefly, which the younger one half heartedly returns.

"I'll call you when we land and get settled. Try not to wreck the house, no wild parties, and don't burn Jed's down."

"Try my best."

"Katie, let's go."

She glances at Richie again, then points at the entrance.

"Why don't you check the bags and get the boarding passes? I'll be right in."

His eyes wander between his brother and his wife, then nods, and starts for the door. Richie leans against the side of the car, arms crossed over his chest. Kate smiles a little and adjusts the strap of her pocketbook.

"Thanks for bringing us."

"No problem."

"Richie, this doesn't change anything. I'll bring him back in one piece - promise."

"Sure." he shrugs, trying to seem indifferent. Truth is, and Kate knows it, it is weird for them to be in this position. He fucking hated his last sister-in-law and he is so co-dependent on Seth and vice versa that, yeah, it feels like there are three of them in this marriage at certain points. Now she's flying off into the metaphorical sunset with his brother and he's left behind.

She felt the shift in their relationship the night she and Seth drove back from Bethel as surprise newlyweds. It was fine to be together, to pull jobs together, to live together but once the rings were on their fingers and that marriage certificate was signed, it was a different ball game.

Richie knows it's stupid. He loves Kate like a sister and enjoys her immensely but she's taking Seth away, and minus five years of a prison stint where he literally went crazy and three months of being with Kisa, he has spent every moment of his life at his brother's side and now he has no definite deadline other than ' _maybe four months_.'

"I'm not Vanessa." she says quietly. He lifts his head, meeting her eye through his glasses. He feels like an asshole when he sees the sincerity in her smile - he knows he has nothing to truly worry about but _it's Seth_. "I know how important he is to you and you are to him. I promise I would never do anything to jeopardize that."

"You say that now."

"Hey, for as long as I've known you, I knew Hermanos Gecko were a package deal. I accept that. Things will be different this time - for everyone. Plus, you're important to me too. Who else am I going to send embarrassing photos of him to?"

"Can you try and get him into one of those berets if you get to France?" he asks quietly after a long pause. She laughs and hugs him tightly.

"Already planning on it."

"Go. You don't want to miss your flight." he kisses her cheek, then turns her to the door. "Have a great time."

She enters the airport, doesn't find Seth, and pulls out her phone and sends him a text.

_Stay by the door. I'll come find you._

She rolls her eyes at his response and finds a bench to sit on. Sh waits another ten minutes when he comes strolling up from further down the hall.

"Took you long enough."

"Not my fault someone's bag weighed fifty seven pounds. You owe me $35 by the way."

"Hilarious. Lead the way Mystery Man."

He takes her by the hand as they walk together to the security checkpoint. It is only then, as she is digging through her bag for their passports, does he hold out the boarding passes to her.

"Here's looking at you kid."

The _Casablanca_ reference makes her smile as she examines the passes - a 12 AM flight on Air France landing in Paris at 4:20 PM local time.

"Good place to start?"

"It's perfect." she leans up to kiss him, then drags him into line to wait. He reminds himself to stay calm as they move closer to the TSA agents checking the passes against IDs. There are two sitting at the end of the line - one a pretty female smiling at each traveler and the other an older man who scowled at everyone who walked by. He prays they get the woman but the man calls him over with a gruff 'next!'

He hands over his passport and the boarding pass and waits. And waits. He watches as the woman and Kate exchange pleasantries and she continues on to the next checkpoint. He glances at the agent, frowning as he examines the passport, then the pass, then back, then stares at Seth, and eyes his tattoo.

He thinks that maybe this was some joke on Gonzalez's part and he is holding illegal documents or his face is too recognizable and multiple law enforcement agencies are about to swarm him. However, the man simply holds out his paperwork.

"Enjoy Paris Mr. Gecko."

"Oh, thanks." he accepts the papers with a nod and walks down the hall, where there is another line to go through the body scanner. There is an old woman standing between him and Kate and is chatting his wife up. She lets the woman go ahead of her and makes a face at him as she walks by, still talking about the first time she visited Paris.

"That was probably around the time the Germans occupied France." Seth mutters against Kate's ear. She hits his chest but he hears her giggle.

"You okay? You look ready to pee your pants."

Another agent walks up and down the line, a K9 dog with him and it wanders to each person, sniffing, and walking back again. A young woman three people ahead of them is pulled from the line when the dog winds itself around her legs and sits at her feet.

"You don't have anything to worry about. Fresh start, remember?" As always, Kate seems to know what he's thinking as the dog passes them without issue.

"I'll feel better once we're through this part."

* * *

Their flight passes by quietly and uneventfully. Only half the plane is filled and they are the only two passengers in their row towards the back of the plane. Their closest neighbor is a stern businessman four rows up. This gives them some sort of privacy which Seth takes advantage of three hours in and Kate welcomes in the thrill of not getting caught under careful eyes, sneaky fingers, and a well placed blanket. The rest of the time is split between sleep, movies, and competitive rounds of blackjack.

By the time they land at Charles de Gaulle, the sun has already set over Paris. Kate has her nose pressed to the window and stares in awe at the city lights as the plane descends.

"Still up for this?" he murmurs in her ear and she nods, turning to catch his lips with hers. It feels like it takes forever to taxi as the plane is directed to their gate. Then, it takes another fifteen minutes as the people ahead of them grab their belongings and disembark.

A driver is waiting for them near the baggage claim with a sign that reads 'Mr. & Mrs. Gecko.' The man, whose name is Henry, refuses their help as he grabs their bags and leads them out to a waiting town car.

"You don't have to be so over the top." she tells him as they slide into the back seat.

"Let me spoil you." he replies, bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles. He grins as he keeps his mouth there. "I know you like it."

She smiles in return and strokes her fingers over his jaw as the trunk shuts and Henry enters the car.

"Everyone all set?" he speaks in accented English as he starts the car. "The address is still the same Monsieur Gecko? No changes, oui?"

"Oui."

"Okay. I will have you there soon. Sit back and relax."

"I don't think it can get any better than this." Kate says, eyeing the streets as they zoom by.

"How about we get to the hotel before you say that?" he suggests with a chuckle.

"How long are we staying?"

"Booked four nights. If you want to stay longer, we can."

"We'll see how it goes." she murmurs. She oohs and ahhs over the sights they are able to see but he can't really concentrate because she has her hand on his thigh and it is sneaking dangerously close to his crotch. She catches his eye in the glass and her mouth curves into a smirk. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Good."

He doesn't think she's talking about food.

By the time they reach the hotel, check in, and make it to their room, he thinks he is ready to lose his mind. But every thought in his head evaporates as the bellhop unlocks the door and allows them to enter.

"Holy shit." he follows a shocked Kate towards the French balcony doors, which frame the Eiffel Tower perfectly for their viewing. "Pictures didn't really do it justice."

"C'est une belle vue, oui?" the bellhop chuckles. He unloads their bags and Seth quickly thanks him as he shoves a handful of Euros in his hand. It must be a lot because he raises his eyebrows, then tips his head in gratitude. "Merci beaucoup Monsieur."

"Yeah, you're welcome, de nada." he practically shoves the other man through the door, then locks it, and spins around towards his wife. She is already outside on the stone patio, her back to him. He moves quickly to join her, nearly trips over the bag she dropped, and shivers in the cold air. Maybe Europe in November wasn't the best idea for their southern blood.

"Take my picture." she says suddenly. She turns as he digs his iPhone out of his pocket and strikes a ridiculous, campy pose near the wall, directly in front of the Eiffel Tower. He grins as he watches her through the camera, snapping a few pictures as she jumps and giggles.

"How about a serious one?"

"Like this?" she folds her arms in front of her chest, slouches over, and pouts.

"No, you dork. Can't you take a normal picture?"

"How about this?" she turns, angling her body so she's sideways. She leans her right hip against the wall, head tipped back as she looks pensively at the icon. "Do I look like Ingrid Bergman?"

He opens his mouth to respond but the words die on his tongue. He lowers his hand, his phone hangs limply at his side, and he stares at her. It feels like a dream - her standing there in front of him with the lights glinting off her hair, that she is his and they're together and he never quite thought they would get here.

"How long am I going to pose like this? Did you even take the picture?" she glances out the corner of her eye, then turns completely. "Seth? Why are you staring at me like that?"

He shakes his head and lifts his shoulders in a slight shrug. He drops his phone onto the table and runs a hand over his hair.

"Is something wrong?" she smiles and he knows she is messing with him as she saunters over. "I looked hideous, didn't I?"

"No. You looked good." he croaks as she wanders around him, tugging his jacket off.

"Just good?"

"Great."

"Seth." she does a complete circle around him and stands in front of him, hands on her hips in a scolding manner. "Don't you think there is something better you could say to your wife in the most romantic city in the world? Put that charm to good use."

"I would but she's got me all tongue tied." he says, grabbing her gently by the waist. Her smile is as brilliant and bright as the lights shining around them.

"That so?"

"Yeah. Breathtaking." he replies and she blushes deeply at the compliment.

"This doesn't feel like it should be real." she says quietly. She turns her head a little to each side, glancing at the sights surrounding them. She smiles slightly as he cups her face in his hands and strokes his thumbs over her cheeks. "Can we not do this - not get mopey and actually enjoy ourselves?"

"Okay." she's right. He knows it. This was supposed to be about them, not how things were or could have turned out. _Fresh start_ , she keeps saying. He lowers his head and kisses her, hands moving to bury in her hair. She presses closer to him, hugging him around the waist.

"Did you have a honeymoon with Vanessa?"

"What does it matter?"

"It doesn't." she kisses under his jaw. "Just curious."

"We stayed at a motel in Vegas, miles from the Strip, that had no cable and one shitty fucking bed. Richie was in the next room and we tried robbing the Bellagio. We nearly got arrested and all I came away with was a handful of chips that I couldn't cash in. I almost grabbed the cash but Vanessa started throwing shot glasses at Richie's head and caused a big scene."

"Sounds like a blast. This is definitely a step up."

"She never made me want to do a grand gesture like you do." he says quietly. She tilts her head back and meets his eye. There are moments, like right now, when he seems so raw and stripped down and it leaves her breathless and not entirely sure what she did to have him essentially worshipping her. Especially a man like Seth Gecko who only ever seemed to worship the money he could jam in his pockets. "Now I sound like an asshole."

"No, I love you. Now come on, that bed doesn't look so shitty. Let's test it out."

"I thought you were hungry."

"I am." the grin the passes over her face is wicked as she tugs him back into the room with her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His head falls against the door as he groans. It is too early for this. He thinks this must be his punishment for all his wrongdoings in life - having a thirteen year old daughter.
> 
> "Is something wrong?" he is almost reluctant to ask the question.

"Dad. Dad. It's 7:45. We're going to be late and Lina won't get out of the bathroom and I can't brush my teeth."

Seth groans into his pillow and blindly reaches for his phone. He opens one eye and sees an annoyed Ben standing at his bedside.

"Dad!"

"I heard you Ben. Stop shouting. We're fine." Except they are not fine because his phone is dead and the alarm never went off. "Lina, hurry up!"

"When's Mom coming home?"

"Why? Haven't we been having fun?" he asks, flashing a tired grin. It appears his nine year old is unamused with him. "Tonight - if we can last that long. Lina!"

Kate has been gone for three days on a trip to New York for some old friend's wedding. He insisted she could go alone and he could handle the kids just fine. After all, he managed to survive adulthood before they got together - mostly. He has a pretty good handle on fatherhood - mostly. As long as everyone stayed alive, they would be fine.

Except he's never realized how fucking difficult it all is. He’s not an imbecile - though he can just imagine Kate’s pointed stare at that - and he’s not a deadbeat dad. He knows his children inside and out, is pretty hands on, and can function fine without his wife. Or so he thought. It’s different when you only have one set of hands and no backup.

He has already ruined one of her good pots, jammed the Keurig, and accidentally hit Ben in the eye with a broom handle while trying to clean up a broken vase. The kids have been late to school both days he’s been in charge and he really would not like to make it a third day. Especially since the vice principals at both schools aren’t his biggest fan.

“Lina! Come on, you’re going to be late again! Your brother needs to brush his teeth.”

“I’m going to get in trouble.”

“Benji, when I was your age, it was fun to be late.”

“You said you sucked at school.”

“That’s true. Just - lighten up a little.” he doesn’t need a lecture from a nine year old. He’ll get one soon enough when he picks Kate up at the airport. He trips over a Lego truck when he gets into the hallway and grunts in pain, hobbling towards the bathroom. “Lina! Come on, what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m not going to school!”

“What? Open the damn door. We don’t have time for this.” he pounds a fist against the door.

"No! Just leave me alone!"

"Ben's gotta get in there. Come on."

The door opens a fraction and her fist sticks out, his toothbrush in her hand. He stares at it before plucking it from her fingers. As soon as he has it, she slams the door and he hears the lock click into place.

His head falls against the door as he groans. It is too early for this. He thinks this must be his punishment for all his wrongdoings in life - having a thirteen year old daughter.

"Is something wrong?" he is almost reluctant to ask the question.

"I don't feel good. I'm not going."

"Fine. Fuck it, I'm not arguing with you. Ben, finish getting ready. Use my bathroom."

He manages to make it out the door with enough time to spare. Lina still has herself locked away in the bathroom, barely responding when he tells her he'll be back in twenty minutes.

He has just dropped Ben off when his phone starts ringing. He glances at the dashboard and sighs, seeing Kate's name pop up on the caller ID. He jabs his index finger at the screen and is met with loud laughter.

"Yes?"

"Hi honey."

He stops at a red light and frowns. There is something in her voice, kind of too sweet, and he wonders what the hell is going on.

"Hey baby."

"I get in at 5:30 tonight."

"I know. Jet Blue right?"

"Mhmm. How are things?"

"Fine. Great. All is well."

There is a gaggle of giggles and he is suddenly aware he is on speaker with a bunch of women.

"The kids got to school okay?"

"Yeah."

"Both of them?" another round of giggles. He wonders if they've all been drinking.

"Yeah."

"How come Lina is locked in the bathroom then?"

The noise suddenly dies down and he sighs, grateful she has taken pity on him and turned their phone call private.

"She texted me." she adds, as if he didn't know, which he doesn't.

"She's not feeling good."

"Seth," there is a hint of laughter in her voice and he narrows his eyes, like she knows something he doesn't.

"What?"

"Are you really that clueless?"

"Is she lying?"

"Seth." she drags his name out and he slaps a hand against the steering wheel.

"Kate, I'm not really in the mood for games, alright?"

"She got her period."

He nearly swerves into a tree and manages to pull safely onto the side of the road. Now he knows why they were all laughing at him. _Poor Seth, such a typical male._

"No."

"Yes. So be kind. I told her there were some tampons in our bathro-"

"Kate!"

"What?"

"Don't-" he leans his head against the seat and nearly gags. "Come home. Right now."

"You sound like her."

"This isn't funny!"

"I know it's not. I feel awful but I'll be home tonight. You can manage until then. Like I was trying to say, she doesn't feel comfortable using those so I need you to run to the store and get her a few things. Seth? Honey, I need you to focus, okay?"

"This is not my thing. Stop fucking laughing."

"I'm not." she coughs and sounds sympathetic. "This isn't a big deal."

"Just a little bit."

"Not really. So listen up."

* * *

By the time he gets home, he has been gone over an hour. The house is quiet and he notices she is still in the bathroom. He hesitates outside the door, then knocks gently.

"What?" she sounds miserable, not that he blames her.

"You want to unlock the door?"

"Not really. Just go away. Please."

"Your mom called me." he exhales a sigh and leans against the wall. "I got you... stuff."

She is silent on the other side, prompting him to add, "You plan on staying in there all day?"

After a moment, the door opens slightly and he steps inside. She is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, arms wrapped around her torso.

He drops the two bags he is holding on the counter and gestures at them.

"Uh, so, I wasn't sure what ... kind you'd want so I got a few. Plus some chocolate bars and uh, and there's a magazine with that loser you get all googly-eyed over on the cover."

"Okay." she nods a little, then adds, "Thanks."

"Yup, so, yeah, great talk." he snaps his fingers, eyes wandering around the bathroom. "Do you - I mean is there - I -"

"Dad, I'm fine." she says quietly, taking pity on him.

"You don't look or sound fine."

"Yeah, well, it isn't exactly fun suddenly bleed-" she stops as he makes a noise and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I don't need details."

"It also doesn't help not having Mom here."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not the uh, person you'd want to have around when this stuff starts." he says. He sighs and sits on the tub, back against the wall. "But you still could have told me."

"No."

"Yes."

"And what would you have done? Freaked out and started being weird."

"Hardly. You're not the first female I've lived with." he retorts, then pauses. "If I did do that-"

"-which you would-"

"If I did, it's only because, you know, you're," he gestures at her, "you."

"Way to be vague."

"I mean, you're my baby. I don't like the thought of you growing up."

"You're not going to start talking about how I'm blossoming into a wonderful woman or something right?"

"No we can skip that. All I'm saying is, I know what a period is and I have been around your mom for fifteen years. I'm not completely clueless. I would have been able to help instead of yelling at you like an asshole."

Her mouth curves into a small smile and he feels the knot in his chest loosen.

"Plus, I'm sure this isn't as bad as the first time she got her period around me. At least we're in the middle of civilization. Now that I think about it, she did the exact same thing."

Granted, Kate had been seventeen, stuck in the middle of Nowhere, Mexico with a thief who had kidnapped her and they really didn't know each other at that point but still- like mother, like daughter.

"You seem to be the common factor. It must be you."

"That I make the women in my life want to lock themselves in bathrooms? Probably." he stands up, then leans over and kisses the top of her head. "Do what you need to do and come downstairs. I'll make breakfast."

"I don't think we have any pots left."

"Very funny." he starts to leave as she stands up and he almost has the door shut when she stops him.

"Dad." she sounds so very Kate-like and he turns to see her holding two of the products he bought. She is looking at him like he has three heads. "What did you do, buy the whole aisle?"

"I was being thorough." he argues defensively.

"There is like eight different brands and four different sizes."

"Do you have a preference?"

"How am I supposed to know?" they stare at each other and he is suddenly brought back to the night Kate told him she was pregnant, standing in that aisle arguing over pregnancy tests. How the fuck they went from there to here, he has no idea because nearly fourteen years definitely, no way could have flown by that quickly. "Dad, they're pads! Why are you getting all misty eyed?"

"I'm not misty eyed! Call your mother. She'll let you know."

"Geez, I thought I was supposed to be the one getting emotional."

He grunts and slams the door, staying outside long enough to hear her tell Kate, "Dad is being a weirdo just like I told you he would. Please help me."

He glances at his watch. Kate was due in at 5:30- God willing no delays or cancellations. It was 9:03. Eight hours. He could totally do this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and the kids find a cat but bringing it home has unexpected consequences.

In Kate's defense, she really tries to say no. It isn't that she doesn't like animals - because she does. She had always begged her parents for a dog or a cat but had always been turned down. She never quite understood why but as she grew older, she figured it out. Animals took work and commitment and a lot of love. It didn't seem fair to bring an extremely dependent being into their busy lives when they wouldn't be able to properly care for it.

Her whirlwind of an adulthood left little time for pets as she jumped from being on the run to being possessed by Amaru to being flung into motherhood. Animals and babies didn't seem to mix. What if one didn't like the other, what if an accident happened? She would hate herself if she rescued an animal only to have to give it up. If they ever got a pet, it would be a carefully researched and considered endeavor. Right now, it just wasn't in the cards for them.

So how is she staring into a cardboard box at the most pitiful kitten she has ever seen and ready to scoop it up and take it home?

"Mama, please, look how sad she is!" Lina stands on one side of her, pulling on the sleeve of her jacket as Ben whines on her other side. "She was out here all by herself. We were the only ones who walked by. We were meant to have her."

"I want a kitten! I'll give it baths and feed it!" Ben promises. "Ma-maaaa."

Kate doesn't quite believe either child. The box is only a short distance from the school near the playground they had stopped to play in. Plenty of people would have walked by. She imagines there must have been other cats in the box, which meant this was the last one, probably the runt of the litter. It lets out a pathetic attempt at a meow and her heart twists.

She remembers hearing someone - maybe her parents? - once saying that God made babies cute so people would want them and when the rough times started, they were already bonded and wouldn't want to get rid of them.

"Is that what you thought about us?" Lina asks after she says this. She chuckles and shakes her head, squatting so she is on their level.

"No. I loved you two from the moment I knew you existed. All mamas do. It was meant more about getting an animal I think."

"So where is her mama?" Ben asks.

"I don't know baby."

"Why did she leave her?"

"I don't think she did. Sometimes people can be mean. I think whoever owned her mama wanted to get rid of the kittens."

"That's so mean!" Lina exclaims. "Everyone needs a mama!"

"You can be her mama." Ben tugs on Kate's hand and she laughs again. "You can! You're the best mama!"

"Please? We can't just leave her here. What if she dies?"

Kate struggles to come up with an answer and stares at the kitten. She could have been more than three or four pounds and had grey and white fur. Her blue eyes were so miserable looking that it hurt to look at her.

She tries to remember why they didn't have a pet. But the reasons didn't work anymore. Lina was eight, Ben was four, and there was no sign of a baby on the way. She only hesitates thinking of Seth. She can't remember having a conversation where he said no for sure. Lina had asked a few times in the past but those were times that didn't suit their family.

She can't picture her husband as a cat person or any type of animal person. Then again, she hadn't pictured him as a husband or a father and here they were.

* * *

All Seth wants is a hot meal, a beer, and a bed- preferably with his wife in it. It is late when he finally drives up to their house. It had been a long two days on the hunt for some damn relic Gonzalez swore was important. Well, now he had his relic and Seth was going to get what was his.

He finds Kate in the kitchen, her laptop open before her and a mug of probably tea next to it. She looks up at his footsteps and a wide smile forms on her face.

"Hi stranger. I was expecting you sooner."

"I know. They were doing fucking construction and the whole highway was backed up." he lowers himself down to kiss her and sighs against her mouth as she pulls him closer. "The kids are asleep?"

"Yeah. They tried holding out but exhaustion eventually kicked in. They're on the couch. You hungry?"

"I'll get it."

"No, sit." she pushes him onto the empty chair as she stands and walks to the refrigerator. After she puts the leftovers in the microwave, she returns to the table with a bottle of Dos Equis for him.

"You're too good for me."

"You did luck out. So how'd it go?"

"Freddie has his creepy statue and all is well. How about here?"

"Good. Same as usual." she sits on his lap when he tugs on her hand. They exchange a few sweet kisses that turn into a full blown make out session shortly after, his food long forgotten.

He turns away at one point to sneeze, then leans back into her.

"Bless you."

"Tha-" he cuts off with another sneeze.

"Bless you."

"Thanks."

"Are you sick?"

"No." he scratches the side of his neck, and sneezes again. "I don't know what that was."

He has his face buried in her neck, working an impressive hickey into her skin, when he coughs and sneezes again.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." but lets out a series of sneezes that has her pushing him away. When he sits up, his eyes are red and watery. He sniffs and scratches near his ear. "Seriously, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look like you're having an allergic reaction."

"I'm not allergic to anything around here."

She rolls her eyes at his stubbornness and stands to go to the cabinet. She thinks they have a box of Benadryl somewhere. He continues to sneeze and wipes his hands over his face.

"I got a new shampoo. It's probably that."

"Unless you have a cat in your shampoo, I doubt it. Like I said, I'm not allergic to anything around here."

"What?" she freezes as she is rifling through the medications. "Cats? You're allergic to cats?"

"You know that!"

"No!"

"Yes! Remember that one motel we stopped in and the old lady who owned it had like a hundred of them in her lobby and we had to go to the next one which was two hours away."

"You really think I'd remember something from ten years ago?"

"When I could die from it - yeah! What doe-" he doesn't need to finish his question. The soft mewl from under his feet tells him all he needs to know. He pushes his chair out and stares at the kitten. Another sneeze as he points, "What the fuck is that?"

"That's a cat."

"Jesus Christ."

"I didn't know!"

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"I didn't know! If I had known - Seth, it was horrible."

"More horrible than me not breathing?"

"She was all alone and the kids were crying and it was cold and raining."

"It was sunny and eighty-five."

"You weren't here. You don't know that."

"Kate." he tries to look stern but a fit of sneezes only has him looking as pathetic as the cat. "I will die."

"I think you're being a little dramatic. If this event in this random motel really happened, clearly it wasn't as severe as you're making it out to be or I would have remembered." she tilts her head. "Are you sure?"

"No, I'm putting on a fucking act." he rolls his eyes and scratches his jaw. "This has to go."

"Take the Benadryl."

"It's going to take more than Benadryl to stop this. It's worse when I'm actually next to one." he stands and moves across the kitchen, eyeing the animal with a glare.

"Seth, stop. It's not her fault you're allergic."

"Why are you not taking my side in this?"

"I am. I just - there's no way we can work something out?"

"Kate!"

"I only ask because the kids will be devastated."

"I think the kids will be more devastated if they have a dead dad."

"I don't know. You didn't see the way they were fawning over her."

"You're fucking with me right? Now this is a joke. You cannot possibly serious."

"Oh calm down."

"I'm breaking out in hives and you're laughing."

"I'm not laughing at your hives, you big baby. What do you propose we do?"

"Get rid of it."

"Do you think you'll make it through the night?”

“You’re joking. You’re a goddamn comedian.”

“Baby, it’s two in the morning. Where are we going to take a cat? Just take the Benadryl, stay away from it, and we’ll figure something out in the morning. I’m not just tossing it out on the street. Besides, you need to explain to the kids why their cat is suddenly gone.”

“I’m not going to feel guilty about trying to live!”

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty.”

“Can we please think about my quality of life if you succeeded in keeping this thing?”

“Stop. I wouldn’t make you suffer. No one is going to take a cat in the middle of the night."

"That's what you think." he shoots back as he pulls out his cell phone.

* * *

They try to keep quiet. Their voices are barely above a whisper but Lina wakes up, groggy and semi-conscious, and tries to figure out what is going on. She stumbles into the hall and is suddenly wide awake as she sees Richie trying to carry her cat through the door.

"What are you doing?" she rushes forward, drawing simultaneous groans from her parents and uncle. "She's mine!"

Both Kate and Richie look at Seth, who is still scratching and sneezing, and throws his hands in the air.

"Great, thanks."

"Mama said we could keep her."

"I know but she was wrong. We can't have a cat. Apparently, she didn't know I was allergic but that's a different story."

"But she doesn't have a family. We're her family. Don't you care?"

"I do baby. I wish I could stop being allergic but I can't. That's why Uncle Richie is going to keep her and you can go see her whenever."

She stares sadly up at her father, then looks at her uncle, who nods reassuringly. She drops her head and stares at the floor.

"It's not fair."

"Lina, look at me. No, really look at me." Seth kneels in front of her and she reluctantly glances up. "This isn't good. I'd be sick all the time if the cat stayed. That wouldn't be fair to me. This is a pretty good compromise. Your uncle didn't even have to take her in. So I think you owe him a thank you."

"Thank you."

"She'll be in good hands with me and Tia." Richie replies, reaching over to ruffle her hair.

"I can come any time?"

"Within reason."

"You really can't stop being allergic?" she looks back to Seth, who shakes his head no in response. She sighs heavily, then asks, "Well, can we get another kind of pet? I really want one. Are you allergic to dogs?"

"No but dogs are a lot of work. Maybe when you and Benji are a little older we'll revisit the idea."

"What about a rabbit or a hamster or a guinea pig?"

"Those all smell."

"Daddy, come on!"

"How about we start with some fish and work our way up from there?"

"Fish are boring."

"That's my offer. Take it or leave it."

She sighs, then looks at Richie again. She steps up next to him and reaches to pet the cat.

"You promise you'll take care of her?"

"I promise."

"And you're not going to get rid of her?"

"Nope."

At that moment his cell phone rings and he juggles the kitten in one palm to answer the call. They all hear Kisa's voice as she snaps,

"A cat Richard? A cat! Don't you think this is something you should have consulted me on?"

He quickly ends the call and smiles at his family.

"Maybe you two should be married." Seth comments, wiggling a finger between his wife and brother. "Looks like me and the Snake Queen are on the same page."

"Can we get a snake?" Lina asks, getting a groan out of her father and something muttered that sounded like "got enough of those."

"It's fine. It'll be fine. She loves animals." Richie says.

"Since when?" Seth retorts. "I've never seen her love anything."

"Well, she seems to love your spawn so that's why I know she'll be okay with it. Lina, I promise your kitten is in great hands."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"That's a sealed bond. You can't go back on your word now. Don't let Tia kick her out like Daddy did."

"Again, not doing it to be mean." Seth interjects with a sneeze. "Gotta think of my health."

"You told me mamas and daddies make sacrifices for their kids."

"On that note, I'm heading out." Richie turns with a laugh as Seth gapes at his daughter.

"Come on munchkin, bedtime." Kate is desperately fighting off her own laughter as she takes Lina by the shoulders and tries to steer her towards the stairs. "Seth?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd choose your words more wisely in the future. They might come back to bite you in the ass."

"No kidding."

"Told you they fawned over her."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honeymoon Part 2 - Next Stop: London. Kate secretly plans out Seth's birthday.

He turns thirty in London. It isn't warm or on a beach. It's actually pretty fucking miserable outside - cold with a rainy overcast - and it isn't somewhere he would have picked to spend the day. But he wakes up to Kate's mouth around him and really, there's nothing more that he could ask for.

He doesn't exactly remember that it's his birthday at first. He's never enjoyed the day and it's been years since he actually celebrated. It's only when she pops out from under the blanket and kisses him does it even click.

"Happy Birthday." she smiles down at him, hands running along his chest.

"Guess it is." he replies and she chuckles as she drops her head to kiss him again. He has one hand in her hair and the other resting on the small of her back when he flips them gently. The change makes her groan.

"It's your birthday."

"Yep."

"I'm supposed to do for you."

"That a law or something? I would think since it's my birthday I get to enjoy it however I want."

"So you'd rather ravish me than get ravished?"

"At the moment yeah, but I'm generally not too picky on the details." he replies, making her laugh. It quickly turns into a gasp as he trails his mouth over the tops of her breasts. He stops when he gets to her stomach but keeps his face pressed against her. He cradles her hips in his hands, thumbs stroking over the swell of her stomach.

She runs her fingers through his hair, smiling slightly down at the top of his head.

"You okay?" She feels him nod as he places a kiss against her stomach and then he is back in her face, kissing her again.

He doesn't know what it is. He's never been one to get all sappy and reflective. Maybe it's the fact that he's going into a new decade and he actually has a fucking life. Hell, there were times he didn't think he'd even see this day, sure he would have gone out in a blaze of bullets or OD'ed, or something because he never seemed to have his shit together.

Yet here he is, in England, with _his wife_ pushing him onto his back, they're having _a baby_ , and he's never felt more alive or content. Shit that used to terrify him and want to run in the opposite direction but they are the literal reason why he is even still standing and wants to be. He continues to kiss her, stroking her hair back from her face.

"I love you." he whispers, which causes her to smile.

"I love you too." but she sits up and pulls away from him, leaving him gaping in the middle of the bed. "Get up and get dressed. We've got plans."

"What about my birthday sex?"

"Honestly, I was fully intending on that but then I looked at the clock and we'll be late."

He doesn't look too happy at this revelation but she pushes him and he reluctantly gets out of bed.

"Just for that - I'm walking naked to the bathroom. Just so you realize what you'll be missing."

"Okay." she smirks, eyeing him as he walks to the adjoining room. He nods and winks, gesturing to himself as he goes.

"Your loss!" he calls out as he disappears from view.

"I think it'll be worth it!" she replies, then whispers to herself, "I hope."

They have never celebrated his birthday. It is odd to think this is only the third year they've known each other since it feels like forever. The first year had been on their Mexican honeymoon. It had only been a few weeks after the Twister and they were still trying to find some commonality. He never mentioned it and when she brought it up during a round of 20 Questions closer to Christmas, he looked at her like she had two heads but revealed the date. And rolled his eyes as she pelted him with pillows and apologized for missing it. Of course, he had gone all macho on her and told her " _nothing to apologize for princess. Not too fond of the day._ " Knowing the date, she thought back and remembered him shooting up that night.

The second year had just been after Amaru. They had officially been a couple for a few weeks and she supposed it was her girlfriend duty to make the day special for him. Except she was still pretty crazy and days seemed to slip away without her realizing. It was Thanksgiving and their family's attempt at a real holiday that made her realize the date - and realize they had gone another year without so much as a cupcake for her man. He insisted it was fine but she didn't see how anyone could hate their birthday that much.

She was determined this year to make it special - even more so since it was the 'big 3-0.' She had researched numerous cities, different events, and finally chose London after seeing what it had to offer. Seth had made a face but agreed after she pushed the issue, making up a story about something she wanted to see that would only be possible for a certain number of days. If she told him she was planning his birthday, he would have grown roots and settled right there in Paris for the rest of his life. Or hopped on the next plane back to Texas.

* * *

"Why are you so jittery?" he is staring at her with a narrowed expression, suspicious of whatever the hell it was she had planned.

"I'm not." she replies even as she bounces where she stands, holding onto a bar to keep her balance as they ride the Tube.

"Yeah okay."

She merely smiles but to be honest, she's super nervous that she made the wrong decision. She thinks she knows her husband pretty well but there always the chance he'll hate what she has planned.

She loses her footing as the train stops and falls against his chest. His arms quickly come around to steady her.

"My hero." she says with a smile. He lets out a low chuckle as he leads her off into the station. Once out on the street, she looks around a few times before walking again. She has his hand firmly in hers, practically dragging him down the road with her.

"You're not taking me to Buckingham Palace are you?"

"Why? I think stealing the crown jewels would be a great accomplishment." she glances back with a smile. They stop at a traffic light, waiting for the sign to cross. "I really have a thing for Prince Harry."

"It's okay. I got a thing for Princess Kates."

"You're a dork. And she's not a princess - she's a duchess." she pokes him in the chest but leans up and kisses him. She is still smiling when they pull away and he stares down at her, all wrapped up in a pink knit cap and matching scarf.

"You're adorable." he suddenly says.

"Why's that?"

"You look cute all bundled up like that." he kisses the tip of her nose, pink from the wind, and pulls her across the street. She quickly takes the lead since he really has no idea where they are going. She immediately sees their destination up ahead and wonders if he figured it out yet. He doesn't say anything until they stop outside the building.

"Surprise." she smiles, waving her gloved hands in the air. He stares at her, then looks at the building. They are standing outside the London Film Museum for the Bond in Motion exhibit. His lack of response and enthusiasm makes her feel stupid and she feels a blush rising across her face as she drops her hands. "I know you don't like celebrating but I had to do something and I spent last week trying to find something I thought would interest you and I know how much you love Bond movies and you've always been secretly nerdy in that way and I thought - never mind, this was a dumb idea. We can go. Let's go."

She starts to walk away but he grabs her gently by the wrist and pulls her around.

"You know, I took a lot of-" her next retort is muffled as he cups her face in his hands and kisses her soundly. His fingers are freezing because he refused to wear gloves but she doesn't register the difference in their body temperatures.

"Thank you."

"Oh."

"When it - my birthday always sucked. I never - I can't remember one year where anyone actually gave a fuck. I mean Richie always made sure I had a cake or something but neither of us is exactly the party type and he never - no one ever actually sat down and tried to find something that I liked - that I wanted to. So, I really - this means a lot."

"You're welcome." she smiles bashfully before he kisses her again. They walk hand in hand into the building and he looks like a kid in the candy store. He tries to play it cool but she sees the excitement in his eyes and listens to his eager explanations and facts as they stop at each display.

The rest of the afternoon flies by, with a ride on the London Eye and then a trip to several stores. They return to the hotel with the intention of getting changed and going out to dinner.

He knows though, when he spots her in the mirror, that their plans are going to get derailed. She had ordered him to buy a nice outfit while they were shopping and he had argued that she had put a "no suit" ban on their honeymoon and he could have just brought one from home. Her argument is she didn't expect to have dinner at some place fancy and he begrudgingly agreed. But now, he's fixing his cufflinks as he eyes himself in his new suit and he feels a little like 007.

"Not bad." she says quietly, making him look at her reflection. He even has his own Bond girl. 

"Not bad yourself." he replies, eyeing the forest green cocktail dress she changed into. It stops just above her knees, is loose enough that it hides her stomach, and the neckline dips just a bit low to tease but isn't risqué.

"Here," she steps further into the bathroom and holds out a box to him. He accepts it and removes the lid to find a tie the same shade as her dress.

"Should I get you a corsage too?"

"Just put the damn thing on."

He continues to smirk at her and she rolls her eyes, then pushes him away from the counter to squeeze in front of him.

"I have to do everything myself." she mutters, tugging the knot from the current tie he is wearing. She drags it slowly from around his neck and tosses it to the floor. She pulls the new tie from the box but doesn't put it on him. She twists the material around her fingers, a small grin on her face. They're pressed together, her sandwiched between him and the counter, and he lowers his head to place a few kisses along the center of her neck. She hardly notices when he lifts her onto the countertop.

He sighs against her, moving lower and lower until he is kneeling in front of her. She groans quietly as he pushes her dress up her hips.

"We have dinner reservations."

"We can order room service."

"It was a really nice pla-" she closes her eyes, leaning back. His hands are on her waist, tugging her forward to meet him. The cancellation fee would be worth it.

* * *

"Two uh -" he drops his head as she kisses along his back, completely distracting him from ordering dinner. "Uh, the filet mignon, two of them."

She chuckles, rising up on her knees to lean against him. She hugs him around the shoulders as she plants light kisses along his ear and cheek.

"One medium rare and the other well, like really well, almost burnt. And um, vegetables? Whatever you got, surprise me. Oh, wait no, any broccoli? Good, yeah, with the well done one. The medium rare doesn't matter. Uh, yeah, mashed with both. And a bottle of whiskey? Sounds perfect."

She plucks the phone out of his hand and adds, "And one of those ice cream brownie sundaes. The big one. Yup. Wonderful. Thank you."

She leans around him and sets the phone back on its base.

"You know me so well." she says, hugging him again. "Ordered my food with even needing to be told."

"You're terrible." he tells her, making her laugh lightly.

"Not my fault you're easily distracted."

"I sounded like an idiot."

"No more than usual."

He turns and pushes her gently against the pillows as she laughs again. He drops down next to her and she sits up, situating herself over his stomach.

"It might be premature since I don't know how this dinner is going to turn out but today has been good. Real good."

"Glad to hear it."

"You can pat yourself on the back if you like."

"No patting needed. Knowing you were happy is enough. You deserved it." she smiles as she runs a hand over his cheek. She keeps her palm there, caressing his face gently.

"I don't know about that."

"No, you do." a little sadness seeps into her gaze as she pictures him through the years. "Was it really all that bad?"

He presses his head further into the pillow and thinks through his three decades of life. Bypasses his time in jail, bypasses the days Vanessa ruined or forgot, bypasses years of trying to avoid his father.

"I mean, Richie always tried. The few years we lived with Eddie, we got a few poorly made cakes. But I always tried to ignore it. I think - I think before my mom left, well, I don't really remember. I have this..." he trails off, trying to find the memory. "She would make an effort. Or I think so. I don't know. Who remembers stuff when they were that age? She left when Richie was two. I - well, now that I think about it, I would have just turned four. It was between my birthday and his that she left. I always remember my dad telling us that. He'd use it to rub in Richie's face that she cared enough to stay for one more of my birthdays before she took off. I don't think she cared about either of us. I know he didn't. I mean, who the fuck tells a six year old he was a mistake and a waste and he wished the day didn't even exist?"

He blinks and smirks but she sees the pain hidden in his eyes.

"Guess that's why I never really gave a fuck either." he adds, trying to play it off. She leans down and kisses him hard, folding him into her embrace, like she is trying to force the memories away and fill the spaces with herself.

"I'm sorry."

"Wasn't you."

"You were a kid Seth. You shouldn't have had to go through that. I really hate your dad. If he was still alive, I'd have a few choice words to tell him."

"Yeah, get in line."

"Well, from here on out, today is going to be different. I am extremely grateful for you and that you exist and today exists. I'm always going to let you know that, no matter how much you try to ignore me."

"You did pretty good this year. Can't wait to see what you've got planned for next year."

"I'll come up with something. I'll have an extra set of hands next year. Little hands but I think they will make an impact on you." 

He runs his hands over her stomach, trying to picture the baby inside. Thinks of upcoming years, stupid Hallmark, sappy scenes of homemade presents and messy birthday cards.

"I think you're right."  

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Seth grow jealous of each other as Lina begins to hit her milestones.

Partners. That's what they always were. They always had each other's back and worked together towards a common goal. Kate expected parenting to be no different.

Oh, she was so wrong.

She isn't sure what she expected from Seth. She knows how fiercely he can love, how protective he can be, how important the notion of family is - especially when it came to herself and Richie. The baby would be no different. There was no doubting that. She just didn't expect him to be so ... hands on.

Sure, there had been those moments of terror and panic, like the first time he held Lina or the first diaper he had been forced to face. But once he got past those hurdles, he was great. He was her partner. Always helping, always taking the initiative. Hell, half the time it felt like he was under foot. But she loved it. The sure thing that could always melt her insides was seeing him cradle their little girl in those big strong arms of his.

But now, she's not so sure she likes him anymore.

It is evident to anyone with eyes that Lina adores Seth. The eight month old practically had stars in her eyes when he walked into the room. She could sit in her activity saucer, calm as anything, and he could walk into her line of sight and those chubby legs would bounce furiously, shaking all the bells and rattles surrounding her. There are nights where it seems the baby is never going to get to sleep but Seth takes over and Kate swears she burrows herself into his shoulder and sighs in contentment.

That isn't to say Lina doesn't love Kate. She does and she knows that. She sees the way the baby looks up at her while she's being fed. No one can get Lina to laugh like she can. There are plenty of days where Seth just doesn't cut it and Kate is the only answer to every cry and whimper.

"I think she's fucking with us." her husband says earlier in the week. Kate rolls her eyes into the magazine she is reading but nods to sooth his ego.

"Probably." apparently her tone is not supportive enough because a stuffed animal hits her in the leg. "Why do you think that?"

"Because she acts like she can't live without one of us and then the next second, be sobbing and only want the other one."

"That's called being a baby sweetheart."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Nope."

"Well, I for one cannot wait until this monster starts talking and we finally have our answer."

"Answer to what?"

"Who is her favorite."

The gloves came off at that point. They were no longer in this together. Every interaction became a fight to the death to see who could get her to walk and talk first.

* * *

She is crawling, has been for about a month, when Richie walks in to find his brother and sister-in-law on their hands and knees on opposite sides of the living room, both of them calling to their daughter. Lina, for her part, merely sits in the middle of the floor, fingers in her mouth as she looks at them in what seems to be amusement.

"You know, she's not a dog right?"

"Shut up Richard."

"This is so stupid!" Kate exclaims, sitting upright. She tosses aside the Minnie Mouse she was holding and presses her hands against her thighs.

"Are you admitting defeat?" Seth arches an eyebrow at her and she huffs, shaking her head.

"No! It's not a sign of who she loves more. She loves both of us."

"Of course she loves both of us. But she has to have a favorite."

"That's your idea! You're trying to impose your opinions on her."

"And what are you doing princess?"

They do not notice that while they are arguing, Lina has opted to crawl to Richie instead and is pulling herself up on his pant legs as he braces her with his hands.

* * *

"Lina, come on. Say it. Say Mama." Kate is practically begging as she stares at her daughter. Lina lets out a giggle and leans back in her high chair. "I know your daddy is doing the same thing when I'm not around. He thinks he is sneaky but he's not. Just say it. I won't tell him. Say Mama."

"Gaga."

"No. Mama. M-M-M."

"Mmmm."

"That's right! Now say Mama."

She hears the door slam snd Seth hollers, "Honey, I'm home."

Lina's face lights up and her hands began to slam onto the tray in excitement. Her beat picks up in a rapid tempo when he actually enters the room.

"I see my loyal audience is ready for me." he smirks, dropping his jacket onto the island.

"As always." she smiles as she looks at him. His tie is knotted so loosely it is practically falling off. His sleeves were unbuttoned and rolled to his elbows. In his hand was a bouquet of flowers wrapped in pink paper.

"Hi munchkin." he kisses Lina first, on top of her downy hair, and offers his finger to her. Her hand latches on tightly, waving them back and forth.

Kate feels that familiar warmth as she watches them, smiling when he turns his attention to her.

"Those for me?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

"Just because." he braces his free hand on the back of the chair and begins to lean down as she tilts her face up. Their mouths are literally centimeters apart when she hears Lina say,

"Mama!"

She's never seen him move so fast. He is gone before she can even register it.

"Changed your mind?"

"Traitors don't get flowers or kisses."

"You're being petty."

"Maybe." he drops the flowers onto the table and turns to Lina. She smiles, her three teeth bared for them to see, and pats her hands on the tray. "That's real cute and all but I know you can say more than that. Because what you really meant to say was Daddy right? I know it's easy to confuse."

"Yes because D and M sound so alike."

"No one asked you Kate. Come on Lina, say Daddy. Please."

"Mama!"

"No, Daddy! D-D-D."

"'Mmm-mama."

"Give it up Seth. I already won."

* * *

She starts walking a few weeks after that incident. Seth sees it first, notices her little head bobbling in and out of view over the top of his paperback. He is sprawled on the couch in their bedroom, not really paying attention since she had just been napping in a nest of pillows on the floor. He lowers the book with interest and sits upright at the determined pout on his daughter's face. She pulls herself up on the coffee table - nothing new - but what is new is when she lets go and wobbles with her arms out in front of her. She drops back onto her butt, lets out a disappointed cry, and repeats.

He watches with his heart in his throat, ready to jump up at a moment's notice, in case she fell and gouged an eye on the corner of the coffee table. Why did they even have a fucking coffee table in their bedroom? _Aesthetics - and to fill this giant room_ , he hears his wife in his head.

But she doesn't. This time, when she lets go, she wobbles but keeps her balance and takes a shaky step forward. She stops, wobbles, then puts her other foot forward. She seems to realize he's watching her and turns her head to look at him. He's pretty sure her wide eyed stare is mimicking his own as watch each other. He can basically see the question in her eyes, like " _Dad, is this okay?_ " but he's not entirely sure that this is okay. He is not ready to have a mobile child. Crawling was one thing - walking is something completely different.

He waits to see what she does, his mouth slightly open to call to Kate, who is in the bathroom. But he can't find his voice. Lina is teetering, so close to falling, and then she does, but it doesn't seem to phase her. She merely pulls herself back up, lets go, and takes two unsteady steps.

"Kate... Kate!"

He hears a crash from the bathroom and suddenly she is in the doorway, looking panicked as she tries to hastily wrap a towel around herself.

"What? What happened?" her eyes quickly find their daughter and the panic gives way for surprise, then pride. Tears line her eyelids as she kneels down, clutching the towel to her chest. "Lina, what are you doing baby?"

She turns, or tries to, at her voice but loses her footing and falls sideways. She looks perplexed at how she managed to wind up there but crawls the rest of the way to Kate with a gummy smile.

Seth climbs off the couch and kneels down about two feet in front of them, then holds his hands out.

"Come here munchkin." he gestures for her to walk but she smiles and leans back against Kate's chest. "Come on! We just saw you do it."

"Mama."

Kate giggles into Lina's hair as she kisses the top of her head. Seth lets his hands fall, a dejected look on his face. She still has yet to say Daddy and he's positive now she is doing it to spite him.

"What's the matter? Don't know how to handle rejection?"

"Honestly? I've never experienced it before."

* * *

He has given up all hope that she is ever going to acknowledge him. Kate says babies don't know to associate words with people but he calls bullshit on that. Lina clearly knows Kate is Mama as she says it incessantly and sometimes demanding when she is around.

It doesn't take long for any of them - especially his smug ass brother - to realize 'Ittie' was meant to be Richie.

But Seth... Seth is nothing and in spite of all their joking and teasing, it fucking hurts. He has this vision of Lina through the years merely using him as an end to her means, snapping her fingers, and making demands of him, only to refer to him as "hey you."

Kate tries to help. She points out that while Lina's vocabulary is expanding every day, none of her words begin with d. Maybe she just can't pronounce it yet.

It is just past her first birthday and in the middle of the night when they hear her over the baby monitor. She is rolling around in the crib judging by the rustling noises of the sheets. Then, there is a repetitive noise, that sounds like the crib rattling, and he can picture her standing up, gripping the railing and jumping in place, as they sometimes found her.

"Hi? Hi!"

"Leave her. She'll go back to sleep." Kate mumbles, burrowing further into his shoulder.

"Hi!" Lina falls silent, then says, "Mama!"

"She wants something." Seth sighs as their daughter continues her babbling. When she realizes she is not getting any response, she lets out a cry and there is a thump that he imagines is her dropping down in despair.

"Dad-ee. Dad-deeeee!" she starts off quiet, then ends on a loud shriek. His eyes pop open at her little voice and hears Kate whisper 'oh boy.' "Daddy!"

He worms his way out from under his wife, ignores her warnings not to give in, and nearly runs down the hall to Lina's room. She is sitting, a pout on her face, then tips her head back and lets out another yell.

"What's with all the noise?"

She cuts off mid-shriek and looks surprised to see him, like ' _oh shit, it worked!_ '

"Daddy!" she hoists herself up and starts jumping again. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"

He feels like an idiot as he stands in front of her. His throat is tight with emotion he didn't think or know was possible. How the fuck did something he never, ever thought he wanted to hear make him feel like he just successfully robbed Fort Knox?

"Come here," he reaches in and picks her up, practically melting as her arms squeeze his neck. "Wanted some company huh?"

She mumbles something he can't figure out but presses her face into his shoulder as he carries her downstairs. There was no point in keeping Kate awake too.

* * *

Kate knows without needing to check that her daughter is not in her crib. She pads quietly down the stairs and enters the family room. The TV is on, some informercial for pots playing, and she can see the top of Seth's head poking over the arm of the couch. She smiles as she rounds the furniture, grateful she brought her phone down with her. She snaps a photo, then sets the phone on the coffee table as she kneels in front of the couch.

They are both asleep - Seth on his back, Lina on his chest and curled snugly in his arms. He stirs first when she touches his face gently and kisses the side of his head.

"Time is it?" he mumbles.

"Early. Go back to sleep." she brushes another kiss along his mouth and he halfheartedly tries to reciprocate. As she pulls back, she notices Lina blink and runs her hand over her hair.

"Mama."

"Hi baby."

"Daddy." her hand curls around Seth's t-shirt, an apparent sign she intended to stay where she was. He smiles tiredly as Kate chuckles.

"Don't worry. You can stay with your daddy." she rubs her back gently and kisses her forehead as her eyes close again. She turns her attention back to Seth as she weaves her hand into his hair and strokes gently. "Looks like you got your wish."

"Mm."

"She'll never stop now."

"S'okay."

"You know, that is the only word she says properly. She was probably waiting until she got it down perfect. Guess we know who her favorite is."

The corner of his mouth lifts in a slight smile as she kisses him.

"I'm going to start breakfast. I'll get you when it's ready."

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While trying to move forward from Amaru, Kate asks Kisa for help.

Kate shoots upright with a gasp, heart pounding as she finally wakes up from her nightmare. She stares at the wall across the room, faintly illuminated by the nightlight Seth had gotten, and tries to calm herself down. It only takes a moment for her to realize she is alone. By now, Seth would have wrapped her in his arms. She twists her head and sees his side of the bed empty. Still made, only slightly mussed due to her movements. The desk in the corner is also empty and dark. Yet, she's sure he's been here because she definitely did not turn the light off before she fell asleep. Anger boils in her blood that he would leave her like this, that he would assume to determine it was fine to turn off the lights.

_Relax, he's probably sitting outside._

**Or he got tired of your crazy ways and took off.**

That quieter, nastier voice in her head makes her jump out of bed and race for the door. The lights are on in the main room but it's not Seth who is sitting there.

"Kate."

"San- sorry, Kisa. Where's Seth?"

"Helping break up some brawl going on." she rolls her eyes as she flips through a copy of Vogue, then notices her state. "He's only going to be a few minutes. He just left about ten minutes ago."

"And Scott?"

"Haven't seen him since I got here."

"Which was?"

"About an hour ago. Do you need something? Can I help you?"

Kate almost laughs at the offer but holds back and shakes her head no. She is used to Kisa's presence - normally she’s around three days a week despite her insistence she despises the Geckos and has no use for them, most of all Richie - but it is ironic to want to accept help from the woman who could partially be blamed for all of this.

_But not as ironic as accepting Seth's?_

**Or sleeping with him.**

"It's okay." a faint smile crosses Kisa's face as she nods. "I get it."

"I don't mean to be-"

She trails off, not sure how to continue, but she doesn't get the chance as they hear Seth and Richie arguing as they come towards the apartment.

"Keep them fucking in line!" Seth snaps as he throws the door open. Richie follows in, face contorted in confusion.

"How the fuck did this turn into my fault?"

"You were in charge, were you not? We don't just run a saloon for culebras. There are human customers too. I'm sure they all enjoyed the show. Thank goodness Ranger Gonzalez happened to answer the call of a bar fight here.” his voice is heavy with sarcasm as his jacket goes flying into the armchair by the TV.

"So because a bunch of culebras got into a fight, it's my fault because they're my kind?"

"You're leaving out the part where you invited that dickhead here!"

"For a meeting!"

"To kill him!" Seth turns with exasperation and notices the women in the room. His features soften as he sees Kate sitting on the arm of the couch. "Hey."

"Richard, didn't I tell you that someone may have a bone to pick with El Matador if you paraded him around in plain sight?" Kisa asks calmly, standing from the couch. "Let's go talk outside."

He opens his mouth in protest but his eyes move from Seth to Kate and back, then he nods and opens the door, allowing Kisa to leave first.

"You okay?" Seth asks once the other two are gone. Kate begins to nod but stops and buries her face in her hands as she shakes her head no. "Hey, hey it's okay."

He is at her side in an instant, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and hugging her to his chest. She lets out some pitiful sob as she holds him tightly around the waist.

"Did she say something to you?" his voice wavers somewhere between protective and angry but she shakes her head as she cries. "Then- oh. I'm sorry. I really am sweetheart. I was getting ready for bed and Tori came up saying there was a fight and I left. I didn't think you'd wake up while I was gone."

His hands stroke gently over her hair as he kisses the top of her head. She holds him tighter, if that was even possible, and tries to take a few deep breaths.

“I got you Katie. Everything’s okay baby.” he sits down on the couch and pulls her with him so she slides off the arm and onto his lap. They don't talk as her tears slowly subside. She's exhausted but knows she won't be able to fall back asleep. She feels mentally and emotionally drained as she lays against his shoulder. He rubs gently at her back, trying to ease the knots he feels. "You want to talk about it? Same dream or-"

"You were there but she... she was in you." she closes her eyes, trying to forget how his eyes had turned red in her nightmare. "She made you hurt me."

"Well, we know that wouldn't happen." he says quietly. "You want something to eat or drink? Or go back to bed?"

"I thought you left." she whispers, so faintly that he doesn't hear what she says. She repeats herself and he shakes his head, pushing her up so they are eye to eye. Another round of tears is threatening to fall. "I would understand. I get it."

"Kate, baby, I'm not going anywhere." he doesn't know what else to say or how else to say it. They have this conversation too frequently for his liking, though he figures it's his fault. He's left her before. Why should she trust him not to do it again?

"You don't need this. There are so many other things that you could be doing than babysitting your crazy girlfriend."

It's only been three weeks since they got rid of Amaru. She has her high points and her low points. Her really low points come at times like this- in the middle of the night, where she swears that demon bitch is still there, and the voices in her head try to convince her that she's not worth it.

"Not crazy. Just crazy about me." he jokes weakly, nudging her chin with his knuckles. A small smile manages to form and he lets out a breath. "There it is. Come on, let's go back to bed. I'll put a movie on. It can even be one of those awful romances you like watching."

* * *

"Hi." Kate looks surprised to see Kisa sitting at the small kitchen table when she leaves their room a few days later.

"Hi. How ... how are things?" she looks down again, focused on the blood red nail polish she is carefully applying.

"Am I expected to answer truthfully?"

A wry grin forms on the culebra's face.

"Stupid question, I know. I'm waiting for Richard."

"You seem to do that a lot." her eyebrow lifts at the sudden change and unnecessary information.

"He's working on something with me."

"Okay."

Despite everything falling down around her, she isn't stupid. She remembers the way they had slept together in the motel. She knows they were together those months she and Seth stayed in Mexico.

"How much time do you have?"

"Not sure. Why?"

"Do you mind helping me with something? It's not like I can ask Seth and I don't know any other... I mean, there isn't anyone around that I could ask and right now, I don't think sitting somewhere in public for an extended amount of time is a good idea."

"What is it?"

"I want to get rid of this." she lifts up a chunk of her hair, still bright red and hanging past the middle of her back, longer than she has ever had it. "I think... I think a change would be good."

"I think it will help."

"Yeah?"

"Not seeing her in the mirror every day is a good start. You need to find yourself again. I'll run to the store and get hair dye."

"Let me give you money." she says, then realizes she has none. Then she realizes she doesn't have a bag or any personal belongings other than the clothes she had.

"I can handle a few boxes of hair dye. I'll be back soon."

* * *

Kisa sends Seth with Richie in her place. Seth isn't happy with this change of plans. He hasn't been more than thirty feet away from Kate since they got her back.

"You need to give her space. She needs breathing room. If you keep coddling her and suffocating her, she is never going to learn to stand on her own again." she tilts her head and meets his scowl with a raised eyebrow. "You don't trust me."

"I don't -" he sighs, scratching his jaw. "It's not that."

So much has changed in the two years since the Twister. None of them are the people or snakes they were when they started out. But while they may not be enemies, they aren't exactly friends.

"She'll be fine for a few hours."

"I think you might cause more problems than you think." he says, then at the dirty look he gets, quickly adds, "Unknowingly."

"She is around Scott and Richard. I don't think being with another culebra is going to throw her over the edge."

"Just-"

"I will make sure she is fine."

She finally gets him out the door, then joins Kate in her bedroom. She is sitting on her bed, fingers twisting around each other as she waits.

"I've been around for centuries and I don't think I've ever met another man as stubborn as Seth."

"I find that hard to believe."

"His motives are what make him insufferable." Kisa mutters as she drags a chair from the kitchen into the bathroom. Kate follows wordlessly and sits down in front of the counter. She holds back a grimace at her reflection. Her hair hangs limply around her face, which is deathly pale, and dark circles are under her green eyes. She doesn't know what Seth sees in her. She's embarrassed to even look at herself.

"Do you think I could sit the other way? I don't want to-" she stands without finishing and turns the chair around so her back is to the mirror.

"That's fine." Kisa picks up the hairbrush sitting on the counter and slowly begins to work through the tangles in Kate's hair.

"This is weird. I'm sorry."

"Why is it weird?"

"You - helping me." she laughs a little. "No one has brushed my hair since - since before my mom died."

"There ... is definitely a difference." she barely remembers her own mother after all this time but she does remember the familial sense, a caring touch. "How short do you want to go?"

"Not too short. My shoulders at the most. I can't remember ever having - no, there was a time in fourth grade when Scott spit gum in my hair and my mom had to give me this awful bob." a giggle escapes her mouth as she thinks of the memory. "If I forget later, thank you for doing this."

"You're welcome. You need more than just the Geckos or you will go crazy."

"Is that an offer of friendship?"

Kisa remains quiet as she contemplates the question. She begins cutting Kate's hair, watching the red strands fall silently to the floor.

"Honestly, I don't know what it's like to be a friend - or have one." she says quietly. All she knew were masters and traitors and lovers. "But we've both been in similar positions. There are some things that Seth won't be able to understand or empathize with."

"I forget that you were enslaved and forced to become something you weren't."

"It makes the story easier to swallow when I'm the villain. It makes it easier to hate me."

"I don't think any of us are the villains. I don't hate you."

"You are an interesting creature Kate."

"Does it get easier?"

"I'm still figuring that out."

* * *

"It's not easy."

"What?" Kate opens her eyes as Kisa rubs the dye into her hair.

"Moving forward. I thought once it ended, once I got what I wanted, that that would be the end of it. But it wasn't. I had to reconcile that. They made me into something I wasn't."

"So what did you do?"

"I made it mine. I accepted it and changed it into something that I could use. You'll never be completely rid of it but you can work with it. You're not under her control anymore. It's up to you to decide who you want to be." she tilts Kate's head to the side, checking to make sure each side is covered adequately. "Don't be so quick to give up on Seth."

"I'm not." she insists, then falters. "It's not Seth I'm giving up on."

"Don't give up on yourself either." she drops the dye tube in the garbage and removes the gloves. She moves around to face Kate directly. "If I didn't see it for myself, I wouldn't believe he was capable of loving anything or anyone other than his money and his brother. He was ready to die for you Kate. You don't do that for someone you don't love."

"I know that. I just want more for him than -"

"When you get there, there will be. We told you-"

"I know. I know but I don't want him to feel like that's why he has to stay."

"He's not leaving you. That's his choice, not some predestined fate. Let him."

"I don't know if I can be what he wants."

"Then figure that out together."

* * *

"I was thinking about what you said while I was in the shower."

"What?"

"About letting Seth in and choosing who we want to be together. For someone who is pretty sold on the single life and insists she doesn't need any man, you have some good advice."

"What are you getting at?"

"Maybe you should take your own advice." Kate shrugs and Kisa tilts her head. "Richie?"

"That's different."

"Not how I see it. You look... happier when you're with him." she smiles slightly. "It couldn't have been all bad when you were with him. I know that I have a lot to work through and I know there are points when I think pushing Seth away will be better for him but I know that we are better together. I know when I'm with him, it makes it easier. You don't have to be alone to find out who you are."

"We're back." The door suddenly opens and Seth and Richie walk in. "You got your work cut out for you Snake Queen. That girl is a psycho."

Seth slows to a stop as Kate turns around. His eyebrows raise in surprise as he takes in the change.

"Did you hear what we said?" Richie asks. Kisa blinks and looks at him. She glances at Kate, who smiles slightly.

"You can tell me about it over dinner." she strides confidently towards him and takes him by the tie, then leads him back out.

"Like dinner, dinner or are we going to feed on some unsuspecting humans?"

They don't hear her response as she shuts the door. Seth looks torn between amusement and disgust, then focuses again on his own girlfriend. She nervously twists a lock of hair around her finger as she stands under his inspection.

"What do you think?"

He doesn't say anything at first. Instead, he circles around her, taking in the full view. The color is back to brown, not quite her original color but close enough. The length falls just below her shoulder, some ends grazing the top of her chest and other layers stop near her chin. It is shorter than he's seen it and the layered look is new too.

"You look mature. A little older." he says, completing his circle to stand in front of her again. "What brought this on?"

"I missed seeing myself in the mirror."

"Yeah."

"Do you like it? I know I look like -"

"You look beautiful." he interrupts, cutting her off with a kiss.

"Well, I know that's a lie."

"No, it's not."

"Charmer." she smiles slightly as she strokes a hand along his jaw. He turns his mouth to kiss her fingertips.

"Feel a little better?"

"It's a start."

"Good."

"Listen, I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize."

"No, I... I know what's real. I know you're real, that... that we're real. But - it's easy to get lost in here." she taps the side of her head. "Thanks for having patience with me."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't do that for just anyone."

"I know. That's why it's a little hard to believe it sometimes, especially for someone who isn't-"

"Don't. Just don't finish that, okay? I love you. I don't know how else to put it. You are worth every bump, scrape, gunshot, stab wound, choke hold, and whatever else I went through. No, I wouldn't do that for anyone else. I know it's hard and I know there are points when you think... think whatever the hell it is you think. I get it but I love you. I will take any version of you I can get because even though this may be rough now, it was a hell of a lot worse when I thought you were really dead. Besides, this is temporary. I know it is because you took the first step in moving forward. You're the only one who can do that." he says, stroking a hand across the back of her head.

"I don't want you to feel like you're stuck here."

"I'm not stuck here. I chose to be here. I'm not going anywhere." he cracks a grin, then adds, "You're going to wish I wasn't here."

She laughs at that, an honest laugh that lights her face up.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. I'm sorry that I'm helpless in a lot of this. I piss myself off that I can't fix everything. I want to fix everything and make it stop for you. I don't like being on the sidelines but I know that you're the one who needs to make the choices to move forward and I know you can. I just need to support that. But every time the assholes in your head make an appearance, you damn well know I'm going to show you how wrong they are."

"Show me?"

"I find that actions speak louder than words."

"You would." she chuckles as they walk into their bedroom. "The words are pretty good too. I do hear you. I know you mean it. I'm just - there are -"

"Kate, you spent eight months locked in your own head. I'm not expecting you to put all the pieces back together in a few days. You thanked me for having patience with you. You need to have patience with yourself."

"I know. It's just that I want to be better for you, for Scott."

"And that's great but you need to be better for yourself first. Stop putting everyone else before you. Be selfish, say no. Do what you need to do. Isn't going to change anything for any of us."

"You're right." she says quietly after a moment.

"Of course I am."

She rolls her eyes and grabs the nearest pillow, then smacks him over the head with it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you. You are a wonderful father and I think any baby we have would be lucky to have you."
> 
> He sighs as he runs his hands over her back.
> 
> "And if you aren't sure of that yourself, then trust me. I have fantastic judgment and I wouldn't pick just any person to be my baby daddy."

"So,"

Seth glances over at Kate's voice. They are standing in their bathroom, both trying to get ready for the barbecue Freddie had invited them to. He's busy shaving and she's drying her face off.

"So what?"

"Lina asked me yesterday if she could get a baby." her voice is muffled behind the towel and he freezes, his razor buzzing in his hand.

"Huh?"

So she repeats her statement and looks at him, like he's going to make the decision. He looks completely flabbergasted.

"What?"

"Why?"

"She wants a baby for Christmas."

"So get her a doll."

"She was insistent on a real one. I explained they take time but she wasn't too pleased with that answer."

"I don't think we should give a three year old that much power."

"We aren't giving her any power. It is ultimately our decision."

"Right." he sounds distracted as he says this and there's a look on his face she can't quite decipher as he continues shaving. She picks up her toothbrush, squirts on some toothpaste, and begins to brush her teeth. They eye each other in the mirror before he says, "What?"

She shrugs, lips tight around the toothbrush, like she lost the ability to speak. After she rinses her mouth out, she sits on top of the counter, waiting for him to finish. He moves on to brushing his own teeth and he tosses the tube down with a little too much force.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm not looking at you like anything. I'm waiting for you to get done so we can leave."

"I don't see why we have to rush."

"I'm sorry that I would like to be on time. I don't want to interrupt your primping."

"I don't primp."

"Okay." she smirks and she swings her legs. He rolls his eyes and brushes furiously, foaming like a rabid dog. The smirk fades from her face and she thinks she knows what's bothering him. "Lina wasn't planned and I know you just went with the flow out of -"

"Don't fucking start."

"Seth,"

"I love that kid more than anything - probably even more than you."

"I know that. All I'm saying is you didn't want her."

"I didn't _know_ I wanted her. There's a big difference. Yes, I was surprised and terrified but once I - yes, I wanted her. How could you-"

"You're right. I didn't mean it like that. It came out wrong. I'm sorry. I just meant, that, I know kids weren't something you initially thought about so I wouldn't be - I would understand if you didn't want more."

"Kids are a lot of work."

"Yes, we already have one."

"You're so young."

"Yes but I was younger when we had her."

"Lina was so good. What if we had a monster?"

"If you don't want a baby, just say it. Don't be such a chicken."

"It's not that I don't want another one. I do. I just - I don't know. How would we - I don't know if I could."

"Could what?"

"I'm already biased in Lina's favor. I don't think a new kid could even stand a chance. I don't think that's fair to them so .... yeah."

"I don't think that is possible."

"It probably is."

"I remember when Scott and I were a little older, I asked my dad how he was able to love us both, especially Scott since he wasn't even our blood. My dad never showed signs of favoritism. I don't think it ever even crossed his mind. He told me that it isn't like there is a specific amount of love that each person is given and you only have a certain number of people you can share it with. It grows and you learn to love that new person. And in the cases of your children, you just know. They are going to be different people and have different traits or likes and dislikes and one of them may do something that you really enjoy and the other may have something else you enjoy. It doesn't mean that you favor one of them over the other."

"He's where you get your Pollyanna outlook isn't he?"

"I think so." she smiles as he stands in front of her and she wraps her arms around his neck. "You've already exceeded expectations. Another one isn't going to change that. I know if we have another one, you are going to be just as great as you are with Lina and you are going to have no trouble loving him or her because you're really a giant sap underneath it all and you won't be able to help yourself. Since we know I'm always right, I think we should just go for it."

"You're not scared?"

"No. Is that what you are?"

"I... sometimes, a lot of the time, I think this was a fluke. Kate, I don't want to fuck anything up. Shit like that is way too important."

"It's not a fluke. You make a conscious effort every day don't you?"

"Yeah."

"So that's not a fluke." she pulls him closer, their mouths almost touching. "I love you. You are a wonderful father and I think any baby we have would be lucky to have you."

He sighs as he runs his hands over her back.

"And if you aren't sure of that yourself, then trust me. I have fantastic judgment and I wouldn't pick just any person to be my baby daddy."

He laughs at that and she grins before they kiss.

"Well, in that case, I suppose we should get to work. I don't think we'll make Christmas but maybe another holiday."

* * *

Exactly nine weeks later, she is throwing up in their bathroom, behind a locked door and refusing to let him in. Not that a locked door is going to stop him. He picks the lock while she is in between bouts of sickness. She is sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, her arm on the seat, and her forehead against her arm.

"I told you to stay away from me." she grumbles when he rubs his hand over her back.

"And you are just a ray of sunshine today princess."

"You want to start with me?" she lifts her head and glares at him. A smirk is playing at the edge of mouth but he shakes his head. He sits back against the tub and gently pulls her with him. She doesn't fight him, just puts her head on his shoulder as she closes her eyes and breathes in slow, deep breaths. "Merry Christmas by the way."

"Is it?"

"Yeah." she sighs, one hand rubbing at her eyes and the other resting on her still flat stomach. "Even if your kid is already causing trouble. I was never sick with Lina."

"Told you it would be a monster."

"Not a monster - just a Gecko." she mumbles as he chuckles against her hair. She opens her eyes as she hears Lina's footsteps. She sees the confusion in her stance as she stares at their empty bed.

"Mama?"

"We're here baby."

She turns and smiles as she wanders into the bathroom.

"Why you sitting there?"

"I ... wasn't feeling good."

"Oh." Lina worms her way into Seth's lap and lays her head next to Kate's. She smiles as they watch each other and she traces a gentle finger over her daughter's rounded cheek. They have the same face - eyes, nose, smile - and wonders if the baby will look similar. She smiles at the thought and she'll be happy no matter what but she is secretly hoping for a little boy, one with Seth's dimples and smile.

"I guess Santa didn't come." Seth comments and Lina shoots up, horrified.

"What? Why?"

"I thought you would have been more excited that it was Christmas."

"I gotta look!" she runs from the room and they hear her racing down the stairs. "Daddy, he did come!"

"That's our cue."

"You gonna be okay?"

"I think so - for now at least. I just want to brush my teeth. Go make sure she doesn't rip them all open."

It takes time for them to get through all the presents and Kate wonders briefly if they did too much as she eyes the mound of toys.

"I think that's it." Seth is on the floor, a bag of ripped wrapping paper on his lap, and Lina pouts as she stares under the tree. "Whoa, you got plenty. What's with the frown?"

"I like opening them."

"Well, Uncle Richie and Tia will be here later. I bet Santa made a stop there."

"And now you get to play with them." Kate reminds. Lina grins and walks to a large box containing a Barbie playhouse. "Daddy can help you put that together."

"I knew she was going for that." he groans, drawing a laugh out of his wife. "Traitor."

"I'm making breakfast." she replies. "I think there is one more though."

"There is?"

"I thought I saw something by the TV."

Lina quickly runs to the entertainment center and immediately spots a rectangular box, wrapped in white paper with reindeer cartoons. She quickly rips the paper off and opens the box inside. She pushes aside the tissue paper and looks curiously inside.

"It's a shirt." she pulls it out and seems indifferent towards it.

"Do you know what it says?"

"Nope."

"It says 'big sister.'" Kate replies. Lina frowns, then seems to get it.

"Big sister? I got a baby! You said no babies!"

"I never said that. I said Santa doesn't bring babies."

"Where is she? I wanna play with her!"

"She's not here yet and she may not even be a she. Come here, come sit with me." she pats the open cushion next to her and Lina runs to the couch and sits. "Babies take time to get to their families. They have to grow and then they are born when they are big enough."

"Where is she?"

"In here." she smiles as she puts her hand on her stomach.

"You sure?"

"Yes." she keeps smiling as Seth laughs and joins them on the couch.

"How?"

"Well um, that's just where they go. Mamas get to have babies."

"Can I see her?"

"Not yet. Honey, babies can be a boy or a girl."

"I want a girl."

"We don't get to choose."

"Who does?"

"I... don't - God."

"Oh. When can I play with her?"

"Not for a while."

"So I can't play with her and I can't see her and I don't get to pick?"

"A little different than what you thought would happen, huh?" Seth asks, ruffling Lina's hair gently.

"This is no fun."

"It will be." Kate promises. "You just have to patient. Remember it felt like forever for Christmas to come? Now it's here and it wasn't so bad."

"It was forever." Lina mutters under her breath.

* * *

"Mama?"

Kate blinks tiredly and lifts her head slightly. Their room is pitch black but she is aware of Lina sitting between her and Seth on their bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Is my baby awake?"

"Oh Lina." she sighs, slightly exasperated. It had taken her forever to fall asleep and it was even harder to stay asleep. "Honey, it's so early. No, the baby is not awake."

"Can I sing to her? She'll wake up."

Kate throws her head back onto her pillow as Seth grabs Lina. He flips her gently over to his other side, so she is no longer near Kate, and she squeaks out a "hey!" as she gets trapped in his grasp.

"Leave Mama alone. Go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"We are."

"When can I get up?"

"Later."

It is later when Kate wakes up again to Lina chattering away and patting her stomach gently.

"We'll play games and I'll show you my toys and we can sing. My favorite is 'Punzel. I watch her movie all the time. You will love her too."

"I tried." Seth whispers when he notices she is awake.

"It's okay." she finds his hand under the blanket and squeezes. "I'm glad she's still excited."

She's a week from her due date and she is ready for the baby to be here already. Not just for the excitement and longing to see the little boy inside her but to have some relief from Lina. She loves that her daughter is thrilled at the prospect of a sibling, even if she refuses to believe she is getting a brother and not a sister, and she loves that she is so eager but some days she has been too eager. Sometimes, she feels like she has a second shadow. She tries to remain patient but she feels as big as a whale and the temperature skyrocketed in the last couple weeks and she is done.

"Are you listening Penny?" Lina pokes at her stomach and she feels the baby move, hitting back as if to say _leave me alone_. They have long since given up trying to explain that the baby is a boy and his name is not Penelope, wherever the hell she got that idea from.

"I don't think he likes that." she chides gently and their daughter has enough sense to look sheepish as she pulls her hands back.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. You have to remember to be gentle."

"I know." she whispers and lays her head against her stomach. The scene is so sweet that Kate finds it difficult to remain annoyed. She strokes her hair gently, smiling as the baby rolls and bumps Lina's cheek. "I just love her so much. Do you think she loves me?"

"Yes."

"I hope so. I'm gonna be the best big sister."

"You already are. You just need to listen when Daddy and I tell you something. It's okay to be excited but once the baby is here, he's going to be very little and it's easy for an accident to happen. So we need to be careful and follow directions."

"She means take it down a notch." Seth adds, nudging Lina with his foot. She nods quickly, promising she would do her best. Then she turns her attention back to her stomach and starts singing, which kicks the baby into overdrive.

"I guess this is how it's going to be."

"Probably."

"It's a good thing." she says, to which he nods. "A lot of kids wouldn't be so happy. I know I wasn't when Scott came home."

"I don't remember when Richie was born."

"Considering how you are now, I doubt you two ever had issues."

* * *

She is in awe of the baby in front of her. He is absolutely perfect - even though she may be biased - and she coos as she trails a finger lightly over his tiny face. She's waiting for Seth to come with Lina and she's grateful for the time alone with her son. Her heart swells at the thought. She has a son - rounding out their little family and filling a void she hadn't noticed before. It is overwhelming and wonderful and she sends up a silent thank you that she has reached this point in her life.

And yes, he looks like Seth. That much is evident even though he is only a few hours old. He lets out a quiet cry as she unwraps the blanket, now not as snug as he was, but she has to look over him again and count each finger and toe. By the time she rewraps him and cradles him in her arms, the door to her hospital room opens and Seth walks in. He is carrying Lina, who is vibrating with energy and squirms, demanding to be put down.

"Hi Mama!" she rushes to the bedside and attempts to climb up but Seth stops her with a stern no. He picks her up instead, setting her gently at Kate's side. "Is that my baby?"

"Yes." she chuckles, kissing Lina on the head. "This is Ben."

"Hi Pen- wait, what?" she is leaning into the baby, then lifts her head in confusion. "Ben? But-"

"Baby, we told you he was a boy."

"I wanted a sister." her smile fades and she eyes Ben with displeasure.

"Maybe next time." Seth says, which Kate makes a face at. Leave it to him to think of another baby when she just pushed an eight pound human out of her body. "Give him a chance munchkin. He's your little brother."

"Can we give him back?"

"No."

"Are you sure he's ours?"

"Yes."

"Oh man."

Kate exchanges a humorous look with Seth over Lina's head. He shrugs slightly as their daughter continues to look at the baby.

"He really isn't that bad." Kate says quietly. "You know, he already loves you. He knows your voice."

"He does?"

"Sure. Do you want to hold him?"

Her face scrunches up but ultimately, she sighs and gives a nod.

"Okay, here." she hands Ben over carefully, making sure to keep a hand on them. Seth sits on the edge of the bed and hovers protectively over them as well.

"Hi Ben." she sounds begrudging as she addresses her brother. His eyelids flutter and open, blinking blearily at his family. A smile begins to spread on Lina's face.

"See, I told you. He didn't open his eyes for anyone else." Kate says softly.

"He is kinda cute."

"Here, let me have him." Seth picks the baby up and Lina stays close, peering down at him. She holds out her hand hesitantly, then touches his face. He yawns, making her giggle, and she moves her hand down to his. She touches his fingers gently and they unfurl, then wrap around her index finger.

"We can keep him." she says, kissing Ben's forehead.

"Glad you approve." he grins, glancing at Kate. His face softens when he sees the tears in her eyes. "Hey,"

"I'm okay." she sniffs and wipes at her eyes. "Really, I am."

She looks at him with a teary smile, then laughs slightly at how ridiculous she seems. They share a silent look that they both seem to understand and he cradles the baby in one arm so he can reach over and stroke her cheek gently.

"Ew! He smells bad!" Lina exclaims, effectively breaking the moment.

"You're on diaper duty." 

"Thanks a lot." Seth mutters. 

"Hey, whoever is holding him when he goes has to change him."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seth and Kate are called to the principal's office.

Kate realizes they may be in trouble when she passes by Ben's room and sees him standing in front of the mirror. He is frowning in intense concentration as he attempts to knot the tie around his neck. She pauses in his doorway, a basket of clean laundry in her arms, and holds back her laughter. He notices her and his face flushes red.

"Mama, go away!"

"Sorry. Do you need help?"

"No!" he runs towards his door and pushes her into the hall, then closes the door behind her. She shakes her head in amusement before she goes to put the laundry in its designated rooms. Seth is downstairs when she gets back in the kitchen. He greets her with a kiss and a cup of coffee, then questions her giggles.

"Just wait." she replies. He shrugs as he sits at the table and they make small talk while they wait for the kids. Lina comes in first, ready for the day, and immediately begins to eat her breakfast. Ben arrives a few moments later, unusually quiet, and walks to his seat. Seth stares with what he hopes is a casual gaze and watches as his son sits down.

He is wearing the suit they had gotten him last month when Richie had finally gotten Kisa to marry him.

"Why are you wearing that?" Lina asks, her face scrunched up in confusion.

"Cause I can." Ben shoots back defensively.

"I think you look really handsome Benji." Kate comments and he blushes.

"Yup, you look sharp buddy. Come here, let me fix this," Seth pushes their chairs out and pulls Ben close to fix his lopsided tie. "I'll show you tonight how to tie it. We don't have a lot of time right now."

"Thanks Daddy."

He smiles and ruffles Ben's hair, then fixes his vest, which is uneven due to a missed button. Kate watches with a smile while Lina merely rolls her eyes and mumbles _weirdo_ under her breath.

She watches Seth and Ben as they begin to eat and she doesn't think her husband notices how their son is carefully watching him and making sure to mimic everything he does - from the way he sits to which hand he holds his glass in.

"Alright, we are going to be late if we don't get a move on." she says. Both kids jump up and grab their backpacks. Ben sneaks another banana and pack of Oreos from the counter and slides them into the side pouch of his bag. She is tempted to ask but decides not to.

* * *

Seth realizes they may be in trouble when they are literally called into the principal's office that afternoon. He sits quietly next to Kate as they wait in the outer office. He's not entirely sure what she is thinking at the moment and he braves commenting on the situation.

"I wonder what he did."

"Guess we're going to find out."

"Kate, remember, he's seven. There is only so much he can do. I doubt it's anything serious."

"For us to be called to the principal's office, I think it's pretty bad." She gives him a look out the corner of her eye and he shrugs just as the inner door opens. After two kids in the elementary school, Seth thinks he is on good terms with the administrative staff. The principal was an okay guy in his eyes - pretty decent, always nice, and the kids seemed to like him.

"Please, come on in." Mr. Reyes gestures with a polite smile. He closes the door once they are inside and makes his way around his desk as they sit in the visitor chairs. "I appreciate you coming down on such short notice. I try not to make this a habit but uh, I guess you could say this has been an ongoing problem, and today things seemed to escalate so I needed to bring it up. I'm going to have Ms. Henderson send Ben down so we can all talk together."

He types for a moment on his keyboard, then folds his hands neatly.

"Before we start, I want to say that Ben is a wonderful kid. We never have serious problems with him. Kids are going to be kids. We handle things in-house, if the teachers feel it needs to be brought to your attention, a note can be sent home. As you can see, nothing has been brought to your attention prior to this. This was a uh - drastic jump though and we do not have any tolerance for what occurred."

There is a knock on the door, then it opens, and his assistant herds Ben inside. He shuffles to stand in between his parents and the desk and keeps his head down.

"Hi." he mumbles, reluctantly meeting their eye. Kate gasps and Seth leans forward, grabbing him, as he sees the blood on his shirt and the cut, swollen lip.

"What happened? Are you okay? Who did this?"

"Ben, why don't you explain to your parents what happened."

"Okay, um, so, there is this kid in third grade who picks on Olivia."

"Who is Olivia?" Kate asks. His cheeks turn bright red and he scratches the back of his neck, like Seth had a tendency to do.

"Um, a girl in my class. So I tried to stick up for her and he started picking on me too and then he pushed me. So I punched him in the stomach. And he punched me in the face."

"Who is this kid?" Seth's eyes whip angrily towards the principal, who straightens up immediately.

"Mr. Gecko, I assure you, he has already been dealt with and his parents notified as well."

"Oh no, I want a name."

"Seth, stop." Kate's tone is stern and he sits back in the chair, a deep scowl on his face.

"It was a brief scuffle. Really it was over before it began. Both boys will have a one day suspension and they have both learned a valuable lesson on violence and foul language."

"Whoa, hang on, my son was injured and you think this was a brief scuffle?"

"Seth!" Kate smacks a hand onto his wrist, fingers tight around the cuff of his jacket.

"When did this happen?"

"Recess." Ben mutters.

"Aren't there staff out there watching them?"

"Yes. They immediately intervened." Mr. Reyes nods.

"Apparently not."

"I understand your... frustration. The staff cares strongly for the safety of every student-"

"We know that." Kate quickly interrupts. "Ever since Lina started here, you and the rest of the staff have been wonderful. Things happen. I assure you that I don't have the faintest idea where Ben would ever have learned such behavior. He knows this is not how he is supposed to act."

"From Daddy." he explains but his voice is so quiet no one seems to notice.

"Fuck that!" Seth roars. "Some kid comes after him and he's supposed to lay there like a dead fish? Hell no! Self defense is not a crime."

Kate looks part mortified and part murderous at his outburst but he ignores the feel of her laser stare against the side of his head.

"Mr. Gecko, from multiple teachers' telling of the events, this was not self defense. They were both equally involved. Since things have been taken care of, I think it is best if we all move on and use this as a learning experience. I know that we will not have a repeat incident, right Ben?"

"Right."

"Good. Now, unfortunately I have a meeting. Ben, why don't you go get your belongings. We'll see you on Monday."

* * *

"I have never been so embarrassed in my life!" Kate exclaims as she slams the door to the truck. "How could you act like that?"

"Don't yell at him!" Seth snaps as he turns the key in the ignition.

"I'm yelling at you!"

"What the fuck for? I should be yelling at you! Throwing him under the damn bus like he's some common criminal. He is maimed!"

"He has a cut lip!"

"Did that asshole bleed too Benji?"

"Um, I think so. When we were rolling in the mud. I scratched his face." he stares out the window with wide eyes. "Can we go to McDonald's?"

"No we are not going to McDonald's!" Kate replies. "You are grounded."

"On what grounds?" Seth challenges.

"On the grounds that he blatantly lied in there. I want the real story right now."

"That was the real story!"

"Benjamin Jacob Gecko, so help me-"

"He was mean to Olivia!"

"Then you get a teacher!"

"And then I'd look like a loser! If you were in trouble, Daddy would protect you Mama! He wouldn't wait for someone to step in!" He seems to instantly realize what he said and his mouth clamps shut, unwilling to say anymore.

They exchange a long stare, before Seth makes a U-turn to head towards McDonald's.

"Did you eat your lunch Benji?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I threw my sandwich in his face." he says quietly. Kate sighs as Seth chokes back a laugh.

"Did you put your hands on him first?"

"Um, well,"

"Ben, violence is never the answer. What did Mr. Reyes mean about foul language?"

"I said some bad words."

"What letter did they start with?"

"Um... F."

"Oh my God."

"Ben, this girl, who is she? You like her?"

There is a bout of silence, then he replies, "I don't like her. I love her and she's my girlfriend and we are going to get married. I had to defend her."

"That is-"

"-really fucking cute."

"We wonder why he uses that word!"

"I don't wonder." he stops outside the speaker for the drive thru and rolls the window down. "Yeah, hi, can I get a chicken nugget Happy Meal, a Quarter Pounder meal, and a cheeseburger meal, three chocolate milkshakes." 

* * *

They are in the middle of eating when Kate stands up and grabs a mason jar out of one of the cabinets. She sets it down on the table and points at it.

"This is the bad jar."

"What's wrong with it?" Ben asks.

"Any time Daddy does something bad, like says bad words or hurts Uncle Richie, or yells for no reason, he has to put a dollar in."

"Are you saying I'm a bad influence Kate?"

"I'm saying that certain people apparently like to emulate your behavior and you need to start shaping up because I am not making another run to the principal's office."

"What does emulate mean?" Ben cocks his head in confusion.

"You like to copy him and that's fine because Daddy is wonderful but he has some bad habits that need to be taken care of."

"I think Daddy is great."

"I agree. However, we don't reward bad behavior."

"You think I'm great?" Seth looks at Ben, who nods as he slurps on his milkshake. "Why?"

"Because you're cool and fun and you know everything and Mama always says how handsome you are and loves you and I want to be just like you and have someone like Mama love me."

"Stop it right now." Kate points a finger at him and Ben looks innocently at her.

"Why? I meant it."

"Being cute is not going to help you."

"I think it already has." Seth smirks.

"Go clean your room."

"Okay." he stands from the table and they watch as he disappears down the hall.

"How long are you going to pretend he's in trouble?"

"I'm not pretending!"

"Kate, he was doing what he thought was right."

"He could have handled it better."

"You think he meant what he said? About me?"

"Seth, he's wearing a suit and a tie. No seven year old voluntarily puts on a suit and tie." she leans toward him, hand on his arm, and a begging look in her eye. "I love you. You're a wonderful dad and I love that he looks up to you. But he and Lina are both getting older and grasping a lot more than we think. Could you not... you know, be so... you?"

"Sorry I'm not Danny Fucking Tanner."

"Dollar."

"No. I am rebelling against your stupid jar."

"Put the damn dollar in."

"Now you owe a dollar. I am not going to pretend to be an angel. I agree, there are terrible aspects of me. But I disagree that he should be ostracized for defending his girl."

"Seth,"

"I will talk to him. You know, for the most part, I think I have done a decent job of hiding my negative qualities in front of them."

"Yes but they're watching even when we're not aware."

"I will make it clear to do as I say not as I do."

"And you will try not to be so brash and alpha male? And that it is okay to not take matters into your own hands at times? And if you need to, there are better ways than using your fists?"

"I can't make any promises but I will try."

"And your dirty mouth?"

"I thought you liked my dirty mouth." he smirks as he leans across the table. She shoves his head away as she stands to begin cleaning up the table. "Are you going to pretend like you're good and pure? When we both know you're not?"

"I don't know what you mean." she turns her nose up but is smiling as he scoffs at her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets a pet. Seth is in trouble.

"What about this?"

Ben scrunches up his nose and Seth tosses the book onto the shelf with a sigh. They had been through several stores looking for a birthday present for Kate. His son has vetoed every suggestion and Seth is quickly coming to the end of his patience.

"Well what do you want to get her?"

"Something she likes!"

"What do you think she likes?"

"Um, me and cartoons and food." he replies, making Seth chuckle.

"That sounds more like things you like."

"Mom likes it too." Ben's hands go to his hips and Seth takes note of how terrifying it is. "What do you think she likes?"

"Jewelry, clothes, calendars, books, me."

"Do I get a raise in my allowance? That's a lot of money."

"You can pay me back. I think a calendar is a good idea because she has to keep track of where everyone is or has to be and she'll need a new one for this year. Why don't you pick out a theme you think she'll like."

"She likes dogs." He grabs the first one off the shelf he finds - a dachshund running through a field with pink bubble letters declaring "puppies!"

"Good choice. Let's get out of here." he ruffles Ben's hair, briefly wonders if he should take him for a haircut but decides against it. They pay at the register and walk back out into the mall. Unfortunately for Seth, the store directly across the hall is a pet shop.

"Whoa, look at that!" Ben runs forward and is face planted against the window before Seth can say a word. He cringes at the sight of the snakes coiling around the display and hooks a finger into Ben's collar.

"Pretty neat. Let's go. We'll go get some ice cream. Don't tell your sister."

"Wait, I want to go inside." he has a lot of strength for a little kid, as he manages to drag his father deeper into the store.

"This is not a good idea."

"I just want to look."

"Famous last words."

* * *

"If anyone asks, you know nothing about this."

"I don't get why I have to lie. You always say lying is bad."

"I say that because I want you to be good. Good doesn't work in this situation. When I figure out what to tell your mother, it'll be better."

He jumps as he hears keys in the door and quickly slides the large tank into the dining room, then causally leans against the railing with his arms crossed.

"Hey." Kate greets them with a smile as she balances a bag of groceries and pulls her key from the lock.

"Hey. You're uh, you're home early."

"Yeah, that PTA meeting was a waste so I got the food shopping done after I dropped Lina at dance. You want to go grab some bags?"

"Yeah. Let me take this one for you baby."

"Hi Mom." Ben smiles sweetly, coming off the stairs to hug her. Seth scowls at him and makes a mental note to tell him not to lay on the charm so thick next time.

"Hi baby. How was school?"

"Good. I got a 100 on my spelling test."

"You did? That's great!" she starts walking for the kitchen and Seth panics, then grabs her by the waist and turns her around for a kiss.

"Let's go get the bags together honey."

"Or you could be nice and do it yourself babe." she frowns in suspicion, then looks at their son. "What are you two up to?"

"Nothing." they chorus.

"Mhmm." she slides out of Seth's grasp and makes it to the kitchen. She instantly notices the change and crosses her arms over her chest. "Seth?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Can you tell me why there is a lizard on my kitchen counter?"

Kate turns carefully on her heel and spots her husband frozen in the doorway, mouth partially open.

"That's my gecko." Ben helpfully supplies as he comes into the room.

"You got a gecko?"

"Mhmm. His name is Leo because he is a leopard gecko. Did you know that geckos eat live crickets?"

"Please don't tell me there is a bag of crickets somewhere in my house." Kate looks up from Ben to Seth, who mutely jerks his head in the direction of the counter and she turns to see the clear bag behind the container with little black crickets hopping around inside. She lets out a small noise.

"Do you like him?"

"I... think he's very cool looking. What uh, what prompted this?"

"Dad and I went to the mall to get you a birthday present and we stopped in the pet store."

"You did, huh? Benji, do me a favor and go bring some of the groceries in."

"Okay." he runs out of the room as Seth begins to set the bag he has on the counter.

"Don't put that there."

"Why?" he picks it up again with a frown.

"Because there is a lizard on my counter. And bugs. What - how- I brought home a cat four years ago without your permission and I had to get rid of it."

"Because I'm allergic and would die. A gecko isn't going to kill anyone."

"I will when those crickets get loose. And you will be my victim of choice."

"Baby,"

"I will pop your kneecaps."

"Everyone thinks you're so little and cute and you're really not."

"No, I'm not. Why?"

"He was so excited when he saw it and when he found out it was a gecko, he thought it was destiny. You should really be grateful because I had to talk him out of this fucking ball python. I swear, I was about ready to die. I can't handle another snake."

"What makes you think I can handle another Gecko?"

"We are magnificent creatures."

"I guess I should be happy this one doesn't talk back."

"Never know. We can teach it some tricks."

"Why does it have to be live crickets?"

"Uh, so, the gecko is an insectivore."

"Yeah? Tell me more Steve Irwin."

"And uh, they hunt their food. So it needs to be alive."

"Okay."

"So you feed the crickets. Plus there is this calcium powder that needs to be sprinkled on top."

"Okay, I am not seasoning crickets to feed a lizard."

"Who said you had to do it?"

"Really? You think Ben is going to do all that? He's eight. His attention span is about as big as the cricket's. Are you stepping up to the plate? Actually, hold on, no." she shakes her head, palm outward towards him as if to stop him. "Let me rephrase this. You _are_ going to be stepping up to the plate. This can be your boy thing you do together. Teach him responsibility and when it all goes to Hell, you can pick up the pieces. So help me God Seth, I find out one cricket has made its way out of its enclosure, you are sleeping on the couch."

* * *

"Dad. Dad. Daaad."

Seth grunts quietly as Ben shakes him awake. His son's eyes dart nervously to the other side of the bed before looking back at him.

"Dad, wake up. I need your help."

"It's three in the morning Ben. Go back to bed."

"I can't. It's an emergency. Dad, come on." he shakes him again with a sense of urgency.

"What happened?"

"Leo and the crickets got loose."

"What?" his eyes pop open and he sits up a little as his pulse begins to race. "What do you mean they-"

He doesn't get a chance to finish as Lina lets out a horrified scream.

"Daddy!"

"Oh God." he launches himself out of bed as Kate jumps up as well. When they reach her room, she is standing on top of her bed, screaming and smacking herself.

"There was something on me!" she is near tears as she bounces on the mattress.

"Come here, come down." he holds his hands out and she practically lunges at him. She clings to his shoulder and manages to wrap herself around his waist. "What- Christ, Lina, you're killing me."

"There's something in my bed!"

Ben quietly creeps into the room as Kate turns the light on. He hesitantly pokes at Lina's blanket, then pulls it aside, and yells in surprise. There in the middle of Lina's mint green sheets is a wriggling gecko tail.

"What did you do to him?" he looks accusingly at his sister and begins to scramble through the bed.

"Oh my God!"

"Whoa, ow!" Seth cringes as Kate is suddenly clinging to his free arm in disgust. "Everyone calm the fuck down."

"What is that?"

"Where's his body?"

"Is that his tail? Why is it moving?"

"You killed him!"

"Alright, alright, stop. She didn't kill him. They can lose their tails as a defense mechanism. He was probably more scared of her than she was of him. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Lina, come on baby, get down."

"No way! What if it's on the floor?"

"I found him." Ben lifts the edge of the pillowcase to see Leo resting inside.

"Ew! Why is he in my pillow?"

"Ben, don't touch him! That's an open wound now!" Kate exclaims. She flashes Seth the dirtiest look imaginable - honestly, he doesn't think she looked at him with this much contempt even when he tried to exorcise Amaru. "How did he even get in here?"

"I wanted to play with him and he ran away."

"Oh, so the gecko managed to climb up and down the tank, off your shelf, across the floor, down the hall, picked Lina's room, and climbed up her bed?"

"Sounds about right."

"Sounds like you need to try again."

"Um," Ben shuffles nervously and ducks his head. "Well, I may have helped him get in here."

"Thought so. Apologize to your sister."

"Sorry."

"Lina, come stay in my room. You are not sleeping in that and I am not changing sheets at three in the morning. Ben, Leo is not a toy. He can get hurt. If you are going to have him, you need to show responsibility. Can you do that?"

"I didn't know that would happen."

"I figured. Tomorrow, you and Daddy can learn all about him. For now, go back to bed."

The kids begin to head for their designated areas and Seth tries to follow. Kate stops him with a rough hand on his chest, backing him up a few inches.

"I suggest you get... Leo... and put him back in his tank. You might also want to dispose of that tail and Google what to do if your gecko loses an appendage. It may be helpful in the future."

"His or mine?"

"I'm still deciding."

"Mom?"

"What Ben?"

"Um, I forgot that the crickets are gone too."

She nods with a tight frown as Seth smiles weakly.

"In my defense, things were great until he decided to wake up in the middle of the night without me knowing and handle things on his own."

"Ben, just go to bed. I'm sure we will find them one way or another." she turns without another word and enters their bedroom, making sure to shut the door behind her.

He spends the next fifteen or twenty minutes reading up on geckos and follows the suggestion on what to do in the event yours drops its tail. After a stern reminder to Ben to not open the cage again, he returns to his own room. Or tries to at least. He frowns when the door won't open, then jiggles the knob and realizes it is locked.

"Kate?" he twists the knob again and rattles the door slightly. "Honey, the door's locked."

"I know. I locked it."

"Come on," he sighs and bangs his forehead into the wood. "You can't be serious."

She opens the door and thrusts his pillow at him while watching him with a cool gaze.

"What did I tell you this afternoon?"

"If so much as one cricket got loose, I was sleeping on the couch."

"And now we have several crickets on the loose and one tailless lizard, who was purposely used as a fear tactic in an intense game of sibling rivalry."

"Yep."

"So good night."

"Is it just tonight or is it one night per cricket?"

"Don't give me any ideas. I'll see how you handle things in the morning."

"I love you."

"You're cute." she smiles, chuckling a little, and pushes his shoulder. "Not gonna work."

"Didn't think so but I had to try."

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not just Mom." he sits up and leans against the headboard with her. "You had a shitty day and it threw you into a midlife crisis."
> 
> ... Or, Kate questions her life and Seth tries to be helpful.

Seth is surprised when Kate emerges from their bathroom without a word, shuts the light off, and slips into bed with her back to him. She utters a quiet good night and pulls the blanket up to her chin.

He glances at her, then around their darkened room, and finally rests his gaze on his iPad, where his game is currently paused. He sighs inwardly, sensing a thing was about to occur, and closes the app. The iPad is set on the night stand and he worms his way across the mattress, noting just how far away she laid down from him.

He can feel how tense she is when he spoons her from behind and wraps an arm around her waist.

"Did I do something?"

"No."

"Why do I get the sense that I'm being punished then?"

"You're not. I'm just not ... feeling well."

"Okay." he kisses her cheek, then the curve of her neck. "I love you."

"Are you happy?" she whispers a few minutes later.

"Sure. It wasn't an awful day."

"No, I mean in general - over all - with me."

"Yeah, of course I am." he is extremely confused and when he hears her begin to cry, his confusion only grows. "Kate, what-"

"Am I enough for you?"

"Yes. Yes. Jesus, baby, what the fuck?" he sits up and leans over her to turn the lamp on. "Come on, sit up. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry." she wipes her cheeks as she sits against the headboard and he shakes his head a little.

"You don't need to apologize. Just explain what's going on."

She lets out a few more tears, then takes a deep breath, and meets his eye tearfully.

"Rob left Tricia." she says and he lifts his eyebrows in surprise. The couple was friends of theirs through the kids - though Seth isn't sure he really considers them friends or he just tolerates them for Kate's sake. Still, the news surprises him.

"What? Why?"

"He was unhappy and found a younger woman. She was telling me about it at the school dance tonight. I couldn't believe it."

"That's fucking sleazy." then he actually processes what she said. "Wait, Kate, are you - honey, what the hell?"

"I don't mean to offend you and I don't think you actually would."

"No, I wouldn't. Not ever."

"It just got me thinking. I don't find Tricia to be old or washed up and she's only thirty five. This new girl - she's twenty one and a stripper. A stripper. And of course, tonight, Kisa dropped Lina off at the school for me after her dance class and as soon as she walked in, the whole room came to a stop."

"Yeah but - that's Kisa. She just gives off - babe, she's practiced the art of seduction for centuries. I think she just does it naturally without thinking by now. And I can't believe you've got me defending her."

"She doesn't need defending. I just looked at her and she was in these tight jeans and a leather halter top and knee high boots and I suddenly thought, I'm not hot. I'm not sexy."

"I beg to differ."

"Seth, I'm not. I've never been. I passed for cute when I was younger but I'm... homely. I never thought I was old but I was looking in the mirror in the bathroom and I'm old. I'm thirty two."

"That's not old."

"I found two gray hairs and I have lines starting to form by my eyes and no matter how many crunches I do, I cannot get a flat stomach. I'm plain. Every outfit I own screams church girl or mom and I thought, what the hell do - I'm not eighteen anymore."

"And I'm not attracted to eighteen year old you anymore. I'm not twenty eight anymore. Look at all my gray hair."

"You look sexy though."

"As much as I appreciate that, I feel like a fucking old fart. It's hell trying to stay in shape, especially with all the food you make. My knee cracked when I got off the floor the other night and I think all my years of making fun of Richie's glasses have finally caught up because I believe I'm going blind. So as long as you don't mind being with a senior citizen, I think we're good."

She giggles as he moves over her.

"I feel that I should make more of an effort. You know, make you feel like you've got some gorgeous woman." she says softly as he begins kissing her neck. "Instead of some frumpy mom. Does it make you jealous that Richie goes home every night to Kisa and she's probably waiting around for him in expensive lingerie?"

"Nope. I think expensive lingerie is a waste. I'm gonna rip it to get to what's underneath - that's the part I like."

"You don't care when you come home and I'm in yoga pants and tired and look like hell?"

"Nope. Yoga pants show off that fine ass and if you're exhausted, that means I get to ravish you and reward you for taking care of our hooligans all day." he finds the bottom of her tank top and quickly removes it. He tosses it off the bed and hums at the newfound skin, then quickly dives in to begin leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses along the tops of her breasts. She sighs softly, hand going to his head, and she strokes her fingers over his hair. "And I think Little Seth just answered the question if I'm still attracted to you."

"You're an idiot." she mutters as she grinds against his erection. His groan vibrates through her chest. "I'm sorry that I said all this. It's stupid."

"Not stupid. You can talk to me. Might not always listen-" he grunts as she smacks the back of his head.

"It is stupid. I know I shouldn't question you because of the whole soulmate thing but I thought how many other mates found each other and they stray or aren't sexually attracted anymore?"

"Kate, I'm not going to stray. I swear to you I have everything I need right here. I promise you, I could be dead and cold in my grave and you would still be able to give me a boner. As far as the soulmate thing, yeah, okay we're made for each other. But I chose you. I choose every day to be here and be with you. Just because we got some cute title doesn't mean we're on easy street. How many people find their soulmate and give up? Or choose not to be with them? This isn't some predestined shit. What would be the point of living?"

"True."

"Baby, I'm not telling you what to do. You want to dress like a ho because you think it'll make you feel good, go for it but I don't need you to. That's never been you and I found you sexy and hot and gorgeous without it."

He slides further down, kissing along the span of her torso, and takes time to kiss each imperfection he finds.

"Honestly, I wouldn't like it if you did." he says quietly.

"Why?"

"It'd remind me of Amaru."

"I... I never thought of it that way." she says after a long pause.

"Katie, I love you. You. Not your bra size or the color of your hair or the type of clothes you wear. I don't want or need you to be a size two. I love every one of these fucking curves. You aren't fat. You had our kids and that's sexy as hell. I loved seeing you pregnant."

"You couldn't keep your hands off me."

"Nope and now I'm making an executive decision and putting another baby in you tonight."

"It's a good executive decision."

"Yeah?" he looks up to meet her eye and she nods, a small smile on her face. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. I- Ben called me Mom today."

"That's your name."

"No. He always called me Mama. Tonight, he looked like I climbed out of a dumpster and told me 'Mom, go away.' I embarrass him. He told me so in the car. And I found out, he invited Kisa to the Mother's Day celebration at school. He didn't even tell me about it. He doesn't want me going."

"Honey,"

"I know it's stupid but he's my baby and he doesn't need me. I've spent the last twelve years being a mom and I don't know what I'm supposed to do without them. I don't know who I am without them."

"You know, if we do have another baby, they are going to grow up too. It's not a permanent fix. Or are we going to perpetually churn out kids until we die?"

"I need a hobby. Or a job. But then, I'd have to finish school. I never finished school. Even you finished school."

"Don't act like it was some great accomplishment. I skated by and barely graduated and that was because Eddie stayed on my ass."

"I went from being your hostage to being on the run, then being possessed by Amaru, and I spent a year trying to find me and we had Lina. Ever since, I've just been Mom."

"You're not just Mom." he sits up and leans against the headboard with her. "You had a shitty day and it threw you into a midlife crisis."

"Not a crisis. Just reflecting. I feel like time just flew by and what am I doing? What have I done?"

"You mean besides save the world and raise two Gecko monsters?"

"Yeah." she smiles slightly as he kisses her.

"You do **too** much. You're constantly running around helping the PTA, running Jed's, volunteering in town. Why don't you do something for you?"

"I don't know what that is."

"Read a book, paint, I don't know. What interests you? It's not a bad thing to want to help others. It's not a bad thing to be a good mother and devote your time to them. But you need you time too. In fact, I'm firing you."

"I don't officially work for you."

"Then I'm unofficially firing you. The time you'd be at Jed's, I'm going to stay with the kids and you are going to do things that you like. You can get your GED. Whatever it is, I support you 100%. Now, I know that this is important but if we were serious about making a baby, we need to get back to baby making."

"Go for it."

"Thank you. I think I was right around here." he slides her shorts down and situates himself over her. He barely touches her when they hear Lina yell out.

"Mom, can you come here?"

He drops his head to her shoulder in defeat, then reluctantly moves to let her stand. She climbs back into her clothes, then kisses the corner of his mouth as he pouts.

"If we don't have sex, it's not because I don't want to. It's because those two seem to know every time we try to." he tells her. "Maybe we can set up a date night somewhere in there too."

"I'd like that."

"You're right. We are old and boring. We're Mom and Dad. What happened to Kate and Seth?"

"Probably robbing mercados in Mexico. And living on a beach. And able to have sex when they want."

"Maybe we should hold off on another baby. Get these two out as fast as we can."

"Mom!"

"I'm coming Lina!"

"Mama, can you come here too?" Ben yells. 

"Yes."

"Daddy, I need you too!"

"Of course you do." he mutters as he climbs out of bed. She smiles as he leans down and kisses her head as they pass by each other.

"Just for the record," she says, stopping outside Lina's door. He turns, partially in Ben's room, and waits for her to finish. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Me neither." 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is signed up for baseball. Seth decides he wants to coach.

"Wait. What?"

Seth sighs irritably and turns to look at Kate, who is staring at him with an open mouth.

"Did you not hear me the first time?"

"I did. It- you're coaching baseball?"

"Yes."

"For children?"

"Jesus Christ, Kate,"

"I'm sorry! It just... doesn't seem like you. You don't like kids."

"I don't like kids?" he looks slightly incredulous at her statement. "We fucking have two of them."

"You don't like _other_ people's kids. And you're not the most patient-"

"If I can wrangle together a team of thieves and snakes to save the world, I can teach a couple of kids how to play baseball."

"Oh-kay."

* * *

Seth isn't sure how he got himself into this situation. Well, he kind of remembers but he also remembers how angry and jealous he was feeling, partnered with his need to win, and it seemed to have set off some sort of mental break - like in the heat of the moment, he did something reckless and idiotic without comprehending it. He had gone to sign Ben up for baseball and walked out with his own team.

He knows Kate doesn't believe him when he says he wants a good bonding experience with Ben. That is the truth but he would have been happy cheering for him from the bleachers and tossing a ball back and forth to help him practice so why does he suddenly have fifteen seven year olds staring at him with their bug eyes and calling him Coach?

Oh, right. David fucking Whitmore.

That smug, weaselly bastard who seemed to have his hand in everything and was gloating about the number of seasons he had won - in multiple age brackets too because he never seemed to run out of kids - and looked at Ben like he was a speck of dirt. There was no fucking way Seth would stand for that and he would personally see to it that Ben was the next Babe Ruth.

Except the ragtag group in front of him looks more like the kids from _The Bad News Bears_ than the New York Yankees.

"Eesh," Richie grimaces next to him and Seth has never been so happy for a cloudy day.

"Thanks for being here."

"Yeah well, couldn't let you suffer on your own."

"Ugh," Seth winces as Ben trips over his cleats and knocks the kid next to him down. He leans his forehead against the chainlink metal of the backstop and sighs. "What the fuck was I thinking?"

"I have no idea. Do you want me to, you know," his brother holds out his hand, insinuating he would possess them with his third eye.

"No! Put your fucking hand down! Jesus, Richard, they're seven." he gives him a hard, long gaze before returning his attention to the field. "You've never done that to Ben or Lina have you?"

"No." he's quick to respond, then frowns, "Uh, well,"

"I don't want to know."

"In my defense,"

"There's no defense."

"He was a baby. He doesn't even remember."

"Jesus Christ." he pushes himself off the fence and walks around to step onto the field. "Okay, we're going to try batting. You, that one, you can pitch."

After ten throws and none of them reaching the plate, he steps in to pitch. Nothing crazy, just some underhand lobs, but the kid misses every one.

"Ben, come here!" he turns and waves his son in from the outfield, then waits till he makes the trek into the mound. "Your turn to swing. Remember how I showed you?"

"Yup."

"Good. Grab a helmet and get in there." he watches as Ben tugs a helmet on and steps up to home plate. "Alright, so first lesson, how to hold the bat. Most of you are not even holding the bat properly. Ben, good- wait no, open - move your hands, shift - Richard, you gonna just stand there?"

Richie holds his hands up in submission and steps out to mold Ben to the accurate stance.

"Alright, now watch." he tosses the ball without thinking and Ben lets out an ungodly shriek as the ball whacks him in the arm.

"Daddy!"

"Sorry. Shit, sorry. It's okay. You're fine. Alright, lesson one, always make sure the person you are throwing to is aware of their surroundings."

The rest of the practice is no better, nor is the second or third. They are destroyed in their first game, annihilated in their second. Their fourth practice is rained out and Seth gives up.

* * *

Kate feels every set of eyes in the park on her as she tries to pay attention to the game. She doesn't know what is greater - her level of embarrassment or her level of anger towards her husband.

"Oh my God." Lina drops her head into her hands as Seth storms the field for the fifth time in two innings to argue with the home plate umpire - some poor high schooler probably trying to make a few extra bucks for the upcoming summer. "Why can't they just play?"

"Kate, is that your husband?" One of the other mothers taps her on the shoulder and she shrugs, fiddling with the zipper on her jacket.

"Not really sure. I can't see that far."

"Stupid fucker!"

"Yeah that's Dad." Lina sighs as Seth's voice manages to boom across the field. Kate shakes her head as Ben is struck out and stands near the dugout to be berated by Seth. She can't hear now but the look on their son's face tells her enough. The next boy is also struck out and the field prepares to change for the inning. She waits until the boys take to the field before climbing off the bleachers.

"Stay here." she tells Lina before marching purposefully down the walkway leading to the dugout.

"Unbelievable fucking bullshit." Seth snaps as he sees her. "Calling a ball a strike. Clearly, the little prick doesn't realize a group of seven year olds have the strike zone the size of a small animal. Bet it helps that he works for Whitmore part time."

By the end of his tirade, he is shaking the fence of the backstop as he shouts at the umpire. The teen turns to scowl at him through his face mask and Seth growls and grunts as he smacks his hand into the metal. Kate sighs heavily as she rubs her fingers against her temples.

"Seth, you're screaming at a child. You've actually screamed at multiple children. What did you say to Ben?"

"I was coaching him. What the hell are you doing over here anyway?"

"You're lucky it was me and not one of the other parents ready to make a complaint to the recreation association."

"You're being ridiculous."

"No honey. Oh, sweetheart, we can hear you screaming from the bleachers. Not only do you look like a psycho, you're setting a poor example of sportsmanship."

"Fuck sportsmanship. This shit is rigged. They suck anyway. They don't need to make unfair calls. They will crash and burn just fine on their own." he snaps without thinking. He is positive Whitmore assigned him the worst kids on purpose. They were literally a disaster. Running around, unable to catch anything, swinging at the dirt, screaming if a ball came towards them - granted that was only the kid who had been forced to play by his father in an attempt to 'man him up.'

"If they suck, it's because you suck as a coach."

"Uh, no. They are hopeless." His jaw drops at her bluntness but she stands her ground and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Seth, I watched your last practice. You barely pay attention and you sort of, kind of guide them in a 'run this way, throw there, alright good I guess' way. They aren't going to be super stars. They are seven. That's why they need a coach. This is not the World Series. You are not Derek Jeter. Get it together. What are you freaking out about anyway? A plastic trophy? Or your supposed manhood?"

"The fuck are-"

"I came here because _my_ son looks devastated and his coach is a dick. _My_ son wanted to have fun with his friends and learn to play baseball. I _thought_ my husband wanted to have a _good bonding experience_ but I'm not sure where that idea or my husband went. Keep it up and I am pulling _my_ son off your team."

She turns on her heel and storms away, leaving him standing alone in disbelief. But she's right as usual and he tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut when he sees how dejected his son is.

The game ends in a mercy ruling since Whitmore's team is up more than ten runs. At this point, he's not even sure they are seven year olds. They play like well oiled robots instead of clumsy kids. He refuses to meet the smug look on his enemy's face. The boys pack up their gear in silence and the drive home is even more quiet, if that was even possible.

* * *

Ben stands nervously in the door to the garage, not saying a word, as Seth tinkers under the hood of his truck. He looks up in surprise when he straightens up and finds his son lingering nearby.

"Mama said dinner's ready."

"Okay. Thanks." He notices how his son eyes the truck with interest. He glances between the vehicle and the boy, then tilts his head towards it. "You want to help me?"

"I don't know about cars. I don't want to mess up."

"That's okay. I know plenty. Come here." he holds out his hand and Ben quietly steps forward. "It's kind of like your Legos. All the pieces fit together a certain way."

He spends the next few minutes pointing out parts until his son speaks quietly.

"Daddy, I don't think I want to play baseball anymore."

"Okay." his response comes easily - more easily than he expected. Clearly, Ben thinks the same because he looks a little confused and his next question guts Seth.

"Do you still love me?"

"Benji." he sighs as he kneels down in front of him. "Of course I still love you."

"You told Uncle Richie I was weird." he mutters and he instantly feels guilty as he recalls the comment to his brother.

"Look, sometimes I say things that I shouldn't and I don't mean it. When I - you're not weird. It was a bad word to use. I just meant that ... you're different from me. When I was your age, I was ... you're a lot like your mom, even if you try to act like me. That's a great thing. I guess, sometimes, I don't know what - how to -" he cuts off with a sigh and scrubs his hand over his hair. "You're a lot smarter than I was and you are interested in things I never was. I just find it... sometimes I don't know what to do with you. That's why I wanted to get you involved with baseball, because that's something I like. I'm sorry that you heard me say that and if you ever hear me say something again, I give you permission to kick my butt."

Ben smiles a little as Seth ruffles his hair. A bit of an improvement but he can still tell he's upset.

"I was pretty mean today huh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry for what I said."

"You were right. We do suck."

"No you don't. I was wrong and I don't want to hear you say that. I am very competitive and sometimes, it's hard to... to play nicely. I forgot that this was supposed to be about you and didn't set a good example for you."

"Mama said you're a sore loser."

"Sounds about right. Do you like playing?"

"Sometimes."

"When I don't yell?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, you can do whatever you want but I don't think it's right to abandon your teammates like this. I think you should stick it out and I will do my best to... keep my temper under control."

"Are you going to really teach us how to play?"

"Yes."

"And it's okay if we lose?"

"As long as you're having fun."

"I _am_ trying."

"I know you are kiddo. It's new and it'll take time to get really good. I'm so proud of you already. You're the best one on the team."

"It's kind of boring. I had fun playing soccer in gym. Can I play soccer next time?"

"Soccer."

"Yeah."

"Like," Seth mimics kicking a ball and Ben giggles as he nods, "uh, yeah, whatever you want. I don't know a lot about it."

"Maybe that's a good thing."

"Wow." he shakes his head, though he's probably right. He looks up at Kate's quiet chuckle and finds her leaning against the doorway. "Hi."

"Dinner is getting cold. I thought I sent a messenger but he seems to have gotten sidetracked."

"I'm going to finish baseball." Ben tells her.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it." she smiles. Evidently, this had been a conversation they had had previously.

"And I will be a better coach." Seth adds.

"Also glad to hear it."

"We're going to have fun." Ben says.

"I bet you are."

"Even if Mr. Whitmore is a prick."

"Ben!"

"What? That's what Daddy says." He shrugs as Kate turns her glare to her husband. Seth puts on his best, charming smile and starts to leave the garage.

"So dinner, huh? What did you make?"

"Don't try to act like you aren't a troublemaker."

"Troublemaker is my middle name."

"Yeah, I know that. Ben, do you know what that word means?"

"Not really."

"Maybe we shouldn't use words that we don't know the meaning of. It's not nice to call people names. That is a very bad word."

"Then how come Daddy says it?"

"I don't know. Seth, do you care to explain?"

"Do as I say Benji, not as I do."

"Real helpful." Kate mutters. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During season two, Seth struggles with his feelings for Kate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning that Seth is Seth and this chapter is filled with foul language, self loathing, and drug references.

He tries to ignore her. Tries not to picture her bobbing her head as she sings along to her iPod, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. Her nails are purple this week. He's not supposed to know that or notice or remember because he is not supposed to focus on the eighteen year old next to him.

_Seventeen_ \- his brain reminds him. She wouldn't be eighteen until January. January 2nd as she told him. Though, with the way his brain was, January could have come and gone and he wouldn't have noticed. Except, that's a lie because he's painfully aware of the exact number of days since he and Richie separated - fifteen.

The song ends - some shitty pop, auto tuned garbage he had never heard - and he is surprised when _Walk This Way_ by Aerosmith begins to play. And even more surprised when she sings every damn word.

He never lets her drive and he never lets her choose the music. But even he had to admit he had been too fucked up early that morning to get behind the wheel.

_"Funny, didn't think you cared about your life."_ she had remarked coolly. He didn't and given his current state, he probably wouldn't have thought twice about getting into a wreck. But she's there and no matter what she thinks of him, no matter how this plays out, he would not intentionally put her in danger.

He actually doesn't know how long they've been in the car. He remembers stopping at one point to piss and refuel and he shoplifted an auxiliary cord for the iPod from the mini-mart.

_"Don't say I never gave you anything."_ he grunted as he tossed it at her. She had looked surprised, then smiled with genuine gratitude which made him flush all over and he was so sick of her Miss Goody Two Shoes routine and wished she would just scream or punch him a few times in the face like he deserved.

Then he had promptly passed out again in the passenger seat and here they were. He can't help but open his eyes and stare at her. He's grateful for the sunglasses and is able to watch her unabashedly without her even realizing. Because surely the first time they make eye contact, he will fuck it up with some stupid comment or she will get all embarrassed and her cheeks would turn pink and she'd look shyly over at him and - fuck him, he should not know this.

The song changes again - this time that awful song from _Titanic_ \- and this one doesn't surprise him. She's belting it out at the top of her lungs - somewhat in tune - and she has her head tipped back, hair blowing in the wind.

He shouldn't be staring at her but he is and he wonders when was the last time she let loose like this.

"You have quite an eclectic collection of music." he finally says. The Corvette swerves slightly and she looks at him in surprise, then quickly turns the volume down. He gets the sense that she's embarrassed and he sees the walls going up. But then she braces herself and flips her sunglasses on top of her head.

"I'm surprised you know what eclectic means." she retorts and he lets out a laugh - an honest to God laugh that shocks the hell out of both of them.

"I'll have you know I scored a 600 on the English part of my SATs." he replies. He's not stupid. He's not Richie smart but he can handle his own and who gives a fuck if he likes to read? But no one ever thinks that about him because who could ever imagine Seth Gecko being educated and well read?

"You took the SATs?"

"Only as a sign of -" he cuts himself off, not wanting to say he only took the test to be there for Richie, who insisted on taking it for some unknown reason. His chest aches at the thought of sixteen year old Richie - so awkward and out of place and scarily intelligent. Wonders what would have happened if he had gone off to college like he could and should have. Wonders when they got so fucked up or if they never stood a chance.

"Guess that's why you're such a smooth talker." she says softly, catching his attention. She has a small smile on her face and he knows she knows what he's thinking about. Knows that she's trying to distract him. He doesn't want her pity or her sympathy and he doesn't want her treating him nice. His own walls go up and he sees how she shuts down as well in response to him.

"Pull off in the next town. Gotta piss."

* * *

"Seth, just lay down." she sounds exasperated where she is laying in the one bed their shitty motel room has to offer. Her hands slap at the top of the mattress and he ignores her. "Are you really going to sit in that chair all night?"

"Yes." he's stretched across the two wooden chairs, partially upright, in an attempt to spare her dignity. They have been on the road sixty-eight days now. Sixty-eight days since he last saw Richie and felt like he was spiraling off into some goddamn abyss.

"It's okay, you know." she says softly. "I won't take advantage of you."

He snorts at the absurdity of her comment - that _she_ could take advantage of _him_. And maybe she can't take advantage of him but she's doing something to him and he's scared of the things he would be willing to do for her. In reality, he's afraid of taking advantage of her. Because in sixty-eight days, maybe he's not spiraling as much as he thought - not for the reasons he originally thought at least. 

Yes, not having Richie is like missing half his body, and he fucking wants to smash his brother's face in for doing this to him. But Kate's there and he doesn't know what **it** is and he shouldn't _want_ to know what **it** is but maybe she's making some of this bearable.

She drives him crazy. Her constant poking and prodding and whining about Scott. Trying to stay upbeat when she had no reason to be and trying to help him too. He doesn't want her fucking help. It's not like he deserves it and he cannot for the life of him figure out why the hell she was still hanging around his sorry ass.

But he won't let her go either and there are times when he lets his guard down and reveals some information to her and she watches him with those damn big green eyes of hers and it makes him want to keep going. Wants to spill every dark secret he has because he thinks nothing he says could make her leave or hate him. She's seeing him at his lowest points and she's still there. And he's not a talker but when she's listening, it feels so damn good - even better than his heroin- and then he realizes what he is doing and he snaps shut.

She's seventeen. She doesn't need his shit and she doesn't really care. She can't. This is just her personality. If it wasn't him, she'd be supporting some other vagrant who strolled into her church at Bethel. She's like a goddamn Snow White for fuck ups. Everyone was drawn to her and she was more than willing to heal them all.

He doesn't want to be drawn to her. Shouldn't be drawn to her. He knows it's wrong and he refuses to taint her anymore than he already has.

He will not get in that bed with her. They've shared beds before but it meant nothing. They stayed on their own sides but he doesn't think that'll work anymore. There's something he refuses to acknowledge and he will not succumb to it.

Except he's already walking towards her and the lumpy mattress sinks under his weight as he lays on his back.

He doesn't know how long he sleeps but he wakes up to her body pressed against his and his nose in her hair. He wants to jump away - or he should want to, should stop this right now- but if he moves, he'll wake her and that's gonna open a door he doesn't want to go through. He's scared of the voice telling him he doesn't want to move anyway.

He doesn't remember the last time he held someone like this. Thinks maybe it was Vanessa but highly doubts it - his volatile bride was not a cuddler by any means.

He tips his head back slightly and she hums in her sleep, turning a little so he has a better angle of watching her. He doesn't like the lump in his throat or the warmth in his stomach as his eyes trail over her face. Except he does like it - thrives on it even and that's just not right.

There's this peace that has washed over him and he realizes he didn't shoot up tonight. This is all Kate and that sends him into a panic. Her hand is resting on his hip and she squeezes slightly. He freezes, thinking she's awake, but she sighs and moves back towards him, completely knocked out.

He's never felt more guilty than he has in this moment. _This poor fucking kid_ , he thinks, as he hesitantly lifts a hand to her face. He trails his thumb over her cheekbone, watching her warily in case she woke up. She's not going to, he realizes. This is the first night in a long time that either of them have been able to sleep and those dark circles under her eyes are because of him. She's probably fucking exhausted and wouldn't even care if someone dropped a bomb on them.

His thumb wanders lower, over her jaw and chin, then traces the edge of her lip. He wonders if she knows what he's doing but he's barely touching her so it's probably not even registering.

Wonders if he should - his eyes zero in on her mouth, slightly parted, and he mentally slaps himself. This is exactly what he was scared of. He drops his hand and goes to move away but the arm she has around his waist tightens and he's stuck. Her face is furrowed, like something is bothering her, and he hates that. He moves back, so they are chest to chest, and slides a hand over her hair. Her forehead relaxes and she presses her face into his neck. He lowers his arm and keeps his hand on the center of her back.

There was nothing right about this and a million reasons it was wrong. But he'll give himself tonight and in the morning, it will be like it never happened.

* * *

"How you can eat this shit, I won't ever know." Eddie grimaces as he eyes the overhead menu. Seth rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

"Look, just fucking pick something. I'm starving."

"I'll still smack you upside the head. Don't give a shit if you're seven or twenty seven. Mind your manners."

The girl behind the Big Kahuna counter smiles at their interaction and taps her fingers against her screen as Eddie places his order.

"That'll be $18.54." she says and Seth is already pulling out his wallet to pay. He pulls out a twenty but there are other bills stuck to it and fall to the ground.

"I got it." Eddie kneels down to grab the money and frowns as he picks it up. "Who the fuck is this?"

"What?" Seth frowns and leans back a little to look down at him and his heart fucking stops at the sight of Kate in his uncle's hand - or more aptly, a strip of pictures from one of those photo booth machines. "I don't -"

He's going to lie except he is in the last two - first, an irritated look on his face for her dragging him in and the second, they are staring at each other - she's smiling and he looks...

"Seth, what the hell did you do?"

"Nothing. Nothing." he walks away from the counter to fill the cups he had been given. He turns with the drinks and finds Eddie waiting with their tray of food.

"Seth,"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright, we don't have to talk about it. Just find it surprising that you got a pretty lady like Sonja on your arm but you got a strip of pictures hiding in your wallet of an equally pretty lady and you looking-"

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine. I think this says enough." he slides the strip across the table and Seth stares at it. "So does that."

Eddie points a finger at his face but Seth ignores him. He silently picks up the picture and slips it back in his wallet when the older man takes a bite.

He stares morosely into his fries and toys with his straw before jamming it into the cup. He tries not to think of that night they spent in that beach town, only a couple weeks before settling into their final motel together, and tries not to think of how Kate looked in that blue sundress and how her hair tangled from the salt in the air and how she laughed when he won her some dumb bear at one of the game stands and how she pulled him in the photo booth and he couldn't help but watch her, resulting in the photographic evidence that betrayed every lie he told. 

That had been the final straw - walking down that shit boardwalk like they belonged together. It was a fantasy and an idiotic one at that. He had put an end to it quickly - hiding away from her and shutting her out even more, like life would get easier if he ignored her, like it would change what he thought and felt if he kept his distance. But it only got worse and he kept using because other than Kate, he didn't know how to cope. Losing Richie was one thing, depriving himself of Kate was another. 

"You scared of something?" Eddie asks and Seth grunts into his soda, wishing it was something stronger.

"Nope."

"What's the point of keeping it?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said but you're moping over there like you got ditched at the prom. If it ain't some big deal, why do you still have it?"

He doesn't answer.

But the answer is that it's been eighteen days since he last saw Kate and now he has Richie back but he still feels like half of him is missing and she's not supposed to be that missing half. The answer is that he spent three months with an orphaned kid who was so much fucking more than that. That as hard as he tried to brush Kate off like she was just some teenager, she got under his skin and she was going to stay there no matter what he did.

He sucks hard on the straw, cutting into his upper gum in the process, and tells himself to stop being a fucking pussy. He doesn't care about Kate. He spent three months holed up with only one other person. This was a natural reaction. He just needed to get her out of his head.

(Then why is he checking his cell phone again - just in case?)

He's not going to say he almost called Sonja Kate and he's definitely not going to say she's who he pictures every night. Absolutely under no circumstance is he going to voice that terrifying idea that has been winding around in his head - that he was fully and irrevocably in love with Katherine Grace Fuller and not a goddamn thing was going to change that.

Yes, he's scared. He's fucking terrified that he spent three months trying to stop this but here they are. It was the shittiest of plot twists - to be in love with the one person he didn't deserve, the one person he fucked up beyond all repair, and even if, on some off shoot chance they found each other again, the one person he had destroyed every possible bridge to.

"You're not your father."

"Eddie,"

"Shut up and listen to me. You're not your father and you need to stop punishing yourself. That's all I'm going to say."

He eats two bites of his burger, then unlocks the phone screen again. No new messages and he finds himself going to the last text they had shared.

_Hungry?_

**Sure.**

_K, wtf you want to eat then?_

**Chicken quesadillas and don't forget that spicy sauce I like again.**

_Yes dear._

He hates it. Hates the casualness between them, the teasing, the domesticity.

He types out hey. He's done it so many times in eighteen days. How many times had he sent it? None. He waits, almost willing the phone to send the message itself. He winds up deleting it.

* * *

A week later, he is under Jacknife Jed's and he has to stop when he is overcome with a crippling sense of pain. It only lasts a few minutes but it remains there, some hidden ache that he can't shake and somehow, he knows it's Kate but he refuses to acknowledge it.

He keeps denying and denying until Richie is back and tells him what he already knows, what he can feel right down to the very core of his being.

Kate is dead.

He wonders if he is ever going to be whole again - or if he ever was in the first place.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She had her planner sitting open on our bed a few weeks ago. It says, for several weeks, Dmitri @ 6. Every Wednesday."
> 
> "Seth, while I don't think that Kate would ever have an affair, if she did, I think she is smart enough not to leave his name written in her day planner."

"You know, when she finds out what you're doing, she's going to kick your ass."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're spying on your wife."

"No, I am taking my kids out to Chuck E. Cheese with my brother."

"That just so happens to be next to the spa Kate goes to on a weekly basis. And you forgot the kids."

Seth turns his head and stares at Richie, who is not even bothering to hide the grin on his face.

"They are meeting us here."

"Didn't know they let kids drive these days. Or is Lina going to pull Ben along in a wagon?"

"Gonzalez has them. They were having a playdate with Billie. I suggested he come too. So instead of me running all over town like a damn soccer mom, we agreed to meet."

"That is the weirdest sentence."

"Why?"

"The Texas Ranger who tried to hunt us down and bring us to justice for killing his surrogate father, mentor, and partner is supervising a playdate with two Geckos, who for all intents and purposes, are the last two beings on the planet that I ever expected to exist. Now we are all going to hang out at Chuck E. Cheese and eat shitty pizza while you split dad duty with private investigator time."

"It sounds like a terrible pilot to a sitcom and I am not spying on Kate."

"I hope not because she'll open the bag that holds your balls and completely disintegrate them."

"Fuck you Richard."

"What do you think she's doing - besides getting a massage?"

"I don't care what she is doing."

"So why are you ready to torch that place?"

"She had her planner sitting open on our bed a few weeks ago. It says, for several weeks, Dmitri @ 6. Every Wednesday."

"Seth, while I don't think that Kate would ever have an affair, if she did, I think she is smart enough not to leave his name written in her day planner."

"Exactly. So it's a cover for something else. I'm going to find out what."

"Did you ask her?"

"No. I don't want her thinking I'm prying. I'm not some sick, controlling bastard. She's free to do what she wants. Why every Wednesday?"

"Probably because that is the day you open Jed's and are home at a decent hour so it's easier to leave the kids with you than find a babysitter."

"Every Wednesday, she brings back a pizza from that place, right there." he points at a little Italian restaurant on the corner of the shopping plaza. "Which is weird in itself because she hates pizza and for her to routinely eat it once a week, from some place that is kind of out of the way from our house, is weird."

"Every place is kind of out of the way from your house. You live in the middle of nowhere."

"So I googled the restaurant and found this strip mall. What's in here? That random massage parlor. You know what they do in massage parlors?"

"Massage customers?"

"They are a front for sex workers. I know because when I was nineteen, I used one. Remember Felicity? She worked in a "massage place."

"Do guys normally do that sort of shit?"

"I imagine there would be some type of clientele that would be interested."

"Lonely, neglected housewives?"

"Do you think she's lonely or neglected?" his head whips around so fast and he looks so pathetic Richie almost feels sorry for him.

"No but a woman's heart is 'a deep ocean of secrets'." He tilts his head as he examines the business. "Maybe she's not seeing a guy. There are two other options. Well three."

"Which are?"

"One - she's getting some girl on girl action." he sticks up a finger and Seth's eyebrows raise in interest. He immediately gives himself a silent scolding and continues to scowl out the window. "Two - she is moonlighting as a prostitute. Maybe some kinky shit that Amaru left over. You ever -"

"Some days. What's the third?"

"You're a fucking idiot and she's getting a massage."

"Every week?"

"They say it's good for you. Maybe you should go with her one day. Might relax you."

"There she is." he sits up straight as he spots Kate walking from the parking lot. She enters the massage parlor and immediately goes to the check-in desk, where a smiley brunette greets her. After a few seconds there, she disappears from view as she walks to the left of the counter. "You think I should go in there?"

"Not unless you want to die tonight."

"I could pretend like I was walking by and stopping in to say hey."

"Go for it. I want to watch this play out. You gonna fight Dmitri?"

"Yeah. Yeah, actually, yeah. Keep an eye out for the kids." he fumbles to get his seatbelt off and he quickly sprints across the parking lot. By the time he reaches the building, there is no sign of his wife and the receptionist is staring at him through the window with a befuddled expression.

He's about ready to walk in and demand all the details but he gets the impression that the girl wouldn't hesitate to call the cops on the creep lurking in their storefront.

"Daddy!" Lina's voice cuts across the parking lot and he turns to see Freddie approaching with the kids.

He spends next ninety minutes occupying his kids and peering out windows for any sign of Kate. He is just about ready to admit defeat - Ben's complaining he's starving and Lina has played every game twice - when he sees Kate walking towards the Italian restaurant. He trips over an air hockey table to get closer to the window and makes an outraged noise when he sees the guy walking next to her, hand on her back.

"Let's go." he corrals their family, shushing the kids as they whine about food. "We are! We are! Let's go! I'm gonna get you real pizza."

Gonzalez declines but Seth barely notices his absence once they are inside the restaurant. There are two sections to the restaurant - some tables in the front by the pizza counter and a dining room sectioned off by a half wall.

Kate is sitting with her back to him, partially hidden by a decorative partition. The asshole sits in the seat next to her - painfully blond and built like a fucking ox. They are sitting too close to each other, heads bent over something - probably a damn plate of spaghetti like a human version of Lady and the Tramp.

He doesn't want to make it obvious they are there so they sit in the front, crammed into a small booth, and he stares over the wall, like that's going to make Kate realize her mistake and come to him.

"Daddy, I got to go to the bathroom." Ben tells him fifteen minutes in. He eyes the restaurant, then notices the restroom sign in the back - conveniently past Kate. The light bulb goes off as he stands and begins to lead his son to the back.

"Listen, before you go, I need you to go to Mom and interrupt her dinner. She's right there."

"Okay," he shrugs, not bothered by this, and walks into the next area. Seth remains behind, peeking around the corner of the wall to watch. "Hi Mama."

Kate straightens up and stares at Ben in surprise as he hugs her.

"Benji? What are you doing here baby?"

"Daddy said to come interrupt your dinner."

"What?" she turns in her chair, looking for him and he reluctantly lifts his hand in a wave, knowing he was caught. He would need to remember not to use a six year old as his wing man next time. He steps out fully into the walkway, then slowly approaches the table. Her companion closes a binder and sets it on the empty seat as he stops in front of them.

"Hi."

"Hi. Uh, what uh, what are you doing here?"

"What - ah, well, we were getting dinner. What are you doing here?" he eyes the other man with clear contempt as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"Getting dinner. Honey, this is Dmitri. His daughter goes to school with Lina. Dmitri, this is my husband Seth."

"The stress inducer." he smirks, sticking his hand out. Kate lets out a slight laugh, mixed with a groan, as she sees the subtle squint in Seth's face. "Sorry. Joke. It's nice to meet you Seth. Kate's told me a lot about you."

"That's... interesting since I know nothing about you."

"Oh my God."

"Daddy, I got to pee." Ben tugs on his sleeve but he doesn't take his eyes off Dmitri, who is looking amused at the whole scenario.

"Maybe - uh, maybe Mom will take you."

"No. I'm in the middle of something. You're on duty right now. I'll see you later."

"Actually, can I see you over there?" he points to the hall where the bathrooms are and she sighs, giving him a look like he is about to get it.

"I'm sorry." she turns back to Dmitri and puts a hand on his forearm before she stands and follows Seth and Ben to the restrooms.

"Go on. We'll be right here."

"Make sure you flush and wash your hands - soap and water."

"I know. I know." Ben waves his hand as Seth holds the door open for him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What? I'm not the one sneaking out with another guy!"

"Anot- Seth, seriously?"

"If you're not doing anything, why didn't you tell me?"

"I did tell you. I told you that I was going there."

He hesitates, knowing in the back of his head that she did mention a trip to some spa with a sauna, facials, and a great massage.

"Yeah but I didn't think you were seeing a fucking guy. Are you naked?"

"Yes."

"And he puts his hands on you?"

"Generally, that's how they massage you."

"I don't like it. I don't like the idea of you laying in some dark room naked for an hour and a half as some jackass rubs you down."

"Be quiet! He can hear you!"

"Good. I hope he hears how I'm going to smash that smug smirk down the back of his fucking throat in three seconds."

"You are being ridiculous. How did you even know I was here?"

"Hmm?" he tips his head slightly, like he doesn't comprehend the question.

"Did you follow me here?"

"No. I took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese and I looked out and saw a dick walking with his hands on my wife. And besides it was Richie's idea."

She turns and looks across the room to her brother-in-law, who can hear every word, and shakes his head.

"Richie knew I was coming here."

"He thought you were with Kisa."

"No, he knew I was coming here. Dmitri doesn't work at the spa."

"He doesn't?"

"No. We were meeting here afterwards for dinner. He and his husband own a party planning business and I was trying to throw you a surprise party for your birthday but you had to go all alpha male and ruin the surprise."

"His - wait-"

"He's gay Seth."

"Oh." it takes a moment, then he licks his lips as his eyes dart around nervously, and he attempts to smile. "Well, that's a relief."

"Oh my God." she runs her hands over her face. "You honestly think I was having an affair? Do you think that little of me?"

"No! I trust you 100%. It's other men I don't trust. I don't - you could - you know, get taken advantage of."

"I think I can handle myself just fine. And obviously you don't since you felt you needed to follow me instead of just asking me."

"It was a little suspicious." he concedes and she scoffs at him. "Come on! Cut me some slack!"

"No! No slack!"

"Wait, why did you make it seem like he was your masseuse?"

"Because you're an idiot and you should know better."

"You were trolling me."

"I never definitively gave you an answer. You interpreted as you wanted to."

"Which was like the raging, jealous husband that I apparently am."

"Yes."

"Are you really getting massages?"

"Yes. They relieve stress."

"And I'm your stress?"

"No. He was being funny."

"He's not funny. Why do you get pizza from here? You hate pizza."

"Because after getting rubbed down by some man, the last thing I want to do is come home and cook a meal for my family. And if you must absolutely know, the person I schedule with is actually a woman - a very burly woman."

"Okay."

"Okay. Can I get back to my dinner and planning your non surprise party now?"

"Sure. I don't want a party."

"Tough shit. Now you're definitely getting one."

"Okay. Baby,"

"No. I'll talk to you when I get home." she walks back to her seat as Ben emerges from the bathroom. Seth intends to lead him quietly back to their table.

"Bye Mama. Have fun on your date."

She chokes on her soda as Dmitri stifles a loud laugh. Her cup slams onto the tabletop and she looks at her son in disbelief, then up at her extremely red husband.

"I didn't - he came out with that on his own."

"Good bye Seth."

* * *

"Hey,"

She glances up as she closes the door behind her and finds him standing in the upstairs hallway.

"Hi. It's quiet. Where are the kids?"

"Richie took them for the night."

"The whole night?"

"Yeah. Come on up here."

"I thought you were working late tonight."

"I lied."

She nods as she climbs the stairs and he greets her with a kiss before leading her into their bedroom.

"What are you doing?" she asks as soon as they hit the doorway. A small smile is playing on her lips as she observes their room. He has candles everywhere, clean sheets on their bed, and some type of jazz instrumental music playing quietly.

"So I was an ass."

"Not surprising in the least."

"No. But I noticed since the whole uh, Dmitri debacle, you stopped going to the spa. Richie told me about your headaches. And I know you cancelled your last three appointments because of me and I'm going to make it up to you."

"Seth,"

"So go on - strip."

"That's not usually how it goes. Also, I appreciate the gesture but you're not... trained."

"I'm very good with my hands."

"Yes but massage therapists go through years of schooling to learn about techniques and pressure points and muscles and how not to hurt somebody."

"I watched a YouTube video." he tells her as he finds the zipper of her dress. She snorts quietly but doesn't say anything as he slides the zipper down and plants a kiss on her neck. She's ready to protest again when he starts rubbing her shoulders and she sighs softly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry. It's nothing. It - it's just this time of year makes me... I'll be fine. It'll pass."

"I should have realized. I mean, I know you've been having trouble sleeping but I didn't - I forget. I'm sorry."

"It's not your burden."

"Yes it is." he kisses the side of her head gently as he walks her to their bed. "It wasn't a walk in the park for me either."

"It's stupid. It's been eleven years. I'm fine the rest of the year. It's just -" she cuts off with a sigh as she lays on her stomach. "I don't know what it is. It's never going to go away. It gets better and fades and I can distract myself but it's still there underneath it all."

"You got me." he says quietly and she nods, sighing again as he rubs her back.

"I know. I just don't want to bother you."

"You're not bothering me. If I didn't have my head up my ass, I'd have realized what was going on sooner. I feel like a fucking dick. Do you forgive me?"

"Only as long as you keep touching me like that."

"I think I can manage that."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lina experiences her first heartbreak on Valentine's Day.

_Can you come pick me up?_

Seth sighs as he sees his phone light up on the coffee table and sits up slightly.

"You're kidding, right?" Kate asks from where she is laying underneath him on the couch. Her hair is mussed, lips swollen, and her flannel shirt is unbuttoned. Her chest is heaving and he stares at her breasts sadly, then holds up his phone.

"Kids come first."

"Oh you're such a hypocrite. Every time they need me, you throw a fit."

"Excuse me, I did not want her going to that dance and apparently I am her first call in case of an emergency."

"I doubt it's an emergency. And I'm sure I just didn't hear my phone."

"I'll be back." he stands up, grabbing his shirt off the floor as he does, and taps her cell phone. "Huh - no texts or missed calls. Guess you're not her first call."

* * *

By the time he gets to the high school, Lina is sitting by herself on a bench outside the side entrance by the gym. He can see red and pink lights flashing through the windows and the music is so loud it sounds like he is standing inside. He slows to a stop next to the curb and for a moment, he merely stares at her and he knows instinctively something is wrong.

From the way she is hunched over, like she's trying to hide, to the fact she's alone and her dance is still seemingly raging on. Exhaling a sigh, he rolls the window down and leans over.

"Lina, come on."

Her head shoots up and he sees her hands swipe at her face as she jumps off the bench. As she slams the door and sinks into the front seat, he hears a group of girls cackling and shouting something. Lina slides lower and covers her face with her hair. He hesitates in putting the car into drive as his eyes flick from his daughter to the trio of girls standing in the doorway of the school.

"Hon-"

"Just go. Please." she whispers, sounding more miserable than she has in a long time.

"Hang on, where's Stacey?"

"She didn't come."

"Okay." he pulls away from the curb and waits until he is at the second traffic light before speaking again. "Am I dropping you off there? Were you still having a sleepover?"

"No."

  
"Oh." he frowns briefly. That put a bit of a kink in his and Kate's Valentine's Day plans. They had expected both kids to be sleeping over their friends' houses and now they were going to have Lina.

"Sorry I ruined your night."

"No. No, you didn't. It's not a big deal." he glances over and watches her carefully. "Why am I picking you up so early?"

"Why does it matter? You didn't want me going anyway. Bet you're happy."

"Wrong. I may have joked around but I wanted you to have a good time tonight. And I would never be happy knowing you're upset about something."

He's not great at the whole teenage drama thing and when Lina cries, he typically wants to crawl in a hole but also break the responsible person's legs. So when she bursts into loud sobs without warning, his stomach coils as he wonders why the hell she wouldn't call Kate.

"Oh, come - no, baby it's okay." he grips the steering wheel in his left hand as he reaches over with his right and strokes her hair gently. He stops at a red light and leans over briefly to kiss her forehead and she clings to him, creating a wet, snotty mess of his shoulder. "I'm sorry munchkin. Kids can be petty, fucking assholes. What happened?"

It's a little difficult to hear through her sobbing and he only catches certain pieces.

"...told me not to ...swore he liked me ...so stupid ...kissing someone ...Lizard."

"What? Slow down and take a deep breath. It's okay."

"Brittany and her bitches told me that Nick liked me and wanted to take me to the dance. She's been saying it for weeks but told me he didn't know how to ask me." she starts and he has no idea who these people are but assumes Brittany and the bitches were the brats in the doorway. "Stacey told me not to listen and we got into a fight so she didn't come and told me we weren't friends anymore if I was going to be stupid and not believe her over other people. But I really like him and I don't think there's anything wrong with me and when I got there, he had no idea who I even was. I help him in Spanish class. He was kissing Brittany. She was so mean because she found out I liked him so she wanted to teach me a lesson and she was calling me Lizard and said why would he ever like someone like me."

"What does that mean - someone like you? What's wrong with you?"

She stares at him in tearful disbelief and he quickly amends his question.

"I mean, why do they assume someone wouldn't like you? You're a beautiful and smart girl."

"No I'm not! I look like a five year old compared to the other girls! And it's not cool to be smart! I hate high school."

"Oh. So the cliques are still alive and well?"

"Yes!"

"I thought you were popular."

"No. I mean I'm friendly with different people but I'm not like Brittany. She's tall and has these cool outfits and she contours and I don't even know what that means and everyone loves her because she's super pretty but she's a stupid, vapid bitch."

"Honey, while I sympathize with you, I think your mother is more suited for this kind of discussion."

"I don't want to talk to Mom! I wanted you because you say you'll hurt anyone who hurts me so make good on your word!"

"As much as I would love to, I can't go around breaking fourteen year olds' legs."

"Why am I so awkward and weird? No one is ever going to like me."

"You are not awkward and weird."

"You have to say that - you're my dad."

"Trust me, dads don't have to say anything. Lina, you're a great kid. You're smart and friendly and you kick ass at field hockey. These assholes aren't going to mean anything in the long run. I know it sounds cliched but it's the truth."

"Were you popular?"

"Uh, well-"

"Never mind."

"I wasn't a jock or anything but I- people thought I was a badass. I didn't really associate with - Lina, I'm not the best example of a high school student. Your mom is much better than I am and was. Your uncle too. Oh my God - you want to awkward and weird? His picture is next to both in the dictionary."

"Did you date a lot of girls?"

"Maybe. What's a lot?"

"Not funny."

"Sorry. Honestly, I took a lot of girls on first dates and that was it."

"You mean you had one night stands."

"Jesus, no. Like I said, I'm not the role model you want here. I want you to be like your mother."

"Even Mom had a boyfriend and kissed a guy."

"Yeah - that was me. She was eighteen - almost nineteen. You got plenty of time."

"She had a boyfriend before you."

"Lies."

"Kyle?"

"Figment of her imagination."

"Whatever." she slumps against the headrest and she looks so pitiful that it makes his chest ache. She's in a dress he didn't approve and carefully done makeup he pretends to ignore and her hair curled and sprayed to perfection courtesy of his wife. And he wonders where the hell his baby went. "Who gets their heart broken on Valentine's Day?"

"I know it seems like the end of the world right now. Trust me, it's not. Some day in the very distant, far off future after I have carefully vetted and examined him, there is going to be a guy who doesn't deserve you that I will reluctantly approve of. You will have plenty of Valentine's Days."

"You think so?"

"Unfortunately yes. But in the mean time, I'll be your valentine."

"Dad." Her groan eats at him and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh come on! Remember when you were little and you always took me to your special person dances? We will go to this really great place and get some chili cheese fries and milkshakes and shoot spitballs at the bartender."

"...we're going to Jed's?"

"We're going to Jed's."

* * *

They are only there fifteen minutes or so when Richie comes by personally with their order and slides into Lina's side of the booth.

"Don't let those assholes get to you."

"How'd you know?"

"You only eat chili cheese fries when you're sad about something and I put two and two together. Figured they went all _Carrie_ on you. Was it like _Carrie_?"

"Not quite." a small smile plays on her lips as she pops a fry in. "They suck. I really thought he liked me."

"Richard, tell her about all the times you were rejected."

"Never happened."

"Oh come on. Dana Anderson? I actually think she dumped you on Valentine's Day."

"How about Missy Schumacher?"

"That's low. You're just jealous because my wife actually wanted to spend today with me, rather than yours who is currently in a foreign country."

"No. We don't need to be together on Valentine's Day because every day with me is like Valentine's Day. Unlike you."

"Please - I'll throw up."

"Actually Mom and Dad are pretty sickening." Lina comments after a long sip of her milkshake. "But it's nice to know true love like that exists."

Seth's face softens slightly while Richie scoffs. They are interrupted by a cell phone, which turns out to be Seth's.

"Speak of the devil. Hey baby,"

" _Bad news. Ben is at Toby's with a nasty stomach bug._ "

"Oh. Lina got into a fight with Stacey."

" _So..._ "

"I'll go get Ben and be home soon."

"Tess, can you get a box?" Richie waves at a waitress, who nods and disappears from view. "Lina, honestly, this stuff... it doesn't mean anything. I thought it was stupid even back then. One day, in the far off future, I'm going to reluctantly let you start dating some asshole who isn't worth your time."

"Hey, that's my fucking line." Seth complains.

* * *

"What movie do we want to watch?"

" _My Bloody Valentine._ "

"That is not appropriate for your brother."

"He's asleep." Lina thrusts a hand towards Ben, who is in fact asleep with his head against Seth's leg. Kate sighs and finishes braiding Lina's hair.

"Don't you want to watch something a little... sweeter?"

"No."

"I'm going to get a drink." Seth eases his way out from under Ben and quickly exits the living room. Kate smiles briefly and strokes a hand down Lina's back.

"I know it sucks."

"Did you ever get your heart broken?"

"Yep."

"Are you going to tell me how it's going to get better and I'm a wonderful young woman?"

"No. Is that what your dad said?"

"Pretty much." she mutters, causing Kate to let out a chuckle.

"He doesn't know. He's just trying to make you feel better." she says quietly.

"Were you picked on?"

"A little bit."

"It was so embarrassing. Everyone was watching." her voice drops to a whisper and a frown crosses her face.

"Oh I know baby." she pulls her into a hug and feels her sigh into her chest. "I'm so sorry."

"How am I supposed to go to school on Monday?"

"Like you always do. And if anyone gives you grief, you trip them with your hockey stick."

"Thought you didn't condone violence."

"Sometimes, the situation calls for it." they exchange a smile as Seth walks back in and goes to the entertainment center.

"We can watch _Dirty Dancing_." Lina says as he scoffs.

"Oh we can?"

"You're outvoted." Kate informs him. He shakes his head but finds the DVD and puts it on.

They are about forty five minutes into the movie when he looks over and sees Lina asleep on her section of the couch.

"You still awake?" he rubs Kate's shoulder gently and she nods, lifting her head to look at him.

"What's up?"

"Tonight wasn't a total wash."

"Little different than what I planned."

"Yeah me too." he snorts and they share a chuckle before they kiss. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For how I treated you in the beginning. I was a fucking asshole. If anyone talked to Lina like I did to you, I'd knock their teeth down their throat. It took a lot to keep calm when she told me what happened."

"Yeah well now you're a daddy so you see the other side. Don't worry - you made up for it."

"I know. But still, I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven." she mumbles, kissing him again. He winds a hand lazily into her hair as she presses closer to him.

"Would we be completely awful if we snuck upstairs and left them down here?"

"I think as long as we give them some blankets, we'll be okay." 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't come back then." Seth snarls. "You have no fucking idea what I'm going through. Alright? My wife - my wonderful, gorgeous, perfect goddamn wife - is seven months pregnant and she wants a fucking hot dog from your godforsaken shit store and it is the very least that I could do for her since I've been a dick and owe her everything and anything she wants. Now if I go home empty handed, I will certainly be castrated and quite possibly murdered."

"Seth,"

"Seth," this call is accompanied by a small push of his shoulder. He lets out a quiet noise but does nothing. Kate bites her lip, suddenly at a loss. She knows he has to be exhausted and she really doesn't want to wake him up.

_Wake him up._

It reminds her of the evil Kermit meme she has seen everywhere. She's not sure who that voice in her head belongs to. It's definitely not Amaru but it's definitely not her. It is short fused, ready to snap, always demanding, and all around quite nasty. She doesn't like it very much - this hormone fueled rage machine.

"Seth!" she pushes him harder and he jolts awake with a snort.

"Yeah?" he tries to sound casual, like she hasn't just caught him sleeping, and forces his eyes open. "What did you say?"

What she means to say is: _"My darling husband, who I absolutely love and adore, I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't a truly dire emergency-"_

What comes out is: "Were you fucking sleeping?"

He stifles a yawn and his eyes close slightly as he mutters, "No, sweetheart, why would I be sleeping at two in the morning?"

The question enrages her. Now, here's the thing - she's used to his pet names and doesn't mind most of them but the man has a system and she knows exactly what each name correlates to. Of course, they could all be interchangeable but he definitely had a pattern.

Babe/baby = casual, daily conversation.  
Honey = comforting or loving - sometimes pleading if he was in trouble.  
Princess = sassy bastard.

Sweetheart could mean two things. One, he wanted something from her, was trying to break some bad news carefully, or talk her down from one of her moments. Two, he intended to be condescending and sarcastic towards her.

This was definitely the second.

"Excuse me?"

His eyes pop open and she swears there is a trace of apprehension there as he tries to fix this. He stutters and works his way into some lame excuse that only exacerbates the situation.

"I can't believe you." she huffs irritably.

"What did I do?"

"You're selfish!"

"I- you're the one waking people up!"

"Because I can't sleep! Because I'm growing a human being in my body! That- **remember** \- is your child!"

"I'm well aware of that."

"And you know what, it's not fair that I do all the work. So, seeing as this is half yours, you can stay up with me." she finishes with a glare that dares him to try and fight her on this. He grunts and pulls the blanket over his head, then groans loudly when she kicks him in the knee. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes dear."

Dear. Oh she forgot about that one. That was pulled out on rare occasions where she was requesting something of him that he definitely didn't agree with but would reluctantly go along with.

"You know, you should watch your tone."

"What fucking tone!" he exclaims, ripping the blanket away to look at her in disbelief. "I said I would stay up. Would you like me to go get a fucking Parcheesi board?"

"That fucking tone!" her voice cracks slightly and he immediately looks like a scolded puppy and moves closer to her. "Don't touch me. You do not appreciate me."

"I do honey, I swear. I know you're going through a lot. Okay? I know I shouldn't complain but I'm exhausted and I feel like you're sucking the life out of me."

She looks at him in disbelief and it takes a moment before he realizes and cringes.

"Kate."

"Suck- _fuck you_! You know what, forget it." she would love to jump dramatically from their bed but with her ever expanding belly, it's not quite so dramatic. "This is what I get for marrying an idiot."

"I didn't mean it like that! It just came out! Yes, I am an idiot! Kate, honey, come on. Come back to bed."

"I'm sucking the life out of you? I am literally giving nutrients and blood and cells and and whatever else to this kid but _I'm_ sucking the life out of _you_? I'm growing a person Seth!"

He mutters the last part with her with an eye roll that of course she sees. He isn't prepared for the designer throw pillow that comes flying and hits him square in the face. It's the ugly one he hates that doesn't match their room at all but Kate likes and it rattles anytime the couch moves because it's covered in beads and now he's pretty sure he just swallowed a few and some are embedded in his face.

"Honey,"

"Don't honey me. You're not talking your way out of this one Gecko."

"So what would you like me to do?" he chooses his words carefully and talks in a calm, polite tone he's heard Starbucks baristas use.

"You know the mini-mart? The one on the county road heading towards the city? I think it's on the corner of Walker? It's got that giant blow up guy who wiggles in the wind in front of it?"

"Mhmm."

"Go there, get me the greasiest hot dog you can find, a bag of cool ranch Doritos, and a pineapple soda. Oh and the king sized Reese's peanut butter cups. Do you want to write this down?"

"No."

"You sure because if you come back missing anything or have the wrong thing, I may freak out."

He holds in his sigh, grabs his phone off the nightstand, and notes down her request as she repeats it a second time.

"Read it back to me."

He does - just as someone knocks on their bedroom door. It's Richie- there's no one else in the house and he looks extremely annoyed.

"What the hell?" he holds his hands up, like he doesn't understand why they've been arguing.

"Apparently, we are in the wrong for simply existing." Seth informs him as he pulls his pants on. "I breathe and I get screamed at."

"You are being so dramatic and overly sensitive." Kate retorts.

"Kate, you're the last person that should be talking about sensitivity issues." Richie says, making her turn her glare on him while Seth groans quietly.

"Seth, take your brother with you or you may come back to find him as a pile of ashes."

* * *

"I don't think I'm going to make it to April."

"She's just hungry. You know she gets angry when she's hungry as a non-pregnant woman."

"Who fucking gets hungry at two in the morning three days in a row?" he quickly throws a hand up as he sees Richie open his mouth. "Don't answer that! I know! The woman who is carrying my child! Fuck, I'm not cut out for this!"

"Oh shut up. You're being ridiculous. She has every right to rip you a new one and demand things of you. You kiss her ass when she's not pregnant so don't act like she's inconveniencing you."

"She woke me up at two in the morning to get a hot dog!"

"She's having your baby. Give her a damn hot dog."

"And I would! At a normal hour! You shut up, you're just scared she's going to stake you."

"No, I fully respect her."

"So do I!"

"I don't think you grasp the-"

"I'm grasping things just fine. I'm just tired." he grumbles as he rubs a hand over his face. "She's like a completely different person. Where did my wife go? Is this what it's going to be like?"

"No. She's just hormonal. And she's fine most of the time."

"Half. At least half."

"You always were a glass half empty kind of guy."

"Shut up Richard." he pulls into the parking lot of the mini-mart and parks near the entrance. They are just climbing out of the car when a gangly young man exits and turns to lock the door. Seth curses loudly and sprints towards him. "Whoa, whoa, hold the fuck up!"

"Uh... we're closed."

"No. You can't be closed. I thought this was a twenty four hour store!"

"We close from 2-5. You can come back then."

"I can't come back then." Seth snarls. "You have no fucking idea what I'm going through. Alright? My wife - my wonderful, gorgeous, perfect goddamn wife - is seven months pregnant and she wants a fucking hot dog from your godforsaken shit store and it is the very least that I could do for her since I've been a dick and owe her everything and anything she wants. Now if I go home empty handed, I will certainly be castrated and quite possibly murdered."

"Sounds like a personal problem dude. There's an Exxon three blocks over."

"There's an Exxon three blocks over." he repeats, as the guy nods. He clicks his tongue as he nods as well, and looks over his shoulder at Richie, who shrugs. Seth shrugs as well, then suddenly has the younger man pinned against the store front with his pistol pressed into his chest.

"What the fuck man!"

"Open the goddamn door!"

"Seth, I don't think we need to hold up a mini-mart for a hot dog." Richie comments.

"I will! I will because Kate deserves it! And this is the mini-mart with them - on the corner of the county road and Walker with the wiggly motherfucker outside. Now, open the fucking door and give me what I need."

"Even if I open the door, I don't have any. I'd have to make them."

"Well, I guess you're gonna fire up your grill and make some fucking hot dogs."

"No."

"Do you want to die?" Seth growls as he pushes the gun further into his sternum.

"Get out of the way." Richie pulls on his shoulder to move him and he holds his hand out towards the guy. His expression goes blank as he falls under Richie's possession. "I don't think Kate will see the romance behind a robbery and the father of her child spending a few more years in jail."

* * *

"Ten bucks says she went back to sleep." Seth mutters as they get home a half hour later. He closes the door quietly, then grimaces as Kate calls out to him.

"Baby, I'm in the kitchen."

"Pay up brother."

"Sorry, someone wouldn't let me get my change from Napoleon Dynamite."

"You were going to shoot him for a hot dog and peanut buttercups."

"Don't forget the Doritos and pineapple soda." He retorts as they walk to the kitchen. "Hi honey."

"Hi." she smiles sweetly from where she sits at the kitchen table and watches as he places the bag in front of her. "What took you so long?"

"They didn't have any hot dogs."

"So you made him make me one?"

"Four actually. He had to open a whole pack."

"Thanks baby. That's sweet."

"Yup." Richie says dryly, "Super sweet."

She carefully pulls each hot dog from the bag, humming with happiness at the grease ladled wrappings. Seth scrubs his hands over his face as he yawns.

"Seth," her voice makes him freeze and he peeks out between his fingers, "I wanted a Coke."

"Baby, you said pineapple."

"Why would I want pineapple? I hate pineapple."

"You said pineapple! Twice and I wrote it down and -" he's fumbling for his phone when he sees the grin on her face. "You're fucking with me."

"I'm going upstairs."

"Thanks for going." she says quietly as Richie leaves. "I know I've been unbearable."

"It's fine." he sits next to her and she leans over to kiss him.

"I appreciate it. You want one of my hot dogs?"

"I'll pass. Look, about before -"

"Forget it. I've put you through the ringer. I wasn't exactly nice either." she reaches over and runs her finger over his lip, which is scabbed slightly from the beaded pillow. "Sorry about this."

"I'll tell people I got in a bar fight." he shrugs as she laughs and kisses the corner of his mouth. "I will take a Reese's though."

"Not a chance."

"Didn't think so."

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate fills Scott in on what he's missed while he was on tour. He has some slight reservations.

"I think you're spending too much time with Seth." Scott says this carefully as he eyes Kate with a slightly disgusted gaze.

"Why?" she asks around a mouthful of fries. She lifts her eyebrows questioningly as she sips her soda, then picks her burger up and takes a large bite.

"Well, you're eating like him for starters." he drops his own burger and flops back against the seat. She laughs quietly and wipes her mouth.

"Sorry, I'm starving and it just tastes so damn good." she stares at her plate, then shakes her head like she can't believe it. "So tell me everything. How was your tour?"

"It was great actually. There was a producer at our show in Dallas. He wants to bring us in to record an album."

"Scott, that's great!" she reaches across the table to clasp her hand over his. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks. Yeah, it'll be awesome to have real exposure, maybe play some places that are bigger than a nightclub."

"I believe in you." she squeezes his fingers and he smiles across at her. "I'm happy that you were able to... to find a... I'm happy you're still living and striving for a goal. How's it been?"

"Good. You know, you learn to deal and... when you're not stuck with psychos like Carlos and Tanner, you realize that there are culebras who actually carry on productive lives and find other ways of surviving. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing like ripping out someone's throat and sucking them dry but the alternatives work too."

"Oh. Well, glad to hear it."

"What about you? How's everything?" he taps his head and she catches his drift, then shrugs in response.

"It's... I have good days and bad days. Mostly good but there are those moments. I'm working on it. It's been better than it was."

"Good. Good. So, I'm going to be heading out again in a few weeks. Hit the major cities here and then we're going to Oklahoma. You should come with us."

She smiles and crumples her napkin, then sits back. He waits as she sighs, then smiles again.

"And here I was going to ask you to move in with us."

"Kate, no offense but I couldn't live in that small space with a Gecko. They aren't the nicest of people."

"Well, it's not going to be a small space because Seth bought a house and they will start being nice because soon I will be a Gecko."

"What?"

"And your niece or nephew will be as well."

"A- you're speaking theoretically in the future?"

"Sure, in about six months or so."

"Oh God."

"I'm so glad you're happy."

"You're pregnant."

"Yes."

"And you're going to marry Seth?"

"Yes."

"Oh God."

"Scott,"

"You're serious?"

"Yes." she sips on her soda and watches him over the straw. He looks completely shellshocked and she doesn't blame him. "Scott,"

"I thought this was a phase." he says quietly. "That after a while, you'd get tired of him and come find me."

“No.” she shakes her head and puts a soft, careful tone in her voice, like she’s speaking to a child. If her brother realizes it, he doesn’t say anything. “Scott, I love him. You were there when Venganza explained about us being soul mates."

"I know but I thought that wouldn't ... override everything else."

"I thought you were getting along."

"I tolerate him but... Jesus, Kate, he's still the starting point for everything that has happened to us. There's - I think I'm always going to hate him for that. You're gonna sit there and make excuses for him because some chick says he's your soul mate? You ever think she said that because it benefits her?"

"How would my relationship with Seth benefit Venganza?"

"Some fucking scripture, vague prophecy bull shit so she can get you two to do her bidding. I don't know." he huffs, knowing his defense is weak but still not liking this.

“Well, possibly but I assure you, we really are.”

“How do you know?”

“I can tell. There’s this… connection. I don’t know. I can’t really - I can feel it. I know it’s there.”

“That’s like every cheeseball romance movie you ever watched. You ever think you have Stockholm Syndrome?”

“Shut up!” she throws a french fry at his head. “Do not ever say that again. It’s insulting. I know you’re not happy but this is how it is going to be. There is so much more to him than that and you know that. You were a part of trying to get me back. You saw what he did for me. You’ve been around the past year. Scott,”

She presses her hands into the table top and leans towards him. He sighs and crosses his arms but stares at her with a reluctant sort of gaze.

"You have to trust me and trust my judgement. You don't know him like I do and I think if you did, you would understand."

"Kate, I want you happy."

"I am. I am happy. If - if I didn't have him, I don't know where I would be right now."

"And what if he's just this way because he feels guilty?"

"Do you honestly think that?" she asks.

"No." he mutters in response, like he'd rather lie and say yes. "It's just- you know, it's my job to look out for you and I still think he is a dick."

"I appreciate that. I'm not saying he's not a dick. He definitely is but it doesn't change how either of us feel about each other. I don't want that to affect our relationship. You're my brother and I love you and this baby is going to need everyone they can get. I want her to have both her uncles."

"Oh no. I am not sharing uncle duties with Richard."

"Anyway, Seth and I discussed it, and there's plenty of rooms in the new house. I know you're on the road a lot but we want you and Richie to both have some place to call home when you need it. You're our family."

They are both quiet for a few moments before he sighs and squeezes her hand.

"I want to talk to him."

"Fine. I can show you the house too."

* * *

"You got my sister pregnant?"

Seth rolls his eyes as he closes the cabinet and turns to face Scott.

"Hello to you too. How was the road? When are you leaving?"

"Ever hear of a condom?"

"Yes, Scott, I don't need the birds and the bees talk from you." he peers around the culebra for his fiancee but doesn't see her. "Where is she?"

"Outside. I told her to give us some privacy."

"Okay." he smirks as he sits on the barstool they currently have in the kitchen. "You gonna give me a talkin' to?"

"You think this is funny?"

"Scott, come on,"

"I could kill you. I probably will kill you. I don't like this."

"God, they should have an age limit for turning someone into a culebra. If I'm going to have to deal with you as an angsty, little bitch the rest of my life, I will be severely pissed off."

"Fuck you!"

"Look, Kate's a big girl-"

"Yeah and you always get what you want. You dazzled her with your charm and your dick and you're going to use her."

"No, I'm not. I love your sister." he says and Scott scoffs. "Look at me."

He waits until they make eye contact and he repeats himself.

"I love Kate. I'm not going to hurt her or use her. Come on man, you think I'd do what I did for anyone else? She's the only one I have ever cared for like this."

"How's it going in here?" Kate pokes her head into the room and smiles.

"Great honey."

"Scott?"

"Super." he gives her a thumbs up and she nods, disappearing again. He leans across the table menacingly and lowers his voice. "I will fucking kill you. I'm not playing around. She might forgive you but I don't. I know what you did for her and yeah, I'm grateful, but that doesn't negate all the shit you put her and me through."

"I know that."

"Our relationship is pretty neutral right now. We worked together for a common goal and now I put up with you because Kate puts up with you. You put one fucking toe over the line, I'll take your head off. One nice, clean cut."

"Okay."

"I'm serious."

"I know. I've seen you in action."

"You mess this up for her or the kid, I will not hesitate. You know how you are over Richie? Pretend he was a girl. Multiply it by three."

"I get it. I swear. Don't worry, if I ever mess up, I will harikari myself."

"No you won't because you are not taking that satisfaction away from me."

"Are we done?"

"No."

"What else? I mean, I literally went to the fucking gates of Hell for her. What more could I do to prove myself? Other than you thinking you need to play tough guy, I think we're good."

"Take care of her."

"I have been."

"I know." Scott admits begrudgingly. "You were here for her when I wasn't. I just don't trust you 100% yet."

"I know but I appreciate you giving me a chance. I know how much she means to you and I respect that."

"Just as long as you know."

"I do."

Scott nods a little and crosses his arms as he looks out the patio door to the deck. Seth shoves his hands into his pockets and waits.

"I guess this is where I'm supposed to welcome you to the family and we hug."

"We don't need to hug."

"Thank God. I do have some terms and conditions however."

"Of course you do."

"I will be the favorite uncle."

"Richard might take issue with that."

"I'm prepared to handle it."

"You two are going to be unbearable but go on."

"Also, if I'm going to spend time here, I'd like a room for the band."

"You're not playing that shit music in my house." he says, causing the younger man to tilt his head. "There is an old shed out back that I don't have any use for. It's decently sized- should fit all your emo friends. Feel free to repurpose it. Preferably with soundproof materials."

"How's it going?" Kate pops back in, a hopeful expression on her face.

"Great honey."

"We're good. How about you show me this shed that will be my recording studio?"

"No. No, Kate, I have no idea what's out there. You stay in here. I'll show Scott."

"Seth, I can handle it."

"There could be wild animals and rattlesnakes and rusted old shit. You don't need a rabies or a tetanus shot."

"Wow." Scott stares at him in disbelief.

"I told you." Kate chirps cheerfully. "He's overly protective. You have nothing to worry about."

"I may need to spring you from prison cell."

"So what, I'm damned if I do or damned if I don't?" Seth asks.

"Let's go look at the shed." Kate grabs Scott by the hand as she giggles at Seth's frown.

"Please be careful."

"Don't get your panties in a twist Gecko."

"And watch the steps! I went out there and that bottom step was loose."

"Is he always like this?"

"For the most part. The baby makes him a hundred times worse."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes,they are our family but we also have to admit that they are culebras. Is she safe? Seth, think about it, the only human we know enough to trust is Freddie and he's just as much involved in all of this as they are. How are they supposed to protect the baby? How are we supposed to?" she's on the verge of hysterics as she gives a broken whisper, "What were we thinking?"

It's been a while since Kate has had a nightmare - hasn't had one since they arrived in France - and it catches Seth off guard and he isn't completely prepared for it. He's half asleep when he hears her mumbling and crying. He thinks she's awake at first but when he sits up, he realizes what's going on.

She's thrashing slightly, mumbling _no_ and _please_ and _don't_ , eventually escalating to screaming hysterics as he tries to wake her. He knows when her eyes open that she isn't fully seeing him. She's terrified, shaking in his grasp, as she scratches at his forearms.

"Hey, hey, it's me. It's just me." he strokes her face, trying to calm her down. "It was just a nightmare. Come on, baby, relax."

"It's choking me."

"What? No, babe, you're fine. There's nothing there. Look," he takes her hand in his and puts it against her throat, "see? Nothing there."

"No, no, it was there - she was here." she rambles quickly, trying to sit up. He helps her up and she looks around him, eyes darting wildly around the room.

"Kate... Kate, honey," he cups her face carefully in his hands, trying to get her to focus on him, "no one was here, okay?"

"I saw her and she-" a sob bubbles out of her as she drops her hand to her stomach. "The baby-"

"The baby's fine." he puts his hand reassuringly over hers, then feels the baby move. "See? She's fine."

She shakes her head, then leans against him with another sob as he presses his face into her hair.

"It's okay. I got you."

* * *

He knows it is still bothering her the next afternoon. They are sitting in the cafe they have taken a liking to and she's staring over the terrace wall at the beach below.

She jumps when he reaches for her hand, and they both look at each other apologetically - him for startling her and her for being so jumpy.

"Your food okay?"

"Yeah." she nods, staring at the waffle and strawberries that has a grand total of two bites taken out of it. She sits back in her chair with a sigh and her free hand rests on top of her stomach. She turns her gaze out over the water again and he almost doesn't hear her when she speaks again. "I want to go home."

He swallows the mouthful of eggs and takes a moment before responding. They've been in Europe almost two months now. After Paris and London, they had worked their way through Italy and Greece before coming to Spain. They had spent the last week in Barcelona and Madrid and now they were holed up in a five star hotel in the coastal city of Marbella.

"Whatever you want to do." he says and she frowns as she watches him, like she's looking for some kind of deception. "When?"

"I don't know." she murmurs but he knows the real answer is _as soon as possible_.

"Okay. I'll look for flights when we get back to the room." he pauses briefly, then runs his hand over her hair, currently pulled into a loose side braid. "You want to get out of here?"

She nods and he waves the waiter over for the check. They walk the short distance back to the hotel in relative silence - he's not a talker but he hates this awkward fog hanging around them so he fails at trying to keep up a one-sided conversation.

When they get back to their room, she slips out of her shoes, jeans, and bra and lays down in only his button down shirt she had been wearing. He closes the drapes to block out the sun, then lays down and spoons her from behind.

"You don't have to." she whispers.

"I know but I'm going to." he replies as he kisses her cheek. She grabs his hand, which is resting on her stomach, and locks their fingers together. He stays awake until he feels her relax, then tries to get some sleep himself. It quickly becomes obvious that he won't though. So he stays where he is, making sure she feels secure enough to keep the dreams at bay. He loses track of time when she turns slightly and meets his eye over her shoulder.

"Hey," she strokes her fingers over his scruff and smiles a little, looking more rested than she had that morning. "Thank you."

He nods as he leans over and kisses her. She hums quietly against his mouth as her hand slips around to the back of his head.

"I'm sorry about before."

"You don't have to apologize. You feel better?"

"Little bit." She replies and he lifts an eyebrow. "No, not really."

She turns more, so they are facing each other completely. They aren't as close as they would normally be due to her belly but there's something comforting about having the baby between them, knowing they are a little more protected with Seth there.

"This is becoming very real, very quickly." she says quietly.

"As opposed to it not being real the past four months?"

"I need you to be serious." she says, waiting until his expression sobers and he nods, "he or she is going to be here sooner than we think and we have nothing figured out or planned."

"We'll be home in a couple of days and work everything out then."

"No. No. I'm not talking about a nursery or clothes. We have to think about what's best for her. We have to figure out what we are going to do if... if something happens to us." she sees his mouth start to open and she shakes her head, "Seth, no. You can't go all macho and say nothing bad is ever going to happen. Something bad could always happen. We need a plan. We need several plans."

"Kate, I know it's-" he cuts off with a sigh, not entirely sure of what he wanted to say. It didn't take rocket science to know she dreamed of Amaru returning and hurting the baby.

"If I died, what would you do?"

"Jesus Kate."

"Say I die giving birth or a few months from now, I get attacked by a culebra, what are you going to do?"

"Do we need to be so fucking drastic?"

"Yes! Yes because I need to know, above all else, that no matter what happens, our baby is loved and taken care of and raised properly. What if something happens to both of us? Who are we naming her guardian? Can we trust Richie and Scott to not flip one day and kill her?"

"Yes! Jesus Christ, they are our family!"

"Yes,they are our family but we also have to admit that they are culebras. Is she safe? Seth, think about it, the only human we know enough to trust is Freddie and he's just as much involved in all of this as they are. How are they supposed to protect the baby? How are we supposed to?" she's on the verge of hysterics as she gives a broken whisper, "What were we thinking?"

She wipes a hand along her cheek, catching the stray tear that has managed to fall. He hates this - hates seeing her unsure, scared, knowing no matter what he says, he won't be able to fully soothe her.

"What you're saying is a normal fear."

"We're not normal though. Most people don't need to worry about a vampire breaking down their door."

"Not that they know of at least. If you think that I would let-"

"I don't think you'd let it happen. I know you wouldn't but you can't stop everything."

"But I can try."

"We have targets on our backs. We're automatically bringing her into a dangerous situation. What if something uses her to get to us?"

"I know. I know." he runs his hand over her face, stroking back stray hairs that had fallen from her braid.

"We've been here and it's easy to pretend that things are okay but this isn't real life. This isn't who we are. We would never be able to just run and... and I wouldn't want that."

"No. We're not going to run. You know we have our team who's loyal to us. We have people who would fight alongside us if need be. Things are quiet right now. It's a risk - not a regular one - but on our scale of normalcy, the chance is like getting hit by a car. We can't just sit and fester. That's not who either of us are. As far as Richie and Scott go, I know there is always the chance they can go rogue but I honestly believe they still have some humanity left in them because they have always tried to help us in their own way. I do not think for one second that they would intentionally hurt us or the baby. I know you're nervous and scared and that's okay but we need to stick together."

"I know."

"I know you don't trust me to be on my own."

"It's not that I don't trust you."

"It's okay."

"I do trust you."

"But?"

"But I watched how you got when Richie left. That was your brother. How would you act over losing me, especially when you have someone else that needs to be taken care of?" there is a nasty little silence hanging between them and he can sense the hidden part of that question - _since you didn't take care of me_? He doesn't answer immediately and she shifts slightly. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"You don't need to apologize. I'm not - I know you don't have a lot of good memories to go off of with me."

"That's not true. I know the type of person that you are - what you did for me -I'm not doubting that. I just - I just want to know that you wouldn't- I need to know the baby is a priority for you."

They stare at each other and for a moment, he is at a loss, trying to think of something that can sway her view.

"I remember when I was a kid, you know, I tried to uh, be a tough guy. Thought I had to be - you know, keep the old man off my back and keep Richie protected. I remember, I was probably six or seven and they had some stupid thing at school with the dads and of course he wasn't there. I remember being shocked at - at how they interacted with their kids, and thinking so this is what it's like. I never made it known how I... looked for that kind of attention but I remember sitting up at night just ... hoping that there'd be one fucking night that he wouldn't come home totally plastered and there'd be one fucking night where I'd hear good job or something else good from him. It never came. Now, I was a kid, so girls were gross and babies were alien beings but I told myself, if I ever had kids, I wouldn't let them sit up at night thinking those same thoughts I had."

"Seth,"

"I wouldn't use again. I'd cut back drinking. I know next to nothing about babies and I can't guarantee I'm always going to be doing it right, but I fucking swear Kate, this kid is my top priority and she's going to stay my top priority, no matter what happens. Okay?"

"Okay." she whispers tearfully as he kisses her forehead.

"I didn't touch one needle when you died. I wanted to. God, I wanted to."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because if I stayed clean in the first place, I wouldn't have been so fucked up and things would have been different. I would have been able to - to-"

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Everything just fucking spiraled and it could have been better. You wouldn't have died. So I wasn't going to tarnish your memory. You would have kicked my ass if you found out I was using again. When I found out you were alive, I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of us again."

"Us?"

"I was an idiot. Well partially. When I wasn't telling myself I wasn't in love with you, I was telling myself I was no good for you."

"What changed your mind?"

"Guess I figured I already lost you once. What's the worst that could happen?" he grins slightly as he nudges her chin and she lets out a short chuckle. "I love you Katie. I love this baby. I promise you I will do everything I can to make this work, no matter what we're facing. Even if I die in the process."

"Please don't. I need you."

"Everything will be fine."

"I don't want this to be a part of her life. I want her to have a normal childhood. How are we supposed to manage both? How are we going to hide Richie and Scott?"

"We're not. We'll figure something out. You gotta relax baby. It's not good for you, y'know, all this worrying. It's probably what triggered last night in the first place."

"I would never forgive myself if something happened."

"I know and I feel the same but we're going to do the best we can. That's all we can do. We can't have a contingency plan for every little possibility. And our best is pretty damn good. Especially yours. I'm terrified of you."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious. You'll be one of those overprotective mama bears."

"Yeah and you're going to be armed to the teeth with every possible weapon."

"Damn right I am." he strokes his hand over her stomach. "Just be prepared for what you're coming out to kid."

He feels a nudge in response and a faint smile crosses both their faces.

"She likes when you talk to her. She's probably going to be a loud mouth like you. That'll be my luck."

"I doubt it. So you still ready to go home?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, we'll go home." he kisses her before he sits up to grab the iPad off the nightstand. "Should we warn the kids and give them a chance to clean up their messes?"

"Think of how much fun it'll be to catch them in the act."

"So much fun. Any bets on the cost of damages?"

"Oh, I'll say two grand."

"God, I hope not."

She smiles slightly and he watches her carefully as he opens up the internet app.

"I'll be okay. Just need some more sleep. I need to see her too - see for myself things are okay."

"I know." 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know how it happens - well, he knows - but it feels like a fucking blur because one second, Kate was breaking his hand with this determined little glare on her face and in the next, there's this tiny, squirming, crying thing in her arms and she's suddenly bawling her eyes out and they have a baby.

He wakes up, slumped in the stiff armchair, and groans quietly as he moves his neck. The lights in the room have been dimmed and an episode of _The Honeymooners_ is playing on the TV with the sound barely audible. He catches Kate staring at him and he instantly feels guilty.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."

"You mean, you're human and you like to sleep? Please don't be stupid."

"How are you feeling?" he asks and she shrugs in response.

"Not good, not bad. I'm not exactly having a party here."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"So you could stare at me? I said don't be stupid."

He sighs and rubs his hands over his face as he hunches over his knees. He straightens up with a sigh, then moves the chair closer to her bedside. His eyes are drawn to the monitors on her other side and he must make a confused or concerned face because she chuckles quietly and reaches for his hand.

"We're okay. The doctor was just in here. She said things are moving nicely. Slowly but nicely. That's why I didn't wake you. It's going to be a long day."

"What time is it?"

"Little after four."

"You get any sleep?"

"Not really. Can't get comfortable and when I do-" she cuts off with a noise as her fingers tighten around his. Her tone is strained as she mutters, "This happens."

He feels completely helpless and guilty as watches her. She recognizes this once the contraction passes and she smiles a little.

"Seth, stop."

"I didn't do anything."

"You've got that look. It's not your fault. I mean, technically, it is, but it's not like you're doing this part on purpose. Just how it goes."

"I still don't like it. I hate seeing you in pain.” he mutters, which is the goddamn truth. He knows it’s a totally different scenario but every time she tenses up, or that pained expression flits across her face, it reminds him of Amaru.

"I'm not exactly enjoying myself either."

"Sorry. I didn't -"

"Seth," she gives him a look and he shuts up, looking like a scolded child. She moves, creating a space big enough for him on the bed and pats the mattress.

"No."

"Come here. It's probably not much better than the chair but at least you'll be able to relax. You're not going to hurt me or mess anything up." she says and he still looks hesitant so she pouts and adds, "I would really like you to hold me."

He can't refuse that so he stands but before he can join her, she points across the room.

"Get the book out of the bag. It's in the big zipped up part."

"Kate,"

"Seth, she needs a name. We can't call her the baby the rest of her life."

He makes a cranky face but does as he is told, then hands her the book before stretching out alongside her. It's a tight fit but they make it work somehow, both of them sort of sideways and her leaning against him.

"Thanks." she whispers into his shoulder as he nods and kisses her forehead. "I hate hospitals."

"When were you in the hospital?"

"Third grade- I broke my leg."

"Really?"

"Mhmm. Fell out of a tree."

He chuckles against her hair as she pinches his wrist.

"I was too. Had appendicitis. Thank God we were living with Eddie. My dad probably fucking would have let me get sepsis. Richie broke his arm in high school."

"Surprised you two don't have more experiences here."

"We tried to take care of ourselves for the most part. Richie used to date a nurse back in the day."

"Really?"

"Mhmm. It didn't last long. She liked reaping the benefits of our heists but didn't like the heist part... or me for that matter."

"What was her name?"

"I think it was Brianna or Brenda. Something with a B."

"Okay, no B names." she begins flipping through the pages of the baby name book, trying to come up with something.

"Audrey."

"No."

"Alison?"

"No."

"Charlotte."

"No."

"Christina."

"No. Dated a Christina."

"Deanna."

"No."

They pause for a contraction and he takes over.

"Erica."

"No. I hated an Erica. Casey?"

"Dated a Casey. Jessica?"

“Really?" she gives him a look of disbelief and he shrugs.

"Jennifer." he looks at her sideways and she appears to consider it before shaking her head.

"No. Something new. I don't want to saddle her with anything. Haley?"

"No. Sophia?"

"Possibility. Olivia?"

"Lost my virginity to an Olivia."

"Jesus, is there any female names you haven't dated or slept with?"

"Yes but then those names sound like old ladies."

* * *

"Babe, you gotta breathe. You're all tense."

She flashes him a venomous look and tightens her grip on his hand as she pushes out a slow breath.

"Good."

"Seth, tell me to breathe one more time and see what happens. I know to breathe!"

"I know but -"

"Yeah I'm tense! I've got a baby crawling its way out of me! And it fucking hurts! How about I squeeze your dick as hard as I can and tell you to _just breathe_?" she finishes with a mocking tone and he doesn't know whether to laugh or be scared. "I. Know. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Great." she flashes him a cold smile as she leans back into the stack of pillows. "It's not that bad."

"Okay."

"It's not. I mean, I've been through worse." she says quietly. He nods as he sits next to her and rubs his hand along her thigh comfortingly. "Except this is pretty bad. God, how do they do this?"

"Are you sure you don't want pain medication?"

"A few hours of this is better than having that giant needle go into my back."

"If you say so."

"It's huge. Like this big," she holds her hands a part but he's pretty sure she's exaggerating - at least he hopes. "I hate needles."

"You don't have to look at it."

"I don't care. Just the thought of it freaks me out and besides women do this every day and I've been through a lot worse than they have."

"Exactly."

"I'll stick it to Alana and her holistic, nature loving, organic, yogi friends."

"Really? This is about that crazy woman at the birthing class?"

"She was so mean. But she knew so much."

"She was out of her mind."

"She has five kids."

"She was fucking eating a placenta. My brother drinks human blood and that doesn't freak me out as bad as her munching on a dried up placenta."

She starts laughing but it quickly turns into a groan and she hunches over. He moves in and picks her face up, cradling it gently in his hands.

"I got you." He tells her and she nods a little as she matches her breathing to his. Her hands clasp around his wrists and she holds onto him as the pain subsides and he leans in to kiss her. "You're doing so good baby."

"Yeah? Cause I feel like I'm about to lose it."

"No, you're great. I would have been dead by now. You're taking it all like a champ."

"You're just trying to stay on my good side."

"That too." he winks and she rolls her eyes slightly before she closes them with a sigh.

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"I don't know. Tell me something I don't know.” she says and he thinks for a moment, before clearing his throat.

"You remember when we were still in Mexico, it was your birthday and you dragged me to that boardwalk? We were in that town on the Gulf?"

"Mhmm." she smiles faintly, then chuckles, "Remember the fortune teller? She had that little booth at the end by the ferris wheel. You hated her. What was her name?"

"The Sensational Selina, with an I-"

"-because she's not the Queen of Tejano music." she finishes with a giggle. "She was over the top."

"She was a fraud. She was just good at reading people."

"What did she say that got you so mad? I thought she was fun. I was going to have three kids and wind up married to some rich, tall, dark, and handsome man and he was going to have some kind of marking on him. Oh wait,"

"I can't believe we actually paid her for that shit."

"What did she say? You never told me."

"She said I was in love with you."

"How awful." she rolls her eyes and he ignores her.

"I was though. When we were walking around that night, you were in this blue sundress, and I couldn't keep my eyes off you. I almost convinced myself it could work. Then she said that and for someone outside us to realize and say something, I don't know, it took me out of the moment and it scared the shit out of me."

"You won me a one-eyed teddy bear that night. At the ball toss stand."

"I did."

"I found him in the backseat when I crossed the border after I left." her cheeks turn pink and she adds, "I set him on fire in the middle of the desert."

"Wow. I still have the photo booth picture."

"You do? I thought it didn't print." she smiles as he nods and sits up to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. He pulls the worn strip of paper out and hands it to her.

"You started walking and I noticed it finally came out so I took it." he mutters as she traces her finger over the fourth photo, the one where she is smiling at him and he looks like she's everything he needs. "So three kids."

"Let's get through today, okay?"

"Okay."

"I like that name." she says quietly after another contraction.

"What?"

"Selina."

"Really?"

"Hey, she was right, wasn't she?"

* * *

He feels like he shouldn't be so shocked or surprised or blown away after everything he's seen and done. But they have a baby and he's pretty sure his legs are about to give out.

He doesn't know how it happens - well, _he knows_ \- but it feels like a fucking blur because one second, Kate was breaking his hand with this determined little glare on her face and in the next, there's this tiny, squirming, crying thing in her arms and she's suddenly bawling her eyes out and _they have a baby_.

It doesn't feel real. He doesn't know what to do or how to react and he's just fucking floored by the fact that there is a real, live baby in his wife's arms. Their baby. Their daughter.

He has a daughter.

"Oh my God." his voice sounds strangled to his own ears and Kate looks at him with a tearful laugh. Her face softens as she gets a good look at him and she whispers his name in this loving tone as he presses his face against her shoulder and cries. He lifts his head a few moments later and finds himself at eye level with the baby.

He wipes his face, then gingerly places his hand on her back, right next to Kate's, and she's laughing again at him, probably because he looks like a fucking idiot but he doesn't care.

He's working up the nerve to take her himself when the nurse takes her instead and the doctor is talking about baths and clothes and tests and he isn't listening but Kate nods before she takes his face in her hands and plants a kiss on him. He practically melts into her and he always thought these were fucking cliches in movies but he's positive he's never loved her more than he does right now.

He opens his mouth but he doesn’t know what he wants to say - there are multiple thoughts rolling around in his head and he doesn’t know which one to go with - and he suddenly feels like there is a lump in his throat. She runs her hand over his jaw, smiling, and he knows she understands when she kisses him again, then leans their heads together.

He's sure the staff will have a great time gossiping about him at the nurses' station.

* * *

He panics when they bring her back to them. Kate points to him when the nurse holds Lina out and he shakes his head, stuttering and wringing his hands.

"How?"

It takes a moment as she helps him and then she steps away and he looks at his wife in terror as he sits stiffly with the baby in his arms.

"Relax." Kate soothes, running a hand down his arm. "You're not going to break her."

"Clearly, you don't know me very well."

"Quite the opposite. She's fine. You're fine. Just support her neck."

He's held up banks and robbed numerous people through the years, all while keeping his cool and his hand steady, but he's shaking now - his daughter being more precious than any money he's ever held.

"This is fucking insane. How did this happen?”

“As I recall, we ran out of condoms one night.”

“We have a baby.” he says and she echoes the statement back to him. She smiles at him, then lays her head on his shoulder and gently runs her finger over Lina’s face. He relaxes slightly and feels the baby sigh and wriggle in his grasp, then she settles with this little pout on her face that instantly reminds him of his wife.

“I don’t think she’d be this content if she had a problem with you.”

“Give her some time.” he retorts and she scoffs but humors him for the moment.

"Did you call Scott and Richie?"

"Uh, no."

"Don't you think you should before they storm over here and cause a scene?"

"Might be a good idea. Here," Seth carefully transfers Lina to Kate and he takes a moment to watch them.

"This is pretty crazy." she whispers as she smiles at the baby.

"You look good like that." he says, not really paying attention since he is totally transfixed by the sight of them together. She lifts her head and they probably look like a couple of fools the way they keep grinning stupidly at each other. Finally, he blinks, then pulls out his cell phone and taps Richie's name. He waits as the phone rings and rings, then rolls his eyes at his brother's grumbling on the other end. "I don't care that it's still daylight. Get your ass up Uncle Richie."

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing scene from chapter nine of Family Ties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot is a little vague in this one. It is set towards the end of the companion piece Family Ties, following a hellish night that they go through. If you haven't read that, this is very spoilery and you may be confused. 
> 
> Also wanted to thank everyone who had been commenting or leaving kudos! I see each and every one and love the feedback but don't always have time to respond directly. I appreciate you all!

"Seth,"

He jumps slightly at the sound of Richie's voice and turns away from the refrigerator to find his brother only a few feet away.

"Why don't you go upstairs and get cleaned up, try and get some sleep, something, y'know?"

He looks around the kitchen and is slightly surprised to find the room otherwise empty.

"Seth,"

"Yeah. Yeah." he forces himself to move, his hand drops from his chest, and he brushes past his brother.

"You okay?"

"M'fine." he mutters, not quite sure of it himself and Richie doesn't seem too convinced either but says nothing. When he gets upstairs, he stops at the landing and eyes his options. Lina's door is open with the light on but her bed is empty. The light is on in the bathroom and he can hear water running through the closed door. Ben's door is partially open and the lamp on his nightstand is dimmed. Seth slowly walks towards the room and his chest aches at the sight of his son asleep.

He sits quietly on the edge of the bed, merely watching him for a moment. He can't remember the last time Ben slept with a light on and definitely can't remember the last time he had slept with his door open. Ben's face is furrowed, like he's troubled, and Seth gingerly places a hand on the side of his head. He immediately jerks awake and Seth sees the brief panic in his eyes.

"It's just me. It's me. I'm sorry." he strokes his hair gently as he mutters apologies. Ben's face relaxes as he sinks back into his pillow. "Do you want me to shut this off?"

He points and Ben looks, then shakes his head no.

"Dad-" he hesitates, eyes darting around his bedroom. Seth feels that ache again but leans down and kisses the side of Ben's head.

"I'm here, okay? Nothing's gonna happen now. I promise. Go back to sleep."

He stays until Ben falls back asleep, then walks back into the hall. By then, the shower has turned off and he stops briefly outside the bathroom to tap on the door.

"I'm getting dressed."

"Okay. You okay?"

There is a long pause before Lina mutters, "Yeah."

"We'll be in our room... if you need us."

"Okay."

He turns from the closed door and walks down the hall to his own room, making sure to keep the door ajar. Kate is nowhere to be found but he hears the shower running in the adjoining bathroom. He sits on the couch with a sigh and sinks back into the cushions with his eyes closed. He is only there a moment or two when he hears the muffled cries over the sound of the water. He immediately stands back up and walks to the bathroom, where he can hear his wife more clearly.

She didn't lock the door and her head jerks up from her knees as he opens it quietly. She is sitting on the floor against the cabinet, still fully clothed. She stares at him in surprise, like she wasn't expecting him, and hastily wipes her hands over her face.

"I'm fine. I was just-" she stands up and turns, hands bracing against the countertop, and she lets out an involuntary sob.

"Katie,"

"No. No, Seth, don't." she begs but he ignores her as he hugs her from behind. "Seth, please go. I don't want you-"

"It's okay."

"I don't want you in here. I don't want you - you comforting me."

"Why?"

"I don't deserve it!"

"Hey, come on, that's not true." he turns her around and she lets out a loud sniff as she runs a hand under her nose. "Kate, I'm fine."

"You're not fine! You died!"

"Yeah but it was only for a few minutes."

"It's not funny. That's not funny. I killed you."

"I won't hold it against you."

"Shut up! You should - and let me go!"

"I won't."

"Someone should be comforting you."

"I don't need any comfort. I'm fine. Let me take care of you. Come on," he rubs his hands up and down her arms as she shakes her head. "Kate,"

She struggles for a moment before she collapses onto his chest with loud sobs. Her fingers are digging into his back, like she's afraid if she let's go, he's going to disappear. They do not speak as they stand there.

"The water's going to get cold." he finally says, finding the hem of her shirt and pulling it up. She takes a step back and he moves to unbutton his shirt but she pushes his hands aside. At first, she doesn't do anything, her fingers splayed out over his chest and the bloodied fabric. She inhales a breath and slowly unbuttons the shirt. He lets it fall off his wrists, then she pulls his wife beater up over his head. He's fine underneath - a slight stain from the dried blood but no wound, no scab, not even a scar. She presses her palm against him and lets out a shaky sigh as he kisses her forehead.

They finish undressing and move together into the shower. He doesn't know how long she had the water running but it is not as hot as either of them normally like it. She is clinging to him as they stand under the shower head and he fiddles with the handles to adjust the temperature. It warms up slightly and he wraps his arm around her waist as he presses his nose into her hair.

She keeps her face hidden in the crook of his neck, mouth against his pulse. One hand is threaded through his hair and the other stays directly over his heart, allowing her to feel the steady beating underneath.

She feels guilty for leaning on him and won't meet his eye as they step apart - just enough so they can soap themselves up. He takes the shampoo bottle from her hand and begins lathering her hair. She closes her eyes as his fingers work through her hair and feels that stabbing ache from the caverns. She couldn't lose him. The thought was unbearable - the actual reality of it, however short it had been, had been indescribable.

She grabs her body wash off the shelf and begins cleaning her body. Her hands hesitate over her stomach and she feels tears welling up at the thought of a baby they won't ever get to know. Something else that was her fault. She stumbles slightly in an attempt to move away and he gently grabs her by the waist to steady her. She wants him to stop. Stop acting like things were fine and he wasn't angry. That she hadn't screwed everything up for them.

They finish showering without any further issues. Once they are dried and clothed, she sits on the end of their bed as he bags up the dirty clothes littering the bathroom floor. He tosses the bag towards the hallway, then turns to face her. She drops her head when she notices him looking at her but he crouches down in front of her, hands against her thighs.

"Don't do this. None of this was your fault."

"I shouldn't have gone. If I hadn't -"

"We could both say all the things we shouldn't have done. If you're responsible, then I'm just as responsible."

"You didn't do anything."

"Exactly. I didn't protect you."

"Seth, stop."

"See how ridiculous it sounds?"

"You didn't stab me."

"And you didn't stab me either. You were under the influence. Unless you have something you'd like to share." he says and she gives him a look. "I didn't think so. Don't think I'm angry at you."

"You should be."

"How about we call it even - for all the things I've done to you?"

"That's not funny." she shakes her head as he squeezes her hand. "It was so - I felt it Seth. There's - I can't -"

"I know. I know. When - when you - when Carlos shot you, I knew."

"I'm sorry." she starts crying again and covers her face. "God, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Baby, come on, shh, it's fine." he moves so he is sitting next to her and pulls her against his chest.

"This shouldn't be about me. It's supposed to be about you."

"It's about all of us."

"How did this happen?" she looks at him tearfully, shaking her head. "Everything we worked to prevent and this is where we wind up?"

"I don't know. Just our luck I guess."

"Yeah, I guess. God, they got to Lina. And Ben. I can't - so much happened and I - I feel like I'm going to lose it." she claps a hand over her mouth as he rubs her back. "How am I supposed to be there for them - for you - when I can't keep myself together?"

"You don't have to be strong for everyone."

"Then who will? You?"

He shrugs, nodding like there was no other answer.

"That's stupid. Why do you always shoulder it? You won't let anyone in. What about you?"

"I'm fine."

"You died."

"Yes, I was there."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"It was a grand total of fifteen minutes. I barely had time to process it. Honestly, everything else that happened today registers a lot higher than that. So, don't beat yourself up, okay?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing- letting him in. I just wanted you and the kids safe. I wanted all of this to stop so they could have a chance."

"And what was I supposed to do without you?"

"You'd figure it out."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I'd want to."

"Things would be easy - simple. You wouldn't have to worry."

"I don't want it easy or simple. I want you and I want you with me when everything goes to shit. Maybe your sacrifice would stop them but for how long? There's always a bigger fish. We seem to be magnets for this shit. Besides, aren't you the one always saying how we're stronger together?"

She stands from their bed and unwraps her hair from the towel while walking towards her vanity. She plugs the hair dryer into the wall and watches him through the mirror.

"Today wasn't your fault."

"Lina was taken - because of me. They were able to get that gate open - because of me. You died - because of me. We- we lost a baby - because of me."

"Nothing I say or do is going to change your mind." he says, slightly defeated. She turns the dryer on, the noise preventing any further conversation. He sighs and moves to lay down. His exhaustion hits almost immediately and he needs to force himself to stay awake. When she is done, she shuts the light off and lays down as well. There is a space between them but they face each other on their sides, hands brushing along the other.

"Do you remember what it was like?" she asks quietly.

"A little bit. There was a beach. I think. It's hazy - like it was a dream."

"Were you scared?"

"No. I was ... I wanted to comfort you. I felt bad for you."

There is a long silence and he moves closer.

"When you - when you died, what was it like?"

"I don't remember." she roll onto her back with a sigh and stares at the ceiling. "It's like - like I fell asleep. I was there and Richie and Scott were - and then the next thing I knew, she was in me and I was back. Maybe I never... maybe I never went anywhere. Or it wasn't long enough. Maybe I was still - I often wonder how she was able to do that. Why bring me back? She could have just taken over. Maybe she didn't plan on it. I don't know."

He watches her in the faint light that comes in from the hallway. She looks like she's in a daze, her hands splayed out on her stomach. When he slips his own next to hers, she jumps like he startled her and moves her hands.

"You okay? I mean, I know you're not okay but physically -"

"Yeah. Like nothing happened." maybe she hates that most of all. They hadn't known she was pregnant until the attack and then Rose had healed her. Besides that brief moment of pain, and the knowledge that it once was there, she didn't suffer, didn't have time to. One second it was there, the next it was gone. There's a part of her that even wonders if it was actually true. Maybe she and Richie had been wrong. It didn't seem real, seems like it was a blip, an afterthought. So different from her first miscarriage, which she felt had lasted a lifetime.

The guilt eats at her - that she didn't know, that she allowed herself to get in harm's way, that she's not even sure she can grieve properly.

"Kate,"

"I don't want to talk about it." she whispers, then adds, "Not yet."

Because eventually they would need to discuss this. But not tonight. She needs time to - she needs time for a lot of things.

"Okay." he agrees halfheartedly, then kisses her cheek. She turns her face so their mouths meet and it's supposed to be a brief kiss but everything seems to pour into it and she doesn't ever want to let him go again. She's sure it would have gone further but the floor creaks, causing them to separate and Ben is standing there reluctantly, like he's not sure he should be there.

"Is it -" he scrubs his hands through his hair, embarrassed and flustered as he toes at the carpet. "I-"

"Come here." Seth waves him over and he crawls between them, then presses his face into Kate's shoulder.

"Sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." she mutters, rubbing his back gently. They stay like that for a few minutes but he is too tense to sleep. It reminds them of all those sleepless nights he put them through as a baby, trying to soothe and comfort him. She sighs when she feels her shoulder grow wet and kisses the top of his head. "It's okay baby."

"It's stupid."

"No it's not. It was an awful day. Just let it out. It's okay." She continues rubbing his back, her hand frequently bumping into Seth's, and she has to keep telling herself to keep it together because Ben needed her. He slowly relaxes and they think he is just about asleep when Lina appears, equally embarrassed, especially seeing her brother had beat her there.

"Hi."

"Come on in," Seth moves, creating more space for her, and she climbs over him to lay next to Ben.

"I just - didn't want to be alone. Sorry."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Cause we're too old to be in here." Ben mutters.

"Nah. I'm just glad we decided to get a California King for a bed. Try and keep your arms and legs to yourselves. You were brutal when you were little. Woke up looking like we went a few rounds in a boxing match."

"Do you know how many times we'd wake up with fingers and toes in our eyes and mouths?" Kate adds, smiling slightly.

"The worst were the little bony knees and elbows digging into your spine and ribs."

"No, it was Lina having to hold someone's hair in her death grip as she fell asleep."

"God, I forgot about that. You couldn't get her off once she was asleep. You'd be trapped or get a bald spot trying to leave." there is a reminiscent like tone to his voice and he catches her eye over the kids. "You guys always have a spot here, okay?"

There are rumbles of acknowledgement and he adds, "We'll work through it. Things are going to be fine."

* * *

She wakes up after a restless sleep, feeling as exhausted as she did when she laid down. Seth is pressed against her back and she realizes then that the kids are gone, which sends her into a panic.

But then she hears a noise from downstairs, and Lina's voice, and she relaxes. She smiles faintly at Ben's laughter, then untangles herself from Seth's grasp, and walks out of the room.

They are both in the kitchen, with Richie at the stove flipping pancakes.

"Kind of early for you, isn't it?" she comments and he shrugs.

"That your way of implying you don't want any of my cooking?"

"Depends. Is it from your own skills or did you... inherit them?"

"Why don't you find out?"

She sighs and steps up next to him as he breaks a piece off a finished pancake.

"You okay?" he lowers his voice and she gives a small shrug as she chews.

"Not bad. Is he - did he say anything?"

"He'll get there. You need to give him time."

"He's acting like it's no big deal. I don't want him hiding or pretending for my sake."

"Kate, you know he's always going to put you first no matter what. Let him do what he needs to do."

She closes her eyes briefly as he squeezes her shoulder, then turns to face her children.

"You guys okay?" she asks gently and gets shrugs and nods in response. She notices the way Lina won't quite meet her eye, and glances at Richie who seems to understand.

"Well, breakfast is done. Ben, come with me for a minute. I wanted to show you a hidden level I found on your war game."

His nephew looks confused but follows anyway.

"You want to talk?" Kate asks once they leave. Lina lets out a quiet laugh as she sits at the island. She rests her chin on her hands with a sigh.

"I don't even know where to start or ... what to say. It's -" she pauses and straightens up. "I wasn't really coherent last night. Even after - were you - this happened to you?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"I was a little older than you are. Before you were born."

"How long were you -"

"Eight months, or so they say." she replies and her daughter stares at her with wide eyes.

"Oh. I guess I really don't have a right to complain."

"It's not a competition. You went through something unimaginable. It doesn't matter how long it was."

"How long did it take to..."

"To feel like me again?"

"Yeah."

"It - it took a long time. But that doesn't mean it will be for you. You weren't - that's not to tell you how not to feel but - you know, maybe the length of it, will reflect recovery time."

"How do you even start to move forward?"

"You get help. You rely on your family. I had your dad. He was... he did everything for me those following months and your uncles were there for me. You were a big component. I'm not telling you to go out and have a baby but when you came along, I felt like I had a purpose again. I wanted to be everything for you and I had to pull myself together. But you know, you have a lot going for you with school and work and all your activities. I wasn't - at that time, I wasn't involved in those things. I know what you're going through. I'll be your biggest resource."

"I don't want to do something that's going to be... difficult for you."

"Honey, don't worry about that. I'm here for you. I don't want you hesitating, okay? We're going to work through it together." she squeezes her hand gently and Lina nods in a skeptical sort of way. "You're going to be okay baby, I promise."

"I'm sorry I let this happen."

"Oh honey, no. No, you didn't let anything happen. Lina, this isn't your fault."

"I was so angry."

"I know baby."

"And - and I just -"

"Hey, it's okay. Look, we have plenty of time to talk. You take what time you need but please don't shut us out. Me and your dad are here for you. We know. I promise we know and we'll work with you. Okay?"

"Yeah,"

"Come here," Kate walks around the side of the island and Lina turns into her embrace. She holds onto her tightly and strokes her hair comfortingly.

"Are you okay? Ben told me what happened."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about it." she kisses her forehead before they pull apart. "You just focus on you. That's what I want."

"Heard a rumor there were pancakes." they both turn at the sound of Seth's voice as he enters the kitchen. He kisses Kate gently before wrapping an arm around Lina and kissing the side of her head. "All good?"

Lina gives him a look and his mouth twitches as he kisses her head again.

"We'll get there."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lina and Ben are scared of a thunderstorm, Seth attempts to put their minds at ease.

"Peace at last."

Kate chuckles as Seth settles into the couch with an exaggerated groan. He sighs as he tips his head back and shuts his eyes. 

"They are going to kill me."

"They're definitely going to keep us on our toes."

"How can they have so much energy?" 

"I have no idea."

"Seriously, they never get tired." he opens his eyes and sees her standing in front of the coffee table, swirling her wine around the glass in her hand. "Hi."

"Hi."

He crooks his finger a few times, beckoning her to come closer. She shrugs and sips her drink as she watches him with a playful smile. 

"Oh, that's how it's going to be?" he slumps down further and his legs spread a little more. Her eyes wander before settling back on his face. "Like what you see?"

"Eh... seen better."

"Ouch."

She smirks and finishes her wine, then sets the glass on the coffee table, before walking around to join him on the couch. She hovers over him as she brushes her mouth along his, trying to ignore his hands on her hips that are trying to tug her on top of him. 

"Thought we were watching a movie."

"No, you wanted to watch a movie. I had other plans." he replies and she snorts as she tries to hold in her laugh. Finally, she sinks down on his lap, a knee on either side of his thighs, with her hands planted on his jaw. "Maybe you have other plans too."

"I heard the reviews were bad. We can hold off."

"I never get a bad review." he smirks and she laughs as his hands run along her back, then down to cup her ass. 

"So full of yourself." 

"Do you disagree?"

"Mm," she smiles against his mouth. She lifts one shoulder in a shrug and he scoffs as he gently tosses her onto the couch next to him. The shift is almost instantaneous and she makes a surprised sounding noise when she finds herself on her back and he is on top of her. "Is this a good idea?"

"It's always a good idea." he replies as he lowers his mouth to her neck. 

"I know that. I mean, down here. Oh, Seth," she ends on a whine, suddenly not quite caring where they do this just as long as they do it. They are in the midst of a flurry of touches and kisses when the light drizzle outside suddenly becomes a downpour. The rain lashes against the windows of the house and pounds against the roof. 

She faintly is aware of the low rumble of thunder outside. By now, Seth is missing his shirt and her pajama bottoms are hooked around her knees. Her tank top lands somewhere on the floor and she sighs, arching against him as he trails open mouth kisses down her torso. Her stomach coils with excitement as he ventures lower and she tightens her grip on his shoulders, anticipating that moment when he finally touched her. 

A bolt of lightning lights up the window and the power instantly goes out. Not even a moment later, they can hear feet hitting the floor above them and racing towards the stairs. 

"Shit, shit, shit." he lunges off her and throws her tank top at her, which conveniently lands on her head as she pulls her pants back up.

"Daddy!"

"Hang on, shit-"

"Where are you?"

"In the living room."

"I can't see."

"Okay, hold on," he grabs his cell phone off the coffee table and turns on the flashlight app, then immediately meets Kate's disappointed face. "Sorry."

He walks into the hall and finds Lina and Ben standing at the top of the staircase. 

"Alright, come on down. Be careful." he keeps the light on the steps as another round of thunder and lightning hit. They rush down, nearly knocking each other over, and grab him once they reach him. "Okay, okay. It's okay. Just some noise."

They walk back into the living room. Kate rejoins them, several candles in her arms, then sets them down and lights them. 

"Hi guys."

"Mama, it was so scary!" Ben hides his face in her stomach. She chuckles quietly as she rubs his back. "There was a monster outside my window." 

"A monster? Or those branches Daddy swore he'd cut back from the window?"

"Definitely a monster."

"Okay," she chuckles again. "You know, you're both supposed to be asleep."

"We can't stay up there!" Lina exclaims. "We could die."

"I don't think anyone is going to die from a thunderstorm." 

The kids grow more anxious as the storm moves closer. The thunder and lightning are coming in rapidly and it seems like there is no break between each occurrence. They try to keep them at ease but it soon becomes obvious it is not going to work.

"Alright, I got an idea." Seth stands up and walks over to the ottoman. Inside are numerous blankets they keep stashed and he pulls two out. Lina looks at Kate inquisitively as he pushes chairs and the coffee table closer in order to support the blankets. He throws a bunch of pillows on the ground as well. Once he steps back, they see he has created a makeshift fort big enough for them to sit in. 

"What are you doing?" Ben asks. 

"So, when I was your age, and I got scared about something, I would build a fort. As long as I was inside, nothing bad could happen."

"Really?"

"Mhmm."

"What were you scared of?" Lina asks as she climbs off the couch. She sits down on the floor underneath the blanket and peers up at Seth. He lowers himself to the floor and leans against the coffee table. 

"Thunderstorms. I'd have nightmares. Monsters. Other... things." he trails off and Kate feels her heart clench. "I'd keep Uncle Richie safe inside and we'd sleep there in a bunch of pillows. Then the morning would come and things would be okay." 

She watches him with a sad smile - easily able to envision her husband and brother-in-law as children, probably hiding from their father and his rampages. 

"You promise?" Ben seems skeptical and he remains glued to Kate's side. 

"Why don't you come try it out?" 

"Come on," Kate pats him gently and they both move onto the floor. She sits next to Seth and squeezes his hand. He kisses the side of her head in return as the kids wriggle into position in their nest of pillows. 

"So you'd just sit here?" 

"We'd tell stories and make shadow puppets. Thumb wrestling. Arm wrestling was big."

"And I kicked your butt every time." 

"What are you doing here?" Seth looks up at his brother's voice and finds him standing in the doorway and shaking himself off like a wet dog. "You're a liar by the way."

"You were scrawny."

"He's your big brother." Lina argues as Richie sits next to her. 

"So? He was still smaller than me. Still is."

Ben flinches at the next crack of thunder, but is quickly distracted by Richie bumping his shoulder.

"You want to hear a joke?"

"You don't know any jokes." Seth retorts. 

"I do!" Lina grins and hears several groans in response. "Hey, my jokes are funny!"

"What's your joke?" Kate asks.

"Why was Cinderella bad at sports?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"She kept running away from the ball." Lina says proudly, earning a groan from her father and a snort from her uncle. 

They take turns telling jokes, then move onto 20 Questions, and spend time making shadow puppets. The kids’ fear gives way to giggles and excitement as they continue to play. Richie is in the midst of a not-so-scary ghost story when the lights finally come back on. They both let out disappointed whines.

“Can we still stay down here?” Ben pleads. Seth glances at Kate, then leans in with a pout. 

“Please?” he adds and she laughs, pushing his head away. 

“Why not? It’s not a school night.” 

“I’ll turn the lights off!” Lina jumps up and runs to the wall. She flips the light switch, plunging them back into darkness. 

“Where was I?” Richie asks.

“The ghost had just appeared in the boy’s room.” 

* * *

The sun is just beginning to rise the following morning when Kate wakes up. She’s curled into Seth’s side, facing the hallway, and stretches slowly with a sigh. 

“I think I’m a little old to be sleeping on the floor.” Seth mutters. He turns onto his side with a groan, then snorts as he looks over her shoulder. “Check this out.” 

She turns her head and giggles at the sight she fines. Richie is sprawled on his back, glasses askew on his face. Lina is slung across his chest, hair hiding her face, and Ben is sideways with his feet pointing towards them and his head on Richie’s thighs. 

“Was last night a true story?” she whispers. 

“The fort? Yeah.” he nods as he props his head up on his hand. “We were, uh, frequent occupants. I tried figuring out some way to keep Richie distracted. That's what I came up with. Weaved some crazy story about magic powers to keep him interested. After a while, it just became our thing. I figured if it worked for us, it would work for them."  

She sighs, then leans in and kisses him softly. He winds his free hand into her hair, holding her closer to him. He shifts slightly so he is more on his back and she moves, somewhat on top of him. They hear a disgusted noise and she lifts her head in time to see Richie turning his head away with his eyes closed in a grimace. 

“Could you two knock it off? I am laying right here.” he complains. "Also, children. God, you wouldn't even let me tell a slightly inappropriate joke last night but you'll make out with us right here?"

"It was more than slightly inappropriate." Kate replies.  

“You better move before you start smoking. That sun is getting awfully close.” Seth adds, choosing to ignore the rest of Richie's jab. 

“Yeah, you wish. I think I'm pretty much covered.” 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lina needs to work on her family tree.

"Mama, I need your help."

Kate lifts her head as she hears Lina walk into Seth's office. Her husband follows slowly with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Hey baby. How was school?"

"It was okay. We have to do a family tree."

"Okay."

"Daddy was not helpful."

"He wasn't huh?"

"We need our mama and daddy, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandpa and grandma, cousins."

"Okay, well, you got me and Daddy and Benji. Uncle Scott and Uncle Richie and Aunt Kisa."

"Yeah but we have to have more people than that."

"I told her every family is different." Seth explains as he collapses on the couch. Ben toddles up to him and climbs over his legs to sit down.

"You play with me?" he sticks a stuffed lion in his father's face and receives a snarl and is tickled in response.

"Well, Daddy only has Uncle Richie and I only have Uncle Scott. Neither of them have kids so you don't have cousins. Do you want to add Freddie and Billie?"

"They aren't our family. We can't connect them anywhere." Lina sits in the chair by the desk and swings her legs. "Don't you have a mama and a daddy?"

Kate falters, not entirely sure how to explain their situation. She glances at Seth but he is busy examining his fingernails as Ben collects the rest of his safari.

"Well, yeah, of course we do."

"How come I never see them?"

"Because they aren't here anymore."

"Where are they?"

"They died."

"So they're in Heaven?" Lina asks and Kate hesitates as Seth coughs loudly.

"Yes." she finally replies, even though she has no idea of the afterlife anymore - her childhood constructs having long since been shattered. Her thoughts on her parents are conflicted and Ray Gecko definitely belonged in Hell if there was one. Who even knew if her elusive mother-in-law was still alive? The look on her husband's face tells her all she needs to know of his opinion on the matter.

"Can we still put them?"

"If you want to, we can. When is this due?"

"Friday."

"Okay, we'll discuss it more when we go home."

* * *

"How did they die?"

"Who?" Kate is distracted as she stirs the marinara sauce for dinner and hears Lina walk in.

"Your mama and daddy."

"Oh." she lowers the flame on the stove and sets her spoon aside. She turns to face her daughter and rubs her hands over her jeans. "Uh, well, they got hurt."

"How?"

"Um, there was a car accident."

"Oh. I'm sorry." she says, making Kate smile slightly at her genuine sympathy.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago."

"Do you miss them?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any pictures?"

"A few. I'll find them later and show you." she meets Seth's gaze from where he stands in the doorway, then he slowly enters the room completely. "How about you set the table?"

Lina begins moving around the kitchen, collecting utensils and napkins, and she's quiet in a thoughtful sort of way as Seth sits at the table.

"What happened to your mama and daddy?" she asks and Kate watches, waiting to see how this would play out. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, then sighs a little. He is unable to lie or deflect when Lina climbs onto his lap and waits patiently for an answer.

"Well, I don't know my mom. My dad - there was a fire and he wasn't able to get out."

"Is that why you have this?" she touches the side of his neck gently, over his tattoo, and he nods. "Do you miss them?"

"I- not really. I... I wish things were different. I was very little when my mom left and my dad wasn't very nice. But I wasn't - it wasn't very happy around our house when I was a kid."

"Are you happy now?"

"Yes. You and Benji and your mom- you guys make me very happy." he replies and she smiles as she hugs him.

"We have to put where our family is from and when you were born."

"I grew up here in Texas and Daddy grew up in Kansas."

"Then how did you meet? That's so far away."

"I moved here before my dad died."

"Did you go to school together?"

"No," Kate chuckles a little, "we uh - well, actually, I was going on vacation with my dad and Uncle Scott but we got sidetracked. We ended up at a bad place and that's where my dad got hurt. Daddy was there and he saved me."

Seth stares at her but she ignores the look she is getting as Lina sighs dreamily.

"He was like your knight in shining armor. That's so romantic."

"Something like that."

"Was it love at first sight?"

"Not quite. It isn't like in your Disney movies. Can you do me a favor and get Benji?"

Lina nods and climbs off Seth's lap, then leaves the room.

"Kate,"

"Don't start. We can't keep avoiding her questions. It wasn't the complete truth but it's not exactly a lie either. You weren't holding back much information either."

"I just don't want her thinking shit like that."

"That you're a good person?" she sits down next to him and slides the chair closer so their legs are touching. "Yes, what an awful thing to think."

"You know what I mean."

"She doesn't need to know how I got to the bad place. You did look out for me in there, you took me with you, you saved me from Amaru. You're not completely hopeless and unworthy. Okay? Help her with her project."

"Do you think we're fucking them up?"

"No. The past doesn't dictate what we do now. What matters is what we're doing today and we're doing a pretty good job."

"He doesn't deserve them." he says quietly after a moment. "He was such a fucking shit head, he has no place on there. If he was still alive, I wouldn't let him within twenty feet of them."

"We can't put some and not the others. I agree he's not a shining figure of family history but look what's come from him."

The kids return and climb into their seats. Seth watches them with a careful gaze, then nudges Lina under the table.

"I got another person you can add. Did I ever tell you about Uncle Eddie?"

"We got another uncle? How come we don't see him?"

"Well, uh, he died."

"Oh." she frowns, then sighs, "Daddy, don't take this the wrong way but do we know anyone who is, y'know, not dead?"

"Not really, no. So, after my dad died, Uncle Richie and I went to live with Eddie and he raised us."

"Now the real culprit comes out." Kate teases.

"Yeah, he taught me everything I know." he chuckles.

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters, how to be a good dad."

"Would he have liked us?"

"I know he would've loved you two. You'd remind him of me and Richie when we were kids."

"Oh the things I have to look forward to." Kate mutters, only receiving a wink in response. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate decides to head back to Bethel one last time to take care of some things and has a request for Seth.

Kate stands alone in the kitchen, a cup of tea in her hands, and stares out the patio door. The sun is just beginning to rise over the back of the house - a marvelous mix of orange, pink, and blue playing along the dark expanse of the property.

It's been three weeks since Seth asked her to marry him. Two weeks since they moved into the house. Five weeks since they found out she was pregnant.

She's overwhelmed and not quite sure any of this is real. She knows it is real but it all seems so outlandish to her. Never in a million years would this have been where she expected to be.

She thinks of her prior goals in life. Where had she expected to be at nineteen? Some college, working on her general education courses, trying to pick a major. Going back to Bethel on the weekends. Dating Kyle.

"Why are you up so early?" Seth whispers in her ear as he hugs her from behind. She sighs and shakes her head.

"I don't know. Couldn't sleep." she mutters as he takes the mug out of her hand. He takes a large gulp, then coughs and gags at the unexpected taste of tea. "That'll teach you to make your own cup."

"Then I don't get the pleasure of stealing yours."

"Why are you up already? Something going on at Jed's?"

"No. Woke up to piss and you were gone."

"Ah." she slips out of his grasp and takes her seat at the table, where her laptop is open and facing away from him. She props her chin in her hand as she scans whatever she is looking at.

"What?"

"What?"

"You got that look on your face. What's going on?" he flips a chair around and straddles it backwards, then rests his arms over the back. She smiles a little and sits up straight.

"I'm going to go back to Bethel. I was looking into records and our house is still in my parents' names. Scott and I have no intentions of moving back so the best course of action is to sell it, split the profits."

"How long?"

"I don't know. A couple days. Enough time to clean and box up what we want, what can get thrown out. The furniture was in good condition. We can sell it furnished instead of having to figure that out." she watches him for any sign of disagreement.

"You think that's a good idea?"

"Why not?"

"Because you told me the last time you were in town, Scott ate half the lacrosse team and you buried a girl in your backyard. I would hate to see my fiancée and the mother of my child head to jail for an outstanding warrant she didn't know about."

"Okay. Well, I thought about that too and I knew you'd bring it up. I went back through a year of articles on the website for the Bethel Daily Gazette and the only reference to them were that the boys were killed in some gruesome attack, probably by a drifter and Jessica was taken by the same person. There were never any updates so she hasn't been found. I'm sure that's something they would report on."

"If you're sure."

"I am."

"When are you and Scott going?"

"Scott's not coming."

"What?"

"He doesn't want to."

"I don't want you going alone."

"Seth,"

"Kate, you'll be on your own, a couple hours away, with no one around to help you. What if-"

"This is something I need to do alone."

"That's fine. I'll stay out of your way but you're kidding yourself if you think I'm letting you leave alone."

* * *

"When you get off the exit, stay to the left. Follow the highway down four lights, then make a left at the fourth light."

He nods, following her directions and the sign stating Bethel - 2 miles. He glances over, then sets a hand gently on her bouncing knee. She wraps her own hand around it and squeezes his fingers tightly.

"We can go home. We don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, but it's been sitting for a year - longer actually. It ain't going anywhere. You can take more time if you need to."

"You need to get over. You're going to miss the turn."

She settles back into the seat and forces herself to remain calm. He continues to drive, heading straight for the town, and it isn't much longer until she sees the welcome sign rising in the short distance.

"When you get to the coffee shop, make a right. Go straight until you see the church. Now, make a left, then the first right after the church. It's the yellow house on the right hand side."

They made the decision to leave for Bethel after dinner and she's suddenly grateful for that. Most of the houses on the street are darkened due to the late hour and she doesn't need to worry about running into anyone - at least not tonight. Seth pulls the truck into the driveway and turns it off. Neither of them make any attempt to get out of the truck.

"You ready?"

"Not really." she sighs and shakes her head. "This is stupid. It's a house - my house. I grew up here. It shouldn't - it shouldn't be so difficult."

"Maybe that's why it's so difficult."

She opens her mouth but hesitates with a reply, completely thrown off by his sage-like tone. He tilts his head towards her, eyebrows lifted in a told you so sort of way.

"Come on." she unbuckles her seatbelt but stops again. "Shit."

"What?"

"I don't have a key."

He looks at her in disbelief, then throws his head back and starts laughing.

"I hate you." she swings the door open and climbs out as he reaches into the glove compartment for his lock picking set.

"You're marrying a master criminal and you're worried about not having a key. I think I have other means of getting in where I need to."

"I think master is pushing it a bit too far." she retorts as he sticks his tongue at her. She waits at his side as he works the lock, then it clicks, and the door swings open.

"They probably shut the electricity off."

"There are plenty of candles around. We can take care of it in the morning."

"Hang on, don't go walking in there blind." he fumbles for his phone and turns on the flashlight. She rolls her eyes as she walks through the main hall and into the kitchen.

"You got your lighter?" she asks as she finds a stack of candles in one of the drawers by the refrigerator.

"Yeah." he hands it over and she begins lighting the candles, setting an eery glow over the room. "Alright. So..."

He drags the word out and she looks a little lost as she stands in the middle of the kitchen.

"You hungry? I can run and find something."

"No, I'm okay. Unless you are."

"No. That Big Kahuna did the trick." he says, referring to their stop a little while earlier. "Honey,"

"Yeah,"

"What are we doing?" his voice is quiet, gentle even, as he looks at her with a concerned gaze. She lifts her hands, then drops them as she shakes her head.

"I don't know. Maybe... maybe just get some sleep and start fresh in the morning."

They stay in her old room. She won't even open her parents' door. The full sized mattress is a lot smaller than their king at home but they make it work, even though neither of them sleep. Eventually, she rolls over to face him and they stare at each other through the dark.

"I feel like just burning it down."

"Probably not the best idea."

"I want to start over. I feel like I need to get rid of this, like it's holding me back. I want it over with."

"I know." he strokes her cheek gently and they move closer together.

"I think it will be better. Like, getting rid of it will close that part and we can start new. A new beginning."

* * *

He wakes up alone. He stretches out on his stomach and sighs into the pillow as his hand reaches for her. He lifts his head slightly when he feels the cold sheets, alerting him to the fact she has been gone for some time. It's a common occurrence but normally, he's able to pick up on it.

"Brought you coffee." her voice catches his attention and he turns partially to see her leaning in the doorway, wearing his shirt and her hair pulled into a messy bun. He laughs quietly and drops back onto the pillow.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. Just being nice."

"Mm. Feels like a trap."

"Don't be an ass." she smacks his for emphasis as she passes by and sets the mug on the nightstand, then sits near his head. She leans back against the headboard and looks around her old room.

"What are you thinking?" he moves close and throws an arm over her thighs as he nuzzles the bare skin he finds.

"This isn't me anymore. You know, you're the first guy I brought in here."

"Do I get a prize?"

"Me."

"Good prize." he mutters as he begins kissing her thigh.

"What are you doing?"

"Claiming my prize. You don't have to get rid of it all."

"I don't want to get rid of it. I want closure. Not just with Scott and what he did here, my parents too. There's more that happened before we got in that RV. I don't want it hanging over my head anymore." she shakes her head a little as she eyes the bubblegum pink walls. "Let it go and focus on some good things, you know? Dakota says you'd be surprised at the things that could be holding you back. I know I'm not going to forget and in some ways, I don't want to. But with the baby coming, I want a clean slate. I want some good memories. It's been a while since this place was associated with any good."

"I get that."

"And um - she'd - Amaru, I mean, she used here as a... torture device for me. She'd keep me in these... scenarios, to distract me, keep me weak, I don't know and she'd twist it all. Make me think I had nothing, was nothing, and making our home out to be some lie, that my parents weren't how I saw them. Like some hellish version of it all."

As she spoke, he sat up and had her face cupped in his hands. When she finishes, he kisses her and she leans her forehead against his as she closes her eyes.

"Hopefully this helps." she adds. "I'm tired of feeling..."

She trails off, not knowing the word. She opens her eyes and smiles faintly.

"Do you want to get married?"

"Didn't I already ask that question when I gave you this?" he chuckles, running a finger over her engagement ring.

"Yes but I mean now - while we're here."

"I am game for anything but don't you want to ... I don't know, plan?"

"Seth, the marriage license is only good for thirty days, then we need to reapply. We wanted to get married before the baby came. How much planning were we going to do? I don't need something crazy or extravagant. I just want you and me."

"What about Scott and Richie? Don't you want them there?"

"Honestly, I do- I did- but... okay, don't laugh but I always thought this is where I'd get married. And with - with my parents gone - I feel like ... like this is the way to have them there. So I brought the license, just in case. I don't want to have to come back for any reason but at least while we were here, we could do this. Come full circle. Shedding all the old crap bogging me down and starting new with you." she pauses briefly, then blushes when she sees him staring intently at her. "Sorry, that was cheesy."

"No it wasn't."

"Do you want Richie here? We can wait til we-"

"If this is what you want, we'll do it."

"What do you want?"

"As long as you're the one standing at the altar, everything else doesn't matter."

"We can do it again when we go home. This is... symbolic."

* * *

She eyes the trail of clothing along the floor of the extravagant hotel room - Seth's insistence that they have a decent wedding night and not be holed up in the house. She thinks he was a little freaked out to have sex in there, as if her father would walk in or know what they did. Not that it would have mattered - she was a married woman, after all.

She smiles faintly at the thought, then turns over to face him. He's completely passed out, his face relaxed and boyish, and he sighs quietly when she runs her fingers over his jaw.

It's mind-blowing to think he is all hers. It's more than a little surreal that they had gotten married yesterday.

It didn't match any dream or fantasy she had had as a child. There wasn't any big ballgown, the church wasn't filled, no reception afterward.

She had found a simple, white dress that fell to her knees in her closet- one she had probably worn to church a thousand times. She had been pleased to see Thomas, who had worked with her father, had taken over as the head pastor. He hadn't been too sure of marrying them, had seen the skepticism and faint apprehension in his face, but a few tears from her had him agreeing in the end.

Their witnesses were Mrs. Baxter, the mean old woman who played the church organ and had terrorized them all as children, and her daughter Shannon, who wept and kept saying she couldn't believe Kate was getting married while her mother clicked her tongue and tutted over her young age - _"but if you're sure."_

She tuned it out, focused only on Seth. She stood in front of him and there had been a brief moment of panic and worry on her part. He had already done this and she found herself wondering what it had been like when he married Vanessa. Didn't know if this was enough, if she was enough, and God, what were they doing?

She zoned out, brought back by the gentle prompt in Thomas's voice and the warm weight of Seth's fingers around hers. They stared at each other and she felt tears well up, caught off guard by the loving gaze in his eyes. She knew then it was enough. Nothing else mattered, nothing else seemed to exist but them.

She had been ready to cry the instant they walked inside, able to picture her father in every inch of the church. She hadn't been ready for the grief and sadness that hit her. But she had kept it at bay, trying to keep cool.

Seth said his vows and his voice cracked, eyes red with a line of tears she knew he would not allow to fall but it was enough to get her crying - the thought of her big, tough guy getting emotional because of her. She was overwhelmed by the intensity of the love they had for each other and everything that had gotten them to this point.

She didn't know who she had pictured across from her when she thought of this moment. It had rotated between actors and Kyle and faceless ideals. But now Seth was there and she couldn't picture anyone else in his place - didn't want to.

"Why are you staring at me?" he mutters, eyes still closed, but his hands are wandering and her pulse picks up.

"I can't check out my husband?"

"Not when he's trying to sleep and you're just being a creep."

"What were you thinking last night?" she whispers, her thoughts returning to their quiet ceremony. He opens his eyes as he strokes his hand over her hair and contemplates the question.

"I was grateful that we were able to get here - that I have you." he says softly and he's looking at her with the same expression as when he said his vows, and she smiles as they kiss.

A knock on the door interrupts them and she jumps out of bed, throwing on one of the hotel robes as she walks to the door. She kicks their clothes out of the way so it doesn't seem so obvious, then opens the door. A young kid with a room service tray enters the room with a polite smile.

"Good morning," he sets the tray on the table, then walks back to the door. He holds out the slim folder holding a receipt. "Just need you to sign ma'am."

"Sure," Kate opens it, plucking out the pen from inside, and pauses. Seth sees the small grin on her face as she signs the paper and hands it back.

"Thanks. Have a great day Mrs. Gecko." he smiles as he glances at the receipt and accepts a tip from her. He lets himself out of the room as Seth sits up.

"Mrs. Gecko?"

"Had to practice my new signature."

"Sounds weird."

"This was your idea."

"I know. I'm not complaining. You're my wife."

"I am. Now it's all over. Downhill from here."

"You're eating strawberries while naked in front of me. Hardly downhill."

* * *

They spend another two days in town, pack up the last of the items she wants to take, clean the house from top to bottom, and waste an afternoon in the realtor's office. He's surprised at how uncomfortable she seems whenever they run into someone she knows. Then again, he doesn't blame her. Everyone is overly friendly and prying and the conversation always seem to turn to Jacob and Jennifer, then the mood takes a somber tone, and prayers and blessings and they look at Seth like he doesn't quite belong there and how in the world did sweet Katie-Cakes ever find someone like him. But Kate keeps her hand in his or her arm around his waist and when she introduces him as her husband, it's the happiest he's seen her in a while - ever maybe. Despite the shock the town seems to share over their nuptials, they are cordial and let them go on their way with little fussing.

The fussing waits for them back home.

"Jesus, I thought you were never coming back." Richie whines when they get through the door.

"We missed you too." Kate greets him with a kiss on the cheek and heads for the bathroom.

"Want to help me with this? Where's Scott?"

"On a date. Let it sit and he can do it. It's his shit."

"Some of it's Kate's." Seth reminds as he runs his hand over his eyes.

"The fuck is on your finger?"

"Huh?" he pulls his hand away, expecting an injury or something horrifying. Instead, he only finds his wedding ring, which he's already gotten used to and forgot was even there. "Oh."

He meets Richie's shocked face with a chuckle.

"So, funny story,"

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Richie spend some time together.

"You know, I think you're cheating."

"How could I possibly do that?"

"I don't know but you'd be the one to figure it out."

"It's all about strategy and planning ahead."

"I don't have the patience for this." Kate huffs and leans back in her chair, away from the table and the chessboard. Richie shrugs, his attention more on his cell phone, and that amazes her even more that he isn't even trying and he's still kicking her ass.

"Did you know the baby is the size of a lemon right now?"

"I did not."

"Mm. And they can squint, grimace, and pee due to brain and kidney functions. I find that very interesting."

She smiles as she watches him, then taps the board.

"Are you going to move?"

He nods as he grabs a handful of popcorn and continues to scroll on his phone. He moves a bishop without looking.

"Checkmate."

"What?"

"You made the mistake of moving your rook. It left you wide open."

She stares at the board, then sticks her tongue out at his smirk.

"Very mature." he retorts as he resets the board. "You did better that time."

They each make three moves before she speaks.

"What's Vanessa like?"

"The devil incarnate."

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

"Maybe you aren't the most trustworthy source of information."

"I gave her a chance. She was a bitter bitch from the start. She didn't like me, didn't like how close Seth and I are, and I don't take kindly to other people giving me orders - especially when they don't know shit."

"I order you around all the time."

"If you do, I haven't caught on. And you know shit." he moves a bishop and sits back as he stretches his legs under the table. "She didn't think I was good for Seth- that I was dragging him down and if it wasn't for me, she would have had him in the Keys, living happily ever after. Little did she know, she was a toxic bitch and even if she managed to get me out of the equation, she and Seth were never going to be happy. They fought constantly - and not like the cute bickering you two do - they were nasty with each other. She was nasty and poked him constantly, trying to get him to his breaking point but he would never give. I think after everything our old man put us through, he made an effort to not put his hands on her. I give him credit because I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself."

"How'd they meet?"

"We were-" he stops and looks at her as she moves a pawn. "Why don't you ask him?"

"I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Or make him think I'm prying."

"He wouldn't."

She shrugs in response while she twists her rings.

"He loves you Kate. Trust me."

"I know he does. I'm just curious. Do you think he loved her?"

"I think he loved the idea of who she could be. He didn't know what it was to have a wife or really want one. They were kids."

"Older than me."

"Doesn't matter." he takes her rook with his knight and sets it aside. "She wanted to be the Bonnie to his Clyde."

"What do you think went wrong?"

"It was wrong from the start but he wouldn't listen to me. He liked the way she made him feel when they first met. Seth has always strived for attention. He'll take it no matter where he gets it from. Too bad she was a lying, two faced bitch."

* * *

Seth follows the sound of laughter into the living room and stops in the doorway, slightly surprised. Richie sits with his back to him and Kate is too busy laughing to see that he is there.

"It wasn't that funny." his brother grumbles and the tips of his ears are red so Seth knows he is embarrassed over whatever his wife is giggling over. "You're so weird."

She shakes her head and presses her hand against her mouth to stifle her laughter. It works for a moment and she takes a deep breath, then begins chuckling again. Richie sighs but then begins laughing too. There is this sense of contentment that washes over Seth when he sees the kind and loving gaze Kate watches Richie with.

"What the fuck is so funny?" he finally asks and she sits up straight as she flashes him a blinding smile.

"Hey babe,"

"I was telling her about my junior year when we got busted for breaking into the box office in the fall play and Ms. Green made me be in the spring musical."

"And your tights split in the middle of Act One while you pirouetted across the stage?"

It's enough to get Kate shrieking again and Seth begins to chuckle as well.

"Please tell me there is photographic evidence of this somewhere." she gasps while wiping tears away.

"I'm sure there is a copy at Fast Eddie's somewhere. Maybe even a tape."

"I don't really believe him. It sounds like part of the plot from _A Walk to Remember_."

"That's where she got the idea from. And wait a second, you married the preacher's daughter." Richie points at Seth, who rolls his eyes.

"So why weren't you in the play if you also robbed the school?"

"I atoned in other ways." the smirk on his face tells her all she needs to know but her brother-in-law adds,

"He fucked Ms. Green in the dressing room."

"Jesus, Richard, have some class, would ya?"

"Was this a Mrs. Robinson deal?"

"She was twenty-three and it was her first job out of school. I was eighteen. No one ever found out."

"Until today."

"Checkmate." Richie stands as Kate gapes at the board. "I'm heading out."

"Where?"

"Out. Been keeping an eye on this fucker who comes into Jed's."

"Be safe." Kate says.

"Be back before sunrise." Seth adds.

"Take Scott with you."

"Have fun."

"Thanks Mom and Dad. I'll be fine. And the kid isn't coming. He can find his own dinner. Good try at parenting though."

"Need to practice on someone."

He waves and disappears from the room. They stay silent until the door slams and Seth kneels down in front of Kate.

"Hi," she smiles as she runs a hand through his hair.

"Hey. You were foolish enough to play him?" he takes her hand gently and kisses her knuckles.

"I should have known better." she snorts and sits back as he leans over her lap and presses his face against her stomach. "You want to play?"

"I don't play chess."

"You'd probably beat me, if it's any incentive."

"Not much of an incentive if it isn't a fair fight."

"Tell that to your brother." she chuckles and he sits back on his heels. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Just thinking about how you treat Richie like he's your own brother."

"Well, he's part of the family. My family. Ours." she strokes his cheek gently as she smiles down at him. "I love him."

"I appreciate that."

"Honey, I'm not doing it as a favor to you. I'm doing it because this is how I actually feel."

"I know. Guess I'm just not used to it."

"Well, get used to it." she smiles, making him nod. He stands up, then leans down and kisses her.

"See you later!" Scott calls as he runs down the stairs. The door shuts before either of them can respond.

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing. Both the kids out of the house-"

"Shut up." she shoves his chest gently as he smirks. "You want some dinner?"

"Dinner sounds good."

"Vanessa - she and Richie,"

"It wasn't very good."

"I figured. I'm not-"

"I know. I know. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for. I understand." she kisses him as she rubs his shoulders. "It's always going to be us. _All of us._ Okay? Los Tres Geckos and a Fuller."

"Los Cuatro Geckos." he corrects, placing his palm against her stomach.

"That's right." she smiles and places her hand over his.

"It's uh- it - I love you."

"I love you too."

"It's going to - I need time, you know, to - to get used to things. You're different, we're different, than what was before. I know that. I need to learn to let my guard down."

"I know." she kisses him again, comfortingly, and she pushes aside her irritation at everyone who never tried to understand Seth or used him, and the hurt they doled out to him.

"Thank you for being here." he mutters, pressing his forehead against hers. "And being what I needed. I don't - I know you talk about how I help you but I don't know if you realize how much you've helped me. Fuck, I'm turning into a giant sap. All because I walked in on you and Richie hanging out."

"I understand - all of it. You don't have to be shy or embarrassed around me. You don't always have to be so tough. Just - be you." 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's date gets interrupted by a not so innocent trio.

"I really liked the movie." she smiles bashfully as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. "You're so sweet - asking my opinion. Most guys would have just picked the first action movie they saw."

He nods, not really sure where his voice is, as his eyes are glued to her cherry red lips, which are wrapped around the head of her spoon. She makes a quiet noise as she pulls the spoon from her mouth and he sighs.

"I was really hoping you would have kissed me though." she adds and his eyes nearly bug out of his head.

"You - we - oh, well I didn't know if - can I? I mean, may I?" he stutters and she giggles as she nods. He practically scrambles across the table in his eagerness and he's inches from her and his heart is pounding and -

"Benji!"

He freezes as he hears footsteps to his left and he's pretty sure he looks ridiculous - lunged halfway over the table with his hands planted on the faded formica. His lips are still puckered and he looks over in horror at the little girl who skips up to their table.

"I did see you!" she exclaims as he slides back into his seat. She throws her arms around his neck and he weakly hugs her back as his date looks on.

"Who is this?" Hailey smiles as she wiggles her fingers.

"Rosie Gecko. Benji is my big brother."

"Brother? Ben, you didn't tell me you had a little sister! She's so adorable!"

"You didn't tell her about me?" Rosie tilts her head at Ben as she sits on his lap. He shakes his head silently and she sighs, her expression the perfect imitation of their father's exasperation. "I'm his favorite girl."

"I bet you are!" Hailey laughs.

"I am. We do everything together. He taught me how to play soccer and we make ice cream sundaes and he even let me put makeup on him once! He's the best big brother!"

"Rosie, what are you doing here?" he's almost afraid to ask.

"Mama and Daddy were taking me to the movies." she turns and points out one of the windows, where he can see his parents huddled behind an elephant ride for kids. He makes eye contact with Seth, who looks like a deer caught in headlights. Ben shakes his head slightly as he watches him nudge Kate, who at least has the decency to look apologetic.

"No, no." he mutters desperately as they start walking towards the restaurant. "Please God no."

"Rosie! We were looking everywhere for you!" Seth reaches them first and Rosie looks confused.

"But Daddy you said-" she's cut off as Kate grabs her and holds her face tightly to her chest.

"We thought something awful happened to you." she says, stroking her hair as she kisses the top of her head. "Don't ever run away like that again!"

"Mama,"

"Thank the Lord you are okay."

"Amen." Seth adds, then does a mock double take. "Ben! What a surprise."

"Right." he sinks a little further into the seat as Rosie sips his milkshake. "What are you doing here?"

"We were going to the movies."

"And lost your sister."

"They made me come in." Rosie whispers, even though she's loud enough that they all hear. Hailey giggles behind her hand as she chews on a french fry.

"We are going to get out of your hair. You must be Hailey." Kate sticks her hand out, smiling as the teen shakes it. "It's so nice to meet you."

"It's really nice to meet you too Mrs. Gecko. How are you?"

"Great. You guys having a nice time?"

"Yeah. The movie was great."

"Mom,"

"We're going. We're going." she waves her hand and reaches for Rosie. "C'mon baby, we'll miss our own movie."

"Can Benji come with us?"

"No honey, he's out with his friend. We'll see him at home."

She sighs heavily and looks up at Ben with puppy dog eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Yeah Rosie, we already saw a movie."

"How about you tell us how it is and next weekend me and Ben will come see it with you?" Hailey suggests.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Okay. Bye Benji." she kisses his cheek, then looks at Hailey with a scrutinizing gaze. "Are you his girlfriend?"

"Oh my God."

"Okay, let's go." Seth grabs Rosie and hoists her up onto his hip with a quiet groan. "See you later Ben."

"Thanks for stopping by."

"Wait - are you going to be home for my story?" Rosie asks and Ben's face turns red as Hailey coos. Rosie smiles and looks at her. "Ben reads me a story every night. It's our thing."

"That's so sweet!"

"He is! He's the best big brother. I love him."

"I'll make sure he's home." Hailey promises. "When's your bedtime?"

Rosie frowns and looks at Seth for assistance.

"We can bend the rules a little tonight. You two have fun."

Ben remains quiet as his family leaves and he groans as he spots Seth through the window, who gives him a nod and a thumbs up. Kate smacks him on the shoulder and he keeps walking but she stops and points at Hailey, then mouths 'I like her.' He closes his eyes with a grimace and turns his head back to his date.

"Sorry."

"What are you sorry for? They were so nice. And your sister is adorable!"

"Yeah, she's uh, pretty great. I think the age gap helps." he chuckles slightly as he runs a hand through his hair.

"She really loves you. I think that's so cute."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." she smiles as she reaches for his hand. "So,"

"So,"

"Before they walked in we were-" she ducks her head shyly and looks at him through her lashes. He smiles and leans towards her, but stops when he hears his phone beep. On the screen is a message from his father.

_I know you don't see it right now but girls LOVE cute kids. I was a great wingman sending her in for the kill._

He just finishes reading the text when Kate's name pops up.

_I didn't want to do that but you really left me no choice -hiding her away like that. Are you embarrassed of us? Oh, revenge is sweet, by the way._

* * *

It's a little after eleven when he gets home. He is almost to the kitchen when the light in the family room flicks on.

"Do you know what time it is mister?" Rosie crosses her arms where she sits on Seth's lap.

"Very funny."

"I've been waiting for my story."

"And I've been waiting for mine." Seth adds.

"Me too!" Lina calls and Ben groans at the sound of her voice. "Come on! It's not every day you get a date with some hot cheerleader! She was so out of your league!"

"Well, you can tell her that next Saturday when we take Rosie to the movies."

"You got a second date?"

" **I** got him a second date." Rosie corrects. "Right Daddy?"

"Most likely."

"Dad!"

"You were a little goofy at points. Not a lot of game, which surprised me because I thought I taught you better. That's why we sent in the secret weapon."

"Oh my God. Where's Mom?"

"Oh she won't protect you. She's just as curious."

"So how was everything?" Kate asks as she appears in the doorway. "All went well?"

"I trusted you!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't want to barge in like that."

"Yes she did!" Lina says. "Just like when they freaked Sam out at Jed's that night. Poor kid didn't sleep for a week."

"Hey, we are the parents. We were well within our rights."

"And me too!" Rosie insists. "I can't have someone take you away Benji! I'd be so sad!"

"I'm not going anywhere Rosie. You ready for your story?"

She smiles wide and nods, then turns to kiss Seth on the cheek.

"Good night!" she quickly hugs Kate and takes Ben by the hand. "Let's go Lina!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

Kate smiles as they climb the stairs together, then faces her husband.

"We did good."

"They're not completely awful so I guess so."


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lina is left in charge of a six-week-old Rosie when Seth manages to get Kate out of the house for a much needed date.

"There are two bottles in there. One for eight thirty, another for ten thirty. I highly doubt we'll even be gone that long but just in case."

"Mom,"

"If she gets fussy, you can feed her earlier if you think she's hungry."

"I kn-"

"There are diapers and wipes in my room but I also put a stack in the living room. Plenty of clean pajamas. There's med-"

"Mom!"

"Alright, honey, we're going to miss our reservation." Seth snags Kate by the waist as she runs through every detail of Rosie's life. Lina looks on in disbelief as she rocks the baby.

"Go. Seriously. I am fine. She's six weeks old. It's not like-"

"Exactly! She's six weeks old! She's -"

"Mom, please, I promise I can handle it. God, I'm eighteen. You weren't much older than me when you had me."

"I know that but honey, I was-"

"Insane then too? I got it."

"Kate, it's a couple of hours. They will be fine. She knows how to dial 911." 

"Oh God, do not dial 911. Unless she isn't breathing or bleeding profusely. Just call us. Even if it's a minor problem, we'll come right back."

"No, we will not. Let's go." he pushes her towards the door as she continues to ramble. "Go," 

He pushes her out onto the porch and keeps his body wedged in the doorway as he turns back to Lina. 

"Dad, I'm fine."

"I know. Ow, damn it Kate!"

"I didn't say good bye!"

"She doesn't know you're gone! You don't need to say good bye!" he rolls his eyes skyward and sighs, then focuses on Lina, who shoos him with her hand. "Whoa, keep two fucking hands on her! You don't realize how quick they can flop around."

"What? No! Lina, she can't support her own head. Make sure you watch her neck!"

"Oh my God. Just leave already. Try and enjoy yourselves. I promise the house will still be standing when you come back." 

* * *

 "You know what you're going to get?" 

"Mm, still deciding." 

Seth drops his menu and looks across the table to Kate. She has her menu propped upwards and he's pretty sure she hasn't turned the page in a few minutes. He sighs and grabs the side facing him, then tugs. She jumps, startled as it slips out of her grasp, and looks guilty as he aims a pointed stare at her phone.

"Come on,"

"I'm just checking!"

"We haven't been out in weeks. Months even. Relax. I trust Lina." 

"I do too. She's just not... me."

"Well, no shit, but she's doing pretty well following in your footsteps. And I'd much rather have her watching Rosie than a complete stranger."

"I know. I agree." she sets her phone on the edge of the table but continues to stare at it. 

"Kate," he grabs her hand gently and she sighs, looking up to meet his gaze, "honey, they're fine. Like she said, you weren't much older than she is. And she turned out just fine. We’ve had her for eighteen years and counting. She's handling three or four hours." 

"I know. I just think that - we haven't left them before."

"Yes we have."

"We haven't left them since the - since everything happened."

"Sure we -" he stops, thinking back over the past year. They definitely had been out on their own but now that he thinks about it, Richie had always stayed with Lina and Ben. The idea was ridiculous, they all knew it, since neither of the kids required a babysitter, but they framed it in a way that didn't make it seem like his brother was keeping tabs on them. Though, after everything, the kids seemed to welcome the companionship. 

"The last time we left Lina and Ben alone was that night everything went down. I have this - it's stupid. I know it wasn't - even if we were home, we wouldn't have been able to stop it. But I think we could have. Rosie makes me so... anxious. I know it's technically new and we haven't had a baby for over a decade and to give it time but I feel like... like she's going to disappear." 

"No, babe, she's-"

"I know. I know." she waves her hand a little and they quiet down as the waitress comes. They put their order in and she sits back as she walks away. "And it's not to diminish the other two but I feel like after all that we went through, it's a miracle we even have her. I’m - I’m scared.“

"I get it. But you know what, after tonight, you're going to remember what it's like not being tied to a baby and you are going to see everything is fine. You'll be giving Rosie to Lina."

* * *

"Holy shit."

"Don't you start too." 

"What is wrong with her?"

"I don't know." Lina shakes her head as Ben covers his ears. Rosie is sobbing uncontrollably. She has tried feeding, changing, and rocking her sister but nothing seems to soothe her. "Oh my God."

"You should call Mom."

"No! No way! She will never leave me in charge again."

"Maybe you shouldn't be."

"You think you can do better?" 

"Maybe." 

"Okay, here," she holds the baby out and he shakes his head. "Come on, take her! Do those faces you normally make. Maybe it'll make her laugh."  

"What if something's really wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong. She's just being fussy. You were the exact same way."

"I've never heard her cry like this before."

"Yeah because she's used to Mom."

"Well, she can't cry until Mom gets home."

"Okay but I'm not calling them. They needed tonight. We can handle this." 

* * *

Richie's phone is ringing. The asshole he has pinned to the back wall of Jed's is whimpering and shaking, trying desperately to break free. Unfortunately, Richie is no match for him and he is fucking starving. His phone rings for a second time and he sighs. 

"Should you get that?" the guy mumbles. 

"Mind your own fucking business. Now, I don't like the way you treated my staff."

"Look man,"

"Look nothing. I've got a problem with stupid fuckers like you." 

He screams as Richie's fangs descend and plant in his neck. He takes just enough blood as his phone rings a third time. He lets the guy fall to the ground, then leans down and presses a hand against his forehead. 

"You are not going to remember any of this. You got bit by a dog. You won't come back here." 

He pulls his phone out and sees the missed calls are from Lina. 

"You're lucky my niece needs me." he mutters, giving the guy a kick for good measure. He is just about to call her back when the phone rings again. "Hey, sorry I was-"

"Oh thank God! I need your help!" she sounds on the verge of tears as Rosie cries in the background. He can also hear Ben singing an awful rendition of 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.' 

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"I don't know! She just keeps crying and I can't call Mom and Dad. They are on a date. I don't want to bother them. I think she just wants Mom. Can you please come here? You know about babies."

He, in fact, knows shit about babies. He has lost count of all the times he has screwed up with Lina and Ben. 

"I'll be right there." 

He arrives within half an hour and lets himself into the house. Lina looks ready to rip her hair out as she paces the family room with Rosie in her arms. His younger niece is still crying. 

“I thought you were never going to get here.” she looks relieved the instant they make eye contact. “I think I broke her. What if some muscle or tendon severed inside her or I fed her wrong or-”

“Stop listening to your mother.” he replies as he takes the baby. “Rosie Posey, why are you causing so much trouble?” 

It takes a few minutes but she finally settles into his arms and the sobs taper off to whimpers, then eventually silence. 

“How did you do that?” 

“I didn’t do anything. She probably exhausted herself out.” 

“No. No, you did something. Did you do your freaky, mind control thing?” 

“No. I promised your dad I’d never do that again. I just held her, made her feel secure. I don’t know.” 

“Oh.” 

“Wait, what do you mean again?” Ben interjects, looking up from his video game. 

“Nothing. Mind your own business.” 

* * *

"See? What did I tell you? No problems, we had a nice time. It's okay. You can admit I'm right." 

"Don't ruin it by being a dick." she sighs, then smiles a little. "It was nice." 

"So... can I take you out next Friday?" he grins, winking. She laughs as she shakes her head. 

"I think that can be arranged." she replies and leans over to kiss him. The house is quiet when they enter and they walk down the hall together to the family room. They stop short of the doorway when they see Richie on the couch with Rosie on his chest. Lina is asleep on the other side of the sectional and Ben is nowhere to be found. 

"Surprise." he smirks and Rosie whimpers. He runs a hand over his back as he murmurs at her. She instantly quiets and settles with a soft sigh. 

"What are you doing here? Where's your car?"

"Parked it around on the side. Lina didn't want you to know I was here." he replies. "The baby was giving her a hard time." 

“So why didn’t she-” Kate begins and Seth slaps a hand onto her shoulder.

“This. This right here is why she didn’t call us. She’s fine. They’re all fine. Where’s Benji?”

“Went to bed. Swore off ever having children.” 

“Well, thank you.” Kate says quietly. 

“Anytime. You two needed a break. No reason for you to come home. They say babies can smell fear.”

“I’m not afraid of her.” Lina mutters. “I’m sorry. I just wanted you guys to have a nice time.” 

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Seth replies as he leans down and kisses her forehead. “Plenty of nights you and your brother acted like assholes and cried for hours on end too. I’m sure it was nothing you did.”  

“I’m never having kids. I don’t know how you did this three times.” 

“Neither do we.” 

“Sheer, dumb luck.” Richie retorts as Kate picks Rosie up and walks away with her, whispering gently in her ear. 

“Most likely.” Seth agrees. “You should have seen us when you were born.” 

“I’ve never seen two stupider people.” 

“Shut up. We were careful. That’s precious cargo right there.” 

“You were out of your minds. The things you came out with were less likely to occur than a meteor hitting the planet.” 

“Anyway, you learn as you go. You’ve never really been around a baby before.” 

“But I’ve never had a problem with her before.” Lina says. 

“Don’t ever trust her. You may think you know her like the back of your hand and then she turns on you and you’re looking at a monster. Everything you thought you knew goes out the window.” he pauses as he twirls his keys around his finger. “Want to watch her again on Friday?” 

“No way!” 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Geckos head to Disney.

"We need to talk."

Kate sounds so serious it gives Seth pause as he looks up. She stands in front of their bed with an iPad in her hands and the screen against her chest. Her face is furrowed into a frown he would normally say was adorable but right now he's a little scared since this seems to be coming out of left field.

"Okay, shoot." he replies, wracking his brain to figure out what the fuck he had done wrong recently. Maybe 'shoot' wasn't the best choice of wording.

"Vacation this year-"

"Going to a beach." he looks away, his blood pressure significantly lower, and plans to ignore what she had to say next. They had - for the past several years - rented a beach house on the Gulf for two weeks in the summer. It wasn't exactly the Keys or a tropical island but it did its job.

"Right. How about we go to a different beach?"

Okay, that caught his attention. He is already going through ideas of getting the kids passports when she turns the iPad around and aims it at his face. Not a tropical island, though it was made to look like one.

"No. That's not even a beach."

"Sure it is."

"No, it's not and thats's way too fucking expensive."

"Since when are you concerned about money Mr. Monopoly?"

"Since I became a fiscally responsible father who needs to put two kids through college in ten years." he replies smoothly and she stares at him, then snorts.

"Nice try."

"For that price, we could go to the Bahamas and probably spend half the money."

"Or we could do this."

"We have discussed this in the past and the answer was no."

"Actually, your answer was that you didn't want to go and spend all that time, money, and energy on a trip that no one would remember and once they were old enough, we would revisit the idea. Well guess who just turned five and has a great memory?"

"We've revisited and my answer is still no." he replies and goes to move off the bed. She quickly pins him to the mattress by sitting on his lap and even though he could toss her aside at any moment, he sinks reluctantly against the headboard. They stare at each other with competing puppy dog pouts, hoping the other would break first.

"It will be fun."

"That is not fun! It'll be hot and crowded and the kids will cry and complain."

"You like Six Flags."

"Yeah and by the end of the night, I'm swearing we will never go back again."

"But we always do. This is just like an extended time there."

"Kate,"

"They are going to have so much fun and there's a lot more to do than just the theme parks. We can even have time to ourselves- they have these babysitting groups. We can run off and do something crazy. And think of how romantic it'll be to stand under the stars and watch the fireworks go off." she smiles as she rubs her hands down his chest.

"With 30,000 other people and their screaming children surrounding us."

"You don't have to be such a Debbie Downer. With this, we'd have a private balcony. And it's a suite so we don't even have to be on the same balcony as the kids. Don't you want them to have the ultimate childhood experience?"

"I didn't go to Disney World. I turned out perfectly fine."

"I never went to Disney World either and there's definitely a bit of resentment and longing for it."

"All the things you've encountered in your life and _that's_ what you're hung up on?"

"Seth,"

"Kate,"

"Please? Lina keeps talking about it. I know you'd hate to disappoint her and I want her to see it as a kid. It might not be as magical for her later in life. I don't want to take a bunch of angsty, ungrateful teenagers there. I want her eyes to light up in wonder and awe."

"What's in it for me?" he asks after a long pause. Her smile turns into a sly grin and she leans in to press a few kisses along his jaw, then his ear.

"I'm sure we can figure something out." she whispers.

"You gonna seduce me to go to Disney?"

"Whatever it takes."

"I am not going to have a good time."

"Fine. It's about them anyway. I don't care about your feelings."

"I know you don't."

"That's why we leave the first week in October." she says happily with a wide smile. "Surprise!"

"You booked it?"

"I booked it."

"Why even ask?"

"To make you feel like you were part of the decision. Good decision baby."

* * *

"Seth. Seth, come on, wake up."

He hisses in pain as he feels a towel whip across his ass. He's currently in bed like a normal human being, sprawled on his stomach with his head under the pillow. She's already taken his blanket and he's pretty sure prison wasn't this bad.

"Seth! I already gave you an extra half hour."

"Oh that's really fucking generous Kate, seeing as you tried originally waking me up before the sun even rose."

"Are you going to be a dick this whole trip?"

"I don't know, it depends. Are you going to be some crazy tourist who has to do everything in one day and beats other travelers with a stroller because they got the last churro?"

"We are not doing everything in one day and we don't have a stroller anymore. I don't even like churros."

"Why are we even up this early?"

"I told you, we have an early breakfast reservation."

"How early?"

"Eight. And we can't be late because we'll be considered a no show, and also, our first Fastpass is for ten so we need to be done and out of thereby 9:40-9:45 to give us walking time." she says as she fiddles with her watch. He stares at her with a dumbfounded expression, then sits up slightly.

"Do you know what a vacation is?"

"I was under the impression we were on one."

"No, you enrolled us in a Disney marathon to do everything possible without the use of a time machine. I saw your little notebook. You have this scheduled within an inch of our lives and it's only six thirty in the morning on the first day and you're already snapping at me. Drill sergeants are not even this rough or precise."

"Oh that's rich coming from you."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You? Who obsessively planned every heist down to the millisecond?"

"Seriously? Our fucking lives depended on that - you know not getting shot or thrown in jail. Who is gonna die from not having breakfast with a rat?"

"I'm sorry that I want to make the most out of the time we have! If we plan it right, we'll accomplish a lot."

"But that's the point. That's not what a vacation is about. A vacation is about resting and relaxing and spending your days drinking by a pool, preferably naked."

"At what point in this trip did you think you were going to be sitting by a pool naked and drunk? It's Disney World."

"Wake up! Wake up!" the door to their room opens with a bang and Lina and Ben rush in with way too much energy for six thirty in the morning.

"You can't even accomplish that at home." she adds as the kids jump on him.

"Alright, alright, I'm up!" he pushes them off gently, garnering cheers from them both.

"Can we go right now?" Lina bounces on the mattress, her eyes lit up with excitement.

"Yeah! I want to go right now!" Ben rolls around, ricocheting between Lina and Seth.

"First, we need to get dressed. Let's give Daddy some space." Kate waves a hand and the kids follow eagerly. "I ironed your clothes. They're on the counter in the bathroom."

He eventually makes his way to the ensuite bathroom and curses when he sees the clothes on the countertop. A bright red t-shirt he definitely did not own before and a pair of khaki cargo shorts he has worn once.

"Why don't you get me a fucking fanny pack while you're at it!"

"Don't tempt me!"

* * *

"Stop scowling."

"I'm not scowling."

She tips her head back and stares at him with a glare that tells him she's about five seconds away from stabbing him with the $30 lightsaber they just bought Ben.

"They're going to feed off your energy."

He merely scowls back as he sips his coffee. They are on the main street in Hollywood Studios - probably Hollywood Boulevard or some tacky shit like that. The sidewalks are crowded, no matter how light Kate says the crowd is. He'd hate to see what a 'real crowd' looks like.

He's trying really hard not to be a dick. He knows he has it in him. But it's just so fucking cheerful and bright and noisy and it's only 9:30 and he's been hit with a stroller twice and they are locked in a large swarm of people for some unknown reason.

"What the hell are we doing?" he asks just as a familiar tune from Star Wars begins to play. Somewhere down the line, people are gasping and shouting.

"What's going on? I can't see!" Ben tugs on his t-shirt.

"I don't know." he replies, then catches sight of the rows of stormtroopers marching towards them. "Oh."

"What is it?"

"Here," he lifts Ben up so he is able to watch the troop come by. Lina is able to see between two shoulders and stands on her tiptoes. She isn't as interested by Star Wars but still seems intrigued. Kate glances up and smiles at the identical, awed expressions on her boys' faces. She catches Seth eye as the parade ends and they begin to move.

"Don't start." he warns, knowing exactly what her knowing grin is in regards to. "It was okay."

"Okay." she shrugs as she falls back and takes Lina's hand. She sees how he dips his head towards Ben's and hears him mutter,

"That was pretty awesome."

Several minutes later, she stops them outside a large brick building with glass windows.

  
"What is this?"

"It's Toy Story Mania." Lina states matter-of-factly. "It's a carnival ride and you shoot things and whoever has the highest score wins. I read all about it in my book. And it was on the TV at the hotel."

"And it's almost an hour wait?" he raises an eyebrow at Kate, who raises her wrist in explanation to display the band they had been given at the hotel.

"Fastpasses. Guess my obsessive, drill sergeant planning has its perks."

"So all you do is shoot things?"

"It's 3D. You have this thing you aim and pull and it's supposed to be fun."

"Huh." he glances over the building, then shrugs, "Fine but you know I'm going to win."

"Someone's cocky." Kate snorts as they enter the line. It only takes about fifteen minutes before they are standing in the rows, waiting for their car to come. Kate chuckles as she looks over Seth- leaning against the railing with his 3D glasses on and arms crossed over the Mickey Mouse t-shirt she had bought him.

"What's so funny?"

"You look cute like that."

"You like taking me down a peg?"

"Just a little." she grins as the gate opens and she and Ben enter their seats. He lets Lina in front of him and they sit as well.

"You're on your own." he warns her. She tilts her head and lifts her eyebrows.

"I don't need help. I'm gonna kick your butt Daddy." she says, so seriously that he finds it more adorable than threatening and chuckles.

"We'll see."

He'll admit it was entertaining, even difficult at points. It wasn't as simple as a real ring toss or shooting a gun. Lina fares decently with a score somewhere in the 90,000 range. His own is over 120,000.

"I'm impressed." he nudges her and she beams proudly at his compliment.

"Did you like it?"

"It was pretty fun." he nods and she smiles even wider. The car rounds a corner, where there are screens mounted to the wall and he hears Ben shriek with excitement from behind them.

"That was you Mama!"

Seth frowns and scans the screen- then notices what his son must've caught. It is a high score record- showing all time, monthly, weekly, and daily. Then at the bottom it shows the best in car and he sees a score - 146,500.

She looks smug as they step out of the car and back onto the platform.

"Really?" he looks in surprise at her.

"I have great aim."

The rest of the day flies by. The crowds aren't as bad as he initially thought, as they manage to get on most of the rides with a relatively short wait. They even throw in a quick trip to meet Chewbacca and BB-8. He doesn't care what Kate says - he was not fangirling.

They are all ride junkies - he knows this from their trips to Six Flags - but he gets a kick out of Kate, probably because they normally don't ever ride together so he doesn't get to see her reaction. They always had to do a swap because of one the kids weren't big enough or didn't want to ride.

They're all go on Tower of Terror, semi brave, though he feels Ben gripping his hand tightly in the pre-show video shown in a dark room. And he realizes how overprotective and neurotic he has become since becoming a father as he keeps an arm and leg thrown over his son, sure that he would become airborne at any second - a point that was not helped by his little daredevil insisting on throwing his hands in the air.

Ben is devastated to learn he isn't quite tall enough for Rock'n'RollerCoaster but Lina seems slightly relieved by the fact when she reads the sign describing the three loops, a corkscrew, and max speeds of sixty miles per hour.

"Maybe next trip." Kate wraps an arm around then both. "This is a big kid ride."

She glances at Seth and sees how he is eyeing the building.

"How about we go get an ice cream? We can meet Daddy in a little bit."

"Where are you going?" Ben peers at him suspiciously and he is caught off guard but seems to catch his wife's drift.

"I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be there in a few minutes. Go. It's okay." he finally replies. He waits until they disappear from the courtyard, then sprints back to the single rider line. 

* * *

"It's not so bad." he says later, once they are settled on a bench waiting for some show - Fantasmic, he thinks - to start. She smiles slightly but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just have a headache. So are you enjoying yourself?"

"I wouldn't go that far." he retorts, a small smirk on his face. The lights dim and he feels Lina edge closer to him. "It's just a show."

But she stays burrowed in his side until the stage lights up across the water and Mickey appears. Both their children straighten up, shouting out in surprise and excitement. The show is decent - showcasing a mix of fireworks, live characters, water, and projections to tell the story of Mickey fighting numerous villains.

He's going to be honest - he didn't watch much of the show. He was too fixated on the excitement and wonder on the kids' faces.

They are too energized by the show as they exit the park and walk back to the bus. They are both talking a mile a minute and cutting each other off as they try to express their delight over the day.

"Remember when Chewbacca held your Minnie ears?"

"I can't believe I was the rebel spy on Star Tours!"

"We dropped really fast on Tower of Terror."

"What was your favorite part?" Lina looks across the aisle of the bus, where they are sitting.

"I liked Tower of Terror." Kate replies with a yawn as she settles her head on Seth's shoulder. "What about you?"

"Un, I really liked in Fantasmic when Mickey was magic and he was on the stage and then he was up on the mountain and then he disappeared."

"I liked seeing BB-8." Ben replies. "He was really small and cute. Daddy, did you like anything?"

"I liked everything." he replies and Kate squeezes his hand gently.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Geckos and their love for Elvis  
> \- or Seth's love for Elvis and his influence on those around him.

Seth is grateful for the silence. He likes Sonja - or he thinks he does at least - but she didn't know when to shut the fuck up. Granted, he wasn't in the greatest of moods and there was more going on in his head than just his recent detox. Still, he likes silence - Richie and Kate understood the values of a good companionable silence - one where you could sit and be comfortable and not need to run your mouth every second. Oh they both could talk, don't get him wrong but they knew when to cut it out. Sonja does not. Sonja reminds him of Vanessa in every way and there's an inkling in the back of his head that sounds just like his brother telling him to run.

Just for that, he won't. He'll stick this out and see it through, if not just for pure stubbornness, but also for the fact of he has no one else and Sonja had helped him.

She wasn't _completely_ awful.

But Seth is glad that she fell asleep. He can't be 'on' constantly. Her lack of commentary allows him to turn the radio on. They are about an hour outside of Houston but he is still able to find the station Eddie had hooked him on as a child. He turns the volume down so he can hear it but it wouldn't bother her.

He catches Sinatra singing the end of 'Witchcraft' and the station cuts to a commercial. There is a bit of static but it's bearable. Honestly, he didn't even think they'd be in range yet so he's grateful for the changeup. The last few months had either been listening to the Mexican radio, and his Spanish was extremely limited, or Kate's iPod, which hadn't been awful but obviously he doesn't have that anymore.

There is some odd twinge in his chest at the thought and his eyes flick downward - to his cellphone sitting in the cupholder. _No_.

The station comes back and after a minute or two of talking, the DJ plays the next song. It takes a moment for the lyrics to kick in and he doesn't recognize the melody at first. However, as soon as Elvis begins to croon, he feels his heart drop.

He's not overly dramatic. That's Richie. He will say he has a sense for theatrics. He had always been that kid who imagined himself in the movies. There are scenes that just resonate with him and every time he sees them, they strike a chord. Same with music.

_I've had nothing but sorrow_  
_Since you said we were through_  
_There's no hope for tomorrow_  
_How's the world treating you?_

_Every sweet thing that mattered_   
_Has been broken in two_   
_All my dreams have been shattered_   
_How's the world treating you?_

If that isn't a kick in the teeth, he doesn't know what is.

There is a tightness in his chest and a lump in his throat that won't go away. He ignores it, keeps saying it doesn't matter, even as his mind keeps repeating Kate's name in his head. His hand drops to the cupholder and he fingers his cellphone.

By the time the song is over, Dean Martin is singing something more upbeat, and he hears Sonja shifting in the passenger seat. His hand leaves his phone without ever taking that next step.

"Jesus Christ, what are you - an eighty year old man?" she snorts, obviously trying to sound like she's making a joke. She fiddles with the radio and a Top 40 station comes on.

He shrugs, even though some part of him is irritated with her disregard for him and his interests. Not that he really fucking cares. It's just he can't help but compare. He can hear Richie muttering that she probably doesn't even like movies. He can easily see his brother in her seat, glasses slipping down his nose in the overbearing heat, and breaking down the finer points and symbolism of _Citizen Kane_.

And Kate. Thinks of her with the seat reclined in the Corvette, singing along with Rosemary Clooney as the wind blew through her hair.

Thinks of how they both understood and appreciated the quality of the classics. And while they both could tease him, they never teased his interests, knowing how guarded he was - like he even cared what someone fucking thought of him.

_That's not her seat_ , his mind whispers, and he steps harder on the gas pedal. Closer to Houston, closer to Richie, closer to finding Kate.

* * *

She follows the noise down the stairs and towards the kitchen. That's what it is - noise, though she catches bits of Elvis through the shrieks, shouts, and clangs. She stops in the doorway and covers her mouth with her hand to stop from laughing out loud.

Lina and Ben are dancing by the table, giggling as they fall over each other. Seth is between the island and the stove, clearly not paying attention to whatever is burning, and singing into a wooden spoon.

"Well, this explains it." she says, announcing her presence. "I was wondering where we would have gotten a bunch of dying cats from."

"Thank you, thank you very much."

"Wow." she laughs at Seth's Elvis impression and dances out of his reach as she checks the stove. "What the heck is happening here?"

"That was supposed to be your Mother's Day breakfast Mama." Lina explains. Kate drops the spatula, the teasing grin slips from her face, and she feels her throat tighten. "But then Daddy put Elvis on."

"And. It. Was. Crazy." Ben says, emphasizing with his hands.

"I bet it was." she chuckles as 'Suspicious Minds' changes to 'The Wonder of You.' She is caught off guard when Seth grabs her by the waist and begins singing in her ear.

_When no one else can understand me_   
_When everything I do is wrong_   
_You give me hope and consolation_   
_You give me strength to carry on_   
_And you're always there_   
_To lend a hand_   
_In everything I do_   
_That's the wonder_   
_The wonder of you_

He's not bad when he doesn't go over the top. She will admit she even swoons a little as she turns so they are face to face as they sway. She hears Lina give a dreamy sigh, probably eating every bit of this up.

_And when you smile the world is brighter_   
_You touch my hand and I'm a king_   
_Your kiss to me is worth a fortune_   
_Your love for me is everything_

_I guess I'll never know_   
_The reason why_   
_You love me as you do_   
_That's the wonder_   
_The wonder of you_

He dips her as the song ends and she chuckles against his mouth when he kisses her soundly and Lina shrieks with joy and Ben with disgust.

"That's gross!" he exclaims.

"It is not!" she shoots back and rolls her eyes. "It's perfect and beautiful. You just don't know cause you're only four and you don't know anything."

"I know kissing is gross." he declares, sounding quite like Seth does when he has given his final opinion and that is the end of discussion.

"It is?" Kate asks.

"Yup." he nods seriously as he wanders by the island to grab some grapes out of the fruit bowl.

"You don't like any kisses?"

"Nope."

"Huh."

He is too busy with his grapes that he doesn't see her sneaking around one side of the island as Seth creeps around the other corner, effectively trapping him between them.

"No! No!" he shrieks as they grab him and shower him with kisses. Lina pounces from the front and begins tickling him. "Please!"

They finally let him go and he jumps away, breathless as he giggles.

"Watch this," Seth tells Kate when he realizes what song is playing. "Benji, do the thing I showed you."

"Oh." he smiles bashfully but shows his attempt at Elvis's infamous dance moves. "I'm all shook up!"

She laughs as she tips her head against the counter as Seth grins proudly.

"They are being raised right."

* * *

They have only been down for twenty minutes or so when the crying begins over the monitor. Kate sighs quietly as she rolls and leans against Seth's back.

"It's your turn." she mumbles and he shifts with a groan and shakes his head.

"No. Definitely was my turn last turn."

"Please baby, I'm so tired."

"And I'm so old."

"I don't care. You wanted a baby. You have to take care of her."

"You wanted a baby too. Don't pin this all on me. And I do take care of her."

"I know but it was my turn last time."

"It definitely wasn't."

As they bicker back and forth, they suddenly hear Lina's voice over the monitor.

"What are you crying for Rosie? It hasn't been that long since your last tantrum. Come here. It's okay. I know you're not hungry and you definitely don't need a diaper change. Did you just want some company? Couldn't sleep? I know I couldn't. That's why I came to see you. There's no point in making Mom and Dad wake up if I'm already up." she speaks softly and Rosie's cries taper off to nothing as the sisters interact.

"We can spend some time together. You know, when I was little and I couldn't sleep, Daddy would sing me Elvis songs. My favorite is 'Pocketful of Rainbows.' Have you heard that one yet? I'll sing it to you. I sang it in chorus for my solo last year."

_I don't worry_   
_Whenever skies are gray above_   
_Got a pocketful of rainbows_   
_Got a heart full of love_

_Mister Heartache_   
_I found a way to make him leave_   
_Got a pocketful of rainbows_   
_Got a star up my sleeve_

Rosie gurgles and coos and Kate smiles against Seth's shoulder as he squeezes her hand.

"I knew there was a reason we waited." he mutters.

"Why?"

"They're old enough to be an extra set of hands to take late night shifts." 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seth attempts to prepare for Kate's first Mother's Day.

Richie is almost positive that he won't ever get used to seeing his brother with a child. This was Seth for Christ's sake - he practically died on the spot if one attempted to even make eye contact with him. Yet, here he is, stretched out in his recliner with Lina on his chest, examining his phone as he keeps his free hand on the baby and rubs her back gently.

"Why are you on Pinterest?"

"Jesus Christ!" Seth jumps and whips his head around to find Richie leaning over his shoulder. Lina lets out a whimper at being startled from her nap. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Could you wear a bell? Or announce yourself next time? Shh, Lina, it's okay. Your uncle is just a fucking asshole."

"Nice language. You know this moment is going to be rooted in her subconscious and in fifteen years, when she is dysfunctional, you are going to wonder why."

"What do you want?"

"I didn't think you even knew what Pinterest was."

"Nothing? Great. Could you mind your own business?"

"No." he grabs at his wrist to pull the phone closer and scoffs. "Oh my God."

"Shut up!" Seth yanks his arm away and locks his screen.

"Wow you have really embraced fatherhood. They are going to make a sitcom about you."

"Richard, it's just a thing. For Kate. I wouldn't voluntarily go do something like this."

"You're going to voluntarily make this for her."

"It's her first Mother's Day. I want her to -"

"-have an overused, ridiculous, and predictable gift?"

"It's not your Mother's Day present. Stop being so offended."

"I just think the mother of your child deserves something more than some splotchy footprints in a frame."

"This is from Lina. I got her something else. Plus, I just bought her that ring as a thank you, you know, for having my baby. So don't make it sound like I'm not putting out any effort. I appreciate her."

"Mhmm. Think Lina should have better taste."

"You're welcome to get her your own gift if you think you can do better."

"Oh no, she's not my mom or baby mama."

"Then you don't get an opinion. Kindly remove yourself from the room before you upset my child. Again."

"Sure thing Danny."

"Danny?"

"Yeah, Danny Tanner. _Full House_?"

"Fuck you." he snaps as his brother chuckles and begins to walk away. "You'd be Joey."

"Please. With these good looks and great hair, I'd clearly be Uncle Jesse. Scott can be Joey."

"Yeah but I can sing." Scott comments as he walks by the living room. "I've heard you in the shower. Not a pretty sound. What are we talking about?"

"Seth wants to do some arts and crafts for Kate's Mother's Day present."

"Oh. She'd like that."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah. She loves that cheesy garbage stuff."

"It's not garbage." Seth protests.

"With you making it, it will be." Richie retorts. Scott snorts and they exchange a high five.

“Hey, how about you two go for a nice long walk?”

“The sun’s out.”

“That’s what I was hoping for.”

“Dick.”

* * *

“No, no, no.” Seth sighs deeply as he rips another piece of paper from the notepad and balls it up. He flings it towards the garbage can and it flies inside with ease to the rest of its departed siblings.

“Whatcha working on?” his brother’s voice is low in his ear and he jumps, startled as he suddenly senses the body behind him.

“God - fuck, Richie. What did I tell you?”

“I did say hello. You were busy playing Shakespeare.”

“I’m not playing Shakespeare.”

“You’re right. He was much more talented than you. It would be an egregious error to compare the two.”

“Did you need something?”

“Just passing through. Wanted to know why you look like you ripped up an encyclopedia and ate a few pens.”

“I’m testing what I want to -” he suddenly shuts up, a fierce blush rising across his cheeks and Richie smirks.

“Go on. You were just testing what?”

“There’s no point in wrecking the card. I’m practicing.”

“Oh for your gift. Right.”

“You know, it’s different now. It’s not as simple as throwing some diamonds at a girl with very little thought. I wouldn’t expect your childless, unmarried self to understand. I can’t just say Happy Mother’s Day. I need to - she made me a father, a new person. We have a baby.”

“You forgot a condom and participated in one of life’s biological functions. You two didn’t crack the secrets of the universe here.”

“How she got here is unimportant. The point is she’s here. We’re parents. And that would never have happened if it wasn’t for Kate.”

“Well, it could have. I mean, you could have plenty of little Geckos scampering about.”

“Richard,”

“I’m just pointing out the scientific facts Seth. With the number of women you’ve been with, and the possibility of no birth control or failed birth control, Lina could have a few siblings somewhere.”

“Maybe don’t point that out to Kate. And the answer is zero by the way. I’m not a slut. Thank you though. Now, back to this - it’s not just about Lina. It’s about how she’s changed me and she gave me a chance and I’ve seen a side of me that I didn’t think was possible. There’s no shame in stating that.”

“No there’s not. Just make sure your balls are still screwed on tight.”

“You’re not helping. Don’t you ever want to make a grand gesture for the Snake Queen?”

“Yeah. I buy her a diamond bracelet. I don’t weep at her feet when I do it. But I don’t know. Maybe that’s just my childless, unmarried, free living, untethered self talking.”

* * *

Kate stirs slightly from her sleep and sighs when she feels Seth kissing her.

“Mm, don’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Cause we still have three weeks until the all clear and it's unbearable.” she whispers and he chuckles but kisses her again. “What’s going on? What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

“What? Where’s the baby?”

“She’s asleep.” he points over his shoulder to the bassinet nearby. “I did her breakfast.”

“Yeah? How’d that go over?”

“She likes your boobs better but the bottle did the trick.”

“Okay.” she snorts quietly and snuggles further into her pillow. “Thank you. It felt good to get more than two hours of sleep.”

“Anytime. Figured you deserved it today.”

“Why?”

“It’s Mother’s Day.” he replies. She smiles then opens her eyes and meets his gaze. “So, you know, just don’t expect it every morning.”

“Right.”

“I also made you breakfast.” he points towards the end of their bed and her smile widens as she sees the tray.

“You didn’t burn it.”

“No. Richie offered to eat a chef to find something decent but I was confident that I could do it on my own.”

“I’m sure it’s wonderful.” she leans up on her elbow and pulls him down for a kiss. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. So, eat up. Lina should be up soon. We’ll give you your presents then.”

“I get presents too?”

“And flowers. Those are downstairs.”

“You didn’t have to do all this.”

“I wanted to. You deserve it.”

“I haven’t had much time to show off my mothering skills. Let’s not jump the gun here.”

“I don’t think there’s a time requirement you need to meet.” he says as Lina lets out a cry and goes to move off their bed. “Start eating. I’ll change her.”

She smiles and nods as she sits up and pulls her hair into a loose ponytail. She watches him comfort Lina quietly and handle the quick diaper change. He turns back to their bed with the baby cradled in his arms and settles into his spot as she eats.

“It’s delicious. You want some?”

“No. I had some before.”

They talk quietly as she eats. When she is finished, he hands her their daughter and cleans up the tray and plate.

“Hi baby. Did you miss me this morning?” she smiles down at Lina as she strokes her cheek gently. “I was wondering where you were. I heard you had a nice time with Daddy.”

“We get along okay.”

“I’d say more than okay.” she replies as he sits back down with two wrapped packages. She smiles and glances back to Lina. “Did you pick this out?”

“Hers wasn’t picked out. We… made it.”

“Made it?” she lifts an eyebrow in amusement and they swap. He takes the baby as she accepts the rectangle he holds out. She opens the card first and smiles at the cartoonish front with a mother and baby bear. The inside is a cute, rhyming verse. Her heart swells at the written part - _To Mama, Love Lina_ \- the first of many similar cards to come. She sets the card aside and pulls the pink wrapping paper away to find a white, wooden frame. She bites her lip as she turns the frame over to see what’s inside. It is a simple picture stating “I love you from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes.” Lina’s handprints and footprints stand in for the heart and the toes.

“So, I obviously don’t have nice handwriting like that.” he mutters after clearing his throat. “My first few attempts were awful and then I still had to print about fifty copies because Lina was not very helpful. You’d be surprised at how squirmy she can be. It’s also really hard to make shapes out of body parts without making it look like some random blob and not bending the baby in directions she shouldn’t be going.”

She starts laughing and he reddens but she shakes her head as she waves her free hand.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just - this is really sweet. It’s funny, because I was going to do something like this. I just haven’t gotten around to it.”

“I know. I hacked into your Pinterest board. That’s where I got the idea. I actually was going to go with that glitter footprint one originally but then I thought that would be a disaster.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Come here,” she smiles as she leans closer to him and they share a kiss. “I love it.”

“Well, I’m glad.”

“I thought maybe you were going to pull something like this.”

“Why?”

“You didn’t clean all the paint off her foot. Also, you had splatters of paint all over your shirt when I went to do laundry.”

“I thought she’d be more cooperative. Here, open my mine.” he holds out the second gift - a smaller box with a thinner envelope. She opens the envelope to find folded paper inside.

“I had gotten you a card but I ran out of room. And I fucked it up. So, this is what you got.”

“Got it.” she chuckles as she unfolds the paper. He sits silently at her side, carefully watching her face for any type of reaction.

_Kate,_

_You know I’m not good at these sort of things. I have spent two days trying to figure out the right thing to say without sounding like some sap. I finally realized that was not going to happen. I didn’t even think I had it in me. But that’s what you do - you make me see/do things I didn’t know I was capable of._

_So let me start by saying I love you. I know I say it but I’m going to say it again. I love you and the past few weeks have only made me more sure of that. I’m still not sure how to describe Lina. I can’t find the proper word to fully explain how I feel. Maybe there isn’t one but I hope this feeling never goes away. That’s because of you. Thank you. Thank you for giving me another chance when I didn’t deserve one. Thank you for showing me that it is okay to let my guard down and let myself live._

_Thank you for our daughter. I never wanted this. Never thought I could or would be able to and if I ever took the time to entertain the prospect, I always shut it down. I thought that the greatest thing I could have was some huge score that would complete my life. In a way, I was right. I just didn’t expect it to be you two. You’ve opened up a whole part of me and I keep wondering why I couldn’t find it sooner._

_When I think back over the years, over what could have been, and the places I was and the people I was with, I am so fucking grateful that I’m here with you and that Lina has you for her mother. She is going to be a wonderful woman some day with you as her guide. I know she’s only three weeks old but I can just see how you’re going to teach her and influence her because you’re doing it already and I couldn’t think of anyone else that I would choose to become a parent with. I’m amazed, not that I expected anything less from you, but I’m amazed at how you’ve taken to all of this with ease. I’ll never get tired of seeing you with her and I can’t wait to see what will unfold in the future._

_Love, Seth_

“Was it that bad?” he asks. She sniffs loudly as she sets the paper down and wipes her eyes.

“My hormones are still out of sorts.” she whispers.

“So it wasn’t good either.”

“Are you kidding me? That was perfect.” she grabs him and kisses him with a tearful sob. “I love you. I love that you put all this effort into it and you didn’t care about sacrificing your manhood in the process.”

“I can make baby handprints, write love letters, and still be manly.”

“Definitely. Plus, I find this hands on dad routine really sexy.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. You don’t need to be all tough and gruff all the time. I like this Seth.”

“I uh - I do too. I meant what I wrote.”

“I know you did. I know it took a lot for you to take that step and put it all down. Thank you.” she turns back to the box still on her lap and quickly unwraps it to find a jewelry box. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes I did.”

She shakes her head as she lifts the lid and finds a charm bracelet inside.

“I took the liberty of adding some charms on for you.” he says as she lifts it out of the box. There are three charms - a heart with Lina’s birthstone in it, a cross, and a cursive G. “Plenty of room to add on.”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

* * *

“And you know what she said? She found it sexy.” he looks smug as he recounts their morning to his brother. Richie lifts an eyebrow, then shrugs as he sips his beer.

“Whatever floats your boat. She’ll have you mopping floors next.”

“I never thought I’d say it, but this is sweet.” Kisa says as she examines Kate’s bracelet.

“Isn’t it? He actually sat there and took the time to pick out ones he found meaningful.”

“Richard, how come you don’t pick me out meaningful presents?”

“Oh I see how it is. Well, thank you Seth for setting such high standards for us.”

“My pleasure.” 

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate attempts to settle in at Jed's and has a long overdue conversation with Seth.

“You think she’d like this?”

“No! Put that down!”

“Scott, you seem to have very strong feelings about this. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I want you to leave me the fuck alone. You didn’t have to come. I could have done this by myself.”

“It’s always nice to have a second opinion.”

“Will you two shut up? You sound like a pair of obnoxious children.” Kisa appears from between two racks of clothing and scowls at them both. “Richard, put that down.”

He drops the bra he is holding and and crosses his arms.

“Look, just because he doesn’t want to think about Seth and Kate doing the deed-”

“They are not!” Scott hisses. “God, shut the fuck up!”

“You’re kidding yourself if you think they haven’t. I’m sure they had lots of free time while they were frolicking through Mexico.” he leans in and smirks at the younger man, despite knowing damn well such an event never occurred.

“That’s. My. Sister.” he growls through gritted teeth and Richie shrugs.

“And that’s my brother. Simple facts of life. We’re stuck together now amigo. Can’t you see it? Christmases, Thanksgivings, maybe even a little runt saying I’m their favorite uncle.”

“Once Kate is feeling better, we’re getting away from here.”

“That’s her decision Scotty. Not yours.”

“I know what she wants.”

“Doesn’t seem like she wants Seth out of her sight. I can assure you Seth won’t let her out of his - hence why we’re even here in the first place shopping for her, so neither of them need to leave that little cocoon they made. Don’t be a dick. We’ve gotten along fine the past few months.”

“Yeah - to get Kate back. She’s back. Game’s over. She’s not Seth’s property and we’re not your hostages anymore.”  
  
The smirk falls from Richie's face and Scott looks briefly victorious before Kisa cuts in.

"Are you two done? This isn't about either of you. You're acting like those kids over there." she points to a pair of toddlers several feet away. Both are red faced and sobbing. Richard makes a face and is ready to argue but the look on her face keeps him quiet.

* * *

"We can go somewhere else." Scott blurts out later, much later, when Kate stumbles from the bedroom and into the sitting area. She stares at him in a mixed expression of confusion and fear, which quickly dissolves into the empty gaze she had been given everyone for the past six days.

"What?"

"We can go somewhere else. It'll be easier-"

"Scott," she closes her eyes and it looks like she's in pain, her voice quiet and defeated, "it's not going to be easier no matter what."

There is a long silence between them and he hangs his head as he picks at his fingernail.

"You don't have to stay." she says and it's enough that his head whips back up.

"What?"

"I know you don't want to be here and you have other things that-"

"I'm not leaving without you."

"I don't want to hold you back."

"Are you still mad at me? If you are, just say so. You don't have to pretend to play some martyr act."

"I'm not mad at you. I don't want you hanging around when you don't want to be. I'm not - I'm staying here."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?" she looks exhausted and leans her head on her hand when she sits at the table.

"This used to be Malvado's. He held you captive downstairs."

"I'm not going downstairs."

"And being around Seth and Richie-" he cuts off and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there and that I didn't listen when you tried to help me. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this and got you killed. I'm sorry that since last week, I- I don't know how to be there for you."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Yes I do."

"I'm not having this conversation now." she mutters, rubbing her hands over her eyes. "But I will say this isn't a punishment - me choosing to stay here. I need to be in one place for more than a few days. I - I need to be with Seth. But I also need you and I'm not going to choose one or the other. I won't. So, I know the kind of life you lead. When you can be here, I want you here but there's no point you sitting and staring at me and not doing anything with your life and wasting time."

"It's not really wasting time when you're immortal."

"Only as long as you don't get staked."

"Kate,"

"It's fine. I'll be fine. I just need time - I hope. But I don't know how long that's going to be. What's going to help me is knowing you are happy and being good and I know you'll come the second I need you, no matter where you are. I'm not saying you have to leave tomorrow but I know there's going to come a point where you are going to get tired of babysitting me and want to get on with your life. When that comes, I don't want you to feel guilty."

"Why him? After everything-"

"Maybe that's why. After everything, he deserves a chance to fix it."

"What if he can't?"

She doesn't have a response for that. Instead, she stands up and moves into the kitchen. She's not sure what she's looking for, or if she's even hungry, but the empty refrigerator makes the choice for her.

"I'll be back in a little bit." she says, slipping on a pair of flipflops. Then she is gone, slowly finding her way down to the restaurant portion of the building. She's surprised to find the large dining room empty - almost empty. Seth leans against the front of the jukebox as he presses buttons but he glances up when he hears her footsteps.

"Hey."

"I came for some food. There's nothing upstairs. But looks like you're closed."

"I can take care of that."

"Oh really?"

"Hey, there wasn't a lot of opportunities for me to show off my cooking skills before. Come on," he points at a door and she follows him through into the kitchen.

"If I'm going to stay, we are going to need actual food and a stocked refrigerator. I'm surprised that you wouldn't have that already, considering the way you eat."

"Food shopping hasn't been a big priority for me lately. Richie can find his own food. I can always have someone bring an order up to me." he replies as he rummages through drawers and opens freezers and refrigerators. He turns to the fryer, examines it quickly, then turns it on. "Been a while since I used one of these."

He watches it briefly, then shrugs, and dumps a bag of french fries into it, then lowers the cage into the bubbling water.

"I guess all those months at Big Kahuna paid off." he smirks as she shakes her head and leans on a counter.

"Are you making me a burger?"

"You will have to wait and see."

By the end of it, she's face to face with a large stack of chili cheese fries and two chocolate milkshakes.

"I'm impressed."

"You're welcome." he grabs the plate as she grabs the cups and they walk back out into the dining room. She slides into a booth by the window and he grabs a stack of napkins before sitting next to her.

"I didn't think this place ever closed."

"Few hours. Enough to let us clean up and restock. The morning crew will start rolling in soon."

"So what are you doing down here?"

"I don't know. Sometimes - sometimes I like the peace and quiet." he grabs a fry and leans in to fully eat the glob of chili dangling off the end. "Making sure things are ready."

"You like being here?"

"It's grown on me."

She nods as she pokes at the plate, trying to find an opening that won't make too much of a mess. She decides against it and sips on her milkshake.

"So are these Big Kahuna recipes?"

"No, they're actually Uncle Eddie recipes." he replies. "Just something stupid he'd do when me or Richie were feeling down."

"It's not stupid." she says softly. Her hand find its way to his thigh and they sit quietly as he continues to pick at the food.

"These were for you."

"I know. I think I'm ready to eat and my appetite disappears."

"I understand." he mutters, thinking of all the meals he had tossed or ignored over the past eight months.

"I don't-" she starts then cuts herself off and he directs his gaze to her.

"What?"

She shakes her head silently as she bites down on her lip. Her breath hitches in her chest and he squeezes her hand.

"Let's just take it day by day, okay? We don't need to be making any rash decisions right now. You're welcome as long as you want to be."

"Do you want me to stay?"

He smiles slightly and takes a sip from his cup, then clears his throat. She knows what the answer is - or at least the answer he holds down deep in his soul but she knows Seth Gecko and she knows that he doesn't always do what his heart tells him. She needs to hear him say it.

"You know," he makes some type of chuckling noise and wipes his hands on a napkin, "I've thought about this moment for a long time. You sitting next to me and me ... hopefully not fucking things up. There were so many things that I planned to say to you and now I can't think of one goddamn thing. I didn't think it'd be like this. I thought you'd drive an hour or two and come back to the motel. I thought once I got back to Texas I'd come find you. I didn't think I'd be chasing you all over the state trying to get some demon bitch out of you."

"I had things I wanted to say too. Now, it seems like it doesn't matter. I mean, how could I-" she pauses, "things were bad Seth. I mean, they were really bad."

"I know. I know and I'm sorry."

She must make a face because he turns in the booth so he is completely facing her.

"I'm not the type to admit I'm wrong. So just, let me say this, and we'll never need to discuss it again. I treated you like shit and I shouldn't have. It - it's shitty but it was my way of keeping my distance. I know I'm no good for you and I have no fucking right to - the past eight months have been torture. I don't like to play what ifs but that's all I've been doing. If I just changed one thing, this could have all been different. When I saw you at the fight club, I thought I was hallucinating, and after we found out it was Amaru- I was pissed."

"I don't want to talk about her."

"I know. I just thought - I thought you were back and I started thinking how was I going to fix it and in an instant that all was shattered. That night in the junkyard - when I knew for sure you were still in there, I swore I'd do whatever it took to - to save you. I didn't want to leave you again or hurt you again. I wanted to do- to do what I should've done months ago. I don't have a right to say this but I told myself months ago that if I had the opportunity, I'd say it and not be a chicken shit. I love you. I'll spend as long as you let me proving that to you and making up for what I did."

She inhales a deep breath and turns in the seat as well. He watches her with a nervous gaze, waiting for her to make the next move.

"I don't know if I can say that back." she whispers and he feels his heart plummet but she raises her hand to his cheek and strokes her fingers over his jaw. "At least not right now. I know that I - it's there but... right now I'm - it's not you and I will say I forgive you."

"Kate," he starts to protest and her hand moves from his jaw to his mouth to silence him.

"No. How could I not? After everything you did for me - you have more than made up for things. I just want to say it when I'm not half dead and out of my mind."

"You don't have to say it. I understand."

"No you don't because you're getting moody and self deprecating. I always thought that saying that to someone was supposed to be something special. I don't want to say it just because you did. I need it to be on my terms." she says, eyes almost pleading for him to comprehend what she was saying. She knows he means it and she knows somewhere within her, she means it too but right now, it's hidden and twisted and tangled and she needs to fix that like everything else.

"Are you leaving with Scott?" he asks quietly and she looks somewhat surprised before he explains, "He told Richie he planned on leaving with you once you were better- that it would be better for you to be away from us - me."

"I'm not leaving you again. That's final. Just - promise me -"

"Yes."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Doesn't matter. Whatever you want, need - it's yours."

"I want - and need - you to be the man I know you can be. I'm not saying to change your whole life but I can't go back to what we were like before."

"No. No, it's different. I'm different now. The parts you didn't like at least." he smiles slightly and she lets out a chuckle as the jukebox lets out a loud click and the song changes to a slow tune. "Come on, I owe you a dance."

He slides back out of the booth, then helps her to her feet.

"I thought you didn't know how." she says as she wraps her arms around his neck. His own slip around her waist and pull her close against his chest.

"I do. I was just being a jackass. I knew if I held you, I wouldn't let go again." he says and a small smile forms on her face as she lays her head on his shoulder.

They have a minute and a half of peace before the door from the kitchen swings open.

"Oh, jefe, lo siento. I didn't realize you were back ... or that we had company." a male voice says as they step apart.

"It's all right. Kate, this is Luis, our head chef. Anything you want, you can ask him. Luis, this is Kate Fuller." his eyes sweep over her and his expression softens as he adds, "She'll be staying with us."

"The Kate Fuller?" he steps closer with a low whistle and Seth gives him a look. "Usually, I don't believe a word this one says but he wasn't lying when he said you were beautiful."

"When did I say that?"

"Let me just pull out my running tally." he rolls his eyes. "Well, it's nice to meet you señorita. It's good to be able to put a face to the stories."

"He doesn't know what he's talking about." the fierce blush on Seth's face brings a smile to Kate's and she shakes Luis's hand.

"Drunken lips sink ships." he smirks.

"I thought it was loose lips." she replies.

"Si, but the only time this mouth is loose is if it's drunk and I know the perfect concoction." the older man gives a booming laugh as he lands a rough slap on Seth's jaw. "You better not have made a mess of my kitchen niño. Katerina, please don't hesitate to ask for anything. If that's the best he can do, you'll either starve or die of a heart attack soon."

"Thank you."

"I'll leave you love birds alone."

"Thank you Luis. You've been so kind and helpful. You're also fired."

"I'll add that to my running tally too." he chuckles as he disappears into the kitchen.

"He seems nice." Kate says softly and Seth shrugs, nodding as his hands slip into his pockets.

"I uh - yeah. When we first took over, I - I didn't want to be involved or know anything about it but some of them aren't so bad. He oddly reminds me of Eddie in some way. A robust, Mexican, culebra version of Eddie."

"Oh." she sounds surprised by the culebra portion and he shakes his head.

"No one will bother you. Trust me, I wouldn't be hanging around this place if I thought there was any threat. We did a big overhaul. Some left, some stayed, some hated Malvado. We have a good crew here. I trust them."

"That's a big change."

"I told you things were different." he mutters as she glances around the restaurant. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"No. But I want to be wherever you are. I need to be." she replies. No, she does not want to be living in some dive, honky tonk truck stop. Somewhere in the back of her head, she yearns for some type of house, maybe like the one she grew up in, but that is far off.

Jed's beats out any of the motels they had stayed in. At least she knows it is managed well. And it's not so bad and there's Seth. An actual, stable, functioning Seth that she had only seen glimpses of previously. He's her lifeline, can literally feel the connection between them, and it is the only thing keeping her standing right now. As long as she was safe and secure, the details of their accomodations didn't matter. He swallows audibly but nods and dips his head down to kiss her forehead. "That's the only thing I'm sure of right now."

"Then that's where we'll start." he takes her hand and she allows him to lead her back to their apartment.

"So you're telling people I'm beautiful?"

"Don't let it go to your head." 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lina finds a friend.

“Anyone home?” Seth hollers as he slams the door to the house. It is unusually quiet for a Wednesday afternoon, even though Kate’s car sits in the driveway. “Kate? Baby, you here?”

He walks further down the hall, stopping when he hears a loud crash. He is just outside the kitchen and he eyes the room carefully. The door to the deck is wide open, the outer door with the screen is hanging off the track and the screen in tatters. There are muddy footprints and smears, like something or someone had been dragged through the kitchen and down the hall. There is something else along the prints, like blood drops.

His gun is in his hand without even thinking about it and Lina’s distressed cry of “No!” has him sprinting towards the end of the hall, where the door to the laundry room is shut.

“Whoa, whoa!” Ben jumps out of the way as Seth forces the door open. His eyes quickly scan the scene, ready to take down whatever or whoever was harming his family. He was expecting to find them tied up, half dead, monsters over them. His brain is repeating _not again._ It's only been a month since their recent showdown. He keeps envisioning Lina, possessed with that snirk, as she attempted to choke Ben. But this - His hand drops to his side and he stares in shock at them both.

Lina looks guiltily at him from behind a massive, dirty, black … he hopes it is a dog - he highly doubts it is a wolf but with his kids, apparently you never fucking knew. She is practically straddling the animal, who attempts to buck her off and approach him, but she keeps her grasp on it. All three of them are covered from head to toe in mud and laundry detergent - the box somehow managing to fall from the hanging shelf and exploding on the floor. Ben is standing conveniently in front of a large puddle that suspiciously looks and smells like pee and the front of the dryer seems to have been hit as well.

“What… the… fuck?”

“It was her idea.” Ben quickly throws his sister under the bus and her head whips around to look at him in disbelief.

“Thanks a lot asshole!”

“Well, it was!”

“What the fuck is going on?” Seth reexamines the room, then shakes his head. “No, nuh-uh. No way. I am going to walk out of here and-“

“I’m home!” Kate sounds cheerful as the door slams at the front of the house. “Seth? You’re home early!”

“You’re dead.” he informs his children, then leaves the room and shuts the door as if he has seen nothing. “Hi honey. You should probably stay there.”

“What? Why?” she does not heed his warning and she stops at the kitchen with a surprised noise. “What? What happened to my kitchen?”

“That’s a great question and I’m sure your children would be happy to tell you.”

“They - where are they?”

The door to the laundry room opens a crack and Lina attempts to slip out but the beast is too much and barrels through. It rushes for Kate, who shrieks in surprise as Seth jumps in front of her. The dog jumps upwards, its paws on his chest and he staggers slightly but manages to keep his footing as his hands wrap around the dog’s slender legs.

“What is that?” Kate sounds in shock as she looks from the dog currently panting and wagging its bushy tail at Seth, to Lina, and then Ben, who is lurking at a safe distance. Now, face to face, Seth sees the dog is not all black but black and white, extremely dirty, and is clearly a Siberian Husky. “Where did this come from?”

“Okay, so you know how you asked me to pick Ben up from soccer practice? Well, while I was waiting, I found her.” Lina says. She tugs nervously on the end of her braid, her hair squelching under the mud. “And we brought her home.”

She glances at Seth and gives a grimace, “I’m going to clean the truck.”

“Jesus Christ,”

“Lina,” Kate lets out a quiet sigh, clearly torn on what is happening.

“Aren’t you a little old to be bringing home strays?”

“Seth,” she admonishes him gently as she leans her head against his back. He grunts in disapproval as he stares down at the dog.

“She’s not a stray. Someone had her tied to a tree. They abandoned her. I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.”

“How do you know she was abandoned?”

“No one came for her. She was off the path in the trees and while we were walking, no one attempted to take her. She looked miserable.”

“Alright. You and your brother go get cleaned up. We will talk about this when you come down.”

“What are we supposed to do with this thing?” Seth asks, pointing at the dog, who keeps nudging his kneecap.

“We are taking her out and cleaning her up.”

“Oh no. These two made this executive decision. They can clean her up.”

“Because their first attempt clearly worked out so well.”

“What makes you think ours will? She is out of control.”

“We bathed squirmy infants. I think between the two of us we can handle one dog.”

“Okay baby.”

“Don’t give me that tone.”

“No tone. Just reflecting on how they are so you.”

“If you bring up that damn cat-“

“Speaking of Gato, I will not let you give this one up like you did the cat.” Lina says. “You can’t hide behind your allergies this time. Aunt Kisa won’t let Uncle Richie bring in a dog too.”

“Get upstairs.” Seth points to the stairs and both kids trudge past them as he and Kate lead the dog back outside.

“It could be a lot worse.” she says.

“I guess if you want to look on the bright side of things, sure.”

“I’m going to go get the hose. Hold her.”

“Hurry up.” he grimaces as the dog presses against his chest and stares up at him with bright blue eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Do you think it is okay to use shampoo on her? I mean, they sell specialized shampoo for dogs.”

“We’re going to have to use something. Just hurry, please.”

By the end of it, they are both soaked and Kate is pretty sure they got more of a shower than the dog did. She avoids the scowl on Seth’s face as she scrubs the dog one final time. She shrieks and jumps back as the dog shakes out its fur, spraying hair and water over them both. Seth spits a mouthful of something out to the side and shakes his head.

“Bad dog!”

She tips her head back and lets out a howl that sounds more like a whine.

“Oh fuck no.”

* * *

“Why not?”

“Have you see that thing?” Seth exclaims, pointing towards the window where Ben is keeping their guest entertained in the backyard. “It’s been here an hour. Look how much damage it caused already.”

“She’s a dog, not a thing! This is so stupid!”

“Lina, a dog is a big responsibility.” Kate says quietly, trying to be the good cop.

“I know that! I’m not a kid anymore. I understand what it takes to have a dog and I’m ready and willing to do that. I’ll fix the door and clean the car. I’ll train her. She’s a good girl.”

“You don’t know that. We don’t know anything about her. She could have ticks and fleas and mites and rabies.” he says. Both of them roll their eyes at him in response.

“I don’t think she has rabies.” Kate says, turning her attention back to their daughter. “But she could be harboring something. A trip to the vet is expensive. We don’t know what type of vaccines she’s had - if any. She’ll need food, supplies, constant care, and exercise.”

“We have plenty of space. Huskies are friendly, loyal, non-aggresive dogs. Between me and Ben, we can handle it.”

“Really? Because I don’t see either of you getting up in the middle of the night to take this th- her on a poop run. You know who will? Me and I’m not doing it.”

“Why wouldn’t I get up? I’m not sleeping anyway.”

“And what about when you head off to school in the fall? You can’t bring a dog to college.”

“I don’t even know if I’m going to college.”

“Of course you’re going to college!”

“Neither of you did and you turned out just fine.”

“Okay. Well, let me know when you kill a lord and seize his properties to earn your millions. Then you don’t have to go to school.”

“Can we get back to the dog?” Kate asks, her tone soft and calm as Seth and Lina stare off across the counter. “We’ll talk about schools and sleep schedules in a minute. If we were to do this, you and your brother need to be responsible. You’re right - you’re not kids anymore. And I think we’ve put off having a pet long enough.”

“I’m sure Leo will be happy to know he is not a pet.” Seth mutters.

“I hate that thing.” Lina grimaces. “I still don’t know why Ben has him.”

“We’ll give it a trial run.”

“Kate-“

“One week. I know training is going to take a lot more time than that but she needs to show some type of improvement. She can’t be breaking down doors and chewing through walls. We’ll see how it goes and how she fits in. This isn’t just about us. We need to be a good fit for her too. She can’t suffer if we’re not suitable for her. She deserves to be in a loving home that is able to give her what she needs.”

* * *

He’s used to Lina’s frequent nightmares since everything went down. Her cries reach his ears almost instantly and he slips out of his room without disturbing Kate. When he reaches her room, her light is already on- probably never even was shut off. She is just sitting up as he sits down on her bed.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” he rubs her back gently as she doubles over and buries her face in her hands. “Shh,”

He feels her tensing under his palm and he rubs a little harder, then sits her up so they are eye to eye.

“Come on, it’s okay.”

“It’s not. I- I can’t -“ she sucks in a shaking breath and he nods a little as he cups her face in his hands.

“I know munchkin. Just relax. I’m right here. Everything is fine. Take a deep breath.”

He hears the door creak behind him and he is expecting Kate. He is thrown off guard when the dog jumps onto the bed, forcing them away from each other. She howls with Lina’s cries as she attempts to curl up like a lapdog. She nudges her head under Lina’s chin and she lets out a sob as her fingers grip the dog’s thick fur tightly. She clings to the dog, her cries slowly tapering off to nothing as she buries her face in the dog’s neck.

He sighs softly, seeing the comforting effect on his daughter, and pats the dog on top of the head. She lets out a few quiet whines and nuzzles Lina again.

“So what are we naming her?”

“Really?”

“Can’t keep calling her the dog forever.”

“Elsa.”

“Seriously?”

“Look at those eyes. They remind me of ice.”

“I guess as long as she doesn’t start howling _Let it Go_ , it’s fine. Took me seventeen years to get that song out of my head.”

“Thanks Daddy.” she hugs Elsa a little tighter as he nods and kisses her forehead.

“Looks like your friend plans on keeping you company.” he says as she stretches out on the bed. “Give me a yell if you need me.”

She nods as she curls around the dog and he pulls the blanket over them. He watches briefly from the door, then heads back to his own room.

“She okay?” Kate asks as he lies down.

“Yeah.” he wraps his arm around her as she presses against his side. “Elsa will be staying.”

“I already figured that part out.” 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the hospital

“Benji, let’s go!” Kate calls. After a few more minutes of no response, she sighs in exasperation and glances at the clock again. “Where is your brother?”

Lina shrugs over her breakfast. Kate shakes her head and quickly heads to the stairs.

“Ben! Come on baby, you’ll be late for school!” she calls again and this time, she hears a quiet whine from the far bedroom and sighs as she treks to the second floor. She reminds herself to be cool when she sees her son still curled up in bed nearly an hour after being woken up. “Honey, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be dressed and down-”

“My belly hurts.” he whimpers, cutting her off.

“Ben,”

“It really does!”

“Okay, okay.” she replies soothingly as he begins to get upset. As she sits on the edge of his bed, she asks, “What’s going on?”

“It hurts!”

“You think maybe you’re just hungry or you need to go to the bathroom?”

“No.” he sounds miserable and he whimpers as he tries to turn away from her. “I don’t wanna puke.”

“You feel like you need to?”

“Yeah but I don’t wanna.”

“Nobody wants to but sometimes you feel better if you do.” she says as she strokes his hair off his forehead. He has a slight fever but nothing serious. “I could get you a bucket.”

“No!”

“Okay, relax.” she rubs his back gently.

“What’s going on?” Seth’s voice catches her attention and she finds him in the doorway, just finishing up with his tie.

“His stomach is bothering him. Probably just a bug.”

“You okay Benji?”

“No, it really hurts.”

“Alright, I’ll drop Lina off at school. I have a meeting and I’ll come home. You want me to stop and get anything?”

“No, I think we’re good.” she smiles faintly as she continues to rub Ben’s back.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a bit.” he crosses the floor quickly and kisses the side of her head before bending down and running a hand over their son’s hair. “You sure you don’t want anything buddy?”

“No.”

* * *

“Okay, I am the world’s worst mother.”

Seth raises his eyebrows as he closes the door behind him and looks up to Kate, who is standing at the top of the stairs.

“I think that’s pretty extreme.”

“He doesn’t have a bug. I’m pretty sure he has appendicitis and I’ve been making him suffer for two hours.”

“That’s a big jump. Why?”

“I gave him medicine and he’s still crying. His fever won’t go down and now he’s saying it’s his right side.” she lowers her voice as he climbs the stairs and he sees the anxiety on her face now that they are inches apart. “And now I just keep thinking about ruptured organs and sepsis and how I’m not helping him.”

“Okay. First off- if it is what you’re thinking, that part takes hours.”

“It’s been hours!”

“I mean many hours.”

“We don’t know how long this has been happening.”

“Honey, he cries if he feels a thread out of place in his sheets. He would not have slept through the night if this was bothering him. As someone who has nearly been at the ruptured organs/sepsis part, trust me when I say, we would definitely know if he was at that point. Next, you are helping him. Sometimes a stomachache is just a stomachache. I wouldn’t jump to appendicitis right off the bat - especially if he wasn’t complaining of those types of symptoms.”

“Mama!”

“I’m coming Benji!” she turns quickly and walks back into his bedroom with Seth at her heels. They are barely through the door when he starts throwing up. “Oh- okay, okay,”

She reaches him first as Seth grabs the trashcan by the dresser, though this is a lost cause as the bed is already destroyed. As he finishes, he begins crying again as she holds him.

“Benji, shh, it’s okay,”

“I’m sorry!”

“No, baby, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. You don’t feel good. It was an accident. We’ll clean it up, don’t worry.” she rocks him gently as Seth pulls the blanket off the bed. “Does your stomach still hurt?”

“Yes!”

“Where’s it hurt buddy? Let me see.” he squats down at the side of the bed and Ben whimpers as he turns further against Kate. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t want you to touch it.”

“I won’t. Just show me?”

“Right here.” he points to an area just to the right of his belly button and Kate sighs as Seth glances at her.

“Alright. Let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll go see the doctor.”

“No! No, Daddy, I don’t wanna!”

“Benji, they can make you feel better. And if we don’t fix it, you could get a lot more sick and we don’t want that to happen.”

“But she always gives me shots and I don’t like them!”

“No shots.”

“You promise?”

“Well, I - maybe. I don’t know.” he hedges and Ben looks even more miserable if that was possible. “Hey, they might need to so you feel better. I don’t know what they will decide but I promise I won’t let them do anything that will be bad. Okay?”

* * *

“They sure are taking their fucking time getting in here.” Seth mutters later on. Kate gives him a look before returning her gaze to their son. The tears have subsided for the time being - she thinks he is too tired at this point as he sits on Seth’s lap on the hospital bed. An ER nurse had been in a few minutes before to take his vitals and now they were waiting again.

“Lot of people.”

“So? They should realize-”

“Benjamin,” a pretty, young woman appears around the curtain and smiles warmly at him. He continues to frown as he coils into Seth.

“No one calls me that, ‘cept Mama when I’m bad.”

“Well, what would you like to be called since you are definitely not being bad?”

“Ben.”

“Okay Ben, I’m Dr. Myers. I’m going to check you out, okay?”

“Are you going to give me a shot?”

“Let’s see what’s going on first. Your stomach hurts?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, can you sit up a little so I can take a look?” she waits as he slowly straightens up, grimacing all the while. “Is this your mom and dad?”

“Yeah.”

“They look pretty nice and they are really good parents that they want you to get better. Do you have a lot of fun with them?”

“Yeah.” he nods, then jumps as she presses on his side gently. “Ow!”

“I’m sorry. Okay,” she steps back and pulls off her gloves, then tosses them in the trash, “what I’m going to suggest is blood work, check on his white blood cell count, and get him started on some pain medication. I want to cover all our bases first but it’s looking like appendicitis. We’ll do an ultrasound too. I’ll have Diana come in to take the sample.”

“I don’t want anything to hurt.” Ben says. She smiles slightly and taps his nose.

“I will do my best but sometimes the stuff that will help us might hurt a little. But it won’t hurt as much as it would if we let your belly keep hurting.”

“My guts aren’t gonna explode like in the alien movie are they?”

Seth groans a little as Kate glares at him. Dr. Myers looks a little surprised, then she chuckles, and shakes her head.

“No, not on my watch.”

“You sure?”

“I promise. And when we go to take a test that shows me what’s going on inside, we will show you there are no aliens. I’m going to go get Diana and she’s going to take care of you.”

“Remind me to hit Richie the next time we see him.” Kate says as Dr. Myers leaves.

“What did Uncle Richie do?”

“He shouldn’t show you movies like that. You’re too young.”

When the curtain moves again, the older nurse returns with another smile for Ben.

“I heard you like Batman.” she says, holding out a small action figure to him. “Do you mind holding onto him for me while I help you?”

“How did you know?”

“I hear lots of things around here. You have to hold him tight, okay? He likes to escape and use his bat gear to roam the halls. Can you give him a good squeeze for me?”

“Sure,” he nods and curls his fist tightly around the toy as she prepares his arm for the needle. When he sees it, he stiffens, and Seth and Kate both subtly move to keep him from panicking. “I don’t want a needle!”

“I know kiddo but I promise it won’t hurt. I’m the best at this. You got any siblings?”

“A sister.”

“She ever pinch you?”

“Yeah cause she’s a brat and is always telling me she’s in charge cause she’s bigger than me.”

Diana chuckles as she wipes the inside of Ben’s elbow.

“It’s gonna feel just like that. You just make sure you don’t squirm and don’t let Batman go until I tell you, okay?” she waits until he nods and Kate sits on the edge of the bed and pulls his head down onto her shoulder. He squeezes her hip with his free hand but he stays still as Diana slides the needle into place. Seth grimaces and glances away as she works.

“Squeamish Dad?” she smiles slightly at his reaction and he shakes his head.

“Not in the least.”

“Just different when it’s your baby.” she taps Ben’s hand and he lets the toy fall to the bed. “Good job Ben. We’re almost done.”

They stare over their son’s head at each other and she squeezes his knee gently as Diana tells them she is finished.

“We’ll put a rush on these. We’ll be over in a bit to take him for an ultrasound.” she says as she leaves them alone.

“Good job baby.” Kate presses a kiss to Ben’s forehead and wipes a stray tear off his cheek. “You’re being so good.”

“Can we go home now?”

“Not yet. It’s going to be a while.”

He pouts and lays down against Seth’s chest. He keeps his arms securely wrapped around him and rubs his hand gently over his back as he watches Kate.

“Isn’t that ironic?” he mutters.

“What?”

“I had no problem sticking myself but I can’t watch them draw a little bit of his blood.” he says and she is silent as she thinks it over.

“Like she said, it’s different when it’s your baby.”

* * *

“Mama?”

She lifts her head and smiles at Ben. He has since been admitted into the hospital and they had been moved to a room on the pediatric ward as they waited for his surgery to occur. She feels like her heart is in two as she watches him in the hospital bed with an IV in his arm.

  
“How was your nap? You feel better with the medicine?”

“Still hurts. Where’s Daddy?”

“He had to call your uncles.”

“Oh. Can you hold me?”

“Of course I can.” she stands from the chair she is in and lays down next to him on the bed. They sit in silence as she holds him, trying to make him feel as secure as possible.

“Mama?”

“Yeah baby,”

“I’m scared.”

“I know honey but you don’t have to be. Once this is over, you’re going to feel so much better.” she kisses the top of his head and keeps her face against his hair.

“Mama, do you believe in Heaven?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Am I going to die?”

“What? No. Ben, no, absolutely not.”

“Did you have it happen?”

“No.”

“So how do you know I won’t?”

“Because I didn’t.” Seth responds as he closes the door to the room.

“Your appendix got sick?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Uh, I was about Lina’s age so a very, very long time ago.” he says and Ben looks skeptical. Seth sighs, then unbuttons his vest and tosses it onto the chair. Then he untucks his shirt and lifts it, along with the tank top underneath, and points to his right side. “Look, see that scar right there? That’s when I had to have mine out.”

“I don’t want a scar.”

“Why not? Girls love scars. You can tell them you fought a tiger.”

Ben looks at Kate, as if he is expecting her to confirm his father’s theory, but she shakes her head.

“He’s being silly.”

“Why do they get sick?”

“Sometimes they have to come out. I think it’s because we don’t need them anymore but unfortunately, there’s no easy way for us to know other than being sick.”

“Why don’t we need them?”

“There’s no use for it. We are evolving quicker than other humans.”

“So we’re better? Even better than Lina?”

“Sure, that’s one way of looking at it.” Seth shrugs as Kate snorts.

“Man, she is going to be so mad.” he contemplates this new information but then his nervousness takes hold. “Does it hurt?”

“No. They are going to help you take a nap and when you wake up, it’s all done. It’ll be sore but it won’t hurt and they give you medicine so you won’t even feel it.”

“And you’re sure I won’t die?”

“I promise. You think I’d let that happen?”

“No.”

“That’s right. You have nothing to worry about. You’re not even going to realize it happened, that’s how fast it goes. And Mama and I will be right here when you wake up.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

* * *

“You need to sit down.” he rubs a hand over his forehead as she turns on her heels and begins her path back to the windows on the other end of the waiting room.

“It’s taking too long. What if something’s wrong?”

“They said one to two hours. It’s been,” he glances at his watch and back at her, “twenty-five minutes.”

She shakes her head and stares out the window. He stands after a brief moment and wraps his arms around her when he reaches her.

“He’s fine. This is routine.”

“There is nothing routine about having emergency surgery.”

“I know but they probably do these at least several times a day. They know what they’re doing.”

“He’s so little Seth.”

“He’s fine. It’ll be over soon.”

“It feels like he’s been in there forever.” she sighs and pulls away from him as she runs her hands over her face. “I need some air.”

“You want me to come with you?”

“No. Just stay here if there’s - when he- if happens to come out and I’m not back, text me.”

He nods and watches as she enters the elevator, then sinks into the uncomfortable couch once more. He glances at the double doors that lead to the operating room, then at his watch, and swears time seem to be moving backwards.

When the elevator stops at the first floor, Kate steps out and begins to head for the exit. She is nearly there when she comes upon the hospital chapel. She hesitates outside the door, then quietly enters the area. She sits down in a chair near the back of the empty room and feels her exhaustion take hold. She is only there a few seconds when she feels her eyes begin watering. She quickly wipes a hand under her eyes and bows her head.

“I know after everything, I probably deserve this. And it’s been so long since I’ve - I’ve even prayed but that is my baby and I need - please, just please look after him. I’m sorry. I don’t think You are vengeful but I can’t help but think maybe this is some kind of celestial nudge. It’s just been so - things were rough and I know so much has happened since - so much good - and I’m grateful but all of that still lingers, no matter how much time has passed and I still feel like I’m lost at times but I don’t - my son asked me if I believe and I told him yes, to comfort him- I don’t - I want to think I still do but every time I try, I wonder why and what happened. I still don’t understand. I just - I need a sign.” she has her face buried in her hands as she whispers and tears are flowing freely.

She jumps when she feels an unfamiliar touch on her shoulder and turns to find an older woman standing next to her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” she smiles sympathetically and has a soft, caring tone to her voice. “I overheard you crying and I wanted to check on you.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I’m fine.” she wipes her face, then scrubs her hands over her jeans and attempts to smile. “Really. It’s just been a long day.”

“I understand. My husband thought he’d surprise me by hanging Christmas lights this morning and the jackass managed to fall off the roof in the process.”

“Oh.”

“He’s lucky he only has a broken leg. He thinks he is still twenty-five.”

“Sounds like something my husband would do.”

“It must be a man thing. What did he do to land himself here?”

“Nothing. It’s our son - emergency appendectomy.”

“Poor thing. How old is he?”

“Seven.”

“That’s hard.”

“Very. I needed to take a walk. I didn’t intend to wind up in here.”

“Faith can be a powerful thing.”

“Yeah.” she nods slightly, eyes wandering to the cross at the front of the room. “I’m not sure that I - it’s been years since I’ve been to church. It’s a little hypocritical to pray now just because I need something.”

“I don’t think that’s the case. Your relationship with God is a personal one. I don’t think you need to be in a church to communicate with him. Sometimes, we stray but we find our way back. It could be for any number of reasons. If you are sincere, you have nothing to worry about. I think some people think God has abandoned them or doesn’t exist. I think He is giving us space to find our own path. He’s never truly gone. Some people have a hard time but they come out the other end stronger, better, and they appreciate what they have. It doesn’t need to be some giant, cosmic billboard. It’s the little things that make you believe and realize you aren’t alone. Don’t be ashamed for praying. You say it’s been years but I bet you don’t even realize how many times a day you stop to thank Him or appreciate what you have. You may not be some girl who sits in church every Sunday but you’ll find your own niche. I don’t think there is one right way to believe, just as long as you do. In the end, it’s between you and Him anyway.”

“That’s - I never -”

“Don’t worry about it now. Just take care of your baby. It’ll come to you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I went through the same thing. Not sure I believed. You’ll find it again. It was never gone in the first place. You just need to look a little deeper.” she smiles again as her cell phone buzzes. “Great, I told Jake I’d buy him some KitKats from the gift shop and now he’s wondering what’s taking so long. He’s lucky I’m getting him anything.”

She lays a hand gently on Kate’s arm and says, “I hope your son feels better soon.”

“Thank you. I hope your husband does too.”

“God, me too or I may break his other leg. He’s a terrible patient. Have a Merry Christmas.”

“You too- I’m sorry, what was your name?”

“Jenny.” she replies as she leaves the chapel. Kate smiles faintly, then glances around the chapel, before leaving as well. She returns to the waiting room and finds Seth still sprawled on the couch. He has commandeered the remote for the TV and is currently flipping through the channels.

“Feel any better?” he slips his arm around her shoulders as she sits and she nods as she leans against him.

“Oddly enough, yes.”

* * *

“How come Ben gets to eat all this ice cream?”

“I’m more evolved than you.” he replies as he sticks his tongue out at Lina. She rolls her eyes and thrusts a small bag at him.

“I think I liked you better when I thought your guts were exploding like in the alien movie.”

“So you cared?”

“Just a little.”

“What the fuck!” Richie lets out a screech as Kate punches him in the arm, making sure to catch him on her wedding ring in the process. “What the hell was that for?”

“That was for letting them watch Alien.”

“It was two years ago!”

“It’s still a frequent nightmare and topic of discussion.” Seth comments.

“Can you get her a smaller ring? That one can be considered a weapon.”

“You’d be surprised what I could use as a weapon.”

Richie grunts as Seth holds his hands up, like he was staying out of it.

“Moms are scary. Especially her. Don’t threaten the cubs.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of a previously posted chapter. Christmas in Mexico.

  
“What the fuck did you do?”

Kate rolls her eyes in the mirror as she hears Seth’s partially conscious outrage. She opens the door from the bathroom and looks out into their motel room.

She had taken it upon herself to decorate the drab room for Christmas. Time had essentially stopped since they went on the run and she was shocked to see it was nearly Christmas Eve. There is some sort of ache she feels as she thinks of holidays gone by, how her family used to prep the whole month long with a massive tree and mounds of vibrant decorations, and now she was stringing a half dead strand of lights over the dusty cabinets in her motel room.

She had mentioned it of course and got the signature Seth Gecko stink eye and a rough “no fucking way” when she suggested they do something. She let it go but today - finally Christmas Eve - she was not going to put up with his garbage and was going to do something for herself for a change.

He is looking around the room with a sour look, half awake and adorably rumpled from his sleep. Except he’s not adorable and he hadn’t been asleep but passed out.

“Didn’t we agree?”

“No, you tried to order me around and I went against your wishes.”

“Why?”

“God forbid we have a little Christmas cheer in here.” she says as he stands and stumbles towards the table.

“Look, you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig. There’s no hiding or dressing up our fucked up life.” he yanks the chair out, then nearly growls when he sees the next piece of decoration. “Who the fuck dragged in the Charlie Brown tree?”

“It is _not_ a Charlie Brown tree.” she grabs the potted shrub and carries it towards the middle of the room, to the night stand between their beds. “It’s cute.”

“Where did you find this?”

“At the mercado.” she points towards the window and he knows she is referring to the little strip mall across the street from the motel they are currently living in.

“How much did you spend?”

“It’s Christmas.”

“We’re fucking bleeding money! We don’t have a pile of cash laying around for you to play Winter Wonderland Donna Reed!”

“Funny how we always seem to have enough for you to keep getting your fix Jimmy!” she shoots back and he takes a step back, like she slapped him. Her green eyes are darker than normal and she lets out an annoyed yell, before stomping towards the cabinet. She yanks the lights down and turns back to her bed. She strings the lights along the wooden headboard, then pulls the tree closer to her and against the wall. “There. Now it’s on my side. You can have the rest of the room to enjoy your Grinch festivities.”

She flops down onto the bed and pulls her Bible towards her.

“Would have liked one night to pretend like we still have something normal.” she whispers and he thinks he wasn’t supposed to hear that. He collapses onto the chair with a huff and grabs the warm bottle of whiskey he had left out. He takes a long drag, then turns the TV on. They only get four or five channels in the room and the reception is shitty at best but _It’s a Wonderful Life_ is on and it isn’t in Spanish for once so he leaves it on.

It takes a while but she eventually rolls onto her back and begins to watch with him.

“I watched this every year with my family.” she says softly. Her voice is a little thick but he knows she won’t cry. She’s turned out to be a tough kid. He wonders what role he has played in that. He remembers the first days of their shaky camaraderie, she would routinely be in tears, and he’s sure he wasn’t the greatest shoulder to cry on. He doesn’t know if she’s holding back for him or herself.

“Why am I not surprised?” he asks, somewhat nastily, and she glares out the corner of her eye at him. He waits a moment, then adds, “I always hated this movie.”

“Why am I not surprised?” she retorts. He glances sideways at her and decides to let it go. He has no right to mock her. It was her first Christmas without her family. He’s sure it’s not easy. Hell, the Geckos weren’t exactly the Griswolds but there’s a frighteningly large part of himself thinking of Richie and Eddie tonight.

“Nothing to be surprised about. Just not big on divine intervention.”

“Seth, if there is anyone who could use a Clarence, it’s you.” she mutters. She falls asleep not much longer after that. That was their routine - he stayed passed out during the daylight as she did whatever it was she did (he really hasn’t asked and there is some pathetic part of his brain that believes she is a good little girl who sits quietly in the room and waits) and he spent the night hours imbibing himself with whatever he could find and she slept the darkness away, hopefully not expecting him to be standing guard over her. He rarely does that - sometimes - not always.

He reaches for the black pouch and goes into a brief panic when he realizes it is not on the table. He thinks this is it - that Kate has finally decided to put an end to his shit and give him the gift of an intervention for Christmas. His pulse slows when he spots the case on the night stand. He must have left it there last night. He manages to get himself relaxed as he walks across the small room and reaches for the drugs.

He stops though. Just next to it is a small, red package not much bigger than the case. His name is written on top in a gold Sharpie- signed from Kate with a smiley face. He glances at her sleeping form, then picks up the gift gingerly, like she’s packed a bomb in it or something.

But when he opens the paper, he slides out a pair of sunglasses. They aren’t his Ray Bans or anything close to it but he had lost his last pair sprinting out of the most recent bank job. He might have been a little high and tripped on a rock, though he told Kate they had slipped off when he dodged a punch from a security guard.

No matter what his story was, she had remembered, though it was a little difficult to forget with the way he had been bitching about it. She had taken the time to think of something he wanted or needed and even though they likely came off the dollar rack at the gas station down the street, it was the thought that counted.

Who the fuck buys their kidnapper a Christmas present? Kate fucking Fuller, that’s who. He looks at her again, asleep under the multi-colored glow of a dozen mini bulbs, and not for the first time wonders how he could be such a fucking dick.

The mercado is closed, due to the late hour, but the gas station is still open. Maria, the old broad who owns the little shop with her husband, smiles when he steps inside.

“Hola Eduardo. Feliz Navidad.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Your sister was in here earlier.” she says and he nods as he browses the three aisles. The shop couldn’t have been bigger than their motel room. But he needed to find something. It probably didn’t even matter what he grabbed. Kate was the type of person who’d be grateful if he handed her a damn Slim Jim. “I hope you are being nice to her today. She was missing your parents.”

She gives him a look, like a scolding grandma, or what he imagines a scolding grandma would look like.

“Yeah, I know.” he mutters, grabbing a orange soda and a king sized Reese’s.

“It must be hard being on your own this time of year. I hope the plant and lights cheered her up a bit.” she says softly as he sets his purchases down on the counter. “She needed something good today.”

“Didn’t know you sold Christmas trees.”

“I don’t. It was a gift.”

He glances upwards as he sifts through the money in his wallet. He pulls out a few bills, then glances over the trinkets on the counter.

“That was nice of you.” he says, feeling like more of an ass that he accused her of wasting their money.

“She was eyeing this earlier.” she holds up a green, beaded bracelet that reminds him of her eyes. The thought stops him in his tracks. He clears his throat and adds the bracelet to his pile. “You’re a good brother.”

He kind of doubts that.

* * *

When she wakes up the next morning, she hears paper crinkling near her ear. She lifts her head slightly and sees him asleep on the other bed. The crinkling is a small package with a blue post-it stuck on top.

**Sorry for being such a dick.**

She shakes her head as she rips the paper open and the bracelet falls into her hand. She smiles and slips it onto her left wrist, then crosses the small space to his bed. He’s completely passed out as she leans down and kisses his cheek, before moving onto the bathroom. 

He stays as still as possible, his face burning, and when he hears the door click shut, he touches his jaw gently.

* * *

 

“Kate. Kate,”

“Mm,” she whines softly as he attempts to wake her up. “What’s going on? I was actually sleeping.”

“I know baby but I wanted to show you something.” he replies, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She sighs but props herself up on her elbow and looks around their bedroom. “Merry Christmas.”

He’s strung Christmas lights across their dresser and the doorway and in the corner by the wall is the most pathetic tree she’s ever seen.

“Seth,”

“Yeah?”

“That’s a Charlie Brown tree.” she whispers with a laugh. She pulls him in close and their noses brush before they kiss. He snorts, mouth grazing the corner of hers, and nods.

“There wasn’t a lot of choices left.”

“What are you doing?”

“Everything’s been so crazy. I just want one night where we’re normal.”

“I didn’t even realize it was Christmas.”

“I know. I didn’t either but -” he cuts off and looks a little embarrassed. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Here’s your present.”

“I owe you."

"Not necessary. Open it up." he replies. She smiles again as he kisses her and accepts the wrapped box from him. Inside is a new iPad. “So you leave mine alone.”

“Thank you. I mean it. This is-” she looks around again and looks a little emotional. “Big change.”

“I know. Still pathetic though."

"No, this is wonderful. Maybe next year we will manage to decorate together."


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While on their honeymoon, Seth doesn't respond to a hormonal Kate how she would like him to.

Kate is staring at the clock, watching the numbers slowly tick by. It was complete agony. 1:03- 1:04- 1:05. She sighs quietly as she gnaws on her lip. She squirms, pressing back against Seth, whimpering softly as she makes contact with him. He shifts a little, holding her closer, and palms her belly.

She doesn’t want to wake him. She could absolutely - no, _no_ , she would not. She sighs again, then subtly moves his wrist. His hand slips slightly and his head presses against her neck as he lets out a sigh of his own.

He’s completely out of it. She expected this. They had a full day exploring Rome and she had been exhausted too and she had been asleep for two hours or so. But then -

She bites down on her lip as her mind wanders over the vivid dream. God, she was going to Hell. She was a good, Christian girl. **No, you are a grown ass married woman who is not a virgin.** She was pregnant for God’s sake! This was not the immaculate conception. She knew Seth’s body better than her own. Sex was nothing to be ashamed of and sex with her husband was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. She’s learned over the year of their love making that she was no prude. And she loves it. _Really_ loves it. Though she finds herself wondering if she became a bit of a nymphomaniac because of the act itself or who the act was with.

Because Seth was, excuse her language, absolute fucking perfection. And she knows her hormones are raging and she knows from all the pregnancy books she’s been reading that it is absolutely normal to feel aroused. It was like a perfect storm - her hot husband and her hormones. Why wouldn’t she dream about him?

She’ll even attribute the setting to the fact they had fallen asleep to _Pirates of the Caribbean_. She nearly groans out loud at the image of him in those tight pants, his muscles practically on display in a half open white shirt, like something out of those Harlequin novels she was never allowed to look at in the store.

But why - _why_ on Earth and for the love of all that is holy - would she even think to imagine a threesome with _Richie_ of all people? Seth would die. Richie would … well, Richie would probably get a kick out of it. There had been no brother on brother action but they had both taken turns with her and she is not attracted to her brother-in-law so what the hell? The only thing that makes any sense is he is almost Seth. They’re brothers. They’re practically the same person. Oh, who the hell is she kidding? They were polar opposites, even in looks.

Though, as she re-analyzes her dream, they had only kissed. Yes, she’s sure of it - and it wasn’t like she hadn’t kissed him before. No, it had only been Seth who had that opportunity to be inside her, his thrusts in perfect time-

“Seth, wake up.” she sits up suddenly and turns so she is facing him. They hadn’t shut the drapes in the room - only the gauzy second layer, so the lights from the city still filter into the room and across the bed and she’s sure she’s drooling.

He’s sprawled out on the mattress, laid out like a feast - okay maybe she was a little hungry too - his legs tangled in the sheets, and his boxers slung dangerously low on his hips. His abs look like he had been chiseled from the same marble as the statue David they had seen in Florence last week. He’s scruffy - God, she loves him scruffy. His hair is just a little bit longer than he normally keeps it and he’s going on the fourth day of a beard. But out of everything, just to prove she’s not shallow, she loves seeing the wedding ring on his finger. A physical sign of his love and devotion to her- a reminder he was all hers and a warning to the other women of the world to back off. No, she is not jealous or possessive. Her eyes wander from his head to his crotch and she sighs contently.

God, she was acting like a pervert. She squeezes her hands together to refrain from touching him. But she needs to.

“Seth, baby, come on,” she practically whines as she strokes his arm. Her fingers trail further, over his taut stomach and she bites down when she sees his muscle move according to her touch. He sighs quietly, mumbling her name in a half-awake voice. “Yes, wake up baby.”

“Time is it?” he stretches slightly, head turning on the pillow, and he sighs again as he sinks into the mattress.

“Not that late.” she lies and he makes a disagreeing noise as his eyes flutter shut. How the hell did he have better eyelashes than she did? “Baby, I need you.”

“Okay.”

“Like, I _really_ need you.”

“Mhmm.”

“Seth.” she nudges him fully onto his back and sits over him. She runs her hands along his chest as seductively as she knows how and leans down a little. She was having no kind of effect on him and she was literally straddling his dick.

“Okay.” he mutters, while half heartedly rubbing her thighs.

“Okay, what?”

He says nothing and his hand slips off her leg and onto the mattress.

“Baby,” she trails her hand up his chest, along his neck, and up until she is stroking his hair back from his forehead. “You’re not helping.”

“Hmm?”

“Are you aware there is an extremely attractive woman on top of you?”

“Yeah,”

“And she’s ready to have her way with you?” she teases. He sighs and adjusts his head on the pillow.

“Maybe later.”

It’s like he dumped a bucket of cold water on her.

“What?” she manages to keep her voice calm even as her heart drops. She has never known Seth to turn her down and there have been plenty of times she’s been able to rouse him from a deep sleep for some sex.

“Just not feeling it.” he mumbles. She moves off him and he rolls onto his side and closes his eyes.

“Well, when has-” she doesn’t finish her sentence. Her vision is already blurring and she has no idea why she is even on the verge of crying. Damn hormones.

Except she understands. Why would he want to? It was obvious - at least to her - that he wasn’t attracted to her recently. She didn’t think she looked awful but he had always been a visual person. Her mind wanders to the British student they had run into by the Trevvi Fountain that afternoon. How she had giggled and fallen over Seth, asking for directions as she flaunted her toned physique in tight jeans and a crop top that was not at all suitable for the cool temperature. It doesn’t help matters when she remembers the stuffy older woman who had sat at the table next to them at dinner and made that rude comment - “I bet you’re having a girl. They always take all your beauty.”

“Never mind.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll just call Richie instead.”

“Ok- wait, what?” he is suddenly wide awake and his head whips up just as she storms into the bathroom and slams the door. “Kate?”

> * * *

He is vaguely aware that he may have done something wrong. Except he has no idea what the fuck he did. He forces himself out of bed as he hears her faint sniffling.

“Kate? Babe, what’s going on?” he taps on the door but she doesn’t answer. Luckily, she left the door unlocked and he steps inside as she is wiping her hands over face. “Why are you crying? What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“You just don’t cry for no reason.” Except that’s a lie. She has cried over everything lately. That random ketchup commercial, a dog video on the internet, _Toy Story 3_ , some little girl dancing in the hotel lobby.

“I didn’t say it was for no reason. I said nothing happened.” she spits back and he squints in confusion, then scrunches his noise.

“Hang on- are you talking- were you really trying to wake me up for sex?”

“Yes!”

“I thought I was dreaming that!”

“Bullshit!”

“I wasn’t even awake! I didn’t think you’d do that!”

“Yeah well I was! Not that it matters! I was practically humping you and you didn’t even get the least bit hard!”

“Kate,”

“I get it okay! You’d rather have some size zero, blonde bimbo riding your dick.”

“No. No, that’s not what I’d rather have.”

“Why not? Don’t forget - I’ve seen you in a strip club. I know what’s out there. Like you’d choose the hideous, beached whale over that.” she says, ending on a loud wail that launches into heavy sobs.

“Honey, come on, that’s not true.” he leans down to kiss her forehead, then squats in front of where she’s seated on the lid of the toilet.

“Of course it is! Even an unconscious you didn’t want me!”

He manages to hold in his laughter, creating some sort of snorting noise, and she lets out another cry, like she was being mocked.

“Listen to me,” he holds onto the top of the counter to balance himself and presses his forehead against his arm. He takes a moment before lifting his head and meeting her teary gaze. “I love you and every part of you. Why would I even want someone else when I have you? You’re not hideous and you’re not a beached whale. I think you’re fucking gorgeous, even more so now. So no, I do not want a stick figure to ride my dick.”

“You’re supposed to say that!”

“You just accused me of wanting to have sex with a stripper over you. Can’t have it both ways babe.”

“Yes I can. You can want the stripper and lie to keep me placated and calm.”

“No, doesn’t work like that.”

“Yes. That’s what happens when the old wife gets fat.”

“You’re not fat - just pregnant.”

“And I feel huge. And it’s going to get worse.”

“That’s not worse. That means the baby is growing and healthy and that’s what we want, right?”

“Yes, but what if I never go back to the way I was? I don’t want you to find me disgusting and repulsive.”

“I won’t. I will continue to love you and enjoy the extra curves and junk in your trunk.”

“Then why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

“You’re joking right?” he raises his eyebrows at her and she shakes her head. “Sweetheart, we have had sex eight times in the past four days. And while I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, I’m drained. Literally. I am loving your sudden energy but I can’t keep up. Didn’t think it was possible but I need a time out.”

“Oh.” she looks slightly embarrassed, then mumbles, “Have we really?”

“Yeah Nympho, we have.”

“I’m sorry.” she sighs and squirms a little where she sits. “Seth, I’m just so horny and it’s not as good when I do it.”

“You’re apologizing for me being a sex god?”

“No, I’m apologizing for being hormonally unbalanced in every possible way.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I’m not complaining. Just give me a day, two days tops, and we can get back to it. In the meantime, I have other effective ways of getting you off.” he ends with a smug grin and she rolls her eyes but smiles too. “Unless you still want to have phone sex with Richie.”

“Shut up! I do not!”

“Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

“Then we'll leave it at that."


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate catches Seth in a moment of weakness.

He wakes up with a scream trapped in his throat and the image of her covered in blood seared into his eyelids. He can’t stop it - like when you stare at a bright light too long and you start blinking spots. Every time he closes his eyes, there is Kate, sprawled on a big white bed, dying in a pool of blood - so much blood, too much blood to come from one person - and her faint whisper repeating ‘ _why did you do this to me?_ ’

He feels the bile rising in his throat and he pushes her away- _gently, he hopes_ \- to get up. He barely hears her the sleepy confusion in her voice as he slams the bathroom door. He doesn’t remember the last time he threw up. He thinks when he was a kid. The reality is that year, one of those endless nights. He hugs the base of the toilet, sick from the nightmare, and ignores Kate’s concerned calls.

He deserves this. Well, he deserves more than this, but apparently this is the best - _worst?_ \- he can get. He is slumped over the toilet, head in his hands and leaning on his elbows, and he lets his eyes finally close. Then promptly gags but manages to keep himself in check, or maybe there’s nothing left to throw up.

“Seth,” her voice is soothing in his ear as her hands run over him, cool against his clammy skin, and he shakes his head. A piece of him congratulates her on picking the lock before he remembers he barely had time to shut the door, let alone lock it. “It’s okay. Baby, it’s okay.”

That’s his line. It has been for the last year as he’s stood by and been whatever she needed. She doesn’t get to do that for him. He won’t let her.

“Hey,” she is crouched down next to him, stroking his hair off his forehead, trying to comfort him, but he is pulling out of her grasp and stumbling to his feet. He remembers doing the same thing to Eddie when he was a kid, avoiding all forms of comfort. He wasn't the one who needed it. (But he wants it, somewhere deep down, so badly he can feel it, but people like him didn't deserve that.)

He flushes the toilet, washes his hands, and swishes a bit of water around his mouth before he disappears back into the bedroom. She barely has a chance to follow him when he steps out onto the balcony and slams that door, glass rattling in its pane.

He sits in the cool air, eyes closed, and listens to the scooters passing below him on the quiet street. He’s not sure how long he is out there but he hears the door open and her soft footsteps. He won’t open his eyes, even as she sits in his lap and leans her face against his.

“Don’t shut me out.” she whispers in his ear, fingers ghosting over his jaw and neck. “I’m right here.”

He squeezes his eyes tighter, like that is going to stop what is bubbling up inside of him. His throat feels thick with emotion and all he can hear is his father yelling to shut the fuck up and man up and don’t be a little bitch. But his wife is louder and stronger and more stubborn, even though she’s whispering, telling him it’s okay, and some odd fucking noise rips through his mouth.

“I got you.” she murmurs, one hand sliding through his hair and the other wandering over his back.

But she shouldn’t. Ideally, they should be as far apart as possible but that didn’t seem to work. This is his pennance. He has to fix her -put her back together after he had ripped her apart. He’s supposed to have her, be strong for her, protect her, hold her. He’s not supposed to be the one crying in her arms and she’s been through a hell of a lot more than he has and deserved none of it. He deserves every nightmare, pain, and struggle that comes for him. He has no right to be angry or upset. He should sit and face it head on, welcome his comeuppance.

Instead, he’s crying - desperate, gut wrenching cries he hasn’t given in so long, or maybe ever. He’s fought them off for so long and he is so goddamn exhausted. He clings to her, hands tight around her waist, and presses his face into her neck.

He waits for her to do something - laugh, walk away, tell him to knock it off - but she just holds him closer and tighter, like she can and will protect him from everything, and lays her head against his.

“I’m sorry.” he finally finds his voice as he tries to get away but she won’t let him and he only manages to move enough so they are face to face. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” she furrows her brow, like she can’t comprehend the statement and he lets out a dry, sardonic laugh. What wasn’t he apologizing for?

They’ve tried this conversation before - or rather he had gotten quite drunk and screamed at her to come after him - physically, verbally, emotionally, it didn’t matter. He couldn’t understand how she could live with him after everything they’d been through. Richie had intercepted that - walking in on her in tears and him smashing liquor bottles into walls and his little brother had punched him a few times before he put him to bed. He never got his answer. Now Richie’s not here. It’s just them on this little Roman balcony but he has no energy left and stares pathetically through his tears at her. She looks broken, like the sight of him like this has ruined her.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I do.”

“You don’t.”

“Everything that I-”

“All that is in the past and you already apologized." she says quietly, soothingly, as she rubs his back. “You don’t have to say it again.”

“No. No, you can’t just brush it all aside.”

“I’m not and I didn’t. Seth, I’ve seen everything. I know what’s in here.” her hand slips around and rests against his chest, directly over his heart. She learned a long time ago to accept Seth’s actions over his words because he rarely used words - a result from a mix of his father’s abuse and criticisms, assumptions his feelings and opinions were less important than those he had deemed under his protection, and deeming himself unworthy of someone else’s empathy- especially hers. Seth shouldered it all and never complained, never argued, never said no. He accepted his role and took it seriously - _too seriously_ \- and she knows this is the root of the problem.

She knows he struggles. She knows there are nights where he doesn’t sleep and she can see the thoughts running around his head that he never voices. She knows he has some vision of her as the unrelenting, unforgiving shrew - something she has never been or would be but what he seems to feel she should be as a result of their beginnings.

She’s scared that all that repression is going to be his undoing. She doesn’t say that there is still a piece of her that is terrified she’s going to find him with a needle in his arm again. She wants him to come to her and lean on her instead, talk through the anguish, and make him see reason.

But that’s not how he was raised or how he’s lived all his thirty years and she doesn’t know how to change that. How to make him see this is not a one way street and she is just as invested in him as he is in her. How to make him understand it’s okay to have emotion and it’s okay to voice that.

“I’m not weak or stupid.” she says and he shakes his head but she continues. “I know you think that you have to protect me, that you need to shield me but you’re wrong. I’m here. I’m right here. You don’t have to hide from me. You don’t have to handle it all on your own.”

“You’ve got enough going on.”

“You’re right, I do. But when I see you like this, it adds to it all because I know you’re hurting and I know I can fix it and you won’t let me.”

“Because you’re not supposed to be here. There are so many other places you could be.”

“I could but I chose to be here. I chose you. Despite everything that you may think and what we went through, I’m still here.”

“You’d be better off somewhere else.”

“Seth,”

“I’m serious! Name one fucking good thing that has come of this!”

“Seth, listen to me.” she takes his face in her hands, trying to get him to focus on her. “When I was away from you, I was scared and lonely and I didn’t know what I was doing. When I found Scott, I was able to keep myself distracted but driving back to Texas, it was just me and my thoughts and I replayed every scenario, thinking what I could have done different. It wasn’t easy with you and we both made so many mistakes but there were good times too and it was those times that kept me going because I knew there was a possibility. I knew you’d come for Richie. I told myself when we crossed paths again, I’d do it all differently. We didn’t get that chance and I had to sit and watch you and feel you when you were fighting Amaru. In a way, it was blessing in disguise because I got to see you- the real you- and I felt what you were feeling. I’m not leaving you. I’m not turning my back on you. How could I after all that?”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You do. You don’t even realize what you’ve done. I know it’s hard and I know you don’t want to believe it or don’t think you’re worthy but you are. You are because I decided you are and you don’t get to discredit my opinion or think I’m wrong. I forgave you. You need to forgive yourself.”

He jerks slightly, trying to get away, but she clings to him and knows she hit the nail on the head.

“That’s it. You are letting this fester and you don’t need to. Why are you beating yourself up? Why are you letting this go on?”

“You’re not asking the question.” he mumbles and she frowns in confusion.

“What? What question?”

He whispers it and her chest aches as she mumbles his name. He closes his eyes, and there she is- bleeding out and whispering those dreaded words over and over again: _why did you do this to me_?

“That’s not what I meant when I said that.”

“You were angry.”

“I wasn’t. She was manipulating you. I was hurting and I was scared.”

“I ruined your life.”

“You are the only reason why I am even alive.” she says, tracing her fingers over the inside of his arm, over the vein running down from his elbow, reminding him of the sacrifice he had made for her. There’s a line in a movie, he thinks it’s Pirates of the Caribbean - _‘one good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness.’_ She clearly believes otherwise. “You are. Then and now. I wouldn’t have gotten through this year if it wasn’t for you. You’ve been there every step of the way, helping me, and - and - let me give that back to you. I know you’re hurting and you never had a chance to come to terms with things because you were always worried about me but I’m fine. I’m fine and I’m right here and you don’t need to do this by yourself. I’m not your dad and I’m not Vanessa or Sonja or anyone else. It’s me.”

She cups his face in her hands again and strokes her thumbs over his cheeks, catching the steady flow of tears that don’t seem to stop.

“It’s never going to get easier if you keep pushing it aside. And you don’t have to. It’s going to be okay. I’m not going to let you suffer like this. I’m sorry that I let it go on this long.” she says. It had taken some time for her to even realize, once she was back in her own right mind frame, and she feels guilty that he has shouldered it all without saying a word. “I always backed down when we were in Mexico. You needed help too and I let you just slip away. I’m not letting that happen again. You’ve been taking care of Richie and me. Let me take care of you. That’s what we do right? This isn’t - we’re partners. It doesn’t all fall on you.”

He shakes his head but she nods to counter him.

“Yes. Yes because we are not going to play this game anymore. We all make mistakes. We-”

“It’s a fucking big mistake. I was desperate. I’m sorry. Katie, I’m sorry.”

“I know. Baby, I know.”

“I wanted to help Richie. I didn’t want you to get hurt or Scott or your dad. I should’ve - I should’ve treated you better. I shouldn’t have left you on the fucking side of the road. I was a goddamn, fucked up asshole.”

“That’s changed. We’ve changed and we both know what to do better now. Look what you’ve done.”

“I didn’t -”

“Trust me. **Trust me** when I tell you I love you and you’re a good person and there is nowhere else I’d rather be. I’m not dumb. I lived through all of that but I’m also living through us now and that is what I choose to focus on. We got a second chance - a restart. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but I’m not giving up this time. I’ll spend every day proving this to you until you believe it. But you can’t keep going on like this - hiding and avoiding. I want you to talk to me. Take it from me, you get lost in all those thoughts and it doesn’t help. You’ve been through a lot too. You have just as much right to this as any of the rest of us.”

“I sound like a sniveling, little bitch.”

“No, you sound like a human. And if you let this build up, this is what’s going to happen - you’re going to have a breaking point and I don’t want you to hit that.” she says quietly. “You don’t need to be the tough guy around me. I’m not really a fan of him, unless I need you to kick someone’s ass.”

She’s trying to make him laugh and his mouth twitches briefly.

“That’s not you. That’s a front you put on and I’m sorry that you’ve felt you needed to be that way all this time and people made you feel that was what was expected of you. I don’t expect that. I hate seeing you this way, especially when I know we can rectify the situation.” her hands glide over his hair and she leans in again, pressing her forehead to his as she closes her eyes. “When was the last time you let yourself be happy?”

He doesn’t have an answer. There are moments, sure, and he doesn’t think anyone is ever completely happy 100% of the time. He assumes he was happy prior to the Dew Drop Inn - he had goals, granted illegal goals, but El Rey had kept him going and was he really happy if he was striving to leave everything he knew behind to drop off the face of the earth in his own little slice of paradise? He has good - _great_ \- memories of Eddie and Richie and feels happiness then but no, he cannot remember a time when he was not running, not checking over his shoulder, not waiting for the other show to drop, not feeling like it was all a mistake and his father had always been right and would always continue to be right that he was a screw up who deserved shit. Was it possible to have a good time but still have a layer of continual angst underneath it all?

He must say this because she sighs, like they are going round in circles and she doesn’t know what else to do. He wants to hide away, stop causing her grief, but she wraps her arms around him, like she senses his urge to flee.

“Don’t fight me on this. You won’t win. I’m not giving up on you - ever.” she whispers, hugging him tightly. “We’ll get there, I promise.” 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dad, you know I’ve dated plenty of guys without you even having the slightest hint of their existence, right?”
> 
> “No! How many guys are we talking?”
> 
> “Dozens. Easily in the hundreds.”

“They’re home!” Rosie perks up instantly when they hear the faint sound of the car door slamming. Lina looks up in alarm as her sister sprints down the hallway. Elsa howls and whines, taking off after the little girl as Lina shoves their guest out onto the deck. “Mama!”

Her heart is pounding as she makes her way down the hall. Kate is rocking Rosie as Seth coos and rubs Elsa, who acts like he’s been gone two years instead of two days.

“Hey, you’re uh - home early.” she says, leaning against the banister.

“Yeah, Ben’s game ended sooner that we expected so we decided to beat the traffic. How were things here?”

“Great. We had fun, didn’t we Ro?”

“Yep!” she nods in agreement as Seth picks her up. “Did you miss me?”

“Terribly. It was very boring and quiet without you.” he replies and plants a kiss on her cheek. “Whose truck is in the driveway?”

“Truck?” Lina shakes her head, like she’s confused.

“That’s Jason’s. We just got home from Galveston.” Rosie explains and Lina’s jaw drops slightly while her parents exchange a look. “Lina took me to the beach and we brought Elsa. She had so much fun.”

“Who is Jason?”

“Just a friend.” Lina quickly responds as Rosie adds,

“They love to kiss.”

Kate is desperately trying not to laugh as their oldest daughter flushes a bright red. Seth looks flabbergasted and his mouth moves silently, unable to come up with a response.

“Do you wanna meet him? He’s really nice.”

“He uh- had to leave.” Lina stutters.

“Oh. He didn’t say good bye.” she pouts at this turn of events and her sister shrugs mutely.

“Can you let Elsa outside?” Kate asks. Rosie nods, then squirms down from Seth’s hold, and calls for their pet to follow.

“What made you decide to take your baby sister in a car with a man we don’t know?” Seth finally asks.

“Well, I like to think I have good judge of character and would never do anything to put Rosie in harm’s way, so I didn’t think it was an issue.”

“The last boyfriend I met turned out to be a culebra who tried to kill us so excuse me for jumping to conclusions.”

“Spike wasn’t really my boyfriend. I had no intention of letting you meet him and I didn’t even know what a culebra was. If it helps, I drove so it wasn’t like he was going to drive us over the border or something.”

Kate nudges Seth as she passes him to go into the kitchen. He makes a face but falls silent, causing Lina to briefly look triumphant.

“I was going to make dinner.” she explains when they are standing at the island.

“As a peace offering?”

“Dad!”

“I’m sorry! I’m just trying to wrap my head around the fact there was a guy in my house, unsupervised, and you snuck him out the back door in an attempt to hide him.”

“I wasn’t hiding him and I’m twenty three. I think I can have a guest over without adult supervision- seeing as I am an adult.”

“Not in this house you’re not.”

“Can I just remind you that by my age, Mom was married and had two kids?”

“Exactly. We were left unsupervised.”

“Will you stop picking on her?” Kate throws a wad of paper towels, hitting Seth in the head. “You wouldn’t act this way if it was Stacey here.”

“I’ve known Stacey since she was five years old and I know they aren’t having sex.”

“You sure about that?” Lina cocks her head questioningly and he raises his eyebrows as she shrugs. “Just saying. Just want to know the rules here. Am I okay to have sex with girls but not-”

“Can we not-”

“Just for the record, Jason and I weren’t having sex either seeing as I was too busy keeping your kid alive this weekend. Oh, talk about unsupervised. I saw Uncle Scott’s multiple social media pages. You two looked like a pair of drunk roadies.”

“We’re allowed to. We’re the parents. Plus, I’m married to her and I met her father.”

“You mean when you took him and his kids hostage? Yeah, I’m sure he’s just thrilled over this development.”

“She’s got a point.” Kate laughs as Seth sputters.

“Why can’t I meet him?”

“Dad, you know I’ve dated plenty of guys without you even having the slightest hint of their existence, right?”

“No! How many guys are we talking?”

“Dozens. Easily in the hundreds.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“I don’t know. I stopped counting.”

“Kate!” the shriek that he releases is unusually high pitched and he looks ready to keel over at any moment.

“Stop teasing your father.” she says, rounding the island to stand at his side. She places a gentle hand on his shoulder and adds, “He is old and I need him around at least a few more years.”

He shoots a dirty look in her direction but she only smirks and kisses his cheek.

“Leave her alone. You’re being ridiculous.”

“For being a good father?”

“For being psychotic.”

“Is it so much to ask that she join a convent?”

“We’re not Catholic.” Lina retorts as Kate rolls her eyes.

“You can convert. Just need to be a virgin.” he pauses, then his eyes widen, “Oh God, you’re still a virgin, right?”

“None of your business.”

“What’s a virgin?” Rosie asks, suddenly appearing amongst them.

“Hmm.” Lina chuckles and grabs her water bottle. “And on that note, I’m going upstairs.”

* * *

“How’s the water?”

“Pretty warm.” Lina stops floating on her back and wades in the deep end of the pool as she stares up at Seth.

“Mind if I join you?”

“You pay the bills.”

He smirks and tugs his t-shirt over his head before diving into the water. He resurfaces a few moments later and shakes his hair out.

“This is fucking freezing.” he hisses and she chuckles.

“Warm to me.” she replies but he only grunts in response. She leans against the wall while he swims back and forth across the length of the pool. After several minutes, he swims to where she is and presses back against the wall.

“I’m sorry I was a dick before.” he says after a long pause.

“Don’t worry about it. I know you’re just being a dad.” she smiles and elbows him in the side.

“I still worry about you.” he sighs and she slumps a little as he stares at her.

“You don’t need to.”

“I know but that doesn’t change the fact that I do. I’m also not too fond of the fact that you are an adult. It’s not a girl thing. I worry about Ben too. It’s just… different since you’re still living with us.” he mutters and cups the water with his hands, watching as it sifts through his fingers. “It’s easy to think you’re still a kid. I think I’m always going to see you as that little girl in pigtails. It’s selfish for me to want to keep you here. But I’d like that day to remain as far off as possible.”

“Well, you’re not rid of me yet.” she replies, then moves closer to him. “Dad, I’m always going to need you. It’s one of the big reasons why I decided to stay in Houston to begin with. I didn’t want to be far away and I felt safer here. Still do. Otherwise I would have been long gone.”

“It’s okay to leave.”

“Thought you didn’t want me to.”

“I don’t but if you wanted to, you have to do what’s right for you. Don’t think we want to hold you back or anything.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t need to rush it. We’re always going to be here. You can live with us til your fifty.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to go that far but it’ll definitely be at least another year.” she smirks a little. “I just don’t like how other people perceive me. You know, a bunch of people I went to school with are either getting engaged or backpacking through Europe and I feel like I’m still in high school.”

“You’re still so young.” he says and she snorts in response. “No, I’m serious. I look at you and I think to myself what the fuck were we thinking. I felt like we were so old and your mom was barely old enough to drink. I don’t regret any part of our life and neither does your mom but she gave up so many opportunities and I can’t help but feel responsible for that. I want you to take your time. Enjoy your youth… and dating dozens of guys.”

“I haven’t dated dozens of guys.” she mumbles. She turns so her chest is pressed against the wall and leans her arms on the pavers bordering the pool. She drops her head to her arms and sighs. “And I’m sure Jason will be finished soon enough.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t see myself having a long term relationship. I joke about you and Mom but the truth is you have the most stable relationship I’ve seen, despite what has happened between you. I want that but I don’t feel it’s an option. You and Mom had each other in this. You both knew what this life was about. How am I going to find someone to trust with this and would they even believe me? It’s not fair to keep it a secret from them. Kind of hard too. They’re going to catch on eventually that Uncle Scott and Uncle Richie aren’t aging. Am I supposed to abandon our family and hide you all away for the rest of my life to keep their secret?”

“I never thought about it.” he admits, completely caught off by the idea that one day the kids would be grown, with families of their own, likely with a civilian. In the back of his head, of course he realized this, but looking at a 23, 19, and 5 year old made it difficult to remember they wouldn’t always be that age.

“You’re lucky you have Mom.”

“Yeah, she reminds me every day.”

“I’m serious.” she chuckles and looks at him. “To have someone that you’re so intwined with, that understands you, that accepts you. Who is going to accept a formerly possessed girl who killed people and has vampires for uncles and parents who were resurrected from the dead?”

“It’s an interesting opening.” he replies and she rolls her eyes. “You didn’t kill people. That wasn’t you.”

“I still watched it. It was my hands.”

“But not you. Not your conscience. Yeah, it’s a lot to accept but if they know, the person you finally find who is actually worth it, they’ll accept it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. You think I was such a catch? I actually killed people, robbed banks, drug and alcohol problem. Your mom is a saint. There is no valid reason why we should be together. But we are. Despite everything I have done to her and everything that has happened because of me, she is still here. It hasn’t always been easy for us. Even being married we’ve had rough patches. But we work it out. That’s the type of person you want to be with.” he pauses, then reluctantly asks, “Is that this Jason dude?”

“I don’t know. It’s only been four months.”

“Only?”

“It was more casual in the beginning.”

“What’s with the delay?”

“I knew how you’d react.” she retorts, making him roll his eyes. “I just wanted to make sure before we all get invested and then I need to explain we broke up.”

“So can we meet him? Am I going to have to beg?”

“Will you behave?”

“I’ll try my best. Can’t make any promises.” he says and she huffs, “Hey, at least I’m being honest.”

“I think you actually have met him. I went to school with his sister.”

“Who?”

“Madison Whitmore.”

“Whit- oh no. No, fuck no, you are not dating David Whitmore’s evil spawn.”

“Jason isn’t evil. He is a Marine and volunteers at the pet shelter downtown.”

“That’s just a ruse. And, hang on, isn’t he the one who came into Jed’s acting like an asshole and broke shit?”

“Possibly.”

“He’s old! Why is he still in college?”

“He’s twenty six and he just got back from where he was stationed and is now going for his degree. He wants to be a vet. We didn’t meet at school. Madison introduced us.”

“I thought you hated Madison.”

“No. You hate David.”

“He’s a douchebag.”

“Well, try not to let that cloud your judgment.”

“Of the delinquent who damaged my property?”

“He was sixteen. You were dumb at sixteen. Hell, you were in jail at twenty six!”

“We are talking about him- not me!” 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate’s struggle through the Mexican Honeymoon.

She wonders if she will ever move again. Currently, she is still sitting in the RV, waiting for... waiting for _something_ she supposes. Not that she knows what that something is.

She can’t find the strength to move or drive or leave. She’s not even entirely sure she knows what is occurring at this point.

What she knows is this: she is alone. Her father is dead by her hands, her brother is missing and not quite alive but not quite dead either, all she has left is this damned RV.

God, she hated this thing from the moment it had lumbered down their cozy, quiet street. She remembers how her father hadn’t quite mastered the size of it and he hopped the curb in front of their house. She had been mortified when she had noticed their neighbors peering out from behind their curtains.

She wishes they could go back. It doesn’t feel like that was only a few days ago. It feels like a lifetime ago. But she wants to go back and stop him from ever leaving. Her chest aches as she remembers how he had haphazardly packed up the RV, picking items that held no meaning or necessity. He had wanted to get up and go, leave and figure it out on the road.

Why didn’t she try harder? Why didn’t she turn around when it had been her turn to drive? Why didn’t she ask for help?

Help. It was funny. If her mother asked for help, if her father had done more than pray, if they had just tried a little more, they wouldn’t be in this mess. _She_ wouldn’t be in this mess. But they had always pretended like things were fine until her mother couldn’t anymore. Now, she was gone. And Daddy decided to run than heal and move forward and they ran right into the Geckos and he was gone and Scott was gone and it’s just her.

She was an orphan with no immediate family. She had no money. She couldn’t go back to Bethel. Not yet at least. She grimaces as she thinks about what would happen if she went back alone, how people would talk and she would need to lie.

She doesn’t know what to do or where to go. Why hadn’t she gone with Freddie? Why was she still sitting here?

_Help me. Please. Just give me a sign._

* * *

 

She watches as he storms out of the Twister. She has the urge to tackle him to the ground and beat him senseless. But then she looks at him - really looks at him - and whatever hurt and anger she feels dissipates. Judging by his brooding and the lack of Richie, he was just as alone and lost as she was. Wasn’t that enough karma for one person?

She can’t be angry. Not when Seth’s supposed charm and cockiness had disappeared. He had stormed into her life, looming over her like the big bad wolf or some other beast, and he commandeered every ounce of space he could get his hands on. Now, he seemed to fold in on himself. He looks small and young and she can practically feel the emotions rolling off him. Anger, hurt, betrayal, jealousy, loneliness.

There is something tugging her towards him. She’s not entirely sure this could be considered a sign. If it was, it was incredibly messed up. How could she ever go anywhere willingly with him after the past day?

**He protected you.**

Had he? Or had he been possessive and standing in the way of another predator attempting to steal his prey?

 **He protected you.** Every step, every outstretched arm, every raised weapon. _“You do what I tell you, when I tell you, and you’ll get out of this without any bumps or scrapes.”_

Either he was the world’s worst captor or he was a man of his very skewed and flawed word.

 _Where could you go? Who else could you be with?_ There was no one else. No one else had seen what she had seen or knew what she knew. They had nothing and no one and really, at this point what was there to lose?

She isn’t so loose and flippant. At least not normally. But desperate times called for desperate measures and she isn’t some meek, little girl. She could handle herself and she would get through this.

“You want some company?”

And maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep down where she is not willing to admit or look too closely at is some ridiculous idea that they can rebuild together.

* * *

 

It takes three days. Frankly, she is surprised that it’s taken her even this long. Seth is in the shower as she sits on the edge of this dubious motel bed and she isn’t sure when her exhaustion and emotions finally take hold but she’s crying. Loudly and pathetically and she really is trying not to because she’s pretty sure he won’t appreciate it at all.

She was wrong. She is not loose or flippant and nothing was going to change that. She can’t abandon the way she was raised, her convictions, and her fears. She is not some wonder woman or heroine of her own story.

She is tired. She is scared. She has never felt more alone. All she wants to know is why? Why was this happening to her? What had she done? Was this punishment for something?

She squeezes her hands into fists and presses the right one against her mouth, trying to muffle her cries.

Why hadn’t she asked Freddie to take her back to Texas? Why hadn’t she gotten in the RV and headed for the border? Bethel would have rallied around her. Sympathy, offerings, places to lay her head. They would have cared and looked after her. So what was she doing here in some dingy motel with Seth Gecko of all people?

She thinks she made the wrong choice. He has barely said anything to her since they got in the car. She tells herself he’s hurting too. She isn’t exactly being talkative herself. They both have their demons to face. And is it really safe being on the road with a known criminal?

But really, was she any better? Her soul was no less tainted than his own. Worse even. Patricide, kin slaying, murder. She tries to tell herself that wasn’t true. She had helped him, saved him from his monstrous fate. He had begged her. It’s not murder if they asked/ordered. Assisted suicide? Mercy killing? Did it matter in the end? She was raised that only God could take a life and only He knew His ultimate plan. Would He understand when it came her time to be judged? She thinks she will have a few choice words when the time comes. What plan could leave her an orphan? What plan could make her father and brother into monsters?

She doesn’t hear him come out of the bathroom or how he says her name. Or see how he stares at her wide eyed and slightly terrified at the sight of her tears. How it turns to helplessness and guilt before he sits next to her.

“Kate,” his hand slides gently over the back of her neck and she turns into him, hugging him tightly. Past decisions and actions be damned. They weren’t the captor and the hostage anymore. They were simply two lost souls and she needed some kind of human contact.

They don’t speak. She takes it for what it is and never mentions how she felt him hug her too or the solitary tear that wound its way down her hair.

* * *

He is constantly giving her whiplash. There are those nights in the beginning where they both are hurting. A day later, he could be huffing and puffing, rolling his eyes at her pouts and quiet questions. She puts up with it. She doesn’t know why. It isn’t like he deserves her solidarity or proved himself to be a good man. But she firmly believes that somewhere, Seth Gecko has a soul and a conscience and one day it would find its way out.

It takes twelve days for her to get angry. They stop in another nondescript, rundown motel. Scantily clad girls lurk in doorways and over railings and eye him as they walk by. For his part, he merely pushes her along the sidewalk and pretends he doesn’t see them.

He is in the bathroom when she is digging through her bag, looking for her toothbrush but can’t find it. She hesitates before unzipping his and immediately stops. Her toothbrush is there, next to his, but also next to those is the all too obvious orange prescription bottle. Non descriptive, lacking a label, but she’s not stupid and she’s sure whatever is rattling around inside is not medicine, at least not the textbook version. She holds the little cylinder in her palm. It brings back too many memories of her mother, dying behind closed doors, and finding several of these in the medicine cabinet - _for her headaches._

She’s not doing this again. Her mother was her mother. Her father was her father. She is no stranger to these sorts of demons. She would have stood by them through anything. She knew the true versions of them. She barely knows Seth, who decides on his mood however the wind blows. She is not going to be his caretaker. She had convinced herself that staying with him was for protection but how well would he protect her when he was as high as a kite?

She gets as far as the parking lot before she turns around and quietly enters their room. She didn’t owe him one thing but she wasn’t stupid enough to walk out with no money, no transportation, no passport. She would have to plan. Once she was able to make it over the border, she was gone.

* * *

She doesn’t leave. Not even when the bottles turn to needles and he seems like he’d rather be alone than have her there. She tells herself she’s crazy as she stares at his unconscious body. They made Lifetime movies about these things. The naive girl running with the bad boy, swearing he would change.

She wonders if this is abuse or Stockholm Syndrome. Why continue to stay with the man who had a hand in ruining your life and some days acted like you weren’t even there? Why make excuses for him? Why say it would get better on the good nights?

Because, like she knew her parents, she is learning to know Seth. Maybe she’s stupid and reckless and gearing herself up for a whole world of hurt but she’s scraping away each layer to find the wounded, insecure individual underneath. He isn’t a bad person. He is a screwed up person. Bad decisions? Sure. Bad hand dealt to him? Absolutely.

But why couldn’t that change? She sees it - sometimes he watches her and she swears there is a glimmer of something in his eye. But just as quickly as it happens, he forces it away.

People rescued animals all the time. Why couldn’t they rescue other people? She couldn’t save her mother. She couldn’t save her father. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever find Scott again. Maybe she can save him. Maybe that was the sign. Maybe that was her path.

Maybe if he stopped fighting her every step of the way. Maybe if he actually gave it a chance this would work.

Her breaking point comes just around Thanksgiving. She finds him in a bar, with a giggling blonde in a bikini top around his waist.

She doesn’t remember what he says. Surely something about her innocent ways, meant to be an insult, and his co-ed just keeps giggling as he sneers at her and tells her to go home. Normally, she wouldn’t stand for his shit but the girl is making her uncomfortable. She can’t be much older than she is - some college girl staying at one of those inclusive resorts with her sorority girls or some rich, pampered brat spending the holiday abroad with her parents. Whatever it was, a sudden thought strikes her - what does she have that Kate doesn’t? The flare of jealousy and hurt causes her to turn and she runs, stumbling out of the bar and onto the busy street with the girl’s laughter ringing in her ears.

“What did you need?” he is suddenly behind her and she shakes her head, forgetting why she had wandered down to the bar to begin with.

“Why would you talk to me like that?” she says. She thinks she gets it. She isn’t fun or flirty and she’s sure she is wreaking havoc on his game. But she likes to think they are at least considered friends by this point and he has the faintest hint of respect for her.

“Like what?”

“Like - like I can just be dismissed at the snap of your fingers. Like - like I don’t mean anything.”

“You don’t mean anything.” he says, so quickly and fluidly she is taken aback, nearly staggering off the sidewalk like he hit her.

“You’re a fucking bastard!” she recovers quickly and storms off down the street, blinking back tears. She doesn’t need this. She doesn’t need to devote her time to him. She doesn’t need to keep letting her guard down, hoping he would come to her. 

She doesn’t see the man in the alleyway. She struggles as he presses her into the wall of a pet shop. His eyes glimmer as his teeth descend and she wonders how she could be so stupid.

But Seth is there. Just like he is always there, staring at her in horror as the culebra disintegrates into ashes. He throws the stake aside and pulls her to her feet.

They walk back to the motel in silence and she stares at her bag, always packed and ready to go but never getting out the door.

“Stay with me.” his eyes don’t leave the bag either. Then he is kneeling in front of her. It’s the first time he apologizes, the first time he cradles her face in his hands. “Stick with me, okay? Stick with me and you’ll make it through this without any bumps or scrapes.”

Make it through what? Was there an end to sight of these robberies and motels and drugs and culebras? She doesn’t see it. Because now she understands. There is never going to be an end. They were part of this world for better or worse. No matter where she went, there would be a target on her.

And Seth.... Seth would look out for her. Because he’s guilty and he gave her his word. No bumps or scrapes. That was his guarantee. Like a damn business card. Just what he told all his hostages. Not because she means something. Because she doesn’t.

”You’re just scared of being alone.” she mutters, walking towards the bathroom. This wasn’t for her. Nothing he ever did was for her. It was guilt or selfishness. “You just want me to be another Richie or Vanessa.”

”Kate,”

”I won’t be.” she says, locking eyes before she closes the door. There was a brief hint of pain on his face. She briefly wonders if he was scared of being alone or scared of losing her. But she knows the answer to that and she’s not going to waste her time entertaining fantasies.

* * *

The car is nearly on empty. There is a sign ‘last rest stop for 50 miles.’ She doesn’t know if that means she’ll come across other towns or not, maybe some small backwood places with no gas, so she stops and fills up the tank before wandering into the convenience store. She buys a pack of Marlboro Lights and a pink lighter along with a soda and a Hershey bar. She’s not going to smoke them. She’ll throw it out like all the others. She tosses the bag on the passenger seat and leans into the back seat to grab her iPod out of her bag.

She is halfway out of the car when she sees it, under a greasy takeout bag on the floorboard. She picks up the bear and stands up outside. She holds it for a few moments, then gets in the driver seat and tosses the bear next to the bag.

She doesn’t know how long she drives but there are tears pooling in her eyes and it’s hard to breathe as she thinks of her birthday. How he had been a decent human being, how he had laughed and smiled, and held her hand, how they danced under that awning while the waves crashed nearby, how he reluctantly played the shooting game and won that damn bear. Like something out of a movie. But her life was not a movie and she has never been so angry or conflicted. Because now it is dawning on her that her urge to cure Seth of all his pain and the way her stomach flipped when he grinned is more than just an urge and some butterflies.

She pulls over suddenly, grabs the lighter and the bear, and walks to an empty patch of sand. She smushes the bear under her heel for good measure, then kneels down and struggles to get the fake fur to ignite. Eventually it takes and the stuffed toy is engulfed in flames.

It’s supposed to be cathartic. The last piece of Seth Gecko finally gone from her life.

She hates him.

She hates him.

She hates him.

She doesn’t hate him. 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seth stumbles upon some... interesting reading material when using Kate’s iPad.

“Babe?” he hesitates briefly outside the closed door. He and the kids were under strict instruction to leave her alone for an hour and a half. Except, he needs to get into the room, seeing as it is his office anyway. He slowly eases the door open as he continues, “Babe, I know you said not to both- you’re not even in here.”

He frowns as he scans the room, wondering where the hell she could have gone. Whatever. It didn’t matter. It meant he was able to grab what he needed and get out before she noticed he had been in here.

He couldn’t find the most recent inventory for the bar. Her laptop is sitting open on the desk. He knows for a fact that she has a copy of all the paperwork regarding Jed’s saved on there in neat little folders and snazzy spreadsheets he wouldn’t even know how to create. He’ll just email it to himself and be done with it.

The laptop is locked and her password isn’t working. He raises an eyebrow and sits, then cracks his knuckles. He must have mistyped something. They knew each other’s passwords. Except, she apparently changed hers and forgot to tell him. That was it. There was no other reason why she would feel the need to hide something from him.

“What the fuck?” he hisses as the password is rejected again. Did he need Richie? No. He knew his wife. For God’s sake, they were soul mates. What was the point of having a fucking soul mate if you couldn’t figure out their passwords? “Oh fuck.”

Apparently, he had tried too many attempts and he had locked it for real. He bites his lip and tries to come up with a plan. She was supposed to be working on an assignment. If she came back and couldn’t get in, he was going to be in trouble.

Then, he spies her iPad sitting in the window nook. He should be able to access the file if she had saved it to the cloud, which he’s sure she had. Luckily, the iPad isn’t password locked and the screen comes to life. Lina and Ben grin at him from behind a multitude of apps. He taps on the files app and scrolls through the items inside. He finds what he is looking for, but something else makes him stop and slide his finger down to make the screen back up.

* * *

She is gone for a total of eight minutes. She returns to the office and stops short in the opened doorway as she sees him sitting behind the desk. Her eyes narrow, then narrow even further when she sees the iPad in his hand.

“What are you doing?”

“What kind of fucking class are you taking?”

“What?”

“You said you had homework!”

“I do.”

He stares at her in disbelief, then clears his throat.

_“‘She closes her eyes with a soft groan-’”_

“Oh my God!” She jumps like she had been shocked and lunges for him. He shoots out of the chair and holds his arm over his head so she can’t reach the iPad. “Seth, give it to me!”

“Not until you explain yourself.”

“Give it- you’re being a child!” she hops and tugs on his sleeve but is unsuccessful in retrieving her tablet.

“You said you were doing homework.”

“I am- was - just, please!”

“What class?”

“A finance course. You know, so I can continue to keep your business afloat!”

“Am I running a porn company out the back?” he asks and she makes some kind of outraged noise. “Kate, this is pure smut.”

“It is not!”

“Why are you so upset?”

“You invaded my privacy! I specifically told you to stay out! I even set a timer - still 45 minutes! And then you hacked into my iPad!”

“In my defense, you weren’t in here so the clock stops. And I didn’t hack your iPad. It was unlocked. I may have locked you out of your laptop though.”

She glares at him but takes a step back. He lowers his arm and she quickly yanks the iPad out of his hand.

“I found it to be intriguing.” he adds.

“You don’t get an opinion!”

“Why?”

“Because!” she splutters, cheeks bright red. He smirks and sits down, hands behind his head.

“I need to know the story cause it seems to me, that’s me in there. And you and some uh, interesting situations.”

“Stop looking so smug.”

“Did you turn that in? Or have plans to?”

“No! Not yet - not - ugh,” she sits on top of the desk and slumps over. “I had to take an elective and because I registered so late, there weren’t many options left. So I took a creative writing class.”

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“I didn’t think it was important. Anyway, there are different themes and a few weeks ago, the professor wanted us to write about something in our pasts. So, I started writing and after the assignment, I realized I kind of liked it and I kept going and... embellished some.” she mumbles as she bites on her nail.

“So... what else have you written?”

“Just... stuff. Loosely based on Mexico. Without the culebra thing.” she mumbles. “I got an A.”

“I bet you did.” he retorts and she nudges him in the leg with her foot. “So you turned this in.”

“Not the sexed up version.”

“That was just for fun?”

“You were in Baton Rouge with Richie. I was lonely and... thinking about things.”

“Thinking about what? I don’t remember doing those kinds of things in Mexico.” the smirk starts returning to his face and she rolls her eyes. “Is this what you wanted me to do to you Katie?”

“Sure, when you weren’t being a major asshole. Can you stop? We both know we had thoughts and feelings we suppressed during that time.”

“So what did everyone think? And hang on, it was supposed to be about you so your class knows I’m a criminal?”

“No! I said it was loosely based. We just had to look to our past for inspiration. I had a back story ready for that too.”

“Lies upon lies.”

“It isn’t a lie.”

“What did you tell them?”

“That you and your brother were passing through our town and I impulsively followed you to the next town. I was going to go back in a few days but I never did and here we are 13 years later. I said it nearly wasn’t as exciting and scandalous as people thought so I had to spice it up some home. I joked that I thought you had been bank robbers in the beginning before I knew you, that’s where the ‘inspiration’ came from.”

“Huh.” he is grinning as she talks.

“And most people found it interesting. My professor said it was well written.”

“Can I read it?”

“No!”

“Why? I read the dirty version.”

“Because I didn’t- I wasn’t ready for you to read it.”

“Am I an asshole in it?”

“No.”

“Then what-”

“I just - I don’t- I’m embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed of what?”

“I’m a mom. Moms aren’t supposed to do that sort of thing.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“And I never-”

“You let strangers read it but not me?”

“Exactly! They’re strangers! Who cares if they judge me?”

“You think I’d judge you?”

“Maybe? I’m just - it’s not - I didn’t - I never did it before. And I really thought I’d hate this class but I’m enjoying it and it’s... I don’t know, I think it’s cathartic in a way. Like keeping a journal. But it’s not good quality.”

“I disagree. And you know, there are those ton of smutty books on the shelves and some of them are just god awful. You have an... elegant, classic way with your words.”

“Well, thanks, I guess.”

“You do this a lot?”

“It’s becoming more frequent. It’s a hobby. I never knew I could.” she dips her head and smiles slightly. “My professor wanted to submit the first piece to a writing magazine.”

“What? That’s great!”

“Seth,” she blushes and averts his excited gaze.

“No, I’m serious. Babe, that’s amazing. Tell me you said yes.”

“It comes out the beginning of December.”

“I’m buying every fucking copy.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“For being supportive? Seriously, I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“And I’m glad you found something for yourself. And if you want to keep it for yourself and not share, I understand and will respect your privacy.” he says, squeezing her hands. She smiles and nods. “But if you decide you’d like me to, I will be happy to read it. And if you ever need inspiration, I’m more than happy to help.”

“Oh my God,” she lets out a snort as his warm smile turns to a playful smirk, “seriously?”

“Hell yeah. In fact - I mean it’s not a wobbling, Ikea dresser in a dirty motel room, but I can still bend you over this desk.”

“Shh! The kids are home!”

“They’re upstairs! They don’t know.”

“They could walk in.”

“They won’t.” he stands up and moves towards the door. “Guys!”

He waits to he hears faint mumbles of acknowledgment, then says, “I’m helping your mom with her homework. Don’t bother us for an hour!”

More mumbles and he nods, “See, so much easier now that they’re older. Might not know what we’re doing but they understand not to barge in if we tell them no.”

Then he slams the door and turns the lock before rounding the desk and pulling her into a long kiss.

“Did it turn you on?” she mumbles against his mouth.

“I did say it was well written.” 


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney Vacation: Day Two

A whimper from the bed catches Seth's attention. He begins to smirk around his toothbrush, ready to make a crack about Miss Super Disney and then he sees a bare, bright red arm poke out from under the blanket.

"Whoa."

"I can't believe I kept putting sunscreen on the kids and not myself." 

"That is because you worry about everyone else and put them before you."

"Wow, Seth, you really know how to kick a girl when she's already down."

"I just meant-"

"Shut up. Please."

"Where is the aloe?"

"Didn't bring any." she mutters and he's sure if she wasn't burned, her face would be bright red anyway from embarrassment. "I didn't think we would need it. And don't make some asshole remark."

"I'd never. I'll run down to the gift shop. I'm sure they sell it." he replies as he presses a light kiss to her forehead. "I'll come slather it on you."

"How romantic."

"After that, we'll just relax and take it easy."

"No. Oh no. We have reservations and Fastpasses today at Magic Kingdom." 

"Babe, I don't think another day in the sun is going to help things."

"It doesn't matter. We have too much to do and I'm not losing it. Do you know how hard it is to get breakfast reservations inside the castle?"

"No."

"Well, it's worth a sunburn. Just go get the aloe. I'll be fine. I'm actually going to get in the shower."

"That's not a good idea."

"Go." 

When he returns, she's still in bed, though she has rolled onto her side. Her back is no better. 

"What happened to the shower?" he asks, unable to completely refrain from proving her wrong. 

"I went to get up and my arm moved along the sheet and felt like someone was trying to rip it off."

"Got it." he sits next to her and helps her up. She hisses in pain as he slides the straps of her tank top down. "Sorry."

"Seth, I can't do this." she sounds completely miserable and upset by this admission. 

"I know. What time is breakfast?"

"9:30."

"I'll take the kids and go." 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. And if you're feeling better later today, you can come meet up with us. It's not like you need to go far." he points at the window. The curtain was pulled back slightly and she could see a piece of Space Mountain from her viewpoint. "What do you want for breakfast? I'll order you room service. Should be here before I leave." 

"French toast," she sighs as he begins rubbing the lotion into her shoulder. "I don't want to miss it."

"I'll take plenty of pictures."

"And videos. I want to see their reactions the first time they see the castle. Don't forget their autograph books. Drink lots of water - try not to give them too much soda. Keep putting sunscreen on them so we don't get one of these."

"I know."

"And Benji is tall enough for everything but maybe hold off on Space Mountain. I saw those seats and it’s one person sits behind the other. And maybe Splash too. Unless they let you sit three in a row. You might be able to squeeze it. I don't want one of them falling off a ride."

"We'll be fine."

"Download the My Disney Experience app. It has all the reservations and Fastpass times. Lina has my log-in. She'll help you."

"Okay." 

"And if they get tired or don't feel good-"

"Kate, this may come as a surprise to you but I've been a father for nine years." 

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know you had everything planned out. We'll be fine. You can be in charge tomorrow."  he closes the tube as he finishes applying the aloe and stands up. "Let me go get them up and dressed. I'll order your food and let you know when we're leaving." 

* * *

“Alright, where do we start?” they exit the castle after breakfast and stand in front of the carousel, trying to decide on a path. 

“We have a Fastpass for Seven Dwarfs Mine Train.” Lina says. “I helped picked them out.” 

“I picked Splash Mountain.” Ben adds. 

“What time is that?” Seth asks, causing his daughter to hold her hand out expectantly. He slaps his phone into her palm and it scares him how quickly and easily she navigates the screen and app. 

“Seven Dwarfs is at 11:00. Splash is at 3:30. And dinner is at 6:00 at Liberty Tree Tavern. So we should stay around here since Seven Dwarfs is right there.” she informs him and it's like Kate didn't stay back at the hotel. He blinks several times at her and she stares back with her mother's gaze, like she's expecting him to comment. 

"Who wants an ice cream?" 

"Yes!" Ben cheers as Lina looks skeptical. 

"It's 10:30." she says. 

"Well, munchkin, this is a vacation and on vacation we do fun things - like eat ice cream first thing in the morning." he comments as he leads them both to the ice cream stand. He hesitates briefly when Ben orders a large sundae but ultimately goes for it. Like he said, it’s a vacation. Lina looks torn but eventually orders a small chocolate ice cream. “And don’t tell Mom.”

* * *

“I’m spinning it!”

“No, I’m spinning it!”

“I said I wanted to spin! Daddy, make her stop!”

Seth rubs his hands over his face. How could a fifteen minute line be so long?

“Listen, tea cups are heavy. So neither of your spaghetti arms will get it to move. I’m spinning. Okay?”

“These are not spaghetti arms! Look at these guns!” Ben flexes for emphasis and Seth bites his lip to stop from laughing out loud.

“Ugh, I’ll stop if he stops.” Lina says as the line moves forward. “Who talks like that?”

“Uncle Scott and Uncle Richie.” he shrugs, adding, “They said mine were the best. They were fighting too.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Seth mutters. “Why were they fighting?”

“Mama asked Uncle Scott to carry a big box to the attic and Uncle Richie said he could do it. Then they started fighting. When is it going to be our turn?”

“Next one.”

“I want a blue cup.”

“Purple.” Lina says and they turn to glare at the other.

“We are going to get in the closest one that is empty - color not important. They all turn the same and from the seat, you can’t even tell what color it is. Can you two go more than a minute not whining at each other?”

“He is so annoying!” she latches onto Seth’s arm and pouts. “Remember when it was just me?”

“I remember when it was just _me_.” he counters and she scowls at him. He mimics the expression, then kisses her forehead. “And I’m super glad to have you both but you’re driving me crazy.”

Their bickering is forgotten when they are able to enter the cup - a pink one - and they both plead and beg for him to spin faster. He thinks he may have over done it a little when they are walking back towards the mine train and Ben stops short.

“What’s wrong?”

“My belly kinda feels weird.” he frowns, but in the next second he starts walking again.

“You want to sit for a minute?”

“Nope, I’m good. It stopped.”

* * *

It’s a little after two when he gets Kate’s text asking where they are. After informing her of their location near The Haunted Mansion, they sit on a nearby bench and wait for her to join them. 

“So,” he leans back and glances at them both. Lina gives him a look and he knows he is still in deep shit with his daughter. She is not going to do him any favors. 

He has a rather marvelous story planned out to explain the clothes change and how Lina’s hair had changed from the neat French braid to the lopsided, bird’s nest of a ponytail he scraped together with his fingers and no hairbrush. It involves a rat, some trays of food, and a bird. 

But neither of them get to speak. Kate joins them, cheery but still lobster red, and kisses all of them hello.

“You feel any better Benji?” she asks and Seth tilts his head in confusion. 

“Yup, I’m okay.” he nods and they begin to walk towards Frontierland. “How did you know I puked?”

“I know everything.” she replies and he’s wondering what else she knows and how. Does this unknown power stretch back home? Something left over from Amaru? She smiles sweetly at him and he smiles back weakly, wondering what the chances were that she would push him into the water. The kids run ahead to watch several characters dancing and he braves asking his question. 

“So, how did you know?”

“Cameras everywhere. I’ve been following along on the app. Did you know that when a Disney photographer takes your picture or the ride has a photo, it gets added to your account and you can see the pictures as soon as they are available? Breakfast looked great. Ben was really stuffing his face.”

“I will admit that it was quite delicious. But that doesn’t explain how you know he was sick.”

“The ride photo. It’s really impeccable timing if I’m being honest.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I think having to clean up two kids and do the walk of shame as they put your car out of order to be cleaned was enough of a punishment. Would you like to see the video?”

“There’s a video?” 

“Mhmm,” she nods as she pulls out her cell phone. “I wouldn’t have known except this seems to have happened right around the camera. Like I said, impeccable timing. Plenty of time elsewhere in the ride but he picks the camera.”

She turns the phone and he watches what seems to be a stock clip of the ride and the dwarves but it quickly morphs into their own trip. The worst part is, it seems to be in slow motion. But it is quite the picture - Lina with a horrified expression,  Ben barely noticeable behind the _Exorcist_ -like quality of his vomit, and himself in the row behind them, fully aware he was helpless in this situation. 

“Huh.” 

“Seth, relax. It’s not like you planned for that to happen. It could have happened at any point, to anyone.”

“Really?”

“No, I would have managed his food intake better and not taken him on the Tea Cups, rattled him all up, and then gone on a rollercoaster that speeds and sways.” 

“Glad you got that off your chest?”

“Yes. Let’s go.” she smiles as he nods and kisses the side of her head. They link hands as they slowly approach the kids. 

“Daddy, did you see?” Ben runs and grabs his arm, tugging in his excitement. 

“Yeah, bud, it was pretty cool.” Seth nods even though he has no idea what he is talking about, but the beaming grin on the boy’s face is worth it. He runs his free hand through his hair, ruffling it gently, before he sprints back to Lina. 

* * *

“I changed my mind.”

“Too late.” 

“We have dinner soon.”

“Well, you’re the one who picked this time All Knowing Scheduling Guru.”

“I don’t want to get wet.”

“You’ll dry.” he smirks, then raises an eyebrow. "Or are you a chicken?"

She raises an eyebrow of her own and her hands clamp down onto her hips. He knows exactly what she is thinking. After all she's been through, a little log flume is the least of her fears.

"Come on, let's go." he points as the logs move forward and dock in front of their gate.

"Ew, it's wet!" Lina exclaims as soon as she sits. Seth rolls his eyes but grimaces as he sits and feels his ass immediately dampen.

"We're not." Ben says as Kate pulls the lap bar down over them. "That means you're gonna get soaked."

"I wouldn't be so sure Benji. It's all a matter of timing. If our row got hit last time, yours is due next." Seth smirks over his shoulder and Kate pushes at him before wrapping her arm around Ben and settling back against the seat. "Don't look at me like that."

"I hope you get drenched." she retorts.

"I'll be fine." he replies as the ride begins to move. They all get some splatter as the log begins to round the front of the main drop.

"Oh no. No way." she shakes her head as she watches the people in the logs up ahead get hit with spray. She hears Seth chuckle under his breath as Ben wiggles with excitement next to her.

"I hope we get wet." he says as the log in front of them is hit. There's no question that they would get sprayed. It was just a matter of who would get it.

"Why is it not moving faster?" she leans forward a little, like that is going to propel them forward, and swears she will get her husband as soon as they are off this ride.

"It's a log flume Katie. It's not supposed to go fast." he continues chuckling, which dies instantly as the water erupts from the side and drenches him and Lina, who shrieks loudly in surprise. He looks briefly startled as he glances over his shoulder at Kate, who stares back for a moment before bursting into giggles. Her victory is short lived as they go over a short dip and water splashes up over the side and hits her in the mouth. He snorts and points at her as she wipes her face off.

They make their way through the ride, with the kids enjoying the animatronics and pointing out different scenes. She feels Ben bouncing along to the music next to her.

"Jesus Christ, why is it not moving faster?" Seth mutters. The damn song was beginning to play over in his head.

"It's a log flume Seth. It's not supposed to go fast." Kate says innocently. He turns to glare at her as the ride continues into the laughing place scene. The kids duck, attempting to escape more sprays that do not reach them.

"How much longer is this?" Lina asks.

"Not too sure. Why?"

"I'm getting scared about the drop."

"It's not scary." Ben counters, just as the music takes on a more sinister tone and the log begins to climb.

"I guess we have our answer." Seth remarks.

"Daddy, make sure you hold me, okay?"

"I got you baby, don't worry."

"I don't need you to hold me Mama."

"You are definitely getting held and you keep both hands on this bar, you got it?" she says and he whines a little in dismay, but this quickly changes as the vultures narrating the scene continue to goad and cackle.

"Maybe it's a little scary." he presses against Kate's side. She holds him tighter as she kisses the side of his head. The opening to the drop grows closer and none of them are quite ready when they drop over the other side. She and Ben do get wet but nothing compares to her husband and daughter, who look like they went for a swim. She swears she hears Seth scream nearly as loud as the kids and when she points this out after they get off, he chases her down the exit ramp. She shrieks as he catches her and bearhugs her to his chest, effectively soaking her as well.

“You’re such a jerk!”

“I did not scream like a nine year old girl.”

There may not be video but there is a fantastic photo that renders them all to uncontrollable laughter and Kate scans her MagicBand to ensure the picture saves. Lina and Seth are both mid-scream as she and Ben duck together and have their eyes closed.

“Look at your face. You look like one of those cartoons with your eyes popping out of your head.” she taps the screen, still giggling.

“Yeah, well, who is holding who back there?” he retorts. He turns to face her and she flashes him a gentle smile as they reach for each other.

“Come on, let’s go!” Lina interrupts them as she and Ben continue to exit the gift shop area.

“To be continued.” he mutters, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.

* * *

It isn’t until later, when they are sitting at dinner, does she realize Seth never sent her any photos during the day. He leaves his phone behind when he takes Ben to the bathroom and she quickly accesses his photo album to see what, if any, had been taken.

She is surprised to find a slew of pictures. They range from the kids in front of the castle, to the three of them taking silly selfies while waiting in lines, a couple character photos - one of which she notices is her husband comparing his bicep with Gaston’s.  
She snorts softly, then turns to Lina, and reaches out to fix her hair. She looks up from her drink with a smile.

“Did you have fun with Daddy this morning?”

“Yeah,” she sips her juice briefly, “I think people think Daddy is cool cause he has a tattoo and he’s the boss at Jed’s but I think he’s cool when he’s just being Daddy because he gets super silly and is really fun to be with.”

“I think that’s a good way of explaining Daddy.” she smiles at her innocent deduction. “I think the same thing.”

He returns a few moments later with Ben and shoots off a quick text to Richie as he sits back in the seat. The kids are preoccupied with their crayons and she leans closer to him, prompting him to look up with a soft hey.

When he lifts his head, she cups his jaw and kisses him slowly. He raises his eyebrows as they pull apart and scans her face for hints.

“I know that look. What hot dad thing did I do?”

“You did a good job today. I should have known better than to think otherwise.”

“Oh. It’s okay. You’re just used to being the control freak and I get to be the fun one. Besides, it would have gone a lot smoother with you here.”

“They had fun with you. That means everything to them. They’re alive. No broken bones or other injuries. Don’t sell yourself short on the other stuff. I am not as perfect as you think.” she says as his gaze turns to the kids. His expression softens slightly before he turns back to her with a kiss. 


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kate already texted me. I’ve been warned that I ruined Christmas and she has plans to stake me with a branch from your tree, just to put a festive spin on things.” 
> 
> Richie’s trip to see Santa with Rosie doesn’t quite as planned. The Gecko men are forced to come up with alternatives.

“Little busy right now.”

“You can multitask.”

Richie huffs but continues to feed as Seth stands off to the side, arms tight across his chest and a frown on his face.

“You know, I trust you with my kids. Other people probably wouldn’t but I know you and I know under the scales, it’s still you. If you weren’t, you’d have very limited, supervised visits with them. But I trust you with their lives, which is why I allow you to take them out in public on your own.”

“Look, while the pep talk is sweet, I know you’re gearing up to tell me I’m wrong. Kate already texted me. I’ve been warned that I ruined Christmas and she has plans to stake me with a branch from your tree, just to put a festive spin on things. She didn’t need to send you to do the dirty work.”

“She didn’t send me anywhere. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“In my defense, Rosie was already experiencing skepticism because kids at school are saying Santa is not real. I was trying to prove my point that he IS real. How the fuck was I supposed to know his beard was fake and would come off?”

“Isn’t that the standard costume?”

“It looked real to me! Look,” he turns back to the bastard he has chosen to eat tonight- some fucker he found luring women out to his truck- and sinks his teeth back in for one final drink. He drops the body to the ground, steps over the man, and wipes his chin as he approaches his brother.

Seth holds back a grimace. Nearly thirty years and he still can’t take this shit. There was now some morbid twist that they were having this conversation in the midst of it all. Though he supposed that is his fault- Richie did try to warn him.

“I see. You were using your evil powers for good.”

“Exactly.”

“So afterwards, you didn’t call Santa Claus a, and I quote, ‘old jackass in a cheap suit’?”

“I called _that_ Santa an old jackass in a cheap suit after he kicked me in the leg and called me some colorful names in front of twenty kids.”

“You ripped his beard off in front of twenty kids.”

“I didn’t. I just tugged and it snapped right back into place. Rosie was the only one who saw.”

“And that’s the only one I’m concerned about.”

“She’s fine.”

“Right. So, on the way home, how did you try to rectify this situation?”

“Ah, well, I told her that, you know, Santa had helpers, and uh, that … old jackass must have been one of them.”

“And?”

“What’s the point of this exercise?”

“For you to realize what a dumb, fucking shit head you are and that Scott is now in the lead for Uncle of the Year. So then what happened?”

“I began to… theorize-out loud- the physics of… Santa. She actually came up with some great ideas. Look, Rosie is not as-”

“She’s seven. Seven. I don’t care what… things she can do, she’s still just seven. And seven year olds believe in Santa. But they also idolize their idiot uncles for unknown reasons so when you tell her that it is physically impossible for Santa to squeeze his fat ass down a chimney, she tends to take that into consideration.”

“I was- okay, maybe-”

“Do you have to be so literal about everything?”

“Look, she was the one saying it seemed impossible.”

“Why couldn’t you just say magic?”

“I find it a little hard to believe.”

“A little hard to believe? You want to know what’s a little hard to believe? My brother as a snake. My wife as the queen of Hell. But hey, somehow I managed to wrap my head around it. You think you of all people would be a little more open minded.”

“I can assure you Santa is not real. Kate and I are very real.”

“Yeah well for Rosie’s sake, Santa is real, so how are you going to fix it?”

* * *

“How the hell did this all get turned back on me?”

“It’s fine.”

“This isn’t going to work.”

“You look great baby.”

“Great as in you have a Santa kink and find this weirdly attractive or great as in you are trying to keep me pacified?”

“She is going to love it.”

“She is going to know it’s me.”

“She won’t. I don’t even know it’s you and I’m standing in front of you.”

“This fucking itches.” Seth complains. He attempts to scratch at the beard but Kate swats his hands away.

“Don’t. Let the glue dry.” her eyes wander over him and she smiles as he rolls his eyes.

“Be quiet.”

“I love you.”

“Okay.”

“You’re a great dad.”

“Mhmm.”

“Really, you are. Trying to single-handedly save Christmas.”

“This wasn’t my first choice.”

“I know but you’re doing it.”

“It really should be Richard. Speaking of, is he-”

“He didn’t answer my call but I got a K in a text. So, I suppose that is a yes, he did what we asked and will be here.”

“He better or we are really screwed.”

“I think this is dry.” Kate tugs gently on the beard, nodding when it stays in place. “You’re good to go.”

“Where is she?” Seth stands from the chair and shrugs into the red jacket that was hanging from its back.

“She’s watching a movie with Lina. You’ll be fine going down the stairs. And if she sees you, say you… I don’t know, came in through a window or something.”

“That sounds ridiculous.”

“Find some of that Gecko charm and con her.”

“I don’t want to con my child.”

“You know what I mean. Just think of it as a job.”

“Look how far I’ve come.”

She beams at him- the big, giddy smile that never fails to get his stomach in knots- and kisses him quickly before pushing him to the door. They are just about out of their room when Ben’s door opens down the hall and he steps out.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Hey, Santa doesn’t talk like that. Make your voice deeper too.” Kate chides. But she does stop as well and eyes their son, also dressed in a Santa costume.

“I thought I’d surprise Rosie.” he replies, pulling his beard down to expose his mouth. “No one told me you were too.”

“Yeah well, you weren’t very forthcoming with your plan either.” Seth shoots back.

“Dad, you’re the last person I’d think would dress like Santa.”

“Shh. Keep your fucking voice down.”

“Would you stop saying fuck? It’s not right.”

“Go change before she sees you.” Seth says, ignoring Kate’s comment.

“Why don’t you change?” Ben argues, glancing down over himself. “I look great.”

“You look like the version from the beginning of _Santa Claus is Coming to Town_! What do you weigh- 100 pounds? You didn’t even try to fill out the suit. She isn’t going to believe you’re Santa.”

“Hey, I’ve been working out.”

“Good for you. You still don’t look like him.”

“I think Uncle Richie was right.” Ben says, looking at Kate as he does. “Santa is an old jackass in a cheap suit.”

“This was not cheap!” Seth snaps as Kate attempts to hide her giggles.

“Listen, listen,” she steps between her boys, both hands up to halt their argument, “you both have Rosie’s best intentions in mind. I think that’s great that we’re all trying to save her Christmas spirit. But Ben, let your dad do this one, okay?”

Before anyone can say anything else, the front door opens, quite loudly, and slams into the wall.

“Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!” The man calls in a shout.

“What. The. Fuck.”

“Who the hell is that?”

“It… looks like Santa.” Kate says, then tilts her head. “Like… a real Santa.”

They can hear footsteps approaching from the back of the house.

“Get inside.” She tries to push them both into the bedroom before Rosie witnesses three Santas. The Santa downstairs glances up, then does a double take when he spots the three of them. He falters just slightly as Rosie and Lina enter the hall.

“Rosie! Merry Christmas! And to you too Lina! I hope you both have been very good girls this year!”

The elder Gecko sister merely raises an eyebrow, not recognizing the person in the suit at all. A cough from Kate catches her attention and they stare at each other as Rosie slowly approaches Santa.

“Should we be concerned?” Seth hisses. “What if this is some kind of attack?”

“Did you hire someone to come here?” Ben asks.

“Ben, do you really think I’d hire a paid actor to come to our house and then force your father to wear that for fun?” Kate asks.

“Yes!” Seth replies.

“I was out delivering presents when I received a call from your uncle.” Santa says, kneeling as Rosie stops in front of him. “He told me what happened and I wanted to come in person to assure you that I did exist.”

She still doesn’t say anything as she inspects him. She gives a hard tug on his beard, then looks impressed when it doesn’t come off.

“This is a nice suit.” She says softly.

“I always wear my best suit on Christmas Eve.”

“How do I know you’re not lying?”

“Well, I brought a special present just for you - one you didn’t ask your parents for. I got your letter and heard your wishes. And your elf Ginger reported back all month. Would you like to see it?”

“Yes please.” She nods and he stands again to go back onto the porch. While he’s gone, she turns to look at Lina, then spots the rest of her family in the upstairs hall before Ben and Seth have a chance to run. “Wait a second,”

She’s not able to finish her sentence. A jingling noise catches her attention and she turns around to see Santa returning with a Husky puppy in his arms. Her jaw drops as he sets the dog down.

“Is that Richie?” Kate whispers.

The puppy was their idea. After Lina had moved out a few months prior and took Elsa with her, Rosie had wanted another dog. Initially, they had said no but even they couldn’t deny the house felt different without a dog. They were going to take her with them to pick one out, but after seeing her secret attempts to request one from Santa, and then the whole Santa debacle, Kate had the idea to bring the puppy home for Christmas, in hopes it would restore Rosie’s belief.

Richie had been ordered to bring the puppy with him on Christmas Eve since there was nowhere to hide it in their house. The last week had seen minimal conversation from him, obviously too stubborn or too guilty to show his face after the incident. They were concerned the plan would backfire after his seemingly lack of compliance.

“She has been waiting a very long time to meet you.” Santa says as Rosie pets the dog.

“She looks like Elsa.”

“I know you miss her very much. Since you’ve been so good this year, I figured you deserved to have your own Elsa. I just hope it’s okay with your parents.” he pauses, glancing up the stairs, then looks back to Rosie. “You know, your Uncle Richie felt pretty bad about what happened at the mall. He admitted to me that he messed up big time. He spent a long time tracking me down and begging for me to visit you. I knew you were a special case this year so I made the trip here.”

“So Uncle Richie hired someone?” Ben whispers.

“Sometimes he talks without thinking about how it… how other people see it. He was wrong. But now he knows the truth and I’m sure when he gets here, he will apologize.”

“How do you get to everyone’s houses?”

“The different time zones help. Not everyone celebrates Christmas so I don’t have as many stops as you think.”

“How do you fit in the chimneys?”

“The elves and I have invented a shrink ray. I’m able to jump down and be back in my sleigh before it wears off.”

“Can I see it?”

“It is attached to the sleigh. I’m afraid the reindeer will fly off if they see you so you understand I need them to stay. This isn’t the normal protocol, you know.”

“If you’re really Santa, then who is that?” she points up the stairs.

“Ah, those are my helpers. I wanted to make every effort to be here but in case I ran late or couldn’t, I asked them to be on standby. There must have been miscommunication on who would come in my place.”

“Merry Christmas!”

“Oh my God.” Lina covers her face with her hands as yet another Santa appears on the porch.

“What the fuck?” The Santa with Rosie mutters.

“Merry- oh. Oh shit. Uh,” he stutters, eyes darting from Seth and Ben to Santa, then land on Lina. The latter seems to be shooting daggers at him. “Ho, ho, I must be at the wrong house!”

“Jason?” Rosie wanders around to the new visitor. “I recognize your voice.”

“Ah, no, no I’m not,” he attempts to lie but sighs, then pulls the beard and hat off. “Hey Ro,”

“Lina said you weren’t coming for Christmas. She said you were being a jerk.”

“I was. Yeah, but uh, see, Lina told me that you didn’t believe in Santa anymore and-” he rubs a hand over the back of his head. He turns his gaze from Rosie to Lina. “Babe, I’m sorry that I was um, not the most, uh, supportive before. But after you left I thought about what you said.”

“So you think dressing up as Santa to make my sister happy fixes that?” Lina asks, arms crossed over her chest.

“Well, I was hoping it was a start. I know how much Rosie means to you and if making her happy, makes you happy, I’d do whatever it takes to do that. I don’t want something stupid like this to keep us apart.”

As they speak with each other, Rosie climbs the stairs to investigate the other Santas.

“What’s going on?”

“We were just trying to cheer you up Ro.” Ben says, pulling off his beard and hat. “And it apparently turned a little more crazy than any of us expected.”

“So who is the one downstairs?”

“That’s the real Santa.” Kate replies.

“You think so?”

“Well, he’s not any of us. He got into our house. He brought you something you didn’t ask for. Is that enough proof?” Seth replies.

“Daddy?” Rosie cocks her head and looks slightly confused. “That doesn’t look like you.”

“Told you.” Kate taps him gently as she smiles.

“Wish everyone else got the memo. Why is Jason dressed up?”

“Oh. Lina said they got into a fight because he thought it was… silly to try and… convince her.”

“Rosie, come get your dog. I uh- I have to run now. Lots of presents to deliver. I’ll be back tonight to bring the rest of yours.” Santa says. She runs down the stairs and hugs him tightly, then takes the puppy by the leash. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. And uh, try not to be so rough on your uncle. He tries.”

He waves to the rest of the family, then walks out of the house.

“Who was that?” Jason asks but Lina only shakes her head.

“I have no idea.”

“It was Santa!” Rosie explains. “Was no one listening? Come see Anna!”

As they all crowd around their new family member, Seth slips outside. He wanders around the property, then spots what he is looking for. Richie’s car is parked in the grass, behind the shed. When Seth rounds the corner, he is just tugging a sweater over his head. The Santa suit is discarded on the hood of his car.

“Richard, did you eat Santa?”

“Only a little taste. Went to go pick the dog up and saw a Santa convention going on. Guy looked like the real deal huh? He’s fine. He thinks he had one hell of a cocktail.”

“That’s … never mind. Thank you. As weird as that sounds.”

“You’re welcome. I’m… sorry. You’d think after twenty five years, I would know to watch what I say around them.”

“Yeah, join the club.” Seth snorts. “Lina came home so pissed at Jason, figured we were rid of him for good. Make one little joke and all of a sudden she’s pissed at me and defending him.”

“Yeah, well, hate to break it to you but if that ring in his pocket is any indication, we’re stuck with him for good.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah. Size and shape of that box couldn’t be anything else.”

“No. No.”

“I don’t think you get to say no. Seth, what would you have done if Jacob said you weren’t allowed to marry Kate?”

“I- I have to go in there and-”

“You would have run off with her. You don’t think Lina would do the same?”

“No!”

“Just learn to accept the things you cannot control.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney Day Three.   
> Seth and Kate sneak in a bit of their own fun and Kate has a moment in Epcot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The beginning of this glimpse is smutty. Chapter is rated M.

After a half-conscious trip to the bathroom, Seth is surprised to see it is almost 9 AM and that he is the only one of his family awake.

Kate is curled into a tight ball in their bed, her hand resting in the empty space he created. When he glances out across the suite to the other bedroom, Lina and Ben are wrapped in individual blankets, both as far away from each other as possible on their shared bed.

The kids surprise him the most. They had stayed at Magic Kingdom until at least 1:30. By the time they had gotten back to the room and settled down, it had been well past 2 AM. He knows from experience they could run on 30 minutes of sleep and adrenaline only so it’s a nice change of pace that they do seem to need a recharge from time to time.

He’s not surprised that his wife is still asleep. Despite all her pushing and urging to stick to the schedule, he knows she’s exhausted. Or she has to be because he’s fucking exhausted and she has a sunburn on top of it so she’s definitely in worse shape than he is. Plus, she clearly didn’t set an alarm so there’s that.

He closes the door to their room quietly, then flips the lock for good measure, before rejoining her. He sits on the edge of the bed and runs a hand gently over her hair. She lets out a quiet noise and leans against his leg.

“What time is it?” She mumbles.

“Little after nine.” he replies. She sighs, pressing further against him as he massages her scalp lightly.

“That feels nice.”

“How’s the sunburn?”

“Doesn’t hurt as bad. How’s it look?”

“Not quite as tomato-like.”

“Thanks.” She snorts, then turns her face into his leg. “Surprised you’re awake before me.”

“Bathroom run.”

“Mm. Kids asleep?”

“Yep. Are we missing something?”

“Breakfast and a Fastpass. I didn’t realize I didn’t set an alarm.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re just so disappointed.”

He smirks slightly as he moves so he is laying alongside her.

“Hi,” her eyes flutter open as he caresses her cheek.

“Hi,”

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks. Isn’t that funny? You’ve been right here all along.”

“Kids are like parasites, just suck all the life out of you.”

“Shut up.” She pushes at his chest but she’s smiling. And it’s not necessarily a lie, just sounds worse in his blunt phrasing. The kids took up plenty of their time. Plus, prior to their vacation, a stomach bug had swept through their home. Then she had been busy with last minute to-dos for the trip and it seemed like there were never ending issues at Jed’s. Now they’ve been here and- “When was the last time you touched me?”

“Touching you right now.”

She gives him a look and he makes an ‘ahah’ sort of face.

“Oh, you mean…” He trails off as his hand wanders down over her shoulder and grazes her breast. “Or…”

She sighs as he slides his hand further down and strokes her through her underwear. A few seconds go by before he drags it down. She kicks the garment the last few inches and it slips off her foot somewhere at the bottom of the bed.

“Yeah. Yeah.” she nods, biting her lip as he continues to touch her. “Do you think-”

“I locked the door.”

“Thank God.” She yanks her nightgown over her head and tosses it aside before tugging his T-shirt off. She leans over and presses a hungry kiss to his mouth, which he eagerly reciprocates.

“I guess we’re not taking it slow.” he comments between kisses. She shakes her head as she rids him of his boxers and takes him in her hand. He bites back a groan as she strokes him. “Fuck, Katie,”

He attempts to move but she pushes him to his back again and climbs on top of him. He raises his eyebrows but she merely grins at him, moaning as she sinks down onto him. He grips her hips tightly, fighting the urge to thrust into her, waiting instead for her next move.

“You look so fucking sexy like this.”

She still blushes, which always amuses him, like she still can’t believe she has this effect on him, even after a decade.

“Yeah?” She rolls her hips slowly and he curses under his breath, nodding in response. “It helps when you look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m the best thing you’ve ever seen.”

“That’s cause you are baby.”

She smiles and moves a hand from his shoulder to stroke his cheek gently. They settle into a pace together, moving in tandem. He know she’s close by her movements, that quiet noise she makes in the back of her throat.

He rolls them without warning, putting her underneath him, and she whimpers at the change in the angle and locks her arms behind his neck.

“Mom? Why’s the door locked?” Lina’s voice is muffled through the door but it stops them cold.

“Uh,” her voice is raspy and she clears her throat, eyes locked on him in horror. “Just um- getting dressed. We’ll be, um, out in a minute. Just, uh, go back in your room.”

They hear her footsteps trek back across the suite but neither move until they hear the door shut.

“Oh God.” She lets out a quiet laugh as he snorts and presses his forehead against hers.

“I swear, it’s like a fucking alarm goes off. They always interrupt us.”

“I was so close and now it’s gone.”

“No way. I’ll get you there.” he promises and begins to move again. It doesn’t take long before she is writhing underneath him and digging her nails into his back. He comes not long after her and they lay together in silence, mostly spent but also out of fear the kids would return again. He finally lifts his head and presses a gentle kiss to her mouth. “Worth the wait?”

“Always. Mm. Happy Anniversary.”

“Is it?” he frowns in confusion and reaches over the night stand for his phone. He looks surprised when he sees the date. “I swear I didn’t forget. I just feel like the days have blended together while we’ve been here. Well, Happy Anniversary.”

“Mhmm, sure.” she teases, running her hands over his back.

“I swear. Your gift is hidden in a secure location.”

“I didn’t bring yours.”

“Terrible wife.”

“I would have gotten stopped by the TSA.”

“Oh. Well, now I’m intrigued.”

“Guess you’ll just have to wait til we get home.”

* * *

“Where did your father go?”

“He said he was going into the store with Ben while we went to the bathroom.”

Kate shakes her head and follows Lina into Mouse Gear, unable to imagine what sort of trouble Seth and Ben could have gotten into in ten minutes.

“Ready?” She’s surprised to find them already walking towards them. Ben is sucking on a lollipop and Seth holds onto a Disney bag. He quickly pulls out another lollipop when he sees Lina narrow her eyes and begin to open her mouth.

“What did you buy? It’s an awfully big bag for a lollipop.”

“It’s for us. An anniversary present.”

“I thought this was my anniversary present.” She wiggles her fingers at him, showing off her new infinity band that complimented her wedding ring.

“Yeah, well, who says I can’t spoil you?” he replies, kissing the tip of her nose. Her face scrunches up, which only makes him kiss her again.

“Who are you and what have you done with my husband because he has been whining nonstop about how much he hates Disney and now he’s voluntarily buying its merchandise?”

“Just open the fucking bag.”

She rolls her eyes but does what she is told. She pulls out two white t-shirts and unfolds them. The one in her right hand says ‘I know’ and the one in her left says ‘I love you.’

He is watching her with a terribly dorky grin on his face. It takes a moment, then she recognizes the Star Wars font.

“Wow. You are such a nerd.”

“Oh come on, Han and Leia are the ultimate couple. Plus we are just like them. You’re my princess. You’re always yelling at me and calling me a scoundrel. I’m witty and dashing. You’re fucking gorgeous and take charge all the time.”

“They also have a son named Ben.”

“Ye-oh.” his head whips down to frown at their son. “Yeah, we might need to fix that.”

“It’s okay Daddy. I won’t stab you with my lightsaber. I don’t even like Kylo Ren. I got the green one remember? I’m Luke Skywalker.”

“That’s comforting. Thank you.”

“I suppose you want me to put this on.” Kate says.

“You’re always asking me to do cheesy couple things. This one I’ll agree to.”

She stares at him, a small smile on her face. Finally, she sighs but pulls her current t-shirt off and pulls the new one on over her tank top.

“Fits good.”

“You think I don’t know what size you wear?” he asks as he changes as well. She doesn’t miss the several women- young and old- eyeing him in his own tank.

“You guys are so embarrassing.” Lina says, frowning at them in slight disgust.

“Here, take a picture. I want to document this moment forever.” Kate holds her phone out and their daughter obliges.

“Send that to me.” Seth says. He waits until it pops up on his phone, then forwards it in a text to Richie.

**I’d get you your own pair but my wife is cooler than yours.**

He gets a middle finger back in response.

“Alright, what’s the plan today?” he slips his phone back in his pocket and looks around at his family.

“Well, we missed our Test Track Fastpass but tonight is Extra Magic Hours so we’ll be able to do that then. We have reservations at the Biergarten at six-thirty. So until then, our day is free. The Food and Wine Festival is going on.”

“Can we go on Soarin’?” Lina begs. “It’s still early, maybe there won’t be a long line and it doesn’t look too busy.”

“We can do that. We’re going to wait on line no matter what.”

* * *

“Alright,” Seth groans slightly as he finishes the piece of grilled lamb from the Australia booth. He groans again when Kate holds out a piece of the shrimp she had gotten. “Are you trying to make me fat?”

“You’ll work it off walking around the Showcase.”

“This is fucking delicious. I found my favorite park. I am going to eat and drink my way around this whole place.”

“Won’t you get sick?” Lina asks. He chuckles and pats her on the head.

“Please stay this naïve forever.”

“Seriously, we have dinner reservations. Don’t over do it. We can always come back tomorrow or the next day.” Kate says. “Dinner is a buffet, by the way.”

“Goddamn.”

“I want to go see Donald.” Ben comments, tugging on Kate’s hand when they try to head towards Canada. “That’s Mexico. I saw the picture. It’s right there. Please Mama.”

“Okay, let’s go.” they turn around and begin walking in the opposite direction. They stop at two more booths for food and alcohol and Kate can’t help but giggle at the content expression on her husband’s face.

“If we come back, we come back this time of year.” he says, draining the beer in his hand. “It’s the only way I’ll agree to come.”

“Duly noted. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” She links her arm in his as they walk.

“I have been. Honestly, I have. Just - you know, this is more up my alley.”

“Eat, drink, and be merry.” She chuckles as they approach the Mexico pavilion.

“Damn.” he lets out a quiet whistle as they stare up at the fake pyramid.

“Come on, let’s go!” Ben is already up the steps and waving for them to join him. After walking through a hall, they step into a fake, outdoor marketplace, with the night sky hanging over them. They stop at the top of the walkway as the kids wander down the ramp into the stands.

“Memories.” Seth remarks, squeezing Kate’s hand as they follow. She makes a quiet noise as they reach the kids and herd them towards the Gran Fiesta ride Ben had been asking about. At the moment, they are the only ones in line and get a boat to themselves. The kids are focused on the ride, giggling as Donald Duck tries to avoid the remaining Caballeros.

Kate attempts to enjoy but Seth sees the strain in her gaze. He reaches behind the kids to touch her arm gently but she only flashes a smile when they lock eyes.

“Can we look around?” Lina asks as they exit the ride. Seth glances at Kate but she nods, pushing Lina’s hair out of her face.

“Yeah, go ahead baby. Just stay close.”

She stays towards the middle of the floor, glancing through the different shirts and sombreros. One table is full of skulls for Day of the Dead. She smiles slightly when she sees Ben giggling at the skeleton Seth teases him with.

“Mom, look at this! Can I get it?” Lina taps her on the arm and she turns to look. She feels herself freeze when she spots the item. Her panic and fear begin bubbling up and she can’t find her breath. She suddenly backs into the table, knocking over some ceramic skulls that shatter as they hit the floor. The commotion catches everyone’s attention, including Seth, whose head whips around in concern, and he immediately darts over.

Kate is gone before he can say a word, practically sprinting back up the ramp to the exit.

“What did I do?” Lina sounds upset, not understanding what set her mother off.

“I’m sorry.” Seth apologizes to the employee who comes to clean up the pieces and turns to the kids. He blinks at the necklace hanging from Lina’s hand. At a quick glance, it makes his heart stop, and instantly knows what startled his wife. But looking closely, it’s not that damn necklace. The dark gem, sure, but the silver edging is all wrong, but he can see how it would have triggered Kate. “Hey, why don’t you put that back kiddo?”

“Okay.” She sounds confused but does as she is told. He takes them each by the hand and leads them outside. For a moment, he’s unable to find Kate, then spots her leaning over the railing that separates the walkway from the lake.

“Stay right here.” he positions the kids at a small table before approaching her. “Honey,”

He presses a hand against her back and feels her trembling.

“This is- is so- stupid.” She chokes out and his chest clenches at the sound of her soft cries. She keeps her face hidden in her hands. He sighs quietly and glances around. A few people are looking at them but most ignore them.

“No, it’s not. Come here,” he manages to turn her around and she presses herself against his chest. He holds her tightly, one hand on the back of her head as the other rubs her back. “I got you.”

He presses his face against the top of her head and feels her suck in a shuddering breath.

“It’s not it.” She whispers. He holds her tighter if that was possible and shakes his head.

“No. Just some cheaply made, mass produced version. Not even a version. I mean, it didn’t look like it. Similar but, no. Just a freak coincidence. I don’t think Disney is selling demonic jewelry.”

She lets out a choked laugh and buries her face in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Baby, you don’t have to apologize.”

“It’s not supposed to keep happening like this.”

“It’s nice to think that but sometimes there may be something that gets you. Maybe going in there wasn’t the greatest idea.”

“No, I know they wanted to. They don’t know. We shouldn’t stop them because of- I’m not going to let her do this. Not after all this time. She’s gone.”

“Yeah.”

She inhales a few deep breaths, then lifts her head and gives him a teary smile.

“Thanks.”

“Just doing my job ma’am.” he gives her a wink, making her laugh.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. What do you want to do? You want a minute? Go back to the hotel? Margarita? Tequila? Flan?”

“A margarita sounds good.”

“You gonna have some flan or make me eat it by myself?”

“We should probably get two in that case.”

“Three. I love flan.” Lina says, sneaking up from the side. Kate smiles and pulls her into a hug.

“Three it is.”

“Mama, I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t you baby. I just got a little sick in there. I think it was too hot and too many people.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am now. Why don’t you and Benji help Daddy get all this food? He’s going to need some extra hands. I’ll stay here and guard the table. And when we go to one of the other countries, you can pick out another necklace.”

“Okay.” Lina visibly relaxes, feeling more at ease now that Kate seems to be her normal self.

“Take your brother and get in line.” Seth says, then waits until the kids wander between the ropes. He turns back to Kate, whose smile has once again faded. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I just need a minute.”

“Cause we don’t have to stay. We can head back and hang at the pool or something.”

“I’m fine. Promise. Just get me that margarita.” She smiles and squeezes his hand. He runs his eyes over her once more, then nods. “And get yourself something strong because we’re going to see Elsa and Anna next.”

“Oh joy.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one has been in my head for a while. I came across the necklace Lina finds while on a trip and it definitely made me take a second glance. I hate to do this to poor Kate but wondered how her own glimpse would have gone.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know it was just a day but it felt so much longer than that. Like it slowed down time or something. It kept showing me things. Things about you and Dad.” she twists the small blanket next to her as she stares out the window. “Did I ruin your life?”  
> ——  
> Still reeling from her possession, Lina finally asks Kate the question that’s been bothering her.

“You really don’t have to do this.”

“I like to do this. So just be quiet and keep sticking M&Ms on those cupcakes.”

Lina rolls her eyes but does as she is told while Kate stirs another bowl of batter for the next tray of cupcakes.

“Shouldn’t you be sitting or something?”

“Seriously? You too? If any of you say one more word, I will fight you. Leave me alone.”

“I’m just trying to be nice. Show concern and all that.”

“Well thanks for the concern but I’m pregnant, not dying.”

“The doctor said your uterus is elderly.”

“She also said I’m in great shape. God, I’m thirty eight, not a hundred. I’m not the oldest woman to have a baby. Plenty of women have children later in life. All of you need to take a breath and chill.”

“Could say the same for you and your raging attitude.” Seth comments as he enters the kitchen. The glare he receives has him turning around and leaving quickly.

“Smart choice!” She calls after him and scowls at his fading laughter.

“I love you!”

“I hate him.” she continues to glare at the empty doorway and ignores the smirk forming on her daughter’s face.

“Sure you do.”

“You’re slacking in the candy department.”

“I can only go so fast.” it’s a lie, she’s taking forever on purpose because decorating cupcakes is the last thing she wants to be doing. She stares down at the counter, quiet as she contemplates the thought in her head. “I guess it’s easier this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, with a baby. You know, being settled and older and… wiser I guess.”

“I don’t know. I think any age has it’s pros and cons. I don’t think there is one right time to have a baby.”

“Obviously, older is better. I can’t imagine having a baby in a year.”

“I was twenty when you were born.”

“You spent six months of nineteen being pregnant. I can’t imagine being pregnant in a year.”

“Of course it’s not- could I have been doing other things? Yes. Should I have? Maybe, if life was different. You… you adapt. Do I want you to go out and have a baby? No, because I know you have a ton of opportunities waiting for you and I want you to experience those.”

“And you didn’t have opportunities?”

“As the recently resurrected high school drop out? Yes, the colleges were clamoring for me. Keep sticking.”

“No one cares about the cupcakes.”

“I care about the cupcakes.”

“I guess I just don’t understand.”

“The cupcakes-”

“Not the cupcakes. You.”

“Me?” Kate stops stirring and looks up in confusion. Lina stares off to the side, her gaze not entirely focused, and Kate holds in a sigh. She recognizes the look. It’s one her daughter has given many times since her possession and one she herself has done too many times.

She waits to see if she adds anything to the comment but she doesn’t. She blinks a few times, then begins decorating the cupcakes again.

“You know, if there’s something you need to ask me, you can.” She says quietly.

“No, it’s okay.” Lina mutters. She grabs a new bag of M&Ms to open. She struggles with the bag for a moment before it rips and candy scatters along the countertop. Several hit the floor and she stands up, slaps the counter in frustration, then picks up those that fell.

“Lina,” she tries to speak but her daughter storms out of the kitchen and up the stairs. She sighs and stares up at the ceiling, waiting for the inevitable door slam. “And there it is,”

“Everything okay?” Seth hesitantly pokes his head through the doorway.

“I don’t know. I guess I said the wrong thing or nothing. I don’t know.” she shrugs as she begins filling the baking tray. “She gets so… it’s easy to set her off these days. And do not make a joke about me being the same way or this spoon is going through your head.”

“I wasn’t going to joke. You want me to try to talk to her?”

“No, I think this is a me conversation.”

“Alright, yell if you need back up.”

She prays she won’t need it as she slides the tray into the oven and sets the timer. She takes a few more minutes, trying not to fully barge in on her daughter, and possibly make things worse.

When she gets upstairs, Lina is sitting with Elsa in the window nook that overlooks the backyard.

“Mind if I join you?” she waits for approval before fully entering the room and shuts the door behind her. Elsa gives a quiet howl but hops down to the floor as Kate sits.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“For my terrible mood swings.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that. I know it’s easier said than done but… talking about it usually helps.”

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s not.”

“I know it was just a day but it felt so much longer than that. Like it slowed down time or something. It kept showing me things. Things about you and Dad.” she twists the small blanket next to her as she stares out the window. “Did I ruin your life?”

“Do you really think that?”

Lina inhales a deep breath and shrugs.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I never thought about it before. I don’t think I ever really grasped how young you were but now I’m getting to that point in my life and I don’t know how I’d react.”

“You’re in a different place than I was at your age. You have goals and plans. You shouldn’t be worrying about being a mother now.”

“But you were. Didn’t you have plans? I feel like I derailed all that for you. I… that’s why I think this time around is better. Because this time, you actually wanted a baby.”

“Lina, if anyone derailed any sort of plans I had, it was… it was not you. You can’t pinpoint what happened to me on just any one event. And please do not think for even a moment that you were not wanted because I promise you, you definitely were.”

She pauses briefly, gauging her reaction but she remains silent and continues to pick at the blanket.

“Move over,” she waits as Lina moves further into the nook against the window, then moves herself next to her rather than opposite.

“You’re right, I had plans. I wanted to go off to college and find myself and get a career doing something. I also wanted to have a family but always figured it would be later down the road. I didn’t have babies on my mind. I was busy being a teenager. Then, my mom died, right around the end of my junior year of high school. I felt like my whole life had collapsed.”

“Were you close to her?”

“Back then, I would have said yes, based on how I was raised. But honestly, knowing what I’ve learned over the years, I know there were things she kept from me. I’m sure it was because she wanted to protect me but for a long time, I felt like I didn’t know her and maybe things had been a lie. And now, having you and Ben, I realize there were a lot of things that I kept from her because I didn’t- I didn’t know how to approach her. And it wasn’t anything horrible but I was scared how she would react based on her views of the world, or what I thought her views were at the time. I never wanted you guys to feel that way.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if you or Dad died.”

“I loved my parents but they were restrained. Not in a bad way but there was a clear line and we did not cross the line. Anyway, I spent the summer after she died in this… state of flux. Every thought or plan I had just went out the window. I didn’t want to be bothered. When school came around again, the first couple weeks were awful because I was the kid whose mom died. I hated the attention. I wanted to get out. Run and go anywhere but there and I knew the only way I’d be able to get out was college. Right when I swore I was going to kill my senior year, my dad showed up with this hideous RV. He pulled me and Uncle Scott out of school for this road trip. I was so angry at him.

“You can have the best plans set but life is going to get in the way. If my mom never died, my dad would never have bought the RV. We wouldn’t have gone on a road trip and I’d never would have nearly run your daddy over with said RV. He wouldn’t have seen us, wouldn’t have decided we’d make great hostages, wouldn’t have taken us to Mexico. Do you see where I’m going with this? No one person derailed my life. There were major events that occurred that got me off track and when I was faced with choices on which path to get on, I was the one who made those choices. I could have chosen to go back to the States and go home and finish school but I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I had witnessed something that changed my whole life. Because I refused to go back without your uncle. Because I fell hard in love with your dad even if I didn’t know it at the time and something kept telling me not to give up on him. At no point in my childhood did I dream of a tattooed, alcoholic thief as my husband and father of my children. But fate apparently had bigger plans than I could imagine.”

“Do you think you had a choice?”

“Yeah. I chose to leave eventually and it hurt worse than anything else I experienced because I knew no matter what, no matter who else came along, nothing could break what we have together. It took a long time for us to figure that out. Which brings me to my main explanation. I told you I wanted a family. I knew eventually one day that would happen. After Amaru, I couldn’t think about what would happen the next day. Long term plans were shot. I didn’t know how to cope except to take each day as it came.

“We knew neither of us were going to leave again. We didn’t talk about marriage or kids or anything. Just being together was enough at that point and I think your dad was scared to push me in any kind of direction. He just stayed next to me and took his cues from me. And one night, we made a choice-”

“I don’t need to hear this,”

“All I’m saying is you didn’t will yourself into existence. We did that. Were we planning or trying for a baby? No. I didn’t even know if he liked kids at that point. But you happened and we knew the odds that it could happen, not that we were thinking of it at the time, but we’re both intelligent people who know who biology works.”

“I’m going to tell him you said he’s intelligent.”

“Please don’t. It’ll go to his head and I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Lina lets out a quiet laugh and drops her head onto Kate’s shoulder.

“I knew I was pregnant before I took the test. And I couldn’t figure out a way to tell him. The entire time I was trying to, I was also telling myself that no matter what, I was going to do my best with you. When we saw the test was positive I think we both panicked. I’ve never heard him be so quiet before. And all my pep talk went out the window. I was terrified. Because, you’re right, at the end of the day I was still nineteen and it is absolutely normal for someone to freak out in that sort of situation. But being scared and freaking out does not mean that you don’t want something. You’re allowed to feel more than one thing at a time. We wound up avoiding each other for two weeks.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t know how he would react and I was trying to push that moment off for as long as possible. He was never home. He was in and out and if I tried to start a conversation, he’d disappear. I was ready to leave. I was ready to leave because I decided even if he did not want to be a part of your life, I had to do everything in my power to take care of you and if that meant figuring it out on my own, I would do what needed to be done. Because even then, just two weeks into knowing I was pregnant, I was ready to give you everything. Well, it turned out that your dad wasn’t avoiding me. He was busy trying to find a house because at the time we were living at Jed’s and he didn’t want you growing up above a bar. Does that sound like two people who didn’t want a baby?”

“I was a mistake and you were stuck with me.”

“You were a lapse in judgement that turned into the best surprise ever. That’s not a mistake. We could have decided to give you up for adoption. Trust me, we were not the type of people who would’ve just kept a baby out of guilt.”

“So what happened? How did you find this all out?”

“I was going to stay with Freddie and Margaret and he tricked me by saying he’d drive me over there but he brought me here instead. Gave this big speech and asked me to marry him and told me how he wanted us to raise this family in this house and we’d tackle whatever came our way.” she smiles faintly, recalling the details as if it was yesterday. She turns slightly and pushes her daughter up, then cups her face gently in her hands.

“Baby, you didn’t derail anything. If anything, you got us back on track. You made me a mom and you gave me a purpose. I know this is old fashioned and probably not pro-feminist or whatever but I know that I had opportunities that didn’t include being a parent. I chose to be a mom and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever done. It hasn’t always been easy, I will say that, but at the end of the day, I would not trade any of you for the coolest job or binge drinking or whatever else you think I missed out on. I don’t regret for a second what we’ve made here. I went through something traumatic. It puts life into perspective pretty quickly. I didn’t need the study abroad or the sorority. And it’s okay if you need that. I want you to have that. There isn’t one single time line and check points that every person must hit. It’s your life for a reason. I just got to certain points a little earlier than others did. There’s nothing wrong with that.

“Even as I say all this, I still see the skepticism in your face. I’m saying this to you as your mother, okay? The real me. Not some twisted version that some demon bitch forced you to listen to for hours. I know exactly what they tried to do to you. From the time you got marked and then possessed, it was trying to drive a wedge between us all because it knows we’re stronger together. It was manipulating you to break us apart, so it could succeed. Even though it’s not true, you still wonder, and that’s okay. No, you were not planned and no, you and your brother were not the easiest to deal with at times, and yes, there were nights I wanted to run and never come back.

“But I do not regret one moment of the past eighteen years. I love you two more than I ever thought was possible. You were a wonderful baby but a horrendous toddler. So, yeah, maybe you destroyed an entire apple display at the food store, but then kissed my cheek while I was crying later and said you loved me. That’s what being a mom is about. Life is not perfect and it would be boring if it was. Just because we have bad moments, it doesn’t negate all the good times. Just because I’m older and supposedly wiser doesn’t mean I love this one more or wanted it more or it’s going to be a piece of cake. I promise you it’s not, if he or she is anything like you two. Okay? Please say something because I hate to think you believe that we wish life was different.”

“I know it wasn’t real but it felt real and it just kept playing over and over. We were always fighting before it happened and… and you always seemed glad when I was gone, then like, I’d show up and it felt like the mood completely changed. So, it feels like it could make sense.”

“Honey, those couple months were the worst. It’s my job to help you and protect you. I didn’t know what was going on with you and it hurt that no matter what we did, you were always angry. I didn’t know how to reach you. I would never give up on you. I’m sorry that you felt we were treating you differently but I promise you, I was not having fun when I knew you were going through something and I couldn’t fix it. I would never stop loving you. I couldn’t. I don’t even know how it would be possible.”

“I’m sorry that I doubted you. Or that I thought you were weak. It just made it seem like you got stuck and never had an option and you- it- said these things and-

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve been there. I know what you get put through. Even though it’s been months, I think you’re not being as open as you can be. This is good. Talking it out. It can get crazy up there all alone. Sometimes you need to just lay it all out and work through the pieces and have us remind you what’s real.”

“Yeah well, I’m eighteen and I’m supposed to handle things on my own and not run to you because there were voices in my head. You don’t need me adding to your stress load.”

“You don’t need to have anything figured out. I don’t care how old you get, you need me, I’m here. That’s what moms do, okay? They drop everything if their kid needed them.”

“You have Ben and a baby to worry about.”

“Just because they’re younger doesn’t mean they take precedence. Are you jealous?”

“God no. I just know rationally that a baby takes more work than a full grown adult. It’s time to cut the cord.”

“Just because the law says you’re an adult does not make you an adult. And did you ever think I’m not ready to cut the cord? I need you just as much as you need me. You don’t know this, but your dad is a spaz around babies. It’ll be nice to have someone levelheaded around here this time.”

They share a laugh before Lina drops herself back to Kate’s shoulder. She holds her close as she leans her head against hers.

“You really wanted me?”

“Every moment since I knew you were on the way. I remember the night I saw the house the first time, I stood right here. The nook was a mess but I stood here and knew this was your room and I could just see you growing up here and I knew we were going to be okay. Then the next day, we brought Richie to see, and I had to fight him for the room because yours is the only one with a nook and I questioned my sanity for wanting to be a Gecko.”


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knocked up the preacher’s teenage daughter out of wedlock. If he wasn’t going to Hell before, he certainly was now.

_I think I’m pregnant._

If he thought he was ready to have a heart attack when Kate said that earlier, nothing compared to how he felt now. His hands are clenched so tightly around the steering wheel he can’t feel his fingers. Those two little pink lines are seared into his brain.

He risks glancing in the passenger seat. Kate sits quietly next to him with a blank look on her face. Her hands are in her lap, fingers locked together. Her bare ring finger just seems to mock him now.

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

He knocked up the preacher’s teenage daughter out of wedlock. If he wasn’t going to Hell before, he certainly was now.

A baby. Jesus Christ, they were going to have a baby. A real life fucking human being. He wouldn’t even trust himself with a plant and now, suddenly, he was going to responsible for raising a child to be an upstanding citizen of society. What a fucking cosmic sized joke.

His throat feels like it’s closing up and his stomach is churning worse than that time Eddie took them out on that boat in the Gulf.

“Where are you going?” he barely hears his girlfriend and his head jerks around to see Jed’s disappearing behind them.

“Fuck,” he spins out quickly to head in the opposite direction, then winces. Maybe not the best choice to be driving like he was in a getaway car. God, he has no fucking clue how to be a father. It’s barely been a half hour and he’s probably nearly killed them four times with his driving.

He pulls into his spot behind the building and for a moment, just sits. He can’t make eye contact with her.

“Seth,” her fingers brush against his wrist but he yanks his hand away and kills the engine before jumping out of the car. She quietly exits the car and stands next to the door, watching as he paces the strip of dirt between the car and the building. He catches a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye and his stomach twists.

He’s not angry. He’s not pissed. He’s not really anything. Just completely numb in this frigging vortex of terror. But she looks hurt no matter how much she tries to hide it and look nonchalant.

He can’t say anything. He won’t. Because he knows how he is. Instead of fight or flight, he tries to figure out how far he can shove his foot into his mouth. And now was not the time to say some wisecrack remark or worse and he’s not sure he trusts himself not to say something that will cause more issues.

“I’ll-” his voice immediately dies. All he wants to say is he’ll be up in a minute but instead he’s storming off to the bar.

Richie is pouring tequila shots for a pretty redhead with her boobs in his face.

“What happened? You look like you saw a ghost.” he says as Seth slips behind the bar and grabs a bottle of Jack. He slumps down onto the floor with his back against the counter, hidden from view, and drinks straight from the bottle. “Seth, just cause we own the place doesn’t mean you can drink our inventory away. What the fuck happened?”

He doesn’t respond. What the fuck is he supposed to say?

“Hey,” he gets a swift kick to the thigh and he scowls up at his giant of a little brother.

“You’re going to be an uncle. Mazel tov.” he snaps and watches as Richie’s face goes blank. The shot glass he is filling overflows onto the counter before he notices and sets the bottle down.

“You mean- you?”

“You got any other fucking siblings I don’t know about?”

“And… Kate?” he’s not sure why the inquisitive tone but clears his throat at Seth’s glare.

“Yes, you idiot!”

“Just wanted to make sure. Congratulations.”

Seth groans and drops his head to his knees. He is vaguely aware of Richie yelling for one of the waiters to take over the bar before he is dragged to his feet.

“Come on, let’s take a walk.” he slaps him on the back and he leads him through the employee only door and down an empty hall no one uses anymore. “Where’s Kate?”

“I don’t know.” he wonders if she is still standing outside. “Upstairs maybe?”

“You don’t know? What’d you do, run away?”

“We went to the store and she took the fucking test there and I drove back and came inside.”

“Did you leave her there?”

“No! I just got out of the car first dipshit.”

“What did you say to her?”

“Uh, I think I said, well fuck.”

“Eloquent as always.”

“You’re not helping.”

“I didn’t realize I was supposed to be helping. Aren’t you supposed to be the supportive one?”

“I know! But God, what the fuck? I don’t even know how this happened!”

“You don’t know how this happened?” Richie raises his eyebrows. “Seth, when two people love-”

“Shut up Richard! I know how it happened I just -” he breaks off with an aggravated yell and paces the hall with his hands on his hips.

He lets him wallow for a minute or two before uncrossing his arms and spreading his hands out.

“Alright, let’s take a step back here. Other than fuck, what was your first thought?”

Seth shakes his head, not sure he’s had-

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or don’t want to? Because there is a big difference.” Richie says and Seth seems to curl inwards at the question.

But he knows the answer because in nearly an hour, he hasn’t thought about how to get rid of this but how were they going to make it work.

“She’s so fucking young.” He says instead because that’s easier than what’s rolling around in his head.

“You’re thinking on the literal scale. She’s not a kid. She’s been through things, seen things, done things. Don’t worry about her. You know Kate, she handles everything that’s thrown at her. What do you want?”

Seth doesn’t respond. Instead, he slips down to the floor and spreads his legs out in front of him. Richie stares down for a moment before sitting next to him.

“Where do you see this going? Or where did you see it going? Were the two of you just going to keep doing this dance and live out your days behind a bar?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s been a year but you don’t know? What’s your plan?”

“I don’t have one! I just - it’s been so hard with her, alright? I -”

“What?” Richie prods but Seth can only shake his head. “You said after Vanessa that you’d never get married or be in a relationship again. One night stands for you. Clearly, that’s changed. So are you in this for the long haul?”

“I don’t-”

“Seth, come on, you can talk to me. Don’t start getting shy now.”

“I don’t know what she wants. I don’t want to push her. I keep thinking that one day she is going to snap out of it and leave. So I haven’t really been thinking long term plans.”

“But?”

“There’s no but.”

“There’s always a but. What’s your El Rey?”

“No such thing.”

“What’s your El Rey? What have you been dreaming of?”

Again, silence. Richie sighs and tilts his head against the wall.

“I think you’re scared.” he finally mutters. “I know you’re not stupid and you remember how it was without her. You willing to give it up again?”

“If she wanted to.”

“She doesn’t want to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Stop deflecting. You’re telling me that never, not even once, you have never pictured what it would be like?”

Seth looks away, squinting slightly. Somewhere in the back of his head, there is something. Something he’s ignored and pushed away because it didn’t make sense and he told himself he was fucked up for even thinking it.

But that had been back in the days when he was still trying to convince himself he did not need, want, or love Kate. Back in the days when he didn’t dream but experienced his drug induced hazes that he didn’t put any stock in.

But it had been there. Him on a beach, the setting sun around him, and her just a few steps behind, exiting a bungalow with someone holding onto her hand.

It had, of course, been ruined by culebras as those glimpses always were.

“It’s okay to want that.” Richie says, pulling him from the vague memory.

“It’s not a matter of wanting. I’ll just fuck it up like always. Not meant for shit like that.”

“Says who?”

“Are you kidding me? You honestly think I could raise a kid?”

“Why not? You practically raised me.”

“Being a brother is a lot different than being a father. Eddie did most of the work.”

“If this is something you really want, you’ll make it work. You always do.”

“This isn’t a job, Richard. This is someone’s life. I hate how we grew up. I’m sure that shit is the reason we are the way we are now. Why would I inflict that onto someone else?”

“Dude, you’re not fucking Dad. And I think because you went through all that, you’ll be the one who makes sure to do the complete opposite. Seth, you’re the only one who can tell you what to do. If you want to love that kid and spoil it, you’re going to. I really don’t see you being a fucking bastard toward it but that’s just my opinion.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because that’s how you are with me, with Kate. You try to pretend like you don’t care for people but in reality, you’re one of the ones who care the most.”

There is a long pause as Seth stares down at his lap.

“Then explain to me why no one ever fucking stays.” he finally mutters and his voice cracks slightly.

“What?”

“You don’t get it. I barely sleep at night. I stare at Kate for hours. I’m… I’m… terrified,” he stops on the word, sounding incredulous with himself for even saying it, “I’m terrified that she’s going to disappear. It’s been a year and I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m still in Mexico and this is one big heroin hallucination.”

Richie is silent, trying to formulate a response. Seth sniffs loudly. There is a line of tears in his eyes but he refuses to let them fall.

“And even, if by some fucking chance, that this is real, why the fuck should she stay? What kind of life is this for her, for a kid?”

“So do more.”

“Like what?”

“Get the hell out of here. You don’t need to live here. We just did it out of convenience and had no place to go. Find something else. She’s real. She’s alive. She’s not going anywhere. She fucking loves you Seth.”

“And I don’t know why.”

“That’s a conversation to have with her then.”

“Nothing good has ever fucking happened to me. Why should it start now?”

“You need to let this go. It’s over. We won. We’re on top. We saved the world. You earned your rest. That’s why. El Rey is not some beach town to die in. This is your El Rey. You, her, something you’re going to build together and live out. The only thing in the way is yourself. So, if you want to be with her and you want this baby, you need to go upstairs and tell her that before she thinks otherwise. I know you’re scared but think how she must be feeling too.” Richie pauses for a moment, then adds, “You’re my brother and I love you but I love Kate more and you fuck this up, I’ll have no choice but to take her side.”

Seth snorts and rubs a hand over his face. He tilts his head back against the wall and stares up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you better know because this is sort of time sensitive. You’re either in or out. You can’t string her along. She deserves better than that.”

“I don’t know the first thing about kids.”

“Yeah but you’re good at thinking on your feet. Besides, you really think Kate will let you fuck this up?”

“I guess I should go talk to her.”

“I would say that sounds like a great idea.”

Seth nods slightly as he pushes himself to his feet. He paces briefly, then runs a hand through his hair, and stares down at Richie.

“We’re having a baby.” he says, eyes blown wide in a mix of panic and fear. But Richie swears he sees the hint of a smile somewhere and just tips his head in a nod with a grin of his own.

“Hell yeah we are.”

“I meant me and Kate.”

“Hey, where you go, I go. Say the word and I’m there.” he stands up as well and claps his brother on the shoulder. “Uncle Richie reporting for duty.”

“What the fuck did I get myself into?”

“Better Uncle Richie than Uncle Scott. Oh fuck, please let me be the one to tell him. I knew this moment would come eventually.”

“Keep it to yourself for now.”

“Spoil sport.”

“I’ll see you later.” Seth begins to leave first, then hesitates in the doorway. “Hey, thanks.”

“Anytime.”

When he arrives upstairs, he is surprised to find all the lights off. He enters their bedroom and sees she is already in bed with her back to the door. It couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes since they got back.

He steps out of his shoes and tosses his jacket over the dresser as he approaches their bed. She doesn’t move or make a sound as he sits down, then lays against her back.

“You still awake?” he leans over her to whisper in her ear and touches her shoulder gently. “Ba- Kate,”

He doesn’t know whether she’s actually asleep or ignoring him. But she’s unresponsive. He sighs quietly and presses his forehead to the back of her shoulder. His hand slips down her arm and he sucks in a short breath, then slowly moves to her stomach. His fingers hover, almost like he’s afraid to fully touch her, before he eventually places his palm down completely.

He catches sight of her naked ring finger again and knows what he’ll be doing in the morning after he speaks with her.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep in that position but when he wakes up the next morning, he’s still dressed in the same clothes and she is already gone. A post-it is on her pillow, simply stating she would be back later.

Somehow, he thinks, he’s already managed to fuck this up.

 


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seth and Kate’s first time together. Rated M.

It doesn’t feel real at all to her.

How many times had she sat in a car with him? (97, but who’s counting?)

How many times had she watched him from the passenger seat, only to get a scowl in return? (Almost half, he wasn’t a complete asshole.)

Now, she watches him and counts the differences she finds. Despite the late hour, his eyes are alert and clear. He’s relaxed, practically lounging in the seat. His right arm rests on the console and he holds her hand in his.

He stops at a red light and gives her a side glance. When he notices her staring, he looks at her completely. A smile crosses his face as he lifts their joined hands to kiss her knuckles. He’s peaceful, at ease, and looking at her with adoration.

How many times had she imagined this? Imagined him finally relenting and letting those walls down? (Too many times to count and more than she was willing to admit.)

She feels a physical ache as they continue to gaze at each other. It’s only now that she realizes how much she’s missed him.

A loud honk from behind them jolts them back to reality.

“Three o’clock in the morning and we get the one asshole on the road behind us.” he mutters, stepping on the gas to proceed through the green light.

At the next light, he makes a right turn into the Four Seasons. She raises her eyebrows as he rounds the parking lot and finds an empty spot not too far from the entrance.

"This is a change."

"If we're not going to do it properly, I can at least make it nice." he leans over the center console and kisses her. "Are you sure?"

"I need you Seth."

"Well, how can I refuse that?" he pulls the keys out of the ignition and climbs out of the car, then walks around to open her door for her.

She watches him through the windshield and her heart begins to race a little. They were actually going to do this.

She smiles when he helps her out of the car, then waits as he grabs their bags out of the back seat.

“Seth!” she’s surprised when the concierge greets him by name and with a wide, blinding smile of her own.

“Hey Tara.”

“I was not expecting to see you.”

“Trying to keep a low profile these days.”

“Mhmm.” She smirks, a knowing smirk, and Kate feels her insides twists uncomfortably. But Seth’s arm pulls her closer to his side and he cocks her head at her.

“This is my girlfriend Kate. Baby, this is Tara. She’s a friend of the family.”

“Hi,”

“Nice to meet you.” Tara smiles politely and Kate sees her gaze tighten slightly as they size each other up. But it’s not jealousy that she senses, more concern, and she knows she looks like a hot mess. The softness and yearning comes with her next question. “How’s Richie?”

“He’s Richie. You know Jacknife Jed’s?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“We own it now. You should come by and see him.”

“You like causing trouble Gecko.”

“No harm in saying hi. I’ll throw in a free meal and all you can drink booze.”

“Now don’t say that if you really don’t mean it. Cause you know, you won’t have any left.”

He chuckles as he pulls out his wallet.

“Listen, we’ve been out of town for a while and I was hoping you had a room available for a few days. Just trying to relax and keep our heads down.”

“Yeah, of course.” her eyes scan over Kate again, then she nods. “Let me see what we have available.”

After a few minutes, she has them set and passes Seth a pamphlet with the room key.

“Elevators are to your right. Take it up to the eighth floor. Breakfast starts at 6:00 am.”

“Appreciate it.”

“Anytime. It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” he leads Kate from the front desk and down to the elevators. Neither say a word and she leans against the wall once they are inside. They glance at each other several times but neither of them say a word.

She would never think of him as nervous but now, he seems to be looking at her almost shyly.

“Did you date her?” she asks quietly.

“Tara?” his eyes widen humorously and he chokes out a laugh. “Uh, no. Definitely not. She uh, that’s gross. Her father is- was friends with Eddie. They were on a crew together. When we came to live with him, we saw her constantly. She’s like a sister. To me at least. She’s been painfully in love with Richie since she was about seven years old. They go back and forth every few years.”

“Oh.”

“Do you really think I’d bring you to my ex-girlfriend’s job to have sex with you?” he smirks as he pulls her in close by the waist. She blushes slightly and stares at a point over his shoulder. “I didn’t even know she still worked here. Pure coincidence. Not that it matters because she’s not my ex-girlfriend.”

“Never?”

“Never.” the doors open and they walk out of the elevator. He leads her to the left and they walk slowly to read the room numbers. Her confidence feels like it is fading with every step. “Looks like it’s this one.”

They stop outside a door marked 8320 and he slides the key into the slot. The light turns green and he holds the door open, gesturing for her to go first.

It looks like a studio. A bathroom is off to the left of a large open area. A couch and television are situated to the right. A table sits in the center, separating the king sized bed from the rest of the room.

“Not too bad.” he comments as he wanders towards the window, which overlooks downtown Houston.

“No, it’s nice.” She agrees. She stops by the table and grips the back of the nearest chair.

“I think Room Service probably isn’t running right now but I uh, I can run to the vending machine. Get some stuff.” he finally turns and looks at her.

“You don’t have to.”

“No, no, I will. I’ll be right back.” he leaves before she can respond. She moves into the bathroom and grimaces at the bright light when it turns on. She shuts the door behind her and stares at her reflection.

She looks like death. She knows it’s only been a week. But her eyes are still dark. It had taken forever to get that makeup off. Her lack of sleep isn’t helping matters either. She had always been fair skinned but now she seemed practically translucent. She forgets about her hair until she spots her reflection.

No wonder Tara was staring at her. She probably thought Seth just sprung her out of a mental asylum or she was strung out.

She turns sideways, trying to catch a glimpse of herself at every angle. She had lost weight. Before Mexico, she hadn’t been fat by any means, but there was a definite change in her figure.

She looks sick, bland, not at all how she expected herself to look.

She has a sudden image of Sonja in her tattoo parlor, remembers how she sat next to Seth with her low cut top and legs spread. Even despite him saying it was just a job, thinks of how he would look at her.

She has no idea what Vanessa looks like. But she’s seen the women Seth is drawn to and ogles. So she can just imagine. Seen him in multiple bars and clubs. Thinks of when they entered the Titty Twister.

What would she - how -

This is wrong. All wrong. She doesn’t know what was going through her head. She’s crazy. She can plead insanity. He would understand. He wouldn’t push. Not only to keep her on this precarious ledge she was constantly in danger of falling from but because there was no way he would want her.

“Kate?”

She blinks at the mirror, his voice jolting her out of her daze. She clears her throat and opens the door. His face is tense when they meet but he visibly relaxes once he sees her.

“I,” he stops, then sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He flashes a rueful grin. “You were so quiet in there. I thought- I thought you left.”

“Where would I go?”

“I don’t- anyway, uh, I grabbed some Cokes and Sprites and Reese’s. KitKats. There wasn’t a lot of variety.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you okay?”

She nods mutely, biting down on her lip. He watches her carefully and shakes his head.

“No, you’re not. Kate, we don’t have to do this. Not right now, anyway.”

“Do- do you want- we don’t have to. Ever.”

His eyebrows raise nearly to his hairline and his mouth moves silently.

“Uh, well, I- you- what?” he laughs slightly and shakes his head. “I thought-”

“I don’t want you to … force yourself to have to.”

“To have to?”

“Because of what you think I want. It’s okay. I don’t - I don’t think I thought this through.”

“That’s okay. We- do you want to sit?” he points to the couch and leads her gently by the arm. She flops onto one of the cushions and he sits next to her, a small space between them. “Kate, it’s only been a week. And we haven’t- I mean, yesterday we said we were going to take it day by day. I’m not expecting anything. If you want to, we can.”

“But do you want to? Honestly.”

“Yes. But it’s your choice.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m using you and I feel like right now you’d do anything to please me, even if that meant forsaking your own happiness.”

“Yeah, it’s a real struggle to have a beautiful woman want to sleep with you.”

“I’m serious. I wouldn’t want to be within 300 feet of myself. How can you-”

“Because it’s you.”

“I’m nothing special. Compared to-”

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t compare you - to anyone because that would suck for them.”

“How many women have you been with?”

“I don’t know.” he says and her eyes widen a little. “I mean, it’s- relationships? Four. Total - including one night stands? Maybe nine, ten. Some I didn’t sleep with.”

“Oh.”

“I can’t change that and I was always careful.”

“I know. I’m not - I just … wonder what they were like. Because there’s me and I’ve never seen you… look at someone like me.”

“Someone like you.”

“Yeah,”

“It’s different.”

“How so?”

“Because they were just… it wasn’t important. It was a game. You’re everything.” he says quietly and it’s so simplistic but manages to pack a punch and her face softens. “I’ve wanted this for a long time. I- I don’t think you realize that.”

“I do. I just- I don’t feel like I’m worth all that.”

“If anyone’s not worthy, it’s me. You are worth so much more than that and anyone before because you’re more than a pretty face. There was nothing. No connection. That’s not us.” he pauses and she swears he turns pink as a bashful grin crosses his face. “I went to the vending machine because I’m nervous.”

“You’re nervous.” She repeats and he nods. “I don’t believe that. I’ve seen you woo the pants off women.”

“That’s exactly my point. I didn’t care what the outcome was. There were no expectations. It was just for fun. While, I’m sure we will be fun, it’s more than that. I want you to be - it’s - I don’t want to take something else from you. I want it to mean something. I don’t want it to be before you’re ready but whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”

“I just feel like- I know but I don’t know and I know I’m not some supermodel. I just,” She breaks off with a sigh and her voice is barely above a whisper as she adds, “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You could never disappoint me.” he mutters as he moves closer to her. Their sides are pressed together and he strokes her cheek carefully. “You’re all that I need and more than I could ever have hoped for. I keep thinking that you’re going to come to your senses and run off.”

“I didn’t think- I didn’t think you felt… insecure.”

“I know I’m not the type of guy you deserve.”

“Seth,”

“Kate, come on. If I had a daughter, I wouldn’t let her even look in the direction of someone like me.”

“You’re selling yourself short.”

“So are you.”

They stare at each other for a moment, then she starts laughing.

“What?”

“I’m sorry. I always think of you as being all bravado and charm.”

“When it really matters, I’m not. I can be but I don’t want to mess this up. Not again.” the look on his face is raw emotion and she feels her chest tighten. She thinks back to the junkyard, when Amaru grabbed him, and what she had seen.

“I love you.” She says quietly. He swallows audibly as he pushes her hair behind her ear.

“What about what you said last night?”

“I know but I want you to know I do. I think I had this idea of how everything should play out and I wanted it to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just right.”

“I love you too.”

She nods a little, then leans in and kisses him. They remain together for a few moments before she pulls away with a sheepish grin.

“Is it- can we just sit here for a while? I feel like we only came up here for sex and,”

“Yeah.”

“Whatever happens, happens. I just feel… nervous. Like there’s this expectation and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be really bad at it.”

“I doubt that but we’ll just take our time. No rush. We’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out.”

He finds The Magnificent Seven on TV and they watch, despite the movie being almost a half hour in. They remain on the couch, curled against each other, and every so often one of them will left their head to kiss the other.

It’s Kate who finally changes their pace. The Magnificent Seven turns into Mean Girls and they watch about twenty minutes before she shuts the TV off and turns completely to face Seth.

There must be a certain look on her face because he shifts slightly and his hands are on her back. He rubs gently through her t-shirt as she leans in and kisses him. After a moment, he presses on her back, pushing her further against him.

It’s a little ridiculous, she supposes. They were already sharing a bed, even though neither of them had gotten much sleep. But she laid in his arms the past seven nights, even if hands didn’t wander. They had kissed. Multiple times but each had been chaste. It had been more comfort than desire.

But now, she involuntarily moans at the feel of Seth’s tongue in her mouth. She tries to remember what it had been like kissing Kyle but her mind is blank, other than the rapid repeat of Seth’s name.

He can kiss. Holy shit, he could kiss. She thought her heart fluttered at their previous kisses, it was nothing compared to the pounding she felt now.

“Are you sure?” he mumbles as they wander together to the bed. She musters a nod, not willing to keep her mouth off his even for a moment. He sits her down on the edge of the mattress, then takes a step back.

“Seth,” she reaches for him, tugging at the end of his tie, and he exhales a loud sigh before diving back to her. She kicks off her flip flops as she sinks back into the mattress. He toes off his shoes, kicks backwards, and they hear something shatter near the table.

“Whoops,” he smirks and she nearly groans at the sight of him all tousled.

“I feel like you’re stalling.” She whispers some time later, after they’ve rolled around on the bed and made out. In addition to their shoes, his tie, belt, and her sweatshirt are gone. “We don’t have to.”

“I want to take our time. We don’t have to rush. I want to savor every moment of this.”

But he pulls her tank top over her head and leans back slightly. His face furrows as his eyes wander and she wants to cower. She seems to curl inwards and the expression disappears.

“Like I said, nothing impressive.” she doesn’t feel sexy in mismatched cotton underwear and half healed wounds. She tries to avoid looking at herself when she dresses but she knows she’s still mottled with bruises and injuries that didn’t heal right away from Amaru.

“Hey, no, I,” he sighs and leans back in. “You’re beautiful. Every fucking inch of you. I just - I feel guilty. I don’t like to see you like this because I know it’s because of me. I don’t care about that other shit. I’ll level the playing field.”

He quickly unbuttons his shirt and tosses it aside, along with the tank top beneath, and she wants to roll her eyes because even with his faded scars, he still looks better than she does.

But the more she wanders and explores, mapping his body with her fingers, she pictures too many prison fights and bar fights and heists gone wrong and underneath all that, a childhood that should never have been.

There’s more to Seth than she knows, probably anyone knows, and she understands his comment. She’s not the only one with baggage. Just because his were faded, didn’t mean he was necessarily healed.

She pulls back to cup his face gently and presses a soothing kiss to his mouth.

He seems to understand and buries his face in her shoulder as she strokes his hair. After a moment, he lifts his head and kisses her, then moves down. He does his own exploration and touches her like she’s the Holy Grail. She gives up and lets go of her doubts. Everything about the way he touches and kisses her is genuine. She refuses to believe he could act that well. Obviously, he believes differently than she does and who was she to tell him he was wrong?

Then he’s sliding her jeans down her legs and her pulse starts to pound again. Nervous but intrigued. She can count on both hands the number of times she’s touched herself and the thought of him-

He lets out a quiet noise but when she looks at him, his eyes are blown wide in awe.

“Can I?” his voice is rougher than usual as he meets her gaze and she squeezes her thighs together but nods. “I’m gonna make you feel good Princess, I promise. I’m… skilled with my hands.”

The smirk he flashes her is sinful as he rubs her thighs soothingly.

It’s different yet familiar when he slips a finger inside her and she can’t help the groan that escapes her mouth.

“Just tell me if you want me to stop.” he says but she doesn’t even register the comment. It isn’t long before she’s panting and writhing on the sheets.

Her orgasm is nothing she’s ever experienced and she briefly wonders if she’s ever even gotten herself off before. And if that was just from him touching her, God help her. She whimpers at the thought of them actually making love.

“Seth, please,” she doesn’t recognize the pleading tone in her voice. He stands to rid himself of his pants and it’s her turn to stare in wonder.

She’ll be honest, she’s seen him once before. By accident. The bathroom door in one of their motels didn’t shut completely and she just happened to glance up and there he had been just getting out of the shower.

“You’re making me self conscious now.” he says, almost teasing, as he puts on a condom.

“Sorry.” Her face is already burning but she feels herself turn redder somehow.

“I’m gonna go as slow as I can but,”

“It’s okay.”

“Tell me if it gets to be too much. I mean, not that I’m too much- like si- I’m not- it’s just, first time and all, just ease into- I’m gonna shut up, okay?”

“It’ll be okay. Just go, okay?”

“Suddenly, you’re so demanding.” he smirks as he positions himself and she stutters because on one hand, she wants all of him and can’t wait anymore, and on the other hand, her nerves are fighting to get the best of her. “Last chance,”

“Yes.” She bites down onto her lip as she feels him. He kisses her as he moves, then feels her grimace and her nails dig into his biceps.

“You okay?”

“It’s a lot to take in.”

There’s a brief pause, then he snorts, and she realizes what she said and groans in embarrassment.

“You’re so fucking good for my ego. Seriously though,”

“Just give me a second.”

“You got it.” he tries to remain as still as possible and grits his teeth. After a few moments, he mutters, “Baby, I got to move.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” she nods a little and he watches her as he moves. He relaxes as her expression smooths out and she starts to move with him.

“Fuck, do that again.”

“This?” She rolls her hips again and he hisses but nods.

He loses himself in her, hyper aware of how right this feels to be with her, and he almost slips into regret that they didn’t do this sooner. That maybe if they had-

“Seth!” She arches upwards and grips his hand by her side. “Don’t stop. Please, oh God,”

He realizes he’s almost stopped completely and she is grinding against him desperately.

“Yes, keep doing that.” she whimpers as he begins to move again. “Seth. Seth, I’m gonna-”

He feels it before she says it and he slips a hand between them. She gasps as his thumb presses against her. She comes with a sob, mumbling his name over and over, and he’s close- so fucking close and he doesn’t want this to end. When he does, he swears he sees stars and he can’t remember any time or any partner that happened with.

He stays on top of her for a second before rolling to his side with a groan. They lay there for a few moments without saying anything.

“Oh God,” her voice is raspy as she slaps a hand against her forehead.

“Are you okay?”

“I think so. Is it- that was-wow.”

“I’m glad you’re okay because I think I might be dead.” he closes his eyes and tries to get his breathing under control. He feels her shift and her hands are on his face.

“Did I break you?” She lets out a breathless giggle that shoots straight to his dick.

“Ask me again in a few minutes.” he groans again and mutters, “You sure you haven’t done this before?”

She punches his shoulder and he opens his eyes to look at her.

“Seriously, you’re fucking amazing.” he says and she blushes. “That was- I haven’t- I guess you were made for me.”

“Now you believe it?”

“Like 98%. And you were nervous.”

“I was! But you were wonderful and I just- followed your lead Partner.” she smiles bashfully and he reaches to push her hair behind her ear. “I’m glad it’s you.”

He sits up and kisses her slowly as he cups her face.

“I’m glad it’s you too.”

She leans her forehead against his and closes her eyes.

“I missed you. I should’ve-” she cuts off as she feels a lump in her throat.

“No. Stop. We’re not going to do that now. We’re here now and we’re going to keep focused on that. Besides, you did nothing wrong. I’m not one to normally regret shit. I’ll go crazy if I start trying to play what if. But I regret a lot of what happened back then but- we can’t change it. We can only do better this time and I promise you I will.”

* * *

He wakes up first, around eleven, and realizes she never woke up during the night. He glances over and sees how relaxed she seems. It’s the first time all week that she has.

He moves her hair gingerly from her face and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead. She sighs and nuzzles her pillow but stays asleep.

It doesn’t feel real at all to him.

She’s alive, in his arms, they fucking made love - twice. She actually wanted his dumb ass self. Everything he sworn he’d never let himself do or have was right within arms reach.

He would never forgive himself if he fucked this up again.

She sighs and he looks at her again to see a faint smile on her face. He finds himself grinning slightly and wonders what she is dreaming about. Probably was about him. No, definitely was about him.


End file.
